


Obfuscating Memory

by toggledog



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Sex, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Is a Good Bro, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Frottage, Gang Rape, Genius Tony Stark, HYDRA Trash Party, Hand Jobs, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, M/M, Memory Alteration, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Steve Rogers, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Safe Sane and Consensual, Sexual Tension, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-06-07 18:46:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 157,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6819835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toggledog/pseuds/toggledog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Warning for major 'Civil War' spoilers.</p><p>Considering everything that happened, to Tony, it's incredible that T'Challa and Steve would think that he would help, in aiding Bucky. </p><p>But then he hears a little about what Hydra did to Bucky, beyond merely using him as a weapon. </p><p>Tony never told anyone the full extent of what they did to him, in that cave, in Afghanistan, although Rhodes clearly suspects the truth. It turns out, that he and James Buchanan Barnes have a fair amount in common, when it comes to how they have dealt (or rather not dealt) with their traumatic pasts.</p><p>This fic starts as Stony (somewhat) but ends as Winteriron.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“... wait, no don't put me on hold, Stark, I mean it this time!” Ross's gruff voice sounded through the landline's speakers.

Tony stood over his desk, his hand hovering over the phone's 'on hold' button, his lips upturned.

“Sorry, Ross, I think there's someone else calling in-”

He paused, mouth widening into a full smile, at the explosion now occurring, on the other end of the line.

“You and I both know that it's untrue! There's no one-”

“I really hope that I don't cut you off, like I did last time.”

Tony ended the phone call. Within seconds, the line sprang to life, once more. Tony chuckled to himself, considering, in his mind, the particular hue of red that would be discolouring the secretary's face, in that moment.

_You'd think that he would know me by now._

No, he amended to himself, better to fantasise about actually having been present, in the room, when the secretary had realised all of his prisoners had escaped-

-At the hands of Steve Rogers.

The mental image of the golden-haired pretty-boy supersoldier instantly ceased Tony's amusement. He was still internally debating whether he had done the right thing, in not reporting Steve, the moment that he became aware that he would attempt to rescue his comrades. Initially, Tony had told himself that he had been swayed by Steve's clear heartfelt letter. Reading it, Tony had felt concurrent waves of heat and cold wash over himself. He could not deny that he had missed Steve, despite all that had occurred between them. Tony had truly hoped that they could work out their differences.

Now, he simply couldn't perceive how that could be possible.

Tony was well aware that Steve considered himself to be utterly righteous. Even when he had kept from Tony the truth of his parent's death, Steve still deemed himself to be virtuous, in his actions. Steve had mentioned, in the letter, that, by withholding what he knew from Tony, he had ultimately wished to save himself. Though he felt grateful for the admission, it was too late, too much of an acknowledgement of Steve's failure, of his utter selfishness. Tony knew a little about selfishness, himself. He never denied that he wasn't a deeply flawed individual.

However, that in no way meant that he could find the strength, within himself, to forgive Steve.

He supposed it was funny, in a way. Steve Rogers, the perfect American superhero “A one for the USA! USA! Freedom!” was now a hunted criminal. As for himself, he was now working with the government. Tony Stark the alcoholic, post-traumatic-stress suffering ex-arms dealer.

Yep, life was a right riot act, for him, of late. Hardee har. Marx Brother's shenanigans had nothing on him. He wandered out of his office, through the kitchen and down the corridor, towards his exercise room, situated at the back of the condominium. Hell, he thought, if he was Groucho Marx, then Rhodes could be Chico, Steve Harpo and.. why not? Throw in the murderous sociopath Bucky for Zeppo. Very pretty man, sure, but ultimately useless. At least to Tony.

He opened the door to the exercise room and made his way to the far left corner, circumventing the treadmills, to reach the figure lying on his back and pumping a weighted dumbbell up and down. Upon sensing him coming closer, Rhodes placed the dumbbell back on its rack and sat up. Tony deliberately kept his eyes focused on his friend's face, telling himself not to glance down at his legs. It was impolite to stare at the new fandangled technology, even if he had designed, and built it himself. Though Rhodes was still a little wonky on his feet (he now only fell down three times a day, instead of every time he attempted to walk), he was getting much stronger.

“I really wish you would stop looking at me like that, Stank,” Rhodes said, grinning.

“Like what?” Tony strongly resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The 'Stank' teasing was already getting to be old.

“Like I'm a puppy that you've found run over, by the side of the road.”

Tony blinked. He didn't realise that he was staring at Rhodes in such an obvious way.

“Listen, Tony...You know that none of this is your fault-”

“I never said that it was.”

Rhodes ceased any further output from Tony with an irritatingly understanding look.

“I made my choice. And I believe it was the right one-”

“We've already had this conversation, as I recall.”

“I think... I know that you've been under a lot of stress... hearing the truth about your parents. Everything that happened with Rogers, I know that would have added to it.”

This time, the smile that crept up Tony's face held neither humour, nor warmth.

“That's the thing about life, isn't it? Tends to suck.”

“That's not the Tony Stark I know talking,” Rhode's voice lowered.

“Oh yeah? And who is the Tony Stark that you know?” Tony snapped. Both their eyes held. To his credit, Rhodes didn't look away. “Yes, you're right. I have been under a lot of stress. A little illness, you may have heard of it. It's all the rage in psychiatrist circles. Post-traumatic-stress-disorder. Kind of happens when...oh, I don't know, you go up into wormhole into another world.”

“No, Tony, that was just the catalyst for the panic attacks, the end product of a long line of trauma. We both know that you haven't been acting yourself for a long time. I believe it all started... when you were captured in Afghanistan.”

Tony felt the odd sensation of all of the blood draining from his extremities, his fingers and toes numbing, his heart hammering, as though determined to work through the sudden influx of blood. His face felt strangely cold.

_“You Americans. Always so crude. Talking of fornication. Well, you, Mr. Stark, have been fucking our country for a very long time.”_

“I know you. What they did to you, the torture, the water-boarding. You used it. That fury over how they hurt you. You used it against them. That's you. That's definitely the Tony I know. You weren't going to let them beat you. But that doesn't meant that you still didn't suffer. And it still doesn't cease the fact that they hurt you, to begin with.”

Tony realised that he wasn't the least surprised by this revelation. Rhodes was no idiot. He should have known that his good friend would have worked out the details of his torture and imprisonment.

_“Perhaps it would be fitting for you to know how that felt.”_

No, no no. Tony didn't want to think about that particular aspect of his time in the cave. He always made it a steadfast rule, that whenever his mind even went close to remembering that part, he would deliberately think of something else.

The weather, advanced robotics, new culinary dishes, philosophical questions about the meaning of existence, whether he should buy a pet... anything to distract his mind from being back in that cave, in that moment, reliving the shame and horror of what they did to him.

“What do you want me to say? I'm getting help, aren't I? I go to my psychiatrist like a good boy. I take my meds when I have to.”

Rhodes finally frowned and looked away. From his scrunched up expression, it was clear that what he was about to say next was paining him.

“I know you,” he said. “I think better than you realise. Like I said, you came back from being held captive for three months. Spoke openly of torture, of water-boarding, of being forced to work for them. But... there's more, isn't there? Something else. Something that you were hiding. That you refuse to speak of, even to me.”

_Slap, slap, slapslapslapslap._

_The beetle on the floor. He'd never see one of such a colour before; fire-engine red, with yellow dots on its back. It almost appeared not-of-this- world. Perhaps it was of alien origin. Tony had read copious research that stated that if aliens were ever going to visit, they would send technology first, most probably in the form of surveillance robots._

_The man slapping against his back, flesh against flesh, whispered something in Arabic in his ear and shifted, now slamming into him in a new, even more painful angle, forcing him back to the present, to the reality of the travesty being enacted upon him. Tony screamed and heard laughter in response, more words from his captors, that he couldn't understand._

_“Do you know what they're saying?” The voice cut across the darkened room. “They say the great Tony Stark takes it so well. The man who bragged about forcing us 'out of our caves' now lies on the floor of one, taking it from behind, like a good whore.”_

“You mean being tortured and held prisoner wasn't enough for you? Don't you think that would be enough to cause someone PTSD?” Tony could not control his sudden shaking hands. What was wrong with him?

_Control yourself. Remember what Bruce told you. Remember to breathe._

“Of course! I'm on your side here, Tony! I'm your friend. It just... it pains me to see you so lost and not being able to do anything to help you!”

_“You may tell them what we did to you. It's seen as brave, in your culture, for a man to withstand torture. But you will never tell them about this, will you, Mr Stark? How would you even begin to explain how you let five men fuck you against your will?”_

No, Tony would never tell. Pepper had suspected, he was certain. Particularly in those early days of their relationship.

_Slap slap slap. Beyond the physical anguish of something being forced into him that simply did not fit, without a lot of preparation and lube, the sounds and smell were enough to make him physically ill. Slap slap slap. Flesh on unwilling flesh._

Perhaps that was part of the reason for his separation from Pepper, that he had refused to acknowledge. He recalled her hurt and bewilderment, when he had to stop, half-way through the act, or simply switched off, hoping that she wouldn't notice that he was no longer participating and was simply thrusting mechanically, hoping that it would finish soon.

How to even begin to explain to the woman that he loved, that even the sounds of his flesh slapping on hers brought him back to that terrible place?

“I'm fine, Rhodes. Absolutely fine,” Tony's tone declared the conversation finished.

*

“You're not _actually_ going are you?” Rhodes asked, before popping an orange slice into his mouth.

Tony glanced down at the letter, eyes once more skimming down the rather refined-looking stationery. There was no doubt that the letterhead on to the top of the page, bearing the Wakandan crest, had not been forged. The veracity of the letter, inviting him to a Wakandan fund-raiser was sound. However, the true reason for the communique was unclear. Tony did not, for a moment, believe that the Wakandan King, T'Challa, truly wanted him to attend a fund-raiser, on preserving Wakandan wildlife.

“What do you know about this King T'Challa? Beyond what he did as the Black Panther?”

“No more than you,” Tony admitted.

“Come on, Tony. Something is going on here! You've got to admit, it all looks very suspicious.”

“All the more reason for me to go and find out the truth as to what is happening,” Tony said, bringing out his mobile phone and dialling Happy's number. If he was going to Wakanda, he needed a jet, as well as a pilot.

*  
“Ah... Mr. Stark,” T'Challa was standing on the landing strip, to receive him, as soon as he stepped onto the Wakandan tarmac. Tony shook T'Challa's hand, inwardly admitting to being impressed by the welcome.

“My people will collect your luggage from the jet and take it to the hotel. You will be our revered guest.”

Tony waited until T'Challa waved his men off, before speaking. “There isn't a fund-raiser, is there?”

“There is!” T'Challa said.

“But that's not why I'm here.”

The corners of T'Challa's mouth slightly up-tilted. “That is true, also. The fund-raiser is a cover.”

“So why am I here?”

“Come, I will show you.”

*

The space was about as big as Tony's own workroom and set out in much the same way. A series of monitors, piled up on top of each other, sat in the middle of the floor, facing the door, with two much larger displays, slightly behind, monitoring what appeared to be the physiological function of a human being. Tony noticed, from merely glancing at the cortisol levels, that the human appeared to be in high levels of stress. A semi-circular desk, bearing keyboards, coffee cups and a few framed photos of smiling Wakandans on the surface, looped around to the right. The servers were all piled together on the left hand side, in at least a more uniform way than his own, haphazard system. T'Challa beckoned him through the room to the back, where a clear cryogenics pod sat in a little alcove, against the wall.

_So, here it is. The truth of why I was invited here._

Tony told himself that it would be discourteous to attack T'Challa, right there, before the cryo-pod bearing his enemy. After all, he was a guest in T'Challa's country.

But, then again, T'Challa inviting him under false pretences to Wakanda, before showing him the monitored body of the man who had killed his parents, was not exactly courteous, either.

“It was his choice,” T'Challa said. “He no longer wished to be here, functioning, in this world, until we found the solution to controlling his mind.”

“You mean his urges to kill? To strangle people to death?”

“Hey Tony...” The familiar voice sounded behind him.

Tony spun around. Steve was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, as well as a timorous expression that was utterly uncharacteristic of him.

“Nice seeing you again,” he forced himself to smile at T'Challa and started to walk towards the door, taking out his mobile and pressing in Happy's number.

“Mr. Stark, please... please just listen to us...” T'Challa said.

“Are you really that stupid that you thought I would _help_?” Tony locked his mobile, stopped walking, turned and looked past T'Challa to Steve. “I should report you right now.”

“Tony... Tony I'm so sorry...” Steve began. “I never wanted for things to... to go the way that they did.”

“The way they did? You tried to _kill_ me!”

“You tried to kill me,” Steve said. “Listen, Bucky... it wasn't his fault. He had been brainwashed. He felt terrible-”

Tony shook his head. He didn't need to stay to listen to this.

“Please, Mr. Stark. You have come all the way here! At least listen to what I have to say. Please...” T'Challa implored.

_Well, he did fight on your side. You should at least hear what he has to say._

“Fine! But he goes,” Tony indicated Steve.

For a moment, it looked as though Steve was going to argue, but then he slumped his head and walked out of the room, averting his eyes from Tony, as he passed.

“Come, let's sit,” T'Challa indicated an office chair to Tony's diagonal right. “Do you want anything to eat or drink?”

“I intend to leave in about ten minutes, so no,” Tony said, moving to the proffered chair. He pulled it out and sat down, folding his arms, before staring back at T'Challa. He was rather a handsome man. The old Tony would have outrageously flirted with him. T'Challa pulled out a second chair and sat opposite him, affixing him in his gaze.

“When I thought that this man, Bucky, had killed my father, I was consumed with vengeance-”

“Look, I really don't feel the need to-”

“I followed you to the Siberian Hydra facility, did you know?”

This revelation effectively closed Tony's mouth.

“Yes, I followed and found Baron Von Zemo, just sitting outside. I discovered the truth. That he was the one responsible for my father's death. His reason was simple enough. The Avenger's actions had caused the death of his wife, son and father, in Sokovia. You know this, don't you? His reasons?”

Tony inwardly sighed and nodded. “Yes, I know.”

When Secretary Ross had told him, Tony had refused to listen. He had simply wanted, in his own mind, to paint Von Zemo as a one-dimensional villain. Crazy, a lunatic.... not... not a man who's family had been murdered....

Tony felt his stomach muscles tighten painfully.

...murdered because of a fight that would never have happened to begin with, if Tony hadn't created Ultron, like the arrogant idiot that he always proved himself to be.

“So much rage. I decided, in that moment, not to add to it. When Von Zemo attempted to end his own life, I took his weapon away from him. This was too easy a solution, for him. And it is too easy a solution, for you. You are a clever man. Worth more than the simple vengeance that you seek. If you killed Bucky right now, it would not bring back your parents.”

“He killed my mother,” Tony whispered.

“He had been brainwashed to do the bidding of Hydra. And yet he blames himself, for every murder. This is why he's here. We're going to make sure that he is completely wiped of his Hydra programming.”

“You want me to help the man who killed my parents?”

“Yes, we want you to help _cure_ him. So not another soul will be murdered by him. He has suffered, Mr. Stark. Immensely, more than you realise. He has divulged more of his time with Hydra, beyond the murders he was forced to commit.”

“If you're going to expect me to feel _sorry_ for this murderer-”

“Being brainwashed to comply with their demands for assassination wasn't all that they forced of him, Mr. Stark,” T'Challa said, with a solemn tone.

“What are you talking about?” Tony told himself that he didn't care. Whatever they did to this mother-murderer would not change his attitude towards him.

“He was also forced to comply... intimately, with any who wanted him. A part of his internal struggle, involves the fact that he was repeatedly raped, as the Winter Soldier.”

_Well... damn..._

Tony abruptly stood up and walked to the back of the room, to the cryo-pod. Bucky's handsome face looked so serene, in its frozen slumber. Tony felt his stomach twist with revulsion.

_“The great, charismatic Tony Stark. So handsome, gets all the girls, from the rumours I've heard, some of the men, too. Well, not any more. Every time, from now on, you try and make love to another, you'll remember this moment, won't you? You'll remember my men forcefully taking their pleasure from you, while you screamed and cried and urinated on yourself.”_

“Isn't this what you are about now, Tony Stark?” T'Challa was now right behind him. “Limiting the damage that a superhero can bring about. This is what we're trying to achieve here.”

“I can't do it,” Tony admitted. “Every time I try and help I just make things worse.”

“You won't be alone,” T'Challa said. “We will work on it, together.

“Unfreeze him,” Tony demanded, turning back to look at T'Challa. “Let me talk to him, then I'll decide.”

T'Challa looked suspicious.

“I promise I won't hurt him. I just want to talk to him. Alone.”

“I can't do that, Mr. Stark. For both your sakes.”

“Then I walk, right now. I take my jet back home and don't come back.”

T'Challa continued to stare at him. “I will tell Steve Rogers and allow him to decide.”

Tony nodded, turning back to stare at the pod, his muscles tightening in clear tension, as T'Challa fetched Steve. Within less than a minute, both men were back in the room. Steve's earlier timidness was gone, replaced with his usual brash confidence.

“I will allow it. If you promise not to hurt him. I trust your word, Tony. Just tell me you won't harm him.”

Tony looked into Steve's face, holding his blue eyes with his own dark brown.

Blue with a hint of green, Von Zemo had said, seeming to think this took away from Steve's perfection. Tony had noticed the variation in Steve's eye colour before. Looking at him now, he reaffirmed what he had always thought; rather than detracting from his beauty, the slight green in his eyes added to it.

“Alright, I promise.”

T'Challa pressed his fingers into the keypad to the side of the pod, then stepped back, nodding at Tony. He then gestured to Steve and both moved away, out of the room, once more, leaving Tony to feel strangely dysphoric. However, within less than a minute, the temperature in the cryo-pod rose enough for Bucky's chest to start to rise and fall, his eyelids start to flutter. Tony opened the pod but decided, for his sake, as well as Bucky's, to keep him restrained. The eyelids opened, and Bucky's blue eyes zeroed in on him. Tony saw no hint of any other colour in the pale irises.

“Are you going to kill me?”

“Should I?” Tony asked.

“Maybe you should.”

"King T'Challa seems to think that he'll find a cure for you.”

“I didn't...” His words seemed to pain him. “I didn't want to do it. Please believe me, Mr. Stark. I fought it every time but... what they did to my mind...I fought it so hard that it physically hurt me. And mentally...I meant it when I said that I remember every one of the ones I assassinated. I need to be in control of my own mind again.”

Tony's mind went to what Rhodes had said earlier about him not being the same since Afghanistan. Perhaps it was true, to some extent. But his own mental frailty aside, he still was able to make choices of his own accord, including the creation of Ultron.

_What choices did Bucky have? If it's true that he was unable to break free of the brainwashing, then would it be fair to say that his own violation had been mental, as well as physical?_

If Bucky was, indeed, fearful of his own capacity for violence, then surely it made logical sense for Tony to help in calming his fractured mind. After all, wasn't this part of the reason why he signed the accords to begin with? His desire, was for the potential brutality of the superheroes to be reigned in, wasn't it?

“King T'Challa told me a little of what they did to you,” Tony sighed. “Why do people always talk about rape like it's a natural part of war? There's nothing natural about it. It's completely wrong and messed up. And should never happen. Ever. And yet...sometimes I think maybe humankind is due for another asteroid. Actually, can we do a swap? Get rid of us and bring the dinosaurs back-”

“I killed people, Mr. Stark. I didn't want to but I still did it. The other things they would make me do...I always hated them too. But then maybe I deserved it. Maybe I deserved to be punished.”

Tony flinched. Bucky was echoing back to him his own messed up thoughts, regarding what happened in Afghanistan. After all, he had acted like an asshole playboy for years, using both men and women for his own amusement. As a consequence, he had often wondered if being forced to take it up the ass from five men was some form of brutal karma. Not believing in any divine entity did not preclude him from thinking that perhaps he was being punished, in some way.

The fact that he and Bucky held the same, self-punishing views, in regards to their own sexual abuse, did little to calm his anguished mind.

“After... assassinating your parents, I returned to the Russian compound. I was angry, upset. You should know that. I think I was trying to break from my programming. Hydra learnt, early on, that rape was an effective way to control me. They managed to restrain me and then six of them... took it in turns. It wasn't the first time. It wouldn't be the last. And I told myself that I deserved this. I had done a terrible thing and I deserved to be brutalised, because of it.”

How many times had almost the exact same thoughts run through Tony's mind? He had created Ultron. He deserved to be punished. Losing Pepper, Obadiah’s betrayal. Even his fractured relationship with Steve. His fault. Tony was the master of putting on a front of humoured indifference. Ultimately, however a part of himself suspected what he saw as the truth; he deserved everything that they did to him, in that cave, because he was, ultimately, a terrible human being, who would always fall on the wrong side, and always deserve to be punished.

No, Tony didn't want to consider this. It was too much. Even his brilliant mind found it too exhausting, to sort through the weave of toxic emotions that his traumatic past produced.

“No, Bucky. You didn't deserve for those sick assholes to do that to you.”

Twin tears splashed down the cheeks of the man before him.

“I'm so sorry, I really am. I know it probably means nothing to you. But I am so sorry for... for what I did to your parents.”

Tony saw the absolute anguish in the pale irises and felt a tiny chink develop in the armour of his heart.

“I believe you.”

Perhaps it would be yet another mammoth mistake, but looking into the frightened and anguished face of the baby-faced man before him, Tony made his decision.

“And I will help you.”

Tbc...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony sets about helping Bucky, using his own genius, as him and Steve grow closer, in a Stony kind of way...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, back on track.
> 
> New chapter ahoy!
> 
> Thanks to all who have commented/kudo'd/read.

“....homecoming, one, freight car.”

Bucky slumped forward, in his chains, and then lifted his head, his disturbingly blank eyes focusing directly on T’Challa, standing before him.

“Gotovy Soblyudat.”

Even though Tony, standing slightly behind the Wakandan king, did not speak Russian, he’d heard these words enough times, in the past few days, to understand what they meant.

“No mission, today. We will put you back to sleep.” T’Challa then shook his head and closed the cryo-chamber, pressing his long fingers on the numbered keypad, to the left of the unit.

“It’s just not working!” Steve said, as, within the cryo-chamber, Bucky’s body became still and frozen, once more.

 “Mr. Stark, how close are you in perfecting your own memory enhancing apparatus?” T’Challa turned back towards Tony.

In Tony’s eyes, T’Challa had turned out to be rather a sporting young King. In the past couple of days, he had allowed Tony the latitude to work on his own memory project, with the hope that he could attempt to use it on Bucky, once the prototype had been perfected.

“I’m still working on the connection to the brain’s neuro-network. The amygdala’s processing of strong emotions, I believe will be the key to unravelling Bucky’s brainwashing.” Tony suddenly realised that he had the full, unguarded attention of both T’Challa and Steve. “Hydra’s attempt to create neural pathways around that area was not entirely effective. What I think happened is that Bucky _felt_ the strong emotions but was conditioned to not _show_ them. With my prototype, he’ll be actively _in_ the memory and re-experiencing the associated emotions, but he’ll also be aware that what he’s experiencing isn’t real.”

“I don’t know, Tony. That sounds dangerous,” Steve frowned.

“I agree,” T’Challa said.

“Aw, you worried about me?” Tony couldn’t help but smile sardonically at Steve. “Don’t worry about Bucky. I’ll be using it on myself, to begin with. I won’t risk hurt to _your_ Bucky.”

“Actually, I was worried about you, Tony! Bucky is safe, for now.”

“Is he?” In that moment, Tony’s mobile came to life. T’Challa raised a brow, at the ringtone.

“I am going to walk out of here right now, if that look insinuates that you are either mocking the glory that is 'You Shook Me All Night Long' or have no idea what it is,” Tony said.

“I’m more of a ‘Back in Black’ fan,” T’Challa smiled.

“Ah, you see _that_ will be the ringtone tomorrow. Today, I’m all about the being knocked out with American thighs.”

He grinned at Steve, who  appeared completely bewildered, by the conversation.

“Speaking of which, yours are very _lovely_ indeed,” Tony amused himself at the sight of Steve looking down at his own legs, as though he’d never noticed them before. He then pressed the flashing green phone shaped icon on his mobile and answered.

“Happy! Yes, before you even say anything, I checked the stock this morning.”

“Sir,” the voice sounded, down the line. “I don’t know what to say, other than it’s a good thing that it’s gone up. But, I’ll admit I’m puzzled as to _why_.”

“Doesn’t puzzle me at all. I do something crazy, the stock goes up. I do something that makes absolute sense, the stock goes down.”

“Is there anything else you need right now, sir?”

“Tell the press that I’ve met up with Porpura, my penguin spirit animal, and am doing a cleansing ritual.”

“Ok, sir.”

“Alright, bye, Happy. Oh and one more thing. Take an extra thousand, this week. You’re doing a great job.”

“Oh, thank you, sir.”

Tony pressed the red phone icon on his mobile, ending the call.

“So what have your people been telling the press as to where you are?” Steve asked, looking genuinely curious.

“That I’ve gone on a spirit walk in the Antarctic wilderness to find myself. The press appear to be loving it. It’s _whacky_.”

Steve shook his head, while T’Challa appeared bemused.

“I think that should give me at least a month.”

*

Tony attached the last of the electrodes to his head, before tapping onto the keyboard. An image shimmered before him of a cream lounge chair seated before a rather toasty looking wood-fire, with a broad bay window beyond overseeing a panoramic vista. He closed his eyes and the vision became clear.

“Tony...”

He opened his eyes again, to Steve’s anxious face. “So you’re... are you sure you want us to watch? This _is_ your private memory.”

“I need someone to pull me out if it gets too much, which I’m sure it won’t. Anyway, this is the one memory I’m willing to share. Believe me, if I didn’t want you to see it, I wouldn’t show it to you. Or relive it, myself, for that matter.”

“Alright....” Steve still appeared concerned. A slight line appeared between his eyebrows.

“Alright!” Tony clapped his hands together. “Time is short. Let’s get started!”

He pressed ‘enter’ on the keyboard and closed his eyes.

When he reopened them, he lay on the cream couch, with Obadiah Stane leaning over him.

One fact was instantly clear. The programme had, indeed, tapped into his amygdala. Although, in his paralysed state, he could not show it; the same utter terror, as the day that the memory occurred, coursed through his veins.

“Ah yes, Tony,” Obadiah was leaning so close to him, he could smell the mint he’d consumed, post lunch. “Your first betrayal. Never saw it coming, did you? Who would have thought that good ol’ hard-working Obadiah would try and kill you? Obadiah, who actually did the work, while _you_ , pretty-boy playboy, just went out and had all the fun!”

The phonatory muscles of Tony’s larynx refused to vibrate. He could no longer make any noise whatsoever, couldn’t give voice to how utterly ridiculous that statement was.

_Remember, this is not real. This is simply a memory, of sorts._

“Yes, a memory,” Obadiah moved to sit next to him, holding the chest reactor up, to look at it, in more detail. “Beautiful...Just beautiful. You really have me to thank, you know. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have even created Iron Man, wouldn’t have all the opportunities that you have now.”

Obadiah then stood up and started to walk away. Sensing his ex-mentor’s pause, Tony then felt a jolt pass over his body, a bolt of recognition.

He suddenly realised that he knew what Obadiah was about to say.

_Only, I don’t want him to say it. Please, Obadiah don’t._

Obadiah would say it, however, Tony  realised.

Because he already had.

“One more thing...I heard what they did to you in the cave. As in the part that was left out of the reports. When I went to Afghanistan, the sick bastards were bragging about it. That they found the perfect way to utterly humiliate Tony Stark. You should know that I wanted them to kill you, yes. Maybe even torture you, a little. But I never told them to do _that._ I may want you dead, Tony but I never wanted _that_ to be part of the plan. I’m not a total monster.”

To Tony, that was relative.

_Obadiah indirectly killed thousands of people. He tried to kill me, to kill Pepper. That doesn’t make him a monster?_

But then what of himself? How many lives had his own weapons destroyed?

Tony closed his eyes and reopened them, tearing the electrodes off his head.

“Well, to me that was an effective test. The programme worked exactly the way I wanted it to. Not that I’m the least surprised, seeing as I designed it-“

“Tony, are you alright?” Steve, walking over to him, appeared oddly pale. Behind him T’Challa also bore a concentrated, concerned expression.

“T’Challa, can you leave us alone a moment?” Steve asked.

“No, I really think that we should-“Tony began.

_There really is nothing to talk about._

“Certainly.”

T’Challa walked out of the room so quick it was as though there were burning coals under his feet. Steve pulled out a chair beside Tony and sat down. He could see, from the look on his face, that the supersoldier was carefully considering his next words.

“Tony...You know about Bucky, don’t you? You know what they did to him? As in their sick little... parties...?”

“Unfortunately yes, I know.”

“Although a lot of people seem to think it, I’m not naive. When he says they forced him, I know what that means.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Tony asked, feeling as though the valves in his heart had been replaced by Thor’s hammer, slamming the blood through the ventricles, then into his lungs and around his body, with great force. The lub dub of each rush of blood sounded too loud in his ears. Surely, Steve could hear it?

“In Afghanistan, if they _hurt_ you in that way-”

“This is _me_ you’re talking to here. Do you really think it would be possible for someone to do _that_ to someone as powerful as me?”

_Lubdublubdublubdublubdub_

“Bucky was one of the most fearsome assassins, under Hydra,” for a moment, a look of pure pain crossed the handsome features. “Yes, I think it’s possible to happen to _anyone_.”

“I don’t know why Obadiah said that, in the memory. Because it didn’t happen.”

“If something did happen to you, you would know that it isn’t your fault.”

“Read a pamphlet have you?” Tony resisted the urge to knock the concerned look from Steve’s irksome handsome face. “The Idiot’s Guide to Approaching a Rape Victim.’ Listen I appreciate this but it’s utterly unnecessary. That statement from Obadiah was obviously some glitch, in the programme. I have never been assaulted, in that way.”

Steve appeared utterly unconvinced.

“Believe what you want,” Tony sighed. “But I’m telling you the truth. I have never been raped.”

Steve was quiet a long moment. “It was difficult for me, you know. Bucky was always there for me, was my best friend. What they did to him... how they hurt him...I never wanted you to be hurt, Tony. It pained me also that you simply couldn’t see my side.”

“Well, we always did have that antagonistic relationship, didn’t we? I always just presumed it was because we secretly wanted to have hot sex with each other,” Tony teased.

Steve’s flesh suddenly went from pale to pink, the colour spreading across his cheeks.

 A memory suddenly came to Tony. He was sitting with Natasha, in his condo, drink in hand. The other Avengers had retired to bed.

“Can you just sleep with him and get it over with?” Natasha had said, the alcohol speaking for her.

“You may have to specify as to who ‘he’ is. Hang on... is this getting into some fantasy of yours? In which case please continue!”

“Steve of course! To begin with, I thought it was that he was mooning over Bucky.  I kept trying to encourage him to go on dates. But now I’m starting to realise that _you’re_ the one he’s attracted to. Of course, he’d never admit it.”

At that point, Tony had brushed it off, convinced that she was wrong.

_It’s not like you can have hot sex with anyone right now. Particularly not another man. Although...if Steve was willing it would be rather fun to at least try..._

He now looked into the earnest face and inwardly shook his head. This would be a very bad idea. For both of them.

“I’d better go back to work on the prototype. It needs a bit more tinkering,” Tony said.

“Need any help?”

_How about a blow job, pretty boy?_

Tony smiled and shook his head.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, it’s fine. Just... indulging myself.”

“Maybe it’s not so  great to go into your mind,” Steve said, dryly. “I dread to think what we’d find in there.”

*

“Are we sure about this?” Steve asked, as T’Challa fixed the final electrode onto Bucky’s forehead, and then stepped back.

“When has anything I’ve ever attempted gone wrong?” Tony said, his sarcasm clear, in his tone.

He then finished typing in the code, into the system that he had re-engineered, to open the neural pathway to Bucky’s amygdala, before looking up, at the black screen, perpendicular to Bucky’s pod.

“It  still feels so odd, to actually be looking at someone’s memory,” Steve said.

Tony pressed ‘enter’ on the keyboard and stepped back.

For a moment, on the screen, nothing happened. Then a series of images, merely milliseconds apart, appeared on the monitor, coming through so fast that it was impossible to catch every one of them. Tony saw snatches of a young, sickly looking Steve, a woman with dark hair, hugging a miniature Bucky, an exploding armament factory.

The screen went blank a moment, before revealing the image of a clearly terrified Bucky, tied down to a rack, in a dank, dusty room. Sweat dropped down his forehead. He wore a green army uniform, his hair was short and his arm was decidedly non-metallic. Tony correctly guessed this to be pre-Winter Soldier Bucky.

A man suddenly stepped forward, out of the shadows, or at least a creature with the body of a man. His face, and bald head however were scarlet red.

“Red Skull,” Steve whispered.

_Ah, that fine, upstanding Nazi soldier!_

“You aren’t real,” Bucky said, on the screen.

“I’m as real as you want me to be,” Red Skull said. “Did you really think this will work? That you can simply erase who you are, what you are? What are you, if you aren’t the Winter Soldier?”

“I’m James Buchanan Barnes. This is a memory, I know. And you don’t defeat me. I don’t tell you anything, no matter how much  you torture me.”

“And who is James Buchanan Barnes? Nothing. A whore, to Hydra. Steve doesn’t know the truth, does he? You play the victim but you enjoyed every kill.”

“No, no...”

“You weren’t brainwashed. You wanted to do it. You wanted to do it all!”

“No, I hated it! I fought. Every time, I fought.”

“Just like you loved those little parties that Hydra would throw, where you were the main entertainment. What was the record? Twenty men in one session?”

“Bucky...” Standing beside Tony, Steve’s anguish was clear.

“No, no. Hydra you... you raped me. Both my body and my mind. You destroyed me. No more. I’m no longer your slave.”

“We'll see about that.  Longing. Rusted.”

Bucky started to thrash about.

“No, no, no! It won’t work this time. It won’t!”

“ Seventeen. Daybreak.”

Bucky continued to scream, now convulsing up and down so hard, that Tony was surprised he didn’t break the binds holding him.

“ Furnace. Nine.”

“Fight it, Bucky, that’s it,” Steve whispered.

“ Benign. Homecoming.”

“No, I won’t! I won’t!” Tears were running down Bucky’s face, the veins in his neck popping out of the flesh.

“Yes, it’s ok, fight it Bucky,” T’Challa said.

“ One. Freight Car.”

The screen went black.

In his pod, Bucky gasped and moved his head up. Tony felt his heart sink, at the flat, emotionless eyes.

“Gotovy Soblyudat.”

As T’Challa went over to refreeze him, Steve shot Tony a pained, yet sympathetic look.

“I guess we were hoping too hard, that it would work the first time.”

“Hm... I have an idea about that.”

T’Challa pressed the code into the pod, to refreeze the chamber, then turned and walked back to the other two.

“And what would that be, Mr. Stark?”

“Bucky needs help. Isn’t that what the general consensus is, around here? Well then I’ll give it to him. Next time, I’ll sync up my own neural pathway with his and join him, in his memory.”

For a moment, neither T’Challa nor Steve spoke.

“Do you think that would work?” T’Challa asked.

“Yes, it will work,” Tony didn’t doubt it. He decided against reminding the king who the genius was, in the room.

*

To Tony, his mapping of both his and Bucky’s minds was the eminent advancement of the scientific community. If he had brought his current little project to the attention of the world’s foremost scientists, he would, undoubtedly, be given the most elite of the scientific laureates. Perhaps, he further reasoned to himself, if he brought this research to the attention of the world’s medical alumnae, some would even see it as his way of repenting, for his past mistakes.

Only Tony knew the truth. There was no repenting. He was beyond that, now.

He just wished that Bruce was there, to share in his enthusiasm.

“Bucky... he was always there for me. Always. I owe him so much, I owe him my life,” Steve’s voice broke through his thoughts.

“Yes, so you keep saying,” Tony waved his hand over the three-dimensional mapping of the neural pathways of his own brain, before him, and the image disappeared. “You also made that very clear, when you decided to screw everything up. And people call _me_ arrogant...”

“You know, when I first met you... I’d vaguely heard about you. Yes, even me. And you were everything that I had heard. Arrogant. Self-serving. Obnoxious.”

“Please continue with your frank assessment.”

“But I realise that I was wrong,” Tony found himself now looking into the blue withahintofgreen, of Steve’s irises. “I think that’s actually a front that you put on, to stop people from getting close to you.”

“No, I really _am_ that arrogant-“

“What you’re doing... Also, considering everything that happened between us... I know you’re not doing this for me, or for Bucky. You’re doing this for  your own morals and principles. I find that to be very brave. Just like with the accords-“

“You think it was merely ideological, for me? For me, it was as personal as it was, for you.”

“I guess things can’t be one hundred percent ideological, can they?”

Tony forced a twisted smile. “When you first met me, did you find me handsome?”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“Well, did you?”

“ _Everyone_ finds you handsome.”

“That doesn’t answer my question. Ok, let’s put it another way. I find _you_ handsome.”

“Don’t do this,” Steve said, body suddenly visibly tensing.

“Don’t do what?”

“I’m not...”

“When it comes to _me_ , you don’t have to be anything. You just said everyone finds me handsome. Even men who say they’re not...”

“Your arrogance knows no end, doesn’t it? You’re unbelievable!”

Tony laughed. “You just said it was all an act.”

“You always do this. We were having an intense conversation and you had to ruin it with your... with whatever _that_ was.”

“You know what _that_ was. You want me. Admit it. It’s completely understandable.”

“See you’ve just demonstrated _exactly_ what I was talking about! I was actually getting somewhere and you just went back to your usual arrogant self, to push me away!”

“Got me all worked out, do you?”

“More than you know,” Steve said, before walking away and leaving Tony to his own disturbed thoughts.

*

Two hours later, Bucky lay, tied down to the torture device, in the exact same scenario.

Only this time, he wasn’t alone.

“I really want it to work, this time,” Bucky said, as Tony reached down and started undoing his binds.

“It won’t work,” the Red Skull reappeared. “It never will. He is wasting his time. You will always be ours, Bucky. Always.”

“Wow! That is one magnificent sunburn you have there, buddy,” Tony said, as he continued to release Bucky from his binds. “Try aloe vera.”

“Longing. Rusted. Seventeen. Daybreak,” the  Red Skull said.

“Tony you need to leave, now!” Bucky said, as Tony released the last of his binds.

“Furnace. Nine.”

“I’ll be fine!”

“Benign. Homecoming.”

“I said leave!” Bucky pushed him back, with considerable strength.

“One. Freight Car.”

“Bucky this isn’t real. You can fight this-“ Tony said as Bucky stopped all movement and simply stood, with his head bowed.

“Kill him!” The Red Skull demanded.

Tony gasped, struggling to breathe, as Bucky suddenly reached forward and applied bruising pressure to his neck, with his suddenly reacquired metallic arm.

_Not real! Not real!_

Only his desperate need for oxygen, as he was held up into the air, by the Winter Soldier, by his throat, felt very real.

“Tony!”

Tony gasped, opening his eyes, to a pair of blue staring back at him. Blue with a hint of green.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m alright, I think.”  Blessed oxygen filled his lungs.

“I’m glad.” Steve stepped back and Tony looked to the pod, where T’Challa was refreezing Bucky once more. He could sense Steve watching him, as he took the electrode dots off his head. “It’s alright. I’ll get there.”

*

“Gotovy Soblyudat.”

Tony opened his eyes, reaccustoming himself to the room, to Steve, as always, kneeling before him. This time, his hand was gently touching his thigh.

“I think we became close, that time. Bucky was really fighting it.”

“Tony, he threw you against the wall and tried to strangle you!”

“I want you two to see something,” T’Challa stood before Bucky’s cryo-pod. Tony quickly plucked the electrodes off his head and came over.

“Gotovy Soblyudat,” Bucky repeated, although something flickered in the calm blue eyes.

“Bucky, it’s me. It’s Steve,” Steve said.

A tear ran down Bucky’s face.

“Gotovy Soblyudat.”

The eyes focused directly on Steve.

“I’m here.”

Bucky blinked. Another tear ran down his face.

The eyes went blank, once more.

“Gotovy Soblyudat.”

*

The sandwich was simple. Turkey with rocket, sundried tomatoes and cheese. Yet, it was the best turkey sandwich that Tony had ever tasted in his life. He twice congratulated the rather bemused and gracious chef, before ambling down the hall, back to the workroom. As his hands were now full, with a plate of the sandwich in one and a coffee in the other, he had to use his elbow, to push the door open. Instantly, he noticed the man, at the back of the room. Tony took a gulp of the coffee and then set the mug and plate down on one of the desks, before joining the lone figure. The super-soldier sat on the ground, looking up at the chilled indifferent face of Bucky, in the cryo-tube.

“It’s not working,” Steve said, as Tony sat beside him.

“It will work. Give it time.”

“Maybe I really have lost him forever. It’s so strange to me. Everything is so... coming here to the present, finding out that Bucky’s alive. I hate them for what they did to him. I know I shouldn’t. But I do.” He turned his face to look directly at Tony. His eyes appeared overly bright. “I accused you of the very things that I was guilty of. I was convinced that you were the bad guy. But that wasn’t true. I was.”

“Well, you were right, with that. I’m not a nice guy.”

“No, I was wrong. Devastatingly wrong. I wish I could just take back what happened. But I  can’t.”

Those eyes again. Blue. The hint of green. His lips so tantalisingly close. Tony wasn’t even sure why he leant forward. Their lips touched. He half expected Steve to pull away. Instead, Steve moaned, opening his mouth, allowing Tony to snake his tongue inside. Their tongues started to tangle together, battling for dominance. Steve moaned once more, reaching his hand around to grip at Tony’s hair, as Tony’s arms went around his broad back, pulling him closer, feeling the heat of his body, the thudding of his heart, equalling his own frenzied beat.

Steve was the first to end the kiss. He simply pulled back, releasing his hand from Tony’s hair. In response, Tony also moved back a little, giving him space.

“I’m sorry,” Steve said.

“Why would you say that?”

“I wanted to. I know it’s wrong but I wanted to.”

“It’s not wrong.”

Steve then said something that Tony never thought would come out of his mouth.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Hang on, shouldn’t _I_ be the one saying that?”

“You were right. I was... attracted to you from the beginning. I tried to fight it. For a very long time. Because... well because you’re a jerk-“

“Wow! Thanks for the compliment. Please keep going!”

“But, there’s more to you. I see it. T’Challa sees it. And I think Bucky does now, too.”

Tony was not in the mood for a lovefest, even if it was about himself. He decided that he wouldn’t be greedy. Steve had allowed the kiss. He knew the supersoldier well enough to acknowledge that would be all he would allow, that night.

It was all that Tony could also allow.

“I’m going to eat the delicious turkey sandwich that I brought in, finish the coffee and then get back to work. Hey,” he leant forward and gently cupped Steve’s face, turning it to face him. His pale flesh was delightfully flushed. “I don’t regret what just happened. And neither should you.”

“You’ll bring Bucky back, won’t you?”

“I’ll try my damndest. Yes, I’ll bring him back.”

Steve’s smile lit up his entire face. Unable to resist, Tony leant forward and pecked him on his lips, before releasing him.

“Do you need any help?” Steve said, as both stood.

“I’ll be fine. Go to sleep. Dream of me.”

“Maybe I will,” Steve said.

“Now I’m incredibly tempted to join you.”

“I’m incredibly tempted to let you,” Steve smiled at the aroused and shocked expression on Tony’s face. “Just promise me you’ll try get some sleep.”

_Damn, Steve..._

“I think I’ll sleep a lot better in _your_ bed.”

“Not tonight,” Steve said.

“Tease,” Tony smiled.

Steve laughed. “Maybe so. But you’re still not sleeping in my bed tonight. Maybe, if you’re a good boy....maybe another night. We’ll see.”

_Oh my... you foxy sexy man you..._

“I am going to be on the best possible behaviour that you have ever seen. I will be the Saint Francis of  billionaire philanthropist genius’s.”

“You left out ‘playboy’.”

“That doesn’t really fit me, any more,” Tony admitted.

Steve smiled, once more. “See you in the morning.”

Tony watched him leave the room, his heart still hammering his his chest, a lopsided smile on his face that had not been there, for weeks, relief flowing through his body that Steve hadn’t pressed to go beyond that kiss. He wanted to, with every fibre of his being, but his mind, usually his staunchest ally, had turned against him.

_What if I  have a flashback and start to panic? What if it reminds me of what they did to me in that cave?_

In the past, when it came to being with men, Tony was happy to both give and receive.

Now, with one of the most physically beautiful men expressing interest in him, he feared that he would not be able to do neither.

_“Every time, from now on, you try and make love to another, you'll remember this moment, won't you? You'll remember my men forcefully taking their pleasure from you, while you screamed and cried and urinated on yourself.”_

Tony looked  back, to Bucky’s frozen face. Perhaps he was fabricating, in his own mind, but he was certain that he read melancholy, in the pale irises.

Tbc...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony continues to delve into Bucky's mind, with dire consequences for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please heed the 'noncon' warnings for this chapter. So yes, this chapter becomes exceedingly dark and angsty.  
> But I plan on this being the darkest that it gets. And there is a bit more Stony interaction ;)

_Bucky Anti-Manchurian Candidate Brainwashing Attempt Number Sixteen._

Tony hastily unfastened the metallic bolt, pulling up the lever and releasing Bucky from his binds.

“We’re really trying this again?” Red Skull, standing a little behind them, sounded almost bored.

_The manifestation of the visual component of Bucky’s fears, in his amigdala, has emotions of its own. That is some Carl Jung level insanity, right there._

“This isn’t real!” Bucky said, standing up to face Tony directly. “It’s only a memory.”

“You keep telling yourself that. It won’t work, Bucky. It never does,” Red Skull said.

“Pop him in some boiling water and all you need to do is then serve him up with some dipping sauce,” Tony said. “Honestly, Bucky. This man is _ridiculous_.”

The metal arm of the Winter Soldier suddenly appeared, in place of Bucky’s real arm. Bucky nodded at Tony, eyes steely, then turned to Red Skull and drove the metal hand deep into his chest. Red Skull’s mouth opened in clear shock, before his body collapsed to the ground and dispersed, in a cloud of red dust.

For a moment, Tony and Bucky simply stared at the spot, where the Nazi had been standing.

_After fifteen tries... it was really that simple?_

“You did it, Bucky...” Tony clamped a hand on his shoulder. “Wow! You-“

The scene abruptly changed.

They now stood in a rather overlarge bedroom, the wealth of the inhabitant clear in the expensive, yet somehow incredibly tacky beechwood wardrobe and bedside drawers, complete with walnut veneers. Tony looked down at the metallic grey silk sheets, pillows and blankets of the king sized bed before him (with an intricately carved beechwood headboard, to add to the vulgarity) and shook his head.

“Clearly someone with too much money to have good taste. In other words, the anti-Tony Stark.”

In reply, Bucky simply moaned softly.

“Where are we, Bucky?”

The black-haired man who then walked into the room, was vaguely familiar looking. He forcibly pushed aside Tony, causing him to stumble back a couple of steps, as he beelined for Bucky.

“Hey pretty...” He said, grabbing Bucky by his shoulders and pushing him down onto the bed.

“Hey!” Tony shouted, rushing forward, to attempt to pull the man off the oddly slack Bucky. The man threw his fist back, the punch connecting with Tony’s jaw and driving him back against the wall. For a memory, the searing pain, from the connection, felt incredibly real.

“Yes, you remember me, don’t you, Bucky?” The man then leant down, whispering in Bucky’s ear, as he held his hands down above his head. In response, Bucky whimpered. Tony could see that his head was  now positioned in an awkward angle to the far left, in a clear attempt to move his face away from the man on top of him, his eyes squeezed shut, face scrunched up in disgust.

“Alright, memory or no, get the hell off him!” Tony again moved forward. The dark-haired man then abruptly stood up.

“Good! Glad you can follow instructions-“ Tony  began but stopped, gaping in astonishment, as another man entered the room. He knew the identity of this person. Hell, he suspected even a farmer, in the middle of the Australian outback, would recognise this tycoon.

“The punishment, for allowing my housecleaner to see you,” Pierce said, undoing his tie.  “Tell Mr. Stark here what we did to you. How you took us into your body, first Rumlow then me, then both of us together. It was a truly bonding experience.”

_Woh.... what?_

 “A _bonding experience_?” Tony said, still feeling too shocked, at Pierce’s reveal, to truly consider exactly what he was being told. Pierce ignored him, concentrating solely on Bucky.

_No no  Alexander Pierce? I know he was a tad evil, in that ‘I’m doing this for the good of the planet’ way, but surely he wouldn’t...this has to be a false memory..._

“Of course, Rumlow had fucked you before, countless times. But this was the first time that _I_ had you. And you were _beautiful_ , Bucky...”

As he spoke, tears that had been welling in Bucky’s eyes spilled down his face. Pierce knelt before him and ran a hand down his cheek.

_Well weren’t you one sick and twisted individual!_

“It didn’t have to hurt, you know. But you forced my hand.”

“Bucky, I’m truly sorry that these sick freaks hurt you,” Tony said, truly meaning it.

“So am I, Tony.” Bucky raised the metal arm and moved to thrust it into Pierce’s chest. In response, Rumlow blocked him, and  then slammed his fist into his face.

“Say the words,” Pierce ordered Rumlow, as he stood up and backed away. “He’ll realise that, even in this memory, he won’t get past his conditioning to be our slut.”

Rumlow smiled, and started undoing his pants.

“Longingrustedseventeendaybreak.”

“Alright, I’ve had enough-“ Tony began, moving forward.

““Furnaceninebenign ,” Rumlow hoisted Tony up into the air by his neck and then threw him across the room. Tony hit the wardrobe so hard that he felt pain spiral down the back of his neck, from where the back of his head made contact.

“Homecomingone.”

_Damn it why did I build this thing to feel so real?_

“Freight car,” Rumlow finished. “On your knees.”

With tears running down his face, the Winter Soldier obeyed.

_Woh woh, there’s no way I’m letting this happen!_

Tony picked himself up, rushing forward-

Tony opened his eyes, and exhaled, relieved to find that he was back in the project room. He took a few seconds to reorient himself, staring at the monitors. According to the one directly before him, he was currently both tachycardic and hypertensive. Tony turned, in his chair, in time to see T’Challa reprogramming Bucky back into his icy cage.

“That was rather concerning. Bucky’s vital signs started to intensely deteriorate. I’m just glad you both managed to stabilise enough for me to pull you out, without causing any long-term damage.”

Tony once more glanced at his vital signs being monitored on the screen. His pulse was starting to slow down.

 “I understand that he must defeat them. Even if it is at the expense of re-experiencing that terrible memory, if he is to truly defeat his programming, it must be done. I think today that we finally started to make progress.”

“I agree,” Tony said. “Can I ask T’Challa, why are you doing this? Why are you helping? Really?”

T’Challa’s dark eyes flickered with emotion.

“You know the reason. Because I was a part of that... ugliness... I allowed my rage to overtake. I could have killed an innocent man. Bucky did not kill my father. I must make amends.”

“A lot of that going on around here, it seems,” Tony sighed. “Where did Steve go?”

T’Challa nodded towards the doorway.

“It is a lot for him to take in.”

“Can’t say I blame him for that one. Well, I guess I’d better go... do the concerned friend thing that I’m usually pretty useless at.”

 Tony stood up and crossed the short distance to the entrance, then continued out of the room. He saw Steve merely a few metres up, in the corridor, sitting with his back against the cream coloured wall and with his legs crossed. Tony came up and sat silently beside him.

“Everything that they did to him. I can’t see how he’ll ever get over it.”

“Maybe not. But he just needs to ‘get over it’ enough for it to no longer control him.”

“I know it’s your contraption, Tony but I’m really starting to question whether we are getting anywhere with any of this.”

“Today was a great breakthrough. He managed to defeat Red Skull! That counts for a lot.”

“It just feels like we’re always one step forward and two steps back,” Steve said.

“Have faith. We are succeeding,” Tony said, looking into his eyes.”Von Zemo was wrong, you know. That hint of green in your eyes is pure perfection.”

Steve continued to focus on Tony’s face, eyes flicking down to his lips, then up again.

“I kissed Sharon Carter.”

“Really?” Tony asked, feeling a little amused at the concept of Steve kissing the niece of his lost love.

“I’m not even sure why I did it. I mean she’s a pretty girl. But I’m not... Peggy was the only _woman_ I’ve ever been attracted to. But, the truth is, I’m really attracted to other men. I don’t know why I can’t just feel good about that. Accept that.”

“What other _men_? Who is my competition?”

“Since I defrosted from the ice... no one else.”

“Not even Thor? Thor’s hot. Come on, Steve. Thor is insanely gorgeous. I mean look at those pecs!” Tony paused. “Do you think they bench-press in Asgard?”

“Thor’s not my type.”

“Fine, Bucky then. I see it. Bucky may have been a brainwashed psychopathic killer but he is gorgeous!”

“I agree. But Bucky doesn’t seem interested in men. Or, more precisely, me. Besides, I respect him too much, as a good friend to push him in that direction.”

“But not me? Oh that’s nice, very nice Rogers.”

“Well, also, particularly considering everything they did to him...I just want him to be cured. That’s all I want.”

“I’m still incredulous that you don’t find Thor to be utterly insanely the most handsome man in existence,” Tony said, gauging whether Steve would jump to the bait and show signs of jealousy.

“So you don’t include _yourself_ in that category? This doesn’t sound like the Tony Stark I know.”

“I just took it as a given,” Tony’s lips quirked up.

Steve simply smiled at him a moment.

“Thor doesn’t have very beautiful big doe brown eyes. I’m kind of a sucker for them,” Steve said.

Tony blinked, allowing himself to be pleasantly affected by the compliment.

“I mean it,” Steve said, leaning in and gripping Tony’s chin. This time, the kiss had more passion to it. When they released, both were panting. If Tony was hooked up to the body monitor at that moment, he was certain that his pulse and temperature would place him in the ‘deteriorating’ zone.

“We really don’t have to stop,” Tony said.

Steve grinned and pounced on him, driving him sideways against the wall, as he claimed his mouth with such ferocity, their teeth clanged together. Steve’s hands started tearing at Tony’s clothes, reaching up under his shirt to touch the flesh underneath, as Tony likewise started to undo the buttons of his jeans, with one hand, as the other reached around to run through the soft strands of Steve’s hair. Steve moved from his mouth to his neck, kissing down the flesh, as his hands started to slide up Tony’s chest.

Tony froze.

_The one currently slapping against his back was different to the others. In some ways, his actions were a worse travesty than the ones who simply brutally thrust inside him, making clear their savage dominance over him. This one moved slowly, almost as though he was concerned for Tony’s well-being. He whispered into his ear, words Tony could not understand. The hands that slid up and down his chest were gentle, almost reverential. The lips on his neck were feather light, unlike the others who marked his neck with teeth, digging in, drawing blood._

“Stop, please stop...” The words sounded far away from himself. He could hear his breath, coming in harsh pants. Instantly, he felt Steve move away from him.

“What’s wrong? Tony what’s wrong?” Steve asked.

“Just let me.....” Tony clutched at his chest, feeling his heart thudding in his ribcage, his breath coming in and out in strangled gasps. His trachea suddenly felt as though it had spasmed shut, with merely a pinprick opening, for oxygen to go into. His heart, working overtime to rush the valuable substance around his body, was starting to physically ache, from the strain.

“Tony!” Steve said.

“Can’t...I can’t...” Tony got up and started lumbering down the corridor, fingers digging into the flesh of his chest, as though attempting to manually force the blood through.

_I’m dying._

The thought sent a paroxysm of fear through him and he cried out, slamming hard into the wall.

_I don’t want to die._

 He dimly heard hurried footsteps, followed by T’Challa’s voice.

“It’s alright, Mr. Stark. You’re having a panic attack. Breathe with me. In. Out. Just focus on my breath. It’s ok. It’s ok,” said that deep, gentle voice. Tony closed his eyes and concentrated. He could hear T’Challa’s deep, loud breaths.

_In. Oxygen._

_Out. Carbon dioxide._

_In. Oxygen._

_Out. Carbon dioxide._

 Little by little, he got himself under control again. Opening his eyes, he focused on T’Challa and Steve, standing before him, and felt strangely cold and separate from them. Steve bore an expression of pure guilt.

“Steve it’s not... you didn’t... you didn’t do anything...”

“What do you need, Mr. Stark?” T’Challa asked.

“I need... I need to keep working.”

He continued down the corridor, still feeling as though he was somehow outside his own body.

“Let us help you,” T’Challa sounded behind him.

“I’m fine. Just let me...”

_Well, damn..._

Feeling his trembling legs start to give out beneath him,  Tony stopped and then turned around and slid down the wall, to sit down, in almost the exact same position of Steve, minutes earlier. “Steve... can you.... can you just sit with me a moment?”

Steve came and sat down beside him, as T’Challa, recognising it to be a private moment, swiftly moved up the corridor and back into the work room.

“T’Challa, he came as soon as he realised something was wrong.”

“He’s a goodun. Let’s keep him,” Tony said, still feeling numb and inwardly shaky.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I shouldn’t have...”

“I wanted to! Believe me." He paused. "Iron Man and Captain America. Now that would be the story of the year! Can you imagine the press, if they caught us with our tongues down each other’s throats?”

“I’m sure you would just spin it in a way that makes everyone love you even more.”

“No everyone isn’t...Actually, you’re right. You’re absolutely right. Do you think it’s my big doe brown eyes?” Tony asked.

“What I said was _beautiful_ big doe brown eyes. Tony can I ask you something? I’m not going to... May I put my arm around you?”

In some ways, Tony felt ridiculous. Considering who he was, shouldn’t he be the one taking charge? Why did he feel like he was being courted, like some virgin schoolgirl, excited about her first dance?

“If you want.”

Feeling the strong arm move around his shoulders, he reached out and placed his hand on Steve’s thigh. Both sat there, silent, until Tony felt alright to move back into the workroom.

“Alright, let’s go.” Tony stood up.

Before they stepped into the door, Tony turned back to Steve and smirked.

“So when did you first notice my beautiful big doe brown eyes?”

“I do remember arguing with you on the helicarrier, after Loki was arrested. It occurred to me then that you were very annoying but also had very beautiful eyes.”

Tony laughed. “Scandalous!”

He then pushed the door open and continued into the room.

*

“This time, when the two asshole rapists come in, take out Rumlow first,” Tony advised.

“I can’t...”  Bucky said.

“You can. Listen, Bucky,” Tony gripped his shoulder, feeling the trembling flesh beneath his hand. “They can’t hurt you. Not anymore.”

“Then why does it feel so real?”

“Because you’re allowing it to.”

For a moment, Bucky simply focused on him, unnamed emotions swimming through the pale blue eyes, before he slowly nodded.

“Do you really believe Steve cares for you, Bucky?” Rumlow, once again, pushed Tony aside, as he entered the room. “He’s moved on. Tony Stark now occupies his attention.”

“Yes, that’s why all of our focus is on helping Bucky. Yep, makes complete sense. Why didn’t I think of it?” Tony asked, sardonically.

Bucky moved his metallic arm up to Rumlow, only for the other man to block it, and then throw Bucky down onto the bed.

“Strange, isn’t it, how in this memory, I’m just as strong, if not stronger than you?” He clambered up on top of Bucky. “I think it’s because you secretly want this. Secretly feel the need to be punished.”

“Do it now, Bucky!” Tony ordered.

The door opened behind him and Alexander Pierce walked in. Rumlow moved his head up, towards his superior and Bucky did as Tony bid, ramming the metallic arm into Rumlow’s chest. Rumlow’s lips quirked up into a half-grimace half-smile. With a disgusted look on his face, Bucky withdrew his arm and pushed Rumlow’s body to the ground where, like the Red Skull, it disintegrated to dust.

“See this, this is who you are, Bucky. What you are,” Pierce said. “A killer.”

Bucky stood and moved before him. 

“No, not anymore.”

“Ask Tony, he knows.”

The scene suddenly changed.

A desolate road appeared before Tony, dimly lit in the bright moonlight and beset on both sides with wild flora.

A car suddenly started racing down the road towards them, its two occupants visible in the driver and passenger seats.

Tony knew what this was, knew that Bucky’s guilt had placed them there.

“Bucky,  no. Not this.”

Bucky turned to him, eyes now utterly overcome with terror, flashing with anguish.

The scene changed once more.

A darkened room. Bucky was, once again, tied down, this time to a chair, with his legs spread and lifted, and manacled up high over his head, leaving him in a grotesque, open position.

He was naked.

Tony understood the implication. Bucky felt the need to punish himself, as he had been punished, in the real memory.

“No, not this... not this...” Bucky started weeping, as another naked man started to step towards him.

Perhaps, the Tony Stark of a few months before would have reasoned that Bucky deserved this. Deserved all of the punishment that his tormentors felt right to give him.

_He killed my mother._

“You were acting erratically, Bucky,” the naked man said. “Yes, we were happy that you completed the mission, but you almost killed three operatives after. This is the most effective way to calm you down, to remind you who has the power, here.”

Tony suddenly noticed the blood running down Bucky’s thighs.

No.

He felt his stomach ice over.

No one deserved this punishment.

“Every time you try and break free of your programming you’ll remember this won’t you?” The man said, running a hand through Bucky’s hair.

Tony jolted as an unwanted memory came back to him, another voice, from a long time before.

The naked man suddenly stepped back and looked at Tony.

“The great, charismatic Tony Stark. So handsome, get’s all the girls. From what I’ve heard some of the men too.”

“But not anymore,” Tony automatically repeated with him. That odd numbness was returning, the feeling of being separate from what was happening.

“Tony what’s happening?” Bucky asked.

“I think our memories are getting crossed! Damn it! It’s alright. I’ll pull out and-“

The scene changed so abruptly that Tony felt his head spin.

He lay, pinned, on his stomach, on the ground, by four men, his trousers and boxers pulled down to his ankles. It felt excruciatingly real; the low temperature goosepimpling his flesh, the hard dirt surface beneath him, the bruising grips on his wrists and ankles, pulling his legs and arms so wide apart that the muscles ached.

_The cave..._

No.

No no no no no no.

“No I want out! Someone get me out! T’Challa! Steve!”

A voice sounded behind him.

“I think my men are going to enjoy this.”

As he felt weight on his back, Tony felt his entire body explode with panic. No not again not again not again.

“Tony this isn’t real! This is a memory!” Bucky shouted, as Tony continued to violently thrash about, to curse, to no avail. As with on _that_ day, his struggles had no effect on the men holding him down. He may as well have been held down by one of his own creations.

“Please, please not again.”

“Get off him!” Slapping sounds followed. Bucky was trying to fight them. Tony could almost see the humour in it. Bucky, the brainwashed best friend of Steve Rogers, fighting the physical manifestation of Tony’s deep repressed terror and shame, from the day that he was gangraped.

_This isn’t real. This is a memory._

“Just keep telling yourself that,” the voice again, followed by laughter.

The man on his back force his way into Tony’s body and he screamed, as he felt delicate tissue tear. The horror of what was happening to him certainly felt real enough. The man wasted no time in moving, each brutal thrust seeming to damage more of his insides. Tony could not help his shrieks of pain and anguish, as the men laughed around him. He felt his bladder let loose, the front of his thighs and his penis now painfully rubbing against the urine-soaked, gravelled ground.

“No, no.... please no...” He sobbed.

Real or not real. It didn’t matter anymore. It had happened. Was happening. Pehaps was always going to happen, was always inevitable.

After all, Tony would always mess up. Would always deserve to be punished.

Vaguely, behind himself, he heard words being spoken but was too busy focusing on the revulsion that was happening to him, unable to escape from the excruciation of both body and soul, with each unwelcome thrust.

“...freight car.”

“Gotovy Soblyudat.”

“You, get off him.”

This was different, to the actual memory. In reality, each man kept going until they... completed inside him. Apart from the last one. He seemed to find it the height of hilarity to pull out and ejaculate all over his face.

A regular Groucho Marx.

Tony gasped, still feeling tears and snot run down his face, as the man abruptly pulled out of his body.

“Alright, you’re up, Bucky. Fuck him hard and make him bleed.”

Finally, Tony realised the truth of why his mind had put placed them in this scenario. Here, on the dirty ground of this cave, the punishment was not entirely his. Bucky also had a penance to pay.

Who were they, to truly believe they could transcend their past? He was a fool. They all were. Steve and T’Challa, no doubt watching what was happening, trying to find a way to pull them out, without destroying their overly stressed bodies.

_Do you see now, Steve? Do you see who I truly am?_

“What are you waiting for? Do it!”

Tony closed his eyes, refusing to look at Bucky, to see the blank look in his eyes.

“I said do it!”

Tony bit his lip, refusing to beg. If this was to be the end result of his crazy little experiment; a brainwashed Bucky raping him, with Steve and T’Challa watching, then he would at least go through with it, with a smidge of his tattered dignity intact.

 “Do to him, what the others did to you.”

The hand was so gentle on his back. Tony felt his mind shatter, a series of memories rushing through him, at a breakneck pace. He saw his parents, walking to the door and looking back one last time at him, Obadiah patting him on the shoulder, Pepper looking beautiful in an off-the-shoulder black dress, Thor’s hammer wobbling as Steve attempted to lift it. The images kept coming, so fast he could barely kept up with them. Loki’s smirk, Bruce laughing at one of his jokes, Steve’s dead body, in the vision created by Wanda Maximoff, Steve’s blue withahintofgreen eyes, merely inches from his own face.

The images forced their way into his mind, with the ferocity of a tsunami, destroying all in their path. He felt a void start to envelope himself; a deep, overwhelming warm and dark place beckoned, with no painful memories.

As Tony rushed  headlong towards it, welcoming the simple oblivion, he thought that he heard Bucky say three words.

“No, I refuse.”

But then, perhaps he’d made that up, in his mind.

Then blessed darkness.

Tbc...

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is taken out of his coma by a surprise visitor. More surprises come when he goes back into Bucky's memories, to speak with the young man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who are reading/commenting/kudoing.
> 
> I do have the plot of this all planned out (with a few alterations possible along the way) :).

The darkness was comforting, in its lack of reminiscence.

However, even in his greatly diminished consciousness, a part of Tony was aware that it couldn’t possibly last.

There was no gradual perception of his new surroundings. No dim pinprick of light that slowly broadened, pulling him forward into the familiar setting.

There was merely the nurturing calm of the void, followed by the room. Dark blue mosaic tiled the floor of the L-shaped, walnut brown bar. Tony rushed over to the beckoning, glistening bottles of alcohol lining the back wall beyond, picking up a vodka bottle with one hand, and a tumbler in his other hand, before pouring himself a shot. He was adding some ice, when the other, dark-haired man stepped into the room.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“You’re saying this to an alcoholic? Of course it’s not a good idea.” Tony smiled, put down the tumbler and walked around the bar, to pull Bruce into a black-slapping hug.

“So I guess Loki’s going to come now and throw me out the window?” Tony asked, after they released.

A half-smile twisted Bruce’s face.

“ _I_ picked this setting for you. I’ve been in your mind, the last few days. Amazing programme that you’ve created, I must say. I rerouted the signal from your amygdala and into the frontal lobes. You really seem to like this bar. It features a lot in your more pleasant memories, so I thought it would be a good setting to try and bring you into.”

“Does this mean that you’re in Wakanda, right now?” Tony stepped back behind the bar, picked up his drink and took a swig. The memory vodka could do with a bit more ice. He started to instantly remedy that problem.

“Steve put the word out to Natasha that you were in trouble, who, in turn put the word out to me. I’d been in contact with her in the past few weeks.”

“What were you told?” The sound of the icecubes hitting the vodka sounded very loud; almost as loud as his suddenly racing heart.

_He knows, doesn’t he?_

“That you were trying to erase Bucky’s programming, by delving into his memories. You both experienced a cognitive overload, from a particularly traumatic memory and, as a result, you fell into a coma. You’ve been in the coma for the past three days.”

“Did they tell you what the traumatic memory was?”

“No, and that’s not my business to know.”

Tony let out a shaky breath.

_Thank the lord that is science for the greatness that is Bruce Banner._

 “So, are you ready to come out of your mind and see me in person?”

Tony felt his stomach do a loop-de-loop, as he recalled his screams of horror, the tears that fell, unabated, as he was forced to endure his worst memory, made real-

-With Steve and T’Challa watching.

“It’s rather pleasant in here,” he wiggled the tumbler. The ice clinked against the sides.

“Tony you can’t stay in here. You know this,” Bruce reached out and placed a warm hand on the back of his.

“I know.” _A part of me wishes that I could, though, as ridiculous as it sounds._

“I was going to actually just pull you out. But I thought it was fair to create this setting, to give you some warning, first.”

“Thank you for being so... you...”

“So...we ready?”

Tony sighed. “Not really...”

Tony closed his eyes.

He then reopened his eyes, to find himself lying in a bed of white sheets, pillows and blankets, in an all white room. Even the television, bracketed to the wall before him, was white, with a white screen.

_Is this where they place people that they want to torture information out of?_

Bruce sat on the white chair, by his bedside, plucking electrodes off his own head.

“I managed to divert the frequency to this room.”

“Impressive,” Tony said.

“Well, it did take me a good six hours. It also gave me a bit of privacy to work through the programme and your memories.”

“What did you see?” Tony said, feeling the blood rush to the surface of his face.

_Maybe I don’t want to know._

 “Nothing concrete. Just flashes. I deliberately bypassed the traumatic memories. Those, I didn’t feel were the key to bringing you out of the coma. Particularly as it was those memories that put you in one.”

“Sounds like you’ve had a fun few days,” Tony felt relief wash over himself, in the realisation that Bruce didn’t know of his greatest humiliation.

Bruce smiled. “I’m just glad I managed to bring you back.”

_Bucky..._

Tony started plucking the electrodes from his head.

“What about Bucky?”

“He was placed back in cryo-freeze.”

“I need to talk to him. I need to go back under,” Tony moved his legs around to the edge of the bed.

“Woh! Tony, I really don’t think that it’s a good idea to-“

But Tony had already planted his feet on the ground and was slowly moving up to a standing position. He went to take a step forward, and then swooned back down onto the mattress.

“Damn....”

“Orthostatic hypotension. You’ve been in bed so long, you’re body isn’t exactly used to suddenly being in a standing position.”

“Yes I know that!” Tony said.

“You’re not going to give in, are you? Alright... before you head straight back into the very thing that caused you to fall into a coma to begin with, can I ask a favour?

“What would that be?” Tony said, moving his body up to sit at the edge of the bed. His legs still felt a bit wonky.

“Would you see Steve? He’s been incredibly worried for you....” Bruce frowned. 

“Alright, alright. Bring him in. But the condition is that I go under with Bucky again, straight after.”

“Do you really think that you-?“

“Them’s my terms,” Tony said, affixing a lopsided smirk to his face.

“Alright, just let me...” Shaking his head, Bruce walked to the door and stepped out. Feeling his heart inexplicably thump in his chest and his innards clench, Tony waited, drumming his fingers on the edge of the bed.

After about a minute, the doorknob  turned and Steve stepped into the room, looking unbearably handsome in a simple white t-shirt and grey pants.

“Damn, Tony I thought we’d-“

“Language!” Tony joked.

“T’Challa, he couldn’t pull you out, either of you. Your blood pressure was at such an insanely high level. When he eventually did, it was too late anyway, you were both trapped in the memory... Tony....” Steve’s face creased in an expression of absolute devastation. “I’m so sorry...”

Tony suddenly realised that he actually didn’t want to see Steve, had no desire to look into the absurdly pretty face of the man who now knew the truth of his degradation. He welcomed the rush of sudden fury that surged through his body.

“Why are you sorry? You haven’t done anything... oh except _everything_ that you did...Infact, maybe you should have just gone all the way, like those men in the cave did. At least then you could have said that you were _definitive_ in your attempts to destroy me.”

Steve’s face went deathly white. His eyes bulged, mouth hung open. He quickly turned and sped out of the room. Tony bit down, hard, on his bottom lip, licking at the resulting metallic blood.  The fury dissipated as swiftly as it had appeared, leaving only the ever present shame in its wake.

“Well?” He asked Bruce, who came back into the room, a few seconds later, telling himself he would deal with Steve at another time. The supersoldier was not his priority.

“Is everything ok? Steve looked pretty upset-“

_Not my priority right now!_

“So, can you organise it? I need to continue with Bucky. We were close. I know it. Look, with you monitoring me, I think, no, I _know_ it will all be fine.”

Bruce still looked unconvinced. “I’ll see what I can do.”

*  
“You ok?” Bruce asked, reaffixing the last of the electrodes to Tony’s forehead. “I’ll be right here, in this room, monitoring you. And T’Challa and Steve will also be monitoring, from the workroom.”

“All this surveillance. Where’s Edward Snowden when you need him? Oh that’s right, Russia,” Tony quipped. “Just don’t get angry, no matter what you see. I really don’t want to be placed into another coma, this time with every bone broken.”

“You’ll be fine. And I’ll be fine. Good luck, Tony.”

Tony closed his eyes.

Opened his eyes.

He stood on a desolate shoreline. The wind whipped the waves up with frothy vehemence, as it also penetrated the thin fabric his trousers and shirt, chilling his flesh with almost carnal intent. Tony allowed himself a few noises of discomfort, wrapping his arms around himself, before focusing on his task. He spied Bucky sitting merely a few metres ahead, looking rather bulky in a thick winter coat.

_Here we go._

Tony moved up and sat down beside him, settling himself in the greyish sand. For a moment, neither spoke. Tony drew his own legs up, wrapping his arms around them, in an attempt to curb his incessant teeth chattering and all-over body shivering.

“After the whole helicarrier incident, I spent a long time, searching the world, trying to escape I guess,” Bucky said. “This was one of my favourite spots. So peaceful. I could just come here and just not think. Not remember.”

“Where are we, Bucky?”

“Northern Ireland. Near Ballycastle.”

“I actually don’t think I’ve come here. I’ve been to many places around the world but I don’t think I’ve actually come _here_. You’re right. Despite the feeling right now that my testicles have actually retreated back up into my body, it is a beautiful place.”

Bucky took off his coat and handed it to Tony. As soon as Tony pulled it on himself, he felt his outer chill instantly depart. It was as though he had been bathed in warm water.

“Thank you.”

Bucky nodded, continuing to stare forward, at the pounding waves.

“They never made me... I was programmed to assassinate and to take out anyone who got in the way. When they first tried to brainwash me, I fought. I almost escaped, too. They dragged me back in and when torture didn’t work, then they raped me. The first time. I still remember just how excruciating it was. It just hurt so much. It was like being in a waking nightmare. After that, whenever I fought the programming... then just whenever they wanted...” Bucky wiped a stray tear from his face. “Even in the brainwashing, a part of me knew that I didn’t want what was happening. I didn’t want to murder, or for them to... use me in such a horrific way. But,  I couldn’t break free.” He turned to face Tony directly. This time, when the tears fell, he didn’t bother to wipe them. “But then, in that last memory. I’d never seen it happen to another person before. All I wanted to do was to help you. You’ve been trying so hard to help me and for _that_ to then happen to you. No, it wasn’t right.”

The tears continued, running freely down his face now. Tony could not contain his amazement. To him, it was clear. The tears were not for Bucky’s suffering, but for his own.

 "Then, when they tried to brainwash me into... hurting you in that way...I couldn’t do it. No, I refused.”

Only now, did Bucky wipe the water from his face, with his sleeve.

“I want you to do something for me. I want you to say the words. Please, say the words.”

“If this is what you need?”

“Yes, do it, please, Tony.”

Tony searched his mind for the Russian that he’d learnt, just for this. “Longing. Rusted. Seventeen. Daybreak. Furnace. Nine. Benign. Homecoming. One.” He paused, resisting the urge to start backing away. “Freight car.”

Bucky simply continued to stare back at him. His expression had not changed.

“See? Nothing.”

Tony felt sudden excitement explode in his chest. He pointed at the sand nearby.

“Pick up a handful of that sand and put it in your pocket.”

Bucky looked down at the sand then back again. “Come on, you can do better than that!”

“Disable me, then. I am your enemy. Disable me.”

Bucky shook his head.

“It was... beyond terrible watching them... hurt you. All that kept running through my mind was that I never want to hurt anyone ever again. Especially _you_ , the one trying so hard to help me, despite the horror that I've caused you, in the past.”

“We did it, didn’t we?” Tony gasped, still trying to comprehend what had just happened. It was as though Bucky had just told him that one plus one equalled pi, or that Steve planned to jump naked out of a birthday cake for Tony’s next birthday...

Thankful that the others could not see what he was thinking, while in the memory, Tony quickly stored _that_ image away for a later time.

_Does this mean that Bucky is cured? All it took was me being veritably raped again by a memory and then falling into a coma!_

“No, you did it. You did it,” Bucky said.

*

“...freight car,” T’Challa was just finishing, as Tony ambled into the room, still feeling as through his feet were weight down with cement.

“Can you please order me to ingest a really big juicy hamburger?” Bucky said. “Because that’s what I’m truly craving, right now.”

“You really... it really worked...” Steve said, sounding as shocked as Tony had been.

Seeing Tony, Bruce raced over and placed is arm around him, helping him to a nearby chair.

“I still don’t think we’re entirely out of the proverbial woodwork, yet,” Tony said. Both Steve and T’Challa spun around to face him. Steve’s face flushed bright red and he averted his eyes from Tony’s.

“I agree,” Bucky said. “I am no longer conditioned but I’m still-“

“A bit messed up?” Tony smiled.

“Exactly.”

“Whatever you need, Bucky,” T’Challa said. For a moment, Bucky looked at him, as though he’d never seen him before.

“I think a start would be for you to see a really good therapist,” Tony said, glancing at Bruce.

“I told you before, I’m not that kind of doctor!”

“I still could be dangerous. This is why I want to be put back on ice for most of the day.”

“Bucky-“ Steve began.

“But it would be good to keep working on my mind. Maybe three or four hours a day, I could... try and develop a bit of a life again.”

“With your permission, I would like to continue with the research into the workings of your mind,” T’Challa asked. “We don’t have to necessarily use Tony Stark’s programme, simple brain scans and cognitive therapy would suffice.”

“You helped de-programme me,” Bucky said. “Whatever you need.”

“Do you think it’s ok to be released?” Steve asked.

T’Challa rushed over and released Bucky from his restraints. As Steve then came up to him and enveloped him in his arms, Bucky looked straight at Tony and mouthed ‘thanks’. Tony noticed the fact that he could only hug Steve with his one arm and inwardly squirmed,  telling himself that was something he could definitely work on.

“You don’t have to  go back in straight away, do you? I mean you don’t need to...?” Steve asked.

“Please tell me you have a hamburger...” Bucky begged T’Challa.

“I’d rather not stay and watch this lovefest. Bruce, want to come with me and talk science stuff that would bore the others to tears?”

Bruce glanced over to Steve and Bucky. Steve was conspicuously looking in the other direction, to Tony.

“Sure.”

*

“Can you comprehend the implications here, Tony?” Bruce said, his voice rising, with his excitement. “Particularly in regards to dementia, long-term brain injury, Parkinson’s, MS.... The list goes on!”

“Of course I do,” Tony said and then smiled. It occurred to him that the past few hours, simply sitting on his infirmary bed, with Bruce opposite, brainstorming and talking scientific breakthroughs, was the happiest that he’d felt, in a while.

“What is it?”

“I’m just... I’m glad you’re back.”

Bruce smiled back. “So am I.”

For a moment, both continued grinning at each other, before a knock on the door startled them from their bonding moment.

“If you can break down Fermat‘s Last Theorem, then we’ll allow you in this room,” Tony called out.

Steve opened the door, bearing the same expression that he had held, when Tony had first seen him, after arriving in Wakanda.

“I’ll er.... I’ll go get something to eat,” Bruce said, standing up so quickly that the chair went flying across the room, slamming into the wall opposite.

“How is Bucky?” Tony asked, after hearing the slamming door, signalling Bruce’s swift departure.

“Good. Resting.”

“Understandable. He’s pretty much mentally performed the equivalent of taking on the Hulk with a toothpick.”

“Tony, I-“ Steve began but Tony cut him off, standing to face him.

“Ok, maybe what I said before went a bit too far. OK it _definitely_ went too far.”

“You accused me before of being arrogant. You told Peter Parker that I was arrogant enough to be dangerous. You were right. I was. I’m sorry, Tony. In regards to the accords, I still believe I did the right thing. I won’t regret saving Bucky. Fighting you, keeping the truth of your parents' death from you. That was wrong. I’ll admit that. I’ve never lost control like that before. It scared me.”

Even when admitting fault, Steve came across as irritatingly noble.

“Honestly, just forget I said it. I was just... I wasn’t thinking straight. I lashed out at you.”

Steve took a step closer. “I’m here if you ever want to talk about-“

To shut him up, Tony cupped his chin and drew his face close to his, mashing their lips together, as his tongue hungrily explored inside his mouth. Steve pulled back.

“Tony, I don’t know if this is...”

“Damn, you are one beautiful man,” Tony said, running his hands over the defined muscles, hidden beneath Steve’s shirt.

“If I hurt you again...”

“Sh...” Tony reached around his waist and pulled him close, thrusting their bodies together, as he leant forward to kiss his lightly stubbled neck. “It’s ok.”

“Tony...what do you want? What do you need?”

Tony pulled back and smiled up at him.

“The complete list could take years to explain. But, for now...”

He leant forward and they touched lips once more, Steve’s tongue felt electric in his mouth. Tony moaned. Never had the supersoldier showed such passion before.

_He must be pretty pleased about Bucky’s breakthrough._

 Tony reached down, gripping Steve’s ass, as he pushed him even further forward, until he felt all of Steve’s warmth against his. Steve’s erection pressed into his thigh.

_Tony continued to struggle, to kick and punch at them. They simply grabbed his flailing arms and legs and held them. One man laughed, knelt down and lay half over him, pressing his erection into his thigh, as a prelude of atrocities to come._

_No no not now not now. This is Steve!_

_“I think my men are going to enjoy this.”_

Only, it was too late.

Tony pulled away from him, wheezing.

“Tony, I’m sorry-“

“Stop blaming yourself this isn’t you, you idiot!” Tony gasped. It wasn’t as terrible as his earlier panic attack. At least with this one he could breathe... sort of. He could feel the stress levels within him rise, the adrenaline racing, with fanatical zeal, out of his adrenal medulla, to play havoc with his body.

_Just... calm down. It’s ok. Remember what T’Challa said. Breathe. In out. In out._

He reached up and placed his hand on Steve’s chest, imagining the strong heart there, the blood being pumped out of the valuable muscle, around his body, giving him his life essence, his vitality.

_In. Out. Breathe._

_Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud._

_Powerful, life giving organ._

_Breathe._

Finally, little by little, Tony calmed himself down. He looked up, to Steve staring back down at him.

“I’m sorry I called you an idiot.”

“You’re ok now, Tony?”  Steve placed a hand over Tony’s. Tony could feel his massive chest move up and down, with each breath. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to zen out, to the gentle motion.

_Steve, my own personal meditation app._

 “Tony I...I’m a very old fashioned type person when it comes to relationships.”

Tony reopened his eyes.

“You? Now that is a shock! What are you going to tell me next? That Hitler actually won the war?”

“What’s happening between us here?”

“We’re two men with a strong physical connection. Nothing wrong with that!”

“Tony...I...I er...” Steve pulled away, suddenly looking rather fidgety.

“Alright, what’s wrong? You’re getting all antsy. And, in turn, that’s making me feel antsy. And I don’t like feeling antsy!”

“Do you want to... go to dinner with me? Maybe tonight?”

Tony blinked.

“You’re asking me out on a...date?”

Tony had never seen that particular shade of red gradually discolouring Steve’s face before.

“You are...excruciatingly adorable. Sure, why not? Sounds fun.”

Steve’s face broke out into a genuine smile. “We can’t exactly leave the facility. But we could get T’Challa’s chef to cook us up a good meal. T’Challa said he’d make sure no one else entered the dining room.”

“Hold on, you’ve already discussed this with T’Challa? What did you say to him?”

“Well, actually he said it to me. He said if I wanted to have a romantic dinner with you, then just to tell him and he’d make sure we had privacy.”

“So this was before or after me reliving the worst memory of my life?”

Steve frowned, seeming to think carefully through his next words.

“I don’t want to pressure you in any way. I just thought I want to show you that I care for you. Bucky is my best friend, yes, but you...It’s not about the physical for me... not entirely. I want to... give you a nice memory. I’m not saying it will erase all the traumatic memories. But I thought one evening of good dinner and conversation would be fun, for the both of us.”

“So that’s it? Just dinner and conversation?”

“Well, I was hoping for a bit more kissing. But only if you’re comfortable with it.”

“Aha! So it is about the physical, then!”

“You’re gorgeous, Tony,” Steve said, in a very matter-of-fact way. “But that’s just one aspect of you that I find... adorable.”

“Mm hm.... and a few months before, when you slammed your shield into my reactor. Was I _adorable_ to you then?”

Steve actively winced.

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t...”

Why was he determined to keep punishing Steve? How much grovelling did Steve have to do, for Tony to accept that he truly was sorry?

“I don’t want to hurt you, Tony. When I saw what those animals were doing to you in the memory-“

Tony’s entire body suddenly felt as though he’d been hit with an electrical current. He felt the ghost of unwanted lips on his neck, unwanted hands travelling over his body, touching parts that he did not give them permission to touch, the excruciation lower down, with every unwelcome forceful movement within him.

“No! You don’t talk about it, alright? You don’t mention it again. We just forget that it ever happened.”

“Tony you’re shaking...”

“I’m fine, alright? This is not your business. Just let it go. Or the date is off.”

“Ok, Tony. Whatever you want. And I’m not saying that because of the date. If you don’t want to talk about it, then that’s ok. You’re right. It’s up to you, to decide that, not me.”

“I think you should leave.”

“Alright, Tony.” Tony felt his stomach twist at the the slight melancholy, in Steve’s voice.

He heard footsteps, followed by the door opening.

“Steve?”

Steve turned back to look at him.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, there’s nothing to be sorry for. Should I swing by your room at six?”

“Sounds good.”

“I’d better go check on Bucky, anyway. We’ll have a good time tonight, Tony, you’ll see.”

“It is me! That makes it guaranteed.”

Steve shook his head, laughing, and left the room, the door swinging shut behind him. As soon as he left, Tony felt all of his mirth disappear.

_Why did this happen to me?_

Tony sat down hard on the bed, unable to cease the sudden tears from running down his face. He had been hurt. Five men had taken from him a part of himself that they had no right to take. This was never meant to happen. Not to him. Not to strong, intelligent, high-functioning Tony Stark.

A knock on the door sounded before the handle twisted open. Bruce came in and, upon seeing Tony’s tears,  rushed to his friend, the door slamming behind him.

“Tony what’s wrong? What happened? Did Steve-?”

Tony shook his head, wiping at his eyes and nose, as Bruce knelt before him.

“Is it... is it the memories?”

Tony looked into Bruce’s warm calm brown eyes and felt something break inside him.

_They hurt me, Bruce. Me. How can I even begin to...?_

_“But you will never tell them about this, will you, Mr. Stark?”_

 “I never told anyone... not Pepper... not Rhodes...”

Bruce didn’t reply, simply continued to hold his eyes, his face displaying utter trust and compassion.

“The memory that caused me to go into the coma... It was when I was captured in Afghanistan.”

_I’m just so tired of feeling ashamed._

“ My captors... they raped me, Bruce. The bastards raped me.”

He then broke down, sobbing into his hands, a deep well of pain and anguish pouring out, as he felt Bruce’s arms go around his back, Bruce’s calming words.

“Let it out, I’m here... I’m here for you...I’m here...”

Tbc...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Steve go on their date.

Bruce continued to embrace Tony until the last of his tears had ceased. For his part, Tony could not remember the last time someone had hugged him in a completely platonic way, that wasn’t going to lead on to sex. It made the warm contact from Bruce seem all the more genuine; his friend wanted nothing from Tony, but was willing to be there for him, to help soothe his anguish.

Furthermore, as soon as he became restless and started squirming, Bruce instantly pulled away, respecting Tony’s desire to no longer be touched.

Tony looked down at his broad, weathered hands, sitting so primly in his lap, as he tried to work through the sensations racing through his body; exhaustion, mainly, followed secondly by underlying humiliation. He heard Bruce stand up and walk to the far left corner. The sound of water running followed, then Bruce’s footsteps returning.

“Here, take this.”

 Tony took the proffered paper cup off him and took a sip of the water inside.

“Well, that was a bit Days of Our Lives of me, wasn’t it?”

Bruce sat down on the bed beside him, deliberately, it seemed, putting some space between them.

“You weren’t being in the least bit melodramatic, Tony. You’ve suffered a great many traumas in your life. Being raped is not exactly something one comes to terms with easily. However you react, is right for you.”

“What about my reaction of wanting to kill Bucky, after learning that he was the one who killed my parents?”

“Wanting vengeance is a very _human_ reaction. Whether it’s a _right_ reaction is more of an ethical debate.”

“See, you _are_ a good therapist!”

_Even so, I don’t think any therapist can help me. Depressing thought._

Tony took another sip of the water.

“The doctors and nurses and the hospital... they knew. Of course, they were the ones who examined me, fixed some of the damage, tested me for STDs. I’ve been tested a lot for STDs over the years. But waiting out _that_ year, to be completely clear. It just felt disgusting, the thought that they might have also passed something on to me. Thankfully, they didn’t,” Tony closed his eyes, recalling the words, written with such cold disregard, in the hospital report. “I made the hospital destroy the part of the report that talked about anal trauma.”

Bruce winced. Tony couldn’t blame him. When he’d read the words, he’d dry retched.

“Rhodes... he suspected, at the time, that something more had happened, other than the physical torture. He _still_ suspects.”

“Rhodes is a pretty canny guy. Plus he knows you well.”

“Well, yes, that is true... You heard what happened to him?”

Bruce grimaced and nodded.

“He’s walking again, thanks to my brilliance. Still, it shouldn’t have happened to begin with. None of this should have happened.”

“I would have helped in the fight, but I was a long way away. Even if I did come back, I doubt I would have fought on your side.”

“Yes, Natasha and I figured as such.” Tony paused. “Where did you go, Bruce?”

“Actually, I was with Thor.”

Tony’s brow rose. “Asgard? You went to Asgard? Wow, I have so many questions.”

“Well, I’ll tell you one thing. Loki is.... something else...” Bruce shook his head.

“Well, _I’ll_ say one thing for old Reindeer Games, he is pretty gracious in defeat.”

“Tony...” Bruce’s face changed from bemusement to serious in one micro-expression. “I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything at all. I won’t judge you, alright?”

Tony frowned, debating whether to tell Bruce about Steve.

_Screw it!_

“I’m going on a date with Steve tonight.”

Bruce stared at him, incredulously, for a moment, and then laughed, shaking his head.

_Hm... not exactly the reaction I was expecting._

“Why does this make complete sense, when it comes to you? So, let me get this straight. You’re going on a date with a man you were fighting against merely two months before, after then having a breakthrough in trying to de-programme said man’s brainwashed best friend, who was responsible for the deaths of your parents. Yep, this is pure Tony Stark.”

“What can I say? I don’t think I have a brake pedal, in life.”

“And that’s part of why we hold such affection for you,” Bruce said.

Tony allowed Bruce’s kind words to nestle in and warm his insides.

“Alright, enough of this cutesiness. I’m starving. Let’s see what treat Jelani can cook us up, in the kitchen.”

*

Jelani's culinary delights never disappointed. For lunch, that day, T’Challa’s head chef created a slow cooked, spicy stew with marinated, tender chicken, wrapped in a banana leaf.

“This is wonderful! What do you call it?” Tony asked Jelani, who, upon his request, had come out of the kitchen to see him.

“It is called Kedjenou. It is a very popular dish, back in the Cote d’Ivoire.”

“So that’s where you come from?”

“I was, indeed, born there. My father is from there, my mother from here. My family would go back and forth from Wakanda and the Cote d’Ivoire. My mother was the head chef here, you see, for the royal family. When she died, I then moved here permanently and took over her duties.”

“Well, you certainly have great skill,” Tony said, glancing at Bruce, who was too busy stuffing the food in his face, to answer. “My friend agrees.”

Bruce nodded, attempting to smile without showing the chicken breast that he was currently chewing.

For a moment, after Jelani moved away, Tony simply watched Bruce. He didn’t want to ask the question that had steadily been encroaching upon other thoughts all afternoon, in case the answer was one that he didn’t want to hear.

How long was Bruce staying?

His dim hope, was that if Bruce wasn’t asked the question, then he’d not think about leaving.  Tony was aware that he was being utterly selfish and, in some ways, childish, but he couldn’t help  feeling possessive over Bruce, wanting desperately for him to stay, even if it was for just a little bit longer.

_Yes, Tony you’re truly making strides into going back to the independent, virile man you were six months before._

“Ok you’re looking unhappy again. What’s wrong?” Bruce asked.

“I don’t know if you... if you wanted to stay for a bit longer... It’s not a big deal or anything.”

“Tony, I’m not going to leave you. Not right now. You need a good friend. I’m here.”

In that instant, the door, leading to the dining room burst open and Steve came in, looking rather pale.

“Tony, can I talk to you?” He said, upon reaching their table.

“Sure, but don’t expect me to depart from this exquisite meal.”

Steve glanced back to the door, to Tony, then Bruce, then back to Tony again.

“I... something just happened... with Bucky.”

Tony’s fork hit the table with a clang. “What’s wrong?”

“No, it’s nothing....You have a rapport with him. Can you speak to him?”

“And what am I speaking to him about?”

Steve glanced at Bruce again, then back to Tony, before visibly straightening himself.

“I told him of my preference for other men.”

“Bucky has an issue with this?” _Oh... Bucky that seriously wounds me._ “I never took him to be the type to be homophobic, or biphobic. I know he was from the nineteen forties, like you but still... that’s disappointing.”

“What happened?” Bruce asked.

“He insisted that it couldn’t be true. Kept saying ‘why would you tell me this?’ then he called me a pervert.” There was no doubting the clear hurt pouring out of those green/blue irises.

_Damn, Bucky..._

 “Bucky has had forced relations with men,” Bruce said. “It makes sense to me that he’d be a bit confused, thinking that it happened because men were attracted to him, and therefore gay.”

“As opposed to just violent abusive dicks with a power complex,” Tony finished.

_Actually, that does make sense, in a really messed up way._

“Exactly!”

Tony frowned down at the half-finished meal.

“Tell them not to take this. I’m coming back for it.”

*

He easily found Bucky in the work-room, seated on the ground and staring up at the cryo-chamber. T’Challa was nowhere to be seen.

_Well, he does have a country to run. Can’t spend all his time tending to traumatized ex-super-Hydra-soldiers._

“I wish they’d never taken me out, to begin with,” Bucky said.

Tony came over and sat down next to him.

“I suppose Steve talked to you, told you what he told me. That he is a homosexual.”

“Bucky, I’m also...I’m what’s known as bisexual. I am equally attracted to both women and men.”

Bucky’s blue eyes widened. “You?”

“Yes, me. I know you’ve been in and out of the ice for a long time. But at this time, in history, it’s totally fine to be whatever you want. You want to dress up in a furry animal costume and have sex with other people in furry animal costumes, fine!” Tony’s brows creased. “I don’t quite understand that one, myself, but each to their own. The rule is, as long as it’s safe and consensual, nonviolent, and doesn’t involve children or animals, then people can do whatever they want, sexual wise, that is.”

“How can you say this, when you were also raped, by more than one man?”

“Because wanting to exert that kind of power over another human being, is not a form of sexuality! Steve is attracted to other men, so what? So am I. Do you honestly believe that either of us would harm another human being, the way that Hydra harmed you, the way that those terrorists in the cave harmed me?”

Bucky’s entire face widened, in a horrored scowl. “No! Of course not!”

“Yes, I’m attracted to other men. I’ve even had sexual relations with other men. Every time, it was very much consensual, and me and my partner had a very fun time. Those men raped you because they wanted to hurt another human being. Whether they were gay, straight, omnisexual, secretly attracted to horses, had nothing to do with it!”

Bucky seemed to consider what Tony was saying.

“Oh no, I called Steve a pervert!”

“I’m sure he’ll forgive you.”

“I didn’t mean to say those words. I’m just so messed up! I know Steve is not in the least like the men who hurt me.”

“Yes, well you’ve been through a lot. I think you’re allowed to be messed up.”

Bucky considered Tony a moment. “You know I’m really starting to like you, a lot.”

“Mutual,” Tony said.

“Now, if it was _you_ that he was attracted to, then actually, he would completely have my blessing.”

Tony favoured him with a half smirk. Bucky’s subsequent jaw drop was, in Tony’s opinion, rather endearing.

“Really? Well, he always did have great taste. Look at his  best friend!”

“True, on both counts. Actually, now I think about it, today, he may have been working towards telling you about me.”

“Oh... so you’re both...”

“Not really, at least not yet...”

“This is a lot to get my head around.”

“It’s ok. Take your time.”

Bucky stood up. “I need to see Steve, apologize for acting like such a jerk.”

*

The toilet was, thankfully, not too far from the dining room. Feeling still a little wobbly in his legs, Tony excused himself from the dining table and started the tedious movement over to the bathroom, ignoring Bruce’s offer to help him. After what seemed, to him, like an exorbitant amount of time, he pushed open the door and ambled over to the urinal, sighing in satisfaction, as he emptied his bladder. He then pressed the flush button and moved to the sinks, looking into the mirror, as he washed his hands.

_Well, hello Castaway._

 His facial hair had grown considerably, in the past three days. Fair enough, he thought, considering that he had not been awake to meticulously groom it.  Although, the truth was that he had been rather lazy, the entire week, when it came to personal grooming. He was, after all, attempting to wade through the rather traumatic, and familiar, memories of his ex- enemy. His appearance simply had not been a priority. Although Tony considered himself to be a rather vain person, it never was, when he was working.

Looking at now, at this lank head hair and patchy facial hair, he decided that the date with Steve, later that night was a good opportunity, to indulge in some sprucing up.

*

Ever punctual, Steve knocked on Tony’s room door at precisely six pm. Tony stood up, from the armchair by the bed, putting the book he’d been reading on the cushion’s surface and stepped across the room.

Tony then unlocked and opened the door, to the supersoldier standing on the other end, wearing a decidedly less flashy suit, than his own.

_Glad I’m not the only one absurdly dressed up. This may have been a little awkward if Steve had come dressed in jeans and a t-shirt._

 Upon seeing him, Steve’s eyes widened a little.

“Wow, Tony... you look great!”

“I know,” Tony grinned. He had, after all, made the grooming effort, intensely washing and scrubbing himself and using the expensive shampoo and conditioner that guaranteed the kind of shiny, silky looking hair that was usually only possible with a hairdresser. For the first time in ten years, he had decided to shave off his facial hair, and was rather pleased with the results. It cut a good ten years off his age. The Armani suit, that he’d brought along, specifically for the fundraiser that never eventuated, was classic black, with a much brighter, wider red tie than Steve’s. Tony had no doubt he looked utterly divine.

“I mean it, you really look really handsome.”

“You’re not telling me something that is in anyway a shock to me. I know how good I look.”

Steve rolled his eyes and shook his head. “It’s always a pleasure to see that incredible humility of yours.”

“I don’t need to tell you that you look incredibly handsome because you _always_ look handsome. You see, you telling me that I look incredibly handsome, implies that I don’t usually look at as good as this.”

“Tonight you’ve made an effort and its paid off. But actually, I think you’re at your most handsome in a t-shirt and jeans.”

Tony smiled. Steve had just said exactly what he wanted to hear.

“Shall we go?”

*

Steve frowned as he puzzled over the menu, seeming to take a long time. Tony had already ordered the Chateau Lafite 1865 and seared Chilean seabass with potato and was a little perturbed as to what the issue was.

“How about the seabass?” Tony offered.

“I really don’t know... it looks good... but...” He could see the thin line of sweat along Steve’s forehead.

“He’ll have the seabass,” Tony decided for him.

“Excellent choice,” the waiter said, moving away.

“Sorry, Steve but you were taking an extraordinary long time.”

“Tony, this menu is expensive. I know we said we’d pay tonight, but-“

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll pay.”

Tony-“ Steve gave him that ‘Ohnodon’tyoudare!’ look that was not in the least bit intimidating. If anything, Tony found it to be rather cute.

“You’re a poor guy from the Brooklyn and I’m a billionaire. I’ll pay.”

“Tony, if we’re going to do this, then you are not going to pay for everything.”

“So you’re not going to be my ‘kept man’? It’s ok, Steve. I wouldn’t expect to pay for everything. I know you. Just let me pay, just for tonight.”

Steve visibly relaxed. “Ok but just for tonight.”

*

The seabass was undoubtedly exquisite but Tony barely touched it. Steve’s plate was also only half eaten.

“... so I was stuck, dangling from the tree. And the cat, it turns out wasn’t so stuck after all. It actually climbed down and just sat just above me, watching,” Steve was laughing. Tony started to laugh along with him. It occurred to him, in all of the years that he had known Steve, he had never seen him so relaxed. Steve picked up his red wine glass and took a sip. “So Bucky rushed off to find someone to help. And this woman from around the corner, Mrs. Templeton, she came past and looked up and saw me and just shook her head and said ‘Always the troublemaker’ then kept on walking leaving me there, stuck up the tree!”

Tony laughed even harder. “Oh yes, you are a true troublemaker!”

*

“This was long before I became Iron Man. I decided to try go into film finance. I had no idea what I was doing. I picked this one action-comedy film. The director was a friend of mine, at the time. Actually, it was him who begged me to help him finance it. Just the usual revenge flick about a guy avenging the death of his family. It’s probably good you weren’t around in the early two-thousands. It was a complete flop. Didn’t make back half its money. That was my last foray into financing films.”

“Sorry, Tony,” Steve said, looking as though he truly meant it.

Tony’s lips curled up into a slight smile.

_How quaint. He seems genuinely upset that I failed in a silly little venture that was doomed to failure, anyway, from the beginning._

*

“Buck, he can speak at least a dozen languages. I’d be happy just to learn two or three. Spanish. Chinese. Maybe something Northern European like Finnish,” Steve said.

“I admire the gumption, but you’ve certainly got your work cut out for you. You couldn’t pick more difficult languages to learn.”

"I do like a challenge."

"Yes, I've noticed that," Tony said.

*

“I talk to myself... a lot...I mean not really to myself, but more to my machines. But it’s really talking to myself.”

“What do you say to them?”

“Lots of things. I ask them how their day is going. Whether I should get a cat. Whether Hollywood will ever actually remake the Star Wars prequels. They all have names, you know. I am the emperor of anthropomorphism.”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s where one treats an object like it’s as person.”

“Huh! You really do learn something new every day.”

*

The waiter picked up the empty plates off the table. Tony realised that he barely even cognised eating the food. They had talked in a way that they never had, while working together as Avengers. Perhaps the reason was that most of that time involved discussing the tactics of their next mission. Tonight, however, they covered a variety of topics, from fun or interesting anecdotes from their past, to favourite music (Tony had a lot of suggestions for Steve’s ‘list’) favourite movies (Steve had not seen Apocalypse Now, causing a rather irate Tony to insist on having a movie night the very next night, to remedy the situation) to their predictions for the upcoming election (Tony was not the least surprised to discover that Steve was, in essence, a Democrat. Steve seemed more surprised to hear that Tony was a swing voter). Tony noticed that they tended to steer clear of the headier topics, in particular the accords or Tony’s trauma, for which he was rather grateful.

“Excellent, excellent meal!” Tony said, taking his credit card off the waiter.

“Yes! Fantastic!” Steve was a little red in the cheeks. Tony was certain it was courtesy of the empty bottle of red wine before them.

“Let’s do something crazy...” Steve said, a peculiar glint in his eyes.

“And what would that be?”

For a moment, the blue withahintofgreen eyes just stared at him, a half smile playing on the full lips.

“Bruce, he discovered a way to use your programme to enact positive memories. I would love to go in with you, and show you the nineteen forties.”

A more responsible person than Tony, perhaps Bruce or Bucky, would have turned down the suggestion. After all, Tony’s creation had not exactly yielded positive memories. For Tony, however, it sounded like a great idea.

*

Tony affixed the final electrode to Steve’s forehead, and then sat down in the chair beside him.

“Let’s just hope no one comes in. This is going to look very strange, indeed. Ok, like I told you. You need to close your eyes and focus on the particular memory.”

Steve nodded.

“Alright.”

Tony leant forward and switched on the programme, then closed his eyes and waited, counting to sixty in his head.

He opened his eyes, to see a stream of images flashing by, so fast they were simply a blur of colour.

“Focus, Steve. Focus.” Tony then closed his eyes and counted to thirty.

When he opened them again, he was standing in the middle of a street, with a row of brownstone houses to his left and right. It took him more than a few seconds to realise what was wrong with the view. Usually, the area would be streaming with traffic and people. He saw a couple of teenagers, dressed in knee length A-line skirts and fitted tops, walking into a candy store on the far right corner. A newsstand, a few metres up on the left, showed a headline declaring ‘Europe On Brink of War’. The location had a friendly, homely vibe about it, from the neighbours chatting across the low fences to one another, a few houses up, to the clothes, strung across a clothesline from one house to another, down the other side of the road. This was so unlike the New York that Tony knew, that he found himself momentarily speechless.

“Steve! This is-“

“I know,” Steve smiled.

“I mean, fantastic!”

Steve tugged at his jacket sleeve and led him around a corner, to a smelly, trash littered alley.

_This is not so fantastic._

“This alleyway right here was where I was beaten up one day, after telling a guy in a cinema to shut up. Bucky came and literally kicked the guy’s ass.”

“I still can’t get my head around the fact that you were once a puny little guy.”

A slight smile tilted Steve’s lips, although there was melancholy in his eyes. “I’m remembering now my dad. He was a big lumbering kind of guy, but with the gentlest heart.”

“Sounds like someone I know. You must miss him. Miss them both. I’m sorry, Steve, I never considered the fact that you lost your parents too.”

“I just wanted to show you the area. But I couldn’t see them, or Bucky, for that matter. Not now. I was... certainly a lot smaller then.” He circled around Tony. “Dad used to play this game, with me. I’d be in the kitchen, deciding what to eat and he would come up behind and-“

He suddenly tapped Tony on the shoulder. “You’re it!”

Steve then turned and bolted out of the alley. Tony instantly realised what he had to do. He had to chase.

He spun around and sprinted after Steve. It occurred to him that this was not particularly fair. Tony was fit but Steve was a supersoldier. Tony ran down two blocks, before realising that he had no idea where Steve was. He spun around, looking at the disturbingly similar houses (could one of these be where Steve was born?), when Steve ran out from between two houses a good thirty metres up. Tony grinned and started to chase him, once more. Both raced directly up the middle of the street. They reached the end and Steve slowed down, allowing Tony to catch up to him. He reached out to touch him, and Steve ducked and swerved, running diagonally now to the side. Tony went to go after him but skidded and almost fell down to one knee. Steve stopped, spun around and looked back at him, grinning.

“You won’t catch me, you know, Tony...”

“Oh don’t you worry. I will.”

Tony charged him. Steve laughed and sprinted up another alley, monkeying up a ladder leaning against the lane’s brick wall. Tony followed, moving swiftly up the ladder, before sprinting along the roof beyond. Steve then turned back and looked to him, once more. He didn’t appear the least out of breath. Tony, however, was panting wildly. This was utterly unfair, totally ridiculous and childish.

Tony was having a great time.

This time, when Steve went to swerve to the side, Tony managed to grab him and pull him down. There was a loud crash, as both slammed into the brickwork, dislodging some of the bricks.

“Got you,” He said, lightly whacking Steve’s shoulder. “Got you,” he whacked the other shoulder.  “Do you know what my mum used to do, when I was really little?” Tony asked. “This!”

He placed his fingers on Steve’s ribs and started to tickle him mercilessly. Steve squirmed and half-screamed, half-giggled.

“Do you yield? Huh, do you yield?”

“Yes! Yes I yield!”

Tony stopped and moved off him. Both looked at each other and then burst out laughing.

“Alright, my turn, now,” Tony said. “My memory.”

*

Being a billionaire certainly had more than a few advantages. Ten years earlier, when Tony Stark decided that he wanted to see the Northern Lights, he commissioned for an environmentally sustainable cottage, to be built, on what Tony, through vigorous scientific research, deemed to be the optimum viewing spot. In return, Tony gave millions of dollars to the Norwegian government, and allowed the cottage to be used by visiting school groups when he wasn’t in the area, which was rather convenient for them, considering that Tony never came back, after that one viewing.

At the time, he had decided to go there alone, to allow for a few days of rare solitude. They had paid off, giving him a bit of insight into his own psyche. It was in this time that he discovered the calming effect that meditation gave.

Wondering why he didn’t meditate more often, considering the benefits that the practice had given to him, Tony opened his eyes to the memory. He was sitting in a rather fluffily cushioned wicker chair, on the cottage’s wide porch, looking directly out at the Northern Lights. Steve suddenly appeared beside him and gasped.

The aurora borealis was particularly beautiful that year, the rippling curtains of magnificent bright green and violet cascading across the inky night sky. Tony allowed himself to be overwhelmed by nature’s awesome display of power, taking Steve’s hand in his.

“There’s God’s power, right there,” Steve said, quietly.

“Or collisions between electronically charged particles entering the atmosphere... you, know, science.”

“Perhaps God created the electronically charged particles,” Steve said.

Tony didn’t reply. He wasn’t going to get into a debate about God, with Steve, particularly as he was an atheist.

“You know, I look at this and I think the world is not so bad a place,” Steve said. “This beautiful, fragile little green planet. I think all human beings just strive for some beauty in their lives. Even if it’s just a little. Doesn’t have to be grand like this. In the war, I saw so many just tiny acts of kindness and love between people. I saw at lot of terrible things, yes, but I also saw enough of humankind’s compassion to keep me going, to make me realise I was fighting the right fight.”

“You’re such an idealist,” Tony said. “To you, it’s not about changing the world to be a better place, it’s about allowing the world’s people, to see their potential. It’s nice. It’s something, I think that _I_ need more of.”

“You’re just as much as an idealist as I am. In fact, maybe more so. Look at the entire fiasco with the accords signing. You’re the one who put your faith in your fellow humans, despite knowing how flawed they are, even perhaps knowing how it would all end up. We may not always be on the same side, but you will always fight Tony, just like me. Maybe that’s why we argue so much. I think we’re more similar than we realise.”

Looking back to the shimmering light, Tony thought about what Steve was saying. He would always fight. This was true. Perhaps that was why, as much as he loved Pepper, it would never have worked out, in the long run. He simply wasn’t a ‘kids and white picket fence ‘Hi Honey, How was Work Today?’ ‘I’m putting in eighty hours a week at the office and it’s killing me’ kind of guy.

That could never be his future. His future, as with Steve’s, would always be about the fight, doing everything they could, to bring humanity closer to the height of what they could achieve.

Steve squeezed his hand tighter.

“The funny thing, is that, despite your posturing, I always considered you to be the most sensitive out of all of us. Things seem to affect you greater. Maybe because of that need in you to create a better humanity, even if sometimes you go about it the wrong way. There’s a vulnerability to you. Sometimes I think...”

“What?” Tony prompted.

“I think it needs to be protected. I would hate to see you lose it. Because it’s so fundamental to who you are. I remember, after we fought, just you sitting there, on the ground, looking up at me... the expression on your face...I wanted to tell you how sorry how was, ask for your forgiveness. But, at the time, I knew it was too late. Too much had happened.”

“Yes well you really did act like a complete _ass_.”

“I’m not excusing my behaviour... but you were trying to kill Bucky.”

“There’s always a ‘but’.”

Steve was silent for a while.

“I think that’s what draws me to you, that vulnerability. It’s beautiful, Tony. But it can also cause you to be self-defeating. People make mistakes. You’re not infallible. And that’s ok.”

“My mistakes tend to be bigger than others.”

“Because you have grander ambitions, and the money to see them through. So you tend to _fail_ bigger.”

“Doesn’t bring back the dead.”

“I guess it’s the whole conundrum, would you sacrifice one person to save thousands? I’ve gone through it so many times in my head and I don’t know the answer,” Steve said.

Both turned back to the lightshow.

“It would be nice to come back here, for real. Just take some time out from our idealism.”

“Yes, we can definitely make that happen.” Tony had not taken his eyes from the magnificent show before them. Feeling as though he was being watched, he turned his head, to see Steve looking at him, with a warm smile on his face. Steve cupped Tony’s chin. This time, the kiss was more chaste, than the ones before. They pulled away, naturally.

“I guess we should come out of the memory, now.”

Steve looked back to the northern sky, once more. “Yes, I guess so.”

Tony closed his eyes, opened them and found himself back in the work-room, with Steve beside him. He took the electrodes off his head and reached forward to switch off the programme.

“Thank you for that,” Steve said, taking off the last of his electrodes.

“Well,  I guess we...” Tony said, as both stood up.

“Sure,” Steve said.

Both started to walk towards the door.

“I was thinking of working on another invention, a new bionic arm for Bucky. Please ask him if there are any colours that he favours,” Tony said, wryly.

They stepped out of the room and continued down the corridor.

“Can you programme it to complete certain tasks? Like make a good omelette?”

“Sure! I could even design it to create and cook the omelette, within the brachial section of the arm.”

“No olives though.”

“You don’t like olives?” Why did I not know that?

“In omelettes? No, hate them!”

They turned the corner and walked up a little further, to arrive at Tony’s bedroom door.

“So, Apocalypse Now, tomorrow night,” Steve said.

Tony leant forward and pressed their lips together. This time, the kiss had a bit more heat to it. Both pulled apart, panting.

“Alright, where’s that damned key-?” Tony started fumbling in his pocket. “The room is a mess. You’ll just have to excuse-“

“Tony, I...” Steve put a hand on his arm. “I... I was just hoping for a kiss tonight.”

Tony finally located the key.

“And now you’ll get more. Lucky you.”

“I had an amazing night tonight-“

“It’s ok. I won’t disrespect you in the morning if you put out on the first date,” Tony jested.

“This is,” Steve bit his upper lip. “This is difficult. Because you’re incredibly handsome and I really want to... believe me... but I want to take it slow, for your sake.”

“For _my_ sake? Steve... I’m not some blushing virgin.”

“Neither am I, but-“

“Oh that’s a relief... who did you lose your V-plates to, out of interest?”

“It was another soldier, in the war.”

“Hm... anyway, you were explaining why you don’t want to have amazing sex with me?”

Steve grabbed his hand, brought it to his mouth and kissed it.

“I know all of this memory work with Buck has affected you. You’re dealing with some pretty heavy trauma of your own, at the moment. I do want to make love with you, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t want to push it.” He leant forward and gently kissed Tony on the lips. “Sleep well.”

“So I’m offering you...? I’ve just... I’ve never been turned down before.”

“Alright, I want you to answer honestly. Are you ready? As in truly? I don’t think you are.”

Tony felt unexpected tears prick the corner of his eyes.

_Great! Just great. This is exactly what I need, at this time. Damned stupid emotional trauma!_

“I’m sorry...”

“There is absolutely no need to apologize. Like I said, I had a great time tonight.”

“So did I.”

“So, Apocalypse Now, tomorrow night?”

“Sure .”

Steve started to walk away, then stopped and looked back.

“You know next time, you can tag me. I’d love to chase you all around the compound.”

Tony laughed. “When you’re least expecting it, Rogers...”

Steve flashed him his megawatt smile. “Sweet dreams, Tony.”

He turned back around, and walked away with a distinct jaunt in his step. Tony went into his room and locked the door behind himself, blinking a couple of times. He had offered up sex to Steve as a formality. After all, wasn’t that what one did, after the end of a good night with a hot new potential partner, when there was clear sexual tension between each other? It was certainly all that Tony knew to do. Only Steve had, correctly, known that Tony was ultimately not ready. Just that morning, he had been crying in Bruce’s arms about his own gang rape. Had Steve taken him up on the offer...

Tony shuddered. Perhaps Steve’s innate beauty and the sexual tension between them may have carried him through the most of it but there would have, undoubtedly, come a point where he would not be able to continue further, without bringing back painful memories.

In some ways, he shouldn’t have been too surprised. It was completely in Steve’s character to not wish to engage with Tony in a sexual relationship, when he wasn’t ready.

Still, Tony thought, as he started removing the tuxedo. Maybe it’s a good excuse to really start working on moving past my trauma.

Tbc...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the author's attempt to try build up the Stony relationship more, with recognition that the focus has not exactly been on that, in the past four chapters :) As for Steve and Tony's personal tastes (such as 'Apocalypse Now', for Tony), I did think hard about what I believe they would like.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dating Steve Rogers isn't exactly working out the way Tony expected.  
> Meanwhile Bucky is finding it hard to cope. There are still a few things he is too ashamed to tell the others about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who are reading/kudoing/commenting.
> 
> As mentioned, I had this mainly planned out but it seems to be taking another direction. Am just going to keep going with it, see where it takes me :)

Tony strolled into the work-room, butter from the croissant in his hand running down his palm, to behold an interesting sight. Bruce and Steve, standing to the back of the room, near the cryo-pod, appeared to be in intense conversation. Bruce's arms were folded, his usually genial face now expressing clear aggravation.

_Hm... be careful there, Bruce. Don’t want our favourite green monster to come out..._

 Steve, standing directly opposite, was favouring Bruce with the patented ‘Roger’s Stare’ that he tended to give people when he was in ‘serious mode’.

Tony was so intrigued by the two men, that he didn’t notice Bucky walking towards him, from the side, until he was within a few metres. The younger man shot Tony a half grin and gestured for him to follow him out into the corridor.

“What’s that about” Tony asked, taking a bite out of the croissant, trailing after Bucky.

“Bruce is giving Steve ‘the talk’ about you.”

“The talk?”

“The ‘intentions’ talk, from what I gather. As in what are his intentions with you?”

Tony inwardly snarled.

_Bruce... really?_

“Do you know what I love? I absolutely adore it, when people treat me like I am a complete _idiot_ , like I can’t be trusted to have any say whatsoever in what happens in my life. Yes, it makes my day!” Tony turned, to go back into the room to tell Bruce exactly what he thought about his ‘talk’ with Steve, but was stopped by Bucky’s light touch on his arm.

“He’s trying to be a good friend, trying to protect you,” Bucky appeared bemused by Tony’s outburst.

“For the holiness that is science, I must be a damned endangered species!”

“So... how did it go, last night?”

“It was fine,” Tony said, warily.

  _As long as you’re fine with us being together._

“You know, even before he was given the serum, there would always be jokes about Steve being... interested in men. I should have guessed the truth. I don’t know why I didn’t. So you and Steve are really...?”

 “I don’t know what we are, exactly,” Tony admitted.

Bucky frowned and looked away, down the corridor, expression suddenly tense.  Tony swivelled his head, to see what he was looking at.

The corridor was completely empty.

“Tony,” Bucky turned back to him. “I know you don’t know me very well. And I’m trying, I really am. I just... I don’t know if I can handle this. You and Steve, I mean.”

“Well, it’s not up to you to decide,” Tony said bluntly.

“You two were fighting just two months ago! Practically wanted to kill each other!”

“No, I wanted to kill _you_. Steve was just in the way.”

Rather than looking offended, Bucky appeared contemplative.

“Everything that happened with the accords... I want you to know, Tony. If things... weren’t as they are with me.... maybe I would have signed. But then, I don’t know whether I can trust giving that much power over to _any_ political network. Even if they do have the best of intentions, there is no guarantee it won’t go pear shaped. But the same can be said of us, too. We have killed a lot of people. You. Me. Steve. All of us.”

“That’s always the problem, isn’t it? Both sides think that they’re doing the right thing.”

Bucky favoured Tony with his distinctive intense stare. He was standing so close that Tony could see the very light splatter of freckles across his nose.

_Why haven’t I ever noticed, before?_

 “Steve told me the other day that, at one point, you said if he signed, you’d make sure I was placed in an American psychiatric facility, rather than a Wakandan prison. Funny how I’m kind of in a Wakandan prison now. Well, at least of my own mind.”

“I kind of know the feeling...” Tony said.

“We’re both so incredibly psychologically damaged. Wonderful feeling isn’t it?” Bucky laughed.

*

 “I’ve been speaking to Bucky a little bit. We both have a few things in common. Mainly, we both fear what’s inside of us, and what it can do to the ones we care about,” Bruce sat in the armchair opposite the couch, in Tony’s temporary Wakandan room, balancing a cup of tea, on a saucer, on his knee.

“How’s the green monster been lately?”

“He wasn’t exactly pleasant in Asgard. At one point, Thor had to step in, to stop Loki being killed. Of late, though, he’s been pretty calm.”

“Even when you’re talking to Steve about ‘his intentions towards me?”

A slightly sheepish look came over Bruce’s face.

“As incredible as it might sound, even someone as messed up as me, can decide for myself whether I should be dating someone.”

“I agree! It’s just... I admit I don’t trust him. Two months before, he was fighting you. Now, he wants to date you, even though you’re clearly traumatized. I question his priorities. As your friend, the hulk may make an appearance, if Steve hurts you in any way.”

“Your willingness to potentially kill my new boyfriend is rather touching.”

“Not kill just... rough up a bit.”

“Aww....Anyway, so I’ve been thinking about this therapist idea and it’s a good one. I’ve decided I want you to be my therapist.”

Bruce grimaced.

“As I’ve already told you, I’m not that kind of doctor.”

“I’ll pay you $5500 an hour, to listen to me babble and give some advice. When do you think would be a good time? We don’t have much on, here, so we could even talk daily, if you-“

“One day a week. That’s all I think I could stand,” Bruce said.

Tony smirked. Bruce was clearly relenting, in acknowledgment that Tony would incessantly nag him, until he acceded to his demands.

“Alright, should we start now? We do have a lot of free time.”

*

“....I should, I really should get back into meditation. It was so good for me, last time. Being in control of my own mind. I’ve never really been a fan of anti-anxiety meds. They just make me feel wiggy. That’s the only way that I can describe the feeling... wiggy...most of the time I can control what’s going to trigger a flashback...you’re kind of right about Steve, by the way. I’m not even sure why I’m pushing this relationship. I know that a part of me isn’t ready and yet I keep pushing it in spite of that, maybe even _because_ of that.”

“Maybe you want to prove that you can, to yourself.”

“Yes, maybe...anyway, back to me.”

*

“It won’t be as Bionic Man as your last arm...” Tony said, as he wrapped the tape measure around the bicep of Bucky’s sole flesh, bone and muscle arm. “But I’ll see what I can do.”

“I don’t _want_ it to be like my last arm,” Bucky said.

“Tony has an incredibly high level of expertise in this area, Bucky,” Steve was leaning against a desk, nearby, in his usual, slightly languid fashion.

“Oh I know that! I heard about you long before you’d even heard about me,” Bucky said. “Your IQ is off the chart, I know that much.”

“You know the father of computers, Bill Gates?” Tony asked. The other two nodded, although a slight frown line appeared between Steve’s eyebrows. “He’s like a village idiot, compared to me.”

Bucky laughed.

“So what else did you hear about me?” Tony said, as he ran the tape measure vertically down his arm, from the wrist, to the armpit. “Am I as suave and sophisticated as you’d been told? Or even more so? I’m thinking even more so.”

“You’re shorter than I imagined,” Bucky said, grinning.

“Well, not all of us want to be synthetically enhanced to be twice our normal size,” Tony glanced at Steve, momentarily sticking out his tongue. Steve smiled and shook his head.

*

Two hours later, Tony was deep in concentration, drawing up the diagramatics, for Bucky’s new arm, when the man, himself, walked into the room. About half an hour before, both Bucky and Steve had wandered off, citing the need for food. As a result, Tony was rather puzzled, now, as to why he was back so soon, and particularly without his best friend beside him.

“Even with my genius, this may take-“ he trailed off, when he saw the look on Bucky’s face. The younger man was incredibly pale, with red rimmed eyes.

“I need to go back into the cryo-pod. I appreciate your help, Tony. But I can’t trust my own mind.”

Tony felt all of his inner abdominal muscles viciously clench.

“What happened?”

“I may... hurt Steve...”

_Oh no... hurt Steve? No, no this makes no sense!_

“Steve was always convinced that he would be the one who you would _never_ hurt.”

“But now I know what he is. He’ll want to hurt you. It’s how it works. And if he tries to hurt you, then I don’t know if I can control my reaction.”

Tony tried to follow his reasoning but found it impossible.

“Why would he want to hurt _me_? Bucky, I have to be honest; you’re making no sense, right now.”

“He’s my best friend. Believe me; I don’t want to feel this way.”

“Feel _what_ way?”

For a moment, Bucky’s pale eyes bore into his own. It occurred to Tony how different they were to Steve’s. While Steve tended to keep his emotions in check, Bucky’s eyes were constantly animated with disparate emotion.

“Steve won’t hurt me, Bucky. No more than he already has. Although your concern is rather sweet.”

“I want him to understand. He doesn’t know me. He thinks he does. But he doesn’t.”

“I don’t think we really fundamentally change that much from our childhood years. So yes, I think he does know you _very_ well.”

Bucky looked at him with such bleak hope that Tony felt a little of his own stony heart break.

“Tony, you should know that I-“

In that moment, the door leading to the corridor swung open and Bruce walked in, with boxes of electronics equipment in his hands.

Bucky wordlessly turned and walked out, not responding to Tony calling out his name.

*

“... and so Martin Sheen had a heart attack because of the stress involved,” Tony said.

Both Tony and Steve were seated together, on the lounge chair in Tony’s room, with the supersoldier’s legs strung across Tony’s lap. ‘Apocalypse Now’ had just started, on the 52 inch plazma. T’Challa had specifically rushed the director’s cut over for their movie night, although Tony was currently more interested in the rather scintillating warm body beside his own.

“Well, if something is worth doing...” Steve began.

“I knew you’d say that,” Tony said, reaching down to lightly stroke the top of Steve’s thigh.

Sharp rapping suddenly sounded on the bedroom door, causing Tony to jerk, in startled fear.

“Ok,” he said, pushing Steve’s legs off him. “There had better be an asteroid headed to the earth right now, or some other fantastical news, like the Queen of England has given birth to triplets.”

He opened the door, to Bruce’s worried face.

“Sorry to interrupt the movie night. It’s Bucky, he’s gone into your machine. I think he was trying to erase something... a memory. He’s fallen into a coma.”

Tony clenched his fingers against the door frame, his entire body stiffening. Everything felt disjointed, out of place; it was as though the world had decided to rotate forty-five degrees to the left, just for pure effect.

 “But, I just spoke to him, just maybe an hour ago. He was fine! He was joking around!” Steve was suddenly beside him.

Tony almost smiled at Steve’s naivety. He understood, perhaps more than anyone, how easy it was to fake acting like a functioning, happy, laughing human being.

But then he thought about the earlier conversation with Bucky and felt his stomach twist with revulsion. The warning signs were right there.

_This is my fault._

*

Tony and Bruce stood in the work-room, using Tony’s programme to hurriedly sort through the memories in Bucky’s frontal lobe. There were a fair few of Steve. Every so often, Tony saw himself; thankfully nothing traumatic, simply him laughing or talking. However, he was yet to find the one memory that he felt was the key to bringing Bucky out of his coma.

Earlier, Tony had rushed to see him. He was lying in the same cot that Tony had been in, when he was in his coma, and looked incredibly pale and young. Had he been hooked up to the amount of machines that Bucky was currently connected to? He could only assume so. Steve sat by his bed, looking equally as pale. T’Challa stood by the door. Upon seeing Tony and Bruce, the King had nodded, looking every bit as regal as when Tony had first met him, as the Black Panther.

“This is not a de-evolution of his condition. We will bring him back,” T’Challa had said.

“Yes, we will,” Tony had concurred.

*

This time, when it came to the biting chill of the wind off the Irish sea, Tony was prepared, wearing a very thick winter coat, which shielded him from the majority of the agonizing low temperature.

Bucky sat on the shoreline, in the same position as before. In this memory, he had reacquired the metal arm. Tony closed his eyes, allowing himself to feel relief, that his intuition, as to which memory landscape would draw Bucky from the depths of his subconscious, had paid off.

“You know, I could almost believe that you deliberately did this, to bring me into this memory,” Tony said, as he moved to sit beside him.

“I wasn’t trying to put myself into a coma.”

“I’m so sorry, Bucky, this is my fault. If I had just-“

“He was just trying to erase _me_.”

The dark-haired man looked familiar. It took Tony a moment to place him.

“Ah... the rapist.”

Beside himself, Bucky shuddered.

“Did you wonder why he brought up the memory of me before? He could have brought up any other memory. He had gang bangs with up to twenty men at once. And yet, the memory he re-experienced was one of me and Pierce. Did you wonder why that was?”

“I’m sorry, but who are you again, other than your garden variety sicko?” Tony asked, deliberately acting dismissive, in his tone.

“My name is Rumlow. It’s sort of surprising that he hasn’t mentioned me, to you. Why do you think I keep coming back, in these memories?”

“You also worked with Steve,” Tony shrugged. “Pretty simple connection to make, really.”

Beside him, he could hear Bucky’s gasping breaths. Tony slightly angled his body, to cover Bucky. A part of him realised that it was ridiculous. Bucky could kill with his pinkie finger. Hell, he’d shot Tony in the face. But there was something in Bucky’s always petrified reaction to this man,  that sent cold apprehension through Tony, the need to defend the younger man.

“Pierce never touched him, before that day. Did you know? And Bucky...damn he’s beautiful. You see it, I know you do. But I didn’t just want to fuck him. What would be the fun in that? So, I was kind to him, to begin with, at least. Treated him with respect. Didn’t get involved in any of the crazy gang bangs. Bucky, he started to grow fond of me, I could tell. Then, he developed a crush on me. Someone showing him a bit of compassion, after so much pain. I kept working at him. By the time I knew that he’d fallen for me, I promised to be gentle, to make love to him. He believed me. To see the light just go out of those beautiful eyes, while I fucked him so hard a normal man would need surgery. Poor old Winter. I told him what man, or woman for that matter would ever fall for him? Disgusting whore.”

Bucky’s extreme reaction to Steve’s announcement of his sexuality suddenly made awful sense. Tony could not comprehend someone committing an act of such wanton cruelty. To not simply rape another, but to deliberately build their trust and love, only to brutally dash them, was beyond anything that Tony could fathom.

_You are... there are no words..._

The Bucky beside him suddenly stood up, and shoved the metal arm through Rumlow’s chest. Both Tony and Bucky then watched, as the memory sprite hit the sand and disintegrated.

“How many more times do I have to do this?” Bucky asked. “How many more times do I kill him, before he finally actually dies? He was right, you know. That’s the worst part. Before the war, I knew Steve was... but no one guessed about me. I mainly liked girls but sometimes...I guess, like with you. Bisexual. And Rumlow, he was nice to me, he was different to the rest. After he knew I was hooked, then he became the worst.”

Tony turned to him and enacted a gesture that was somewhat uncharacteristic of him, with someone that he wasn’t sleeping with. He reached out and lightly grasped Bucky’s upper arm.

“Bucky, he’s dead. And no one is going to hurt you. Come out. I’m sure Steve is desperate to talk to you.”

“I can’t...” Although this time his eyes were dry, Tony could read the shame and melancholy in the pale irises.

“It’s ok, Bucky. The only one who will see this memory is Bruce, in the work-room. Steve and T’Challa are with you, in the infirmary.”

A thought occurred to him. Bucky had earlier said that he didn’t trust Steve to not hurt Tony. It was clear, to Tony, now, that he was fearful that Steve would do to Tony, what Rumlow had done to him.

_Steve of all people? Mr. Perfect Golden Boy?_

Tony pulled his hand away from Bucky’s arm.

“Alright, let’s just sit here. We’ll sit here as long as you want.”

He sat down on the ground. Bucky then followed.

_Why, in his mind, would I be the potential victim of Steve, and not the other way around?_

“Your friend, Rhodie. I heard he got hurt. Is he alright?”

“He’s paralysed. But I’m working on it. So yes, he’ll be alright. But thank you for asking.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear. I saw a bit of you two together at the airport. He looks like a really good friend.”

“He is.”

_I’m the jerk. Everyone knows that.  And yet, to Bucky, his best friend is going to hideously betray me?_

“That spiderboy was crazy!”

“Spiderman,” Tony corrected.

“Sorry, spiderman. Where did you find him?”

“Queens.”

“Oh! So another New York one. He had a lot of power and talent, for a kid that young. When I was that age, I was just a punk.”

“I had already graduated from university. But yes, I was a punk too.”

Both looked at each other and smiled,

_Those light freckles... wonder what Bucky looked like as a kid? Bet he was a real rascal._

“Alright, I will come out,” Bucky said.

Tony closed his eyes.

Tony opened his eyes and instantly started tearing off the electrodes on his head.

“I think it worked,” Bruce said, standing over Tony and smiling.

“Let’s go find out.”

With Bruce following, Tony rushed out of the room and down the hall, zigzagging through the next few corridors, to arrive at the infirmary. In the end room, Bucky sat on the cot, enfolded in Steve’s back-clappy embrace. Feeling that they needed privacy, Tony backed away from the room.

“Yes, looks like he’s alright,” he said, to Bruce, now coming through the rows of empty beds towards him.

*

“Woh... Tony...” Steve sighed, leaning up to kiss him soundly on the mouth, once more. Both were seated on Tony’s couch, with Tony astride him, hand inside Steve’s jeans.

“Do you want me to stop?” Tony smirked, relishing the hardness in his hand.

Steve didn’t reply, simply closed his eyes and started gasping along with Tony’s rather rough touches. Tony moved his hand faster, feeling masterful, powerful, reducing Steve Rogers to a gasping hot mess. Tony unzipped him and pulled his erection out, staring at Steve’s face, watching every movement, every gasp, every shudder, as he continued to stroke him in vigorous fashion.

“Ah... ah...”

Tony worked him even harder.

“Tony!”

Upon feeling the orgasm spasm in his hand and seeing Steve’s release shooting up to stain his white shirt, Tony couldn’t help but grin.

“You might have to take that shirt off. You’ve made quite the mess.”

Steve replied by leaning forward and kissing him on the lips, before reaching forward to take Tony’s own erection in hand. Tony closed his eyes and told himself to relax.

_This is Steve ‘Ken Doll’ Rogers, remember?_

When Steve slipped down to his knees, Tony felt an odd frustration build within him. This should have been one of the most erotic sights; Steve Rogers on his knees, taking him into his mouth.  Only Tony felt jumpy. He closed his eyes, telling himself to relax, to try and enjoy himself.  Pleasure shot through him, as Steve started moving his head up and down, using his tongue and lips to voraciously lick and suck.  Tony scrunched up his face. Somehow, the pleasure was feeling almost physically painful. He told himself again to relax. It would be over soon. Tony felt his pleasure reach a crescendo, as Steve pulled away, jerking him through a rather unsatisfying orgasm.

_Well, that was pretty damned mediocre._

 Steve moved up and Tony parted his lips, on reflex, as Steve kissed him.

_Honestly, what just happened?_

“Alright?” Steve asked.

Tony forced a convincing smile onto his face. “More than alright.”

*

Bucky glared at Tony in what Tony could only consider to be an adorable way. He had never thought that he would consider the fearful ex-assassin as ‘adorable', but the way he was looking at him, could only be described as such.

“Not much longer, Bucky!” Steve said.

“That’s what everyone has been saying for the past half an hour!”

Tony couldn’t blame him for getting irritable. For half an hour, Tony had instructed him to keep his arm up, as still as possible, at shoulder level. His muscles were clearly staring to fatigue. Bruce returned to Tony, from the desk nearby at which he’d been working, and handed him a piece of paper with more maths calculations.

“So, if we’re going with a ratio of two to one, rather than four to two...”

“Well, I’m going for two to one, because the bigger ratio-“

“Can I put my arm down now?” Bucky asked.

“Just one more thing. Move it up.”

Bucky did as Tony asked.

“Now, wave it back and forth like this,” Tony frantically waved his left hand in the air.

Bucky again did as he beckoned.

“Whew we’re going to party tonight!” Tony said. Bruce smirked and shook his head.

“You’re hilarious, Tony. Just a genius comic. Eddie Murphy had better watch his back,” Bucky’s biting sarcasm was clear.

“Are we talking Delirious era Eddie Murphy or Nutty Professor era Eddy Murphy?”

“So you know about Eddie Murphy?” Bruce sounded intrigued.

“In the mid eighties, Winter took a liking to him. Sometimes, if I was good, they would let me watch some of his films.”

Tony thought of Bucky sitting in a room, watching a movie, the one spark of joy, in a life of pain and violation. The thought made him feel a little downhearted.

“We could watch some, if you like,” Tony said. “What was your favourite?”

“I don’t remember...” Bucky said.

“All the more reason to rewatch them all, don’t you think, Tony?” Steve said.

*

To Tony, his life really was going downhill, if he couldn’t even enjoy sex anymore.

The movie night had gone quite well. T’Challa had managed to find ‘Beverly Hills Cop’ and Tony, Steve, Bucky and Bruce had crammed themselves into Tony’s room, to sit and watch. Bucky had seemed particularly thrilled, laughing at every joke. To Tony, it had rather aged, in the years since he’d last seen it, but he could appreciate Bucky’s enthusiasm. When it finished, Bucky and Bruce excused themselves. Tony put 'Apocalypse Now' back on, but then swiftly decided there were more constructive ways of spending the time; particularly as the rather delectable Steve Rogers was beside him.

He couldn’t exactly blame Steve for his own current lack of fervour. After all, he had been the one to pounce on the other man. He had been the one to ram his tongue into his mouth and start tearing at his clothes, reaching in his jeans to grasp his hardness, as his tongue worked what he knew was wonders on Steve’s neck. Really, what choice did Steve have, but to respond in a very affirmatively sexual way?

 At this point, feeling Steve rub against him and moan, his tongue against Tony’s ear, he told himself that Steve’s enthusiasm was admirable, if not a little predictable. Steve’s own hand was rubbing him with good hard motions, so he couldn’t figure out what his issue was, why he felt tension pull his stomach muscles so tight that any movement felt like they would shatter. It wasn’t as though he wasn’t finding the making out enjoyable... he was, on some level. Perhaps, he was simply over thinking this and should just allow himself to feel. On the other hand, he also considered that perhaps he was so fearful of having another panic attack that he was possibly going to cause one.

“You ok?” Steve whispered in his ears.

Tony responded by hooking his leg up around Steve’s waist.

“I want you to come,” he whispered.

Steve groaned and Tony started jerking him harder. This was supposed to be amazing. Steve Rogers with his hand on his junk, reciprocal hands on junks. Hadn’t he fantasized about his moment?

Of course he had, and more.

Steve groaned, as he felt his release on his stomach. A few seconds later, Tony thrust up and groaned out his own, rather uninspiring release.

“Tony...” Steve moaned, collapsing down on top of him. On the screen, he could hear Marlon Brando dialoguing.

 So, here he was, the great playboy and he couldn’t garner any enthusiasm for sex any more.

_Yep, this is officially the most depressing day of my life._

“Well, that’s me done for the night. Do want to join me? But just for sleeping, mind. Nothing more.”

“Only if you want, Tony.”

*

Steve’s night-time ritual was exactly as Tony expected. The brushing of teeth, followed by the washing of his face, then toilet, then the asking of borrowing some of Tony’s pyjamas. Tony replied that he didn’t have pyjamas. He usually slept in shorts and a t-shirt... if that. He eventually leant Steve a Led Zeppelin t-shirt.

Steve snuggled. Of course, Steve snuggled. He nuzzled against Tony’s hair, he entwined their legs together and wrapped his arm around Tony’s waist. Tony knew that he should have felt absolute contentment. Instead, he simply wished Steve would move off him and let him sleep.

*

Tony could feel a warm weight on his back, heavy breath against his ear.

“Steve, honestly, this isn’t-“

The voice spoke. Indistinguishable words in his ear. Upon realising that he didn’t recognise the man on top of him, Tony felt panic jolt through his body . He screamed and thrashed about. As with _that_ day, his legs and arms felt as though they had been weighed down with concrete pillars. He felt hands grab his arms, holding them down above his head, another hand tugging at his boxers.

“You deserve this,” said the voice, from across the room. “You know you do.”

Tony cried out once more, more in anguish as he recognised Steve’s voice-

He jolted awake from the nightmare, reorienting himself to his room.

“Tony, are you alright! You were whimpering,” Steve asked, lightly touching his shoulder.

“You need to get out of my bed,” Tony said, feeling numbness steal over his body.

“What’s wrong, Tony?”

“I’m not going to ask you again. Please just get dressed and leave.”

“Alright, Tony.”

Tony slumped down, as he heard Steve start to redress into his own clothes.

“I’m sorry.”

Steve didn’t say anything.

“I just need to be alone.”

“No I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be... shouldn’t have...”

 “I’m sorry Steve. I know I’m acting like the asshole that you know I am. But, I really need you to leave.”

“Alright.”

He heard Steve rustle around some more, followed by the sound of the door closing and locking.

_I’m an asshole. You should have thought about that, before you decided to become involved with me._

The thought did nothing to curb his guilt.

Tbc...

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Tony continue to cement their relationship, as Tony and Steve continue with attempting awkward intimacy.  
> There are a couple of secrets however, that Bucky has been hiding from Tony, that come out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thanks to all who are reading!
> 
> Warning in the chapter for the usual angst and rape flashbacks

Upon waking that morning, Tony pondered how to approach the situation with Steve. There would, no doubt, be awkwardness between them now, which was not a particularly desirable outcome. Either that or Steve would want to try and talk to Tony, to attempt to resolve his problems.

_Huh! Have fun with that, pretty boy._

Tony would rather go mano-a-mano with Ultron again, than listen to Steve’s earnest attempt to help.

After a bit of deliberation, in the end, he dealt with the issue the only way he knew how, by pretending that nothing was wrong. Furthermore, everything was absolutely so fine and absolutely dandy that he could be riding one of his Iron Man suits on a rainbow of psychedelic flowers.

Hence, after changing, followed by a quick breakfast of oats and coffee, he skidded into the work-room with an announcement of “No fear everyone, I am here! Yes, it’s your wonderful Tony Stark!”

T’Challa, who was working on one of the processers, to the left of the room, shot him a brief nod. Steve, standing next to the king, did not look up. Both Bruce and Bucky smiled at him, from their various positions in the room. On closer inspection, he noticed that Bucky, standing on the other side of T’Challa, didn’t just smile, he veritably glowed, his entire face lighting up.

“How are we going today?” Tony strolled up to Bucky. “You know what, Buckster, I’d say we’ll have your new arm attached and functioning within three days.”

“Please don’t tell me that’s going to be my new nickname?” The frown that Bucky fixed to his face gave lie to his obvious pleasure of seeing Tony.

“Buckaroo?”

“Oh that’s worse!”

“Bucky is his nickname anyway,” Steve said. “His real name is James.”

“Hm...” Tony wandered over to the bench diagonally right to Bucky, where Bruce was working, and upon which lay the prototype for the younger man’s new arm. He had used the design for Rhodey’s new legs as a template, and had then continued to refine the arm to Bucky’s exact specifications. When Tony completed the project, the arm would be as functional as Bucky’s own flesh and blood appendage, with an equal amount of strength and flexibility.

“So,” Bruce said. “With the proximal and distal ulnar and radial joints now structurally functional, both supination and pronation movements are achievable.”

To demonstrate, Bruce picked up a long wire transmitter and pressed an electric current into the elbow. In response, the arm flipped upwards, to face wrist up.

“The problem seems to lie with the adduction.” Tony pressed an electric current to the left of the elbow. The lower arm instantly jerked to the right.

“I can see but, Tony this seems just a minor issue. If we look at the hand, the grip, the rotation, the movement of the fingers, the supination and pronation, are all working fine.”

“Minor issue or not. It needs to be fixed.”

“And we will,” Bruce said.

Tony walked forward, to pick up a few wires from the table laden with their electronics equipment nearby and overheard Steve and Bucky’s conversation. They had, evidentially, moved a little away from the working T’Challa, and were now seated in a couple of seats, before two empty monitors, to Tony’s right.

“...you were so desperate to get out of the haunted house!” Bucky laughed.

“Haunted house? You do realise that ghosts don’t exist?” Tony interrupted.

Upon seeing him come over, Bucky’s smile widened, his eyes glistening with good humour and joy. It was a very good look on him, far better than, in Tony’s mind, the very understandable melancholy that usually permeated his strong features.

“Of course, I knew _you’d_ say that,” Steve said, with a slight edge to his voice. He looked at Tony with a sudden hardness in his eyes, before looking away.

“If we went into that haunted house right now, you would be terrified!” Bucky said.

Tony laughed. “I seriously doubt it.”

“Maybe one day you should come into the memory, then. I’ll show you proof of ghosts.”

“You won’t show me proof of something that doesn’t exist. But sure, why not? Deal!” Tony held out his hand. Bucky responded with his remaining arm and they shook hands.

_Grey eyes? Maybe they’re the type that change colour, depending on the light._

“What is it?” Bucky asked, as they released.

“I was trying to figure out what colour eyes you have. I am stuck with just boring old brown.”

“Well _I_ happen to like your brown eyes,” Steve said.

Bucky’s lips twisted up into a genuine sweet smile. “Blue, but they can sometimes change depending on the light.”

“Well, you learn a new thing every day,” Tony said, moving back to Bruce.

Bruce’s own brown eyes flicked towards Bucky and Steve.

“Bucky’s a sweet guy, when you take away the whole brainwashed to be an assassin thing... which you have...” There was something odd in Bruce’s smile.

“Ok, what’s with the creepy Joker smile?”

“Nothing it’s just... it’s clear that you like him. It’s nice to see, that’s all.”

Tony glanced at Steve and Bucky. Steve now appeared to be talking to T’Challa. Bucky was looking back at Tony, with an oddly intense expression on his face, that Tony could not interpret. Upon catching Tony’s eyes, he quickly switched his attention back to T’Challa and Steve.

*

“You need a proper therapist, Tony!” Bruce moaned, readjusting his position. He was sitting on the fluffy, cosy armchair, which formed a part of Tony’s room, so Tony could only guess that the constant movements were more an artefact of his unease, over any true physical discomfort. “I have told you, countless times that I am not that kind of doctor!”

“You’re fine, just fine-“ Tony sat, side-on, on the sofa opposite him, legs tucked up underneath himself.

“I honestly believe that you are acting this way, because you actually don’t want to get help!”

“And where can I get help from here?” Tony waved around the room. “Considering I’m not even meant to be here, in Wakanda, to begin with! Don’t worry about it, Bruce. You’re doing fine.”

“It’s simply that I can’t be impartial. You’re my friend, Tony!”

Tony lay down fully on the soft fabric beneath himself, looking up at the high ceiling.

“It’s funny, isn’t it? I can have anything I want. Anything at all. But I can’t fix my brain. No amount of money can do that. That’s what I’m saying, Bruce.  I don’t think any amount of therapy can fix me.”

“How do you know if you haven’t ever tried?”

Tony sat back up again.

“I did! A long time ago. It didn’t work!”

“Well, it wasn’t the right therapist, then!”

“I just don’t think I can do therapy. It won’t work, not for me.”

“No, I can’t believe that.”

_Believe what you want. I know the truth._

“I don’t think I’m coping, Bruce.”

“I know.” Bruce’s face collapsed into an expression of deep concern and care.

“I was pretty rude to Steve last night. I allowed him to stay over and then kicked him out of the room.”

“Can I ask why?”

“I had a... bad dream. When I woke up, I just didn’t want him there anymore.”

“Tony I... well you know how I feel about this relationship with Steve. Do you want to know what I think? I’m saying this as a friend.”

“Go on,” Tony was honestly intrigued.

“I think you’re playing out your usual self-destructive behaviour. I’m not denying there’s not sexual attraction between you two, but to suddenly launch into a relationship at this point in your life, when you’re dealing with some pretty heavy trauma, I feel will only lead to more suffering.”

“It already has,” Tony admitted. He wasn’t going to tell Bruce about the intimacy problems between him and Steve. That was far too humiliating.

“Can I ask about the dream?” Bruce began tentatively.

“Oh the usual ‘Stranger in the Bed Trying to Rape Me While Steve Tells Me I Deserve It’. Isn’t that on par with the ‘Going to Work Naked’ dream?”

Bruce was silent for a long moment. Although he wasn’t as openly emotional as Bucky, Tony could see the thought process, in his dark eyes. “Do you honestly believe that you have forgiven Steve for everything that happened between you?”

“What does that have to do with the dream?”

“You don’t have to answer now. Just think about it.”

*

Steve corralled him a few hours later, in the work-room, asking to speak to him in private. After Tony begrudgingly agreed, Steve took him down the corridor and into a bathroom at the end, locking the door behind them. Looking into his blue-green eyes, Tony asked himself the question.

Did he truly forgive Steve?

It disturbed him that his mind did not reply with an immediate yes.

“Tony... I’m not sure what’s going on between us...all I know is that I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve done too much of that in the past. If you want us to slow down-“

“It’s fine. It was a bad dream, the other night, Steve. That’s all.”

“I just don’t want you to feel that you can’t tell me when you’re uncomfortable. I’m no mind-reader Tony. You need to tell me.”

“All good points to take on.”

Steve appeared unconvinced.

“Maybe we’ve been rushing into this-“

“I’m telling you Steve that it’s fine! Dinner tonight?”

Steve still frowned at him, so Tony reached out and patted him on the shoulder.

“Gotcha!” He ran a few paces then turned back. “Come on Steve, you have to catch me!”

He  then unlocked the door and sprinted out of the bathroom, past the startled T’Challa, turning another corner, to another wide corridor. Without even looking back to see if Steve was following, he started to circumvent the various corridors towards the dining room. Tony had just stepped onto the plush red carpet, when he heard footsteps behind him, followed by the clamp of a hand on his shoulder.

“Too easy, Tony,” Steve laughed.

“Good time for lunch, though wouldn’t you say?”

*

Bucky lay on the infirmary bed, his breath coming in and out in shallow pants. The monitor that he was hooked up to, displayed his pulse at well above safe levels.

“It’ll be alright,” Steve stood beside him, wiping the hair from his face. “When you wake up, you’ll have a whole new arm. That’s something to be excited about, not scared about.”

Bucky’s eyes flicked across the room, to where Tony stood, next to Bruce. Reading the terror in the bright irises, Tony moved closer to him.

“You trust me, don’t you, Bucky? Nobody is going to hurt you, here. We just want to help you.”

Bucky nodded. Some of the terror did, indeed, dim in his eyes.

“Ever since you’ve arrived here, that’s all you’ve done. Helped me. If something goes wrong and I-“ Bucky began.

“Nothing will go wrong, Bucky,” Tony assured him.

“But you need to know.”

Bucky’s eyes then flicked, curiously, to Bruce.

“Tony, I... you’re...”

“It’s fine, Bucky. It will all be fine.”

Tony and Steve then stepped back, as the anaesthetist came in, with a tray carrying the required anaesthetics.

*

Bucky stood in the centre of the work-room, flexing and extending his new silver arm at the elbow, then rotating the hand and clenching the fingers, while Steve laughed and clapped. Tony could not help his own smirk of accomplishment. Bruce smiled and clapped him on the back.

“The genius strikes gold again!”

“You are a great man,” T’Challa said, nodding at Tony.

Bucky looked directly at Tony. “How can I ever thank you enough? That other arm, that was a part of _them_ , of what they did to me. You replaced it with something new and amazing. Why do you keep being so amazing to me?”

“Look I know I’m amazing. You don’t need to rub it in.”

“Yes, please don’t contribute to his already quite established ego,” Bruce said.

Bucky ignored Bruce and came up to Tony, placing his non- metal hand on his arc reactor. Tony felt his heart beat a bit faster, at the oddly intimate moment.

“Now we’re _both_ physically healed, thanks to _your_ genius.”

Bucky’s lips twisted up into a smile. Tony took in the lightly freckled nose and wide blue eyes and felt gentle warmth settle in his stomach.

“A new arm, for a new life.”

Bucky nodded. “Amen to that.”

*

Tony asked the words mainly out of curiosity.

He lay, with Steve, on his bed, their sweat-slicked bodies gliding together, hands tugging, rubbing and stroking bare flesh. Every so often, as Steve changed position, Tony would hear the slap of flesh on flesh, and feel a cold chill pass over him, his anticipation of flashback worsening with each movement. Steve had, evidentially, mistaken his increased heart rate and breathing for excitement. Understandable, really. Tony recalled what Steve had said to him, earlier. Only, Tony didn’t want to be uncomfortable. He refused to tell Steve because he refused to be the kind of person who backed out of even mediocre sex because of a few intimacy issues. If anything, he told himself, surely he should just say ‘screw it’ and exceed the ‘half-way there’ making out that he and Steve always seemed to indulge in.

 “Do you want to fuck me?”

_How bout it, Steve? Let’s hit that proverbial home run._

Steve, who had been kissing along Tony’s collarbone, moved his head up. Upon seeing Tony’s face, the building smirk fell from his handsome features.

_So fucking me is really that unappealing?_

“Tony!” Steve suddenly said in a clear frustrated voice. He then closed his eyes, seeming to deliberately calm himself. “Please don’t...” He opened his eyes. “Please don’t do this. I told you before. If you’re uncomfortable, then tell me and I will stop.”

“What makes you think I’m in any way uncomfortable?”

Steve reached forward and gently cupped his chin in his hands.

“I can see it in your eyes. Your frightened.”

“So this means you don’t want to fuck me? Or for me to fuck you?”

“Why would I-? Of course not! Tony, was I hurting you? Because it makes me sick to think that I-“

“Steve I want to be with you. You’re like six Thors combined to one ultra sex god.”

Steve started to stroke Tony’s chin with his fingers. He was clearly thinking but his eyes, as ever, were adept at holding his emotions in.

“Alright, how about if we try it this way. Tell me what to do, right now. You’re in control, alright? I’ll do anything you want. And if you feel uncomfortable. At any stage. You tell me. Straight away and I will stop.”

Tony considered this proposal.

“I want you to give me a blow job and then jerk yourself off.”

Steve’s pupils dilated. Clearly, he was in agreeance. Tony drew back the covers and closed his eyes, telling himself to relax, as he felt Steve’s talented mouth and hands work his erection. It didn’t take long. This time, when he reached his peak, he cried out, at the intensity of his climax.

_Much better._

“Alright,” he gasped. “Show me how you jerk yourself off.”

Steve’s face flushed, as he took his erection in hand and started jerking.

“When you’re doing this, do you think of me?”

Steve’s face flushed darker red.

“Aha! And what does it entail? Blow jobs? Fucking? Come on, Rogers. I want details.”

“I want you... Tony...I want...” Steve started jerking himself harder.

Slap slap slap.

Tony suddenly felt the world fall away from himself.

_Slapslapslap slap._

_The fifth man was inside of him. He’d given up crying at this stage, had given up screaming and shouting and struggling. He simply lay on the ground, watching the patch of earth merely metres in front of him. This little patch of land was all there was. Just him, the man on top of him and the patch of land._

_Slap slap slap._

Tony felt panic explode inside of him. He cried out, gasping for air and rolling over to clutch at the side of the bed, looking at the carpet, as though it would give him the protection that he coveted.

“Oh no Tony!” Steve sounded in genuine distress.

“It’s alright... I just... I just need...”

“What do you want me to do? Do you want me to leave?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry-“

“It’s alright,” Steve went to place a hand on his shoulder. Tony stiffened, crying out.

“Please, please don’t touch me.”

“I’m sorry Tony-“

“It’s alright. Just let me, just let me...”

Tony closed his eyes and focused, telling himself that this was fine. Just another anxiety attack. He could get through this. He just needed to focus on his breathing. In out. Inhalation. Exhalation. Oxygen in. Carbon dioxide out. In out.

After a good ten minutes, he felt his heart rate return to a somewhat normal rate. He opened his eyes, to Steve’s worried face. He could see that Steve was no longer erect and, furthermore, had put some clothes on.

“If I’m causing you panic attacks, Tony, then maybe I shouldn’t... We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Can we not discuss this right now? You don’t need to leave just...If you want to lie with me... but no snuggling. Please just don’t touch me.”

Although he could read the pain in Steve’s eyes, the supersoldier nodded.

“Whatever you need Tony.”

*

Tony glanced at the clock. 12:02. He’d lain awake, listening to the deep and even breaths of Steve for two hours, now, his mind too pent up now to even attempt sleep. Cursing, he threw the blankets back and stumbled around the room, shoving his clothes on. Undoubtedly, he’d probably placed them on inside out, in the dark, not that he cared. Hell, if it was true, and anyone saw him, he’d just pass it off as another sign of what others' saw as his personal entrenched ‘wackiness’.

Glancing back at the sleeping Steve, he grabbed his key, headed for the door and locked it behind him, traversing the corridors to the work-room. With Bucky’s arm now fixed, he’d have to come up with a new-

Someone was already in there. He could hear noises, behind the closed door. Tony withdrew his security card from his pocket and unlocked it, then stumbled in. The projector, to his programme was showing a series of images. Curious, Tony moved closer. Bucky sat in the seat by the main console, the electrodes covering his forehead

_What is he doing?_

Tony looked back to the projector screen. The images had slowed down and cemented to one, single image. 

Tony felt as though he’d suddenly been doused in icy water. All of his innards clenched so painfully tight he felt like they were about to rupture.

 He recognised that road. He’d seen it many times, in his mind, in the past three months. The car lay smashed against the tree. The man... Howard, lay on the ground. Maria ( _Mum... mum!_ ) had come out from around the passenger side and was standing directly before Bucky. Tony felt such blind rage explode through his body, that he didn’t hear what she was saying, at first.

“What do you hope to achieve Bucky? You do this every night. Revisit the same memory. It doesn’t change what happened. You can’t unmurder us.”

Tony screamed in combined rage and anguish.

“He knows now, Bucky,” Maria said. “He knows.”

Tony fumbled to the seat next to Bucky, resisting the urge to place his hands around his throat, as the traitor had done, to his own mother. Instead, he grabbed the electrodes beside the chair and stuck them to his own forehead, leaning forward, to type the code into the computer console to enter himself into the memory. He then sat down and closed his eyes.

He opened them, to find himself standing on that road, before the smashed car.

Upon seeing him, Howard stood up. Impossible, of course, Howard could not stand up. Could never stand up. Because he was dead. Just as Maria, before him now, was dead.

Murdered by the man who now looked at Tony with absolute terror, in his eyes.

“Tony,” Maria said. “Bucky secretly comes back to this memory, every night-“

“You can’t talk!” Tony screamed. “You can’t talk because you’re dead!”

“-to try unmake what was done.”

“I don’t care!”

Bucky continued to stare at Tony, silent tears falling down his pale cheeks.

“How can you do this to me, after all that I’ve done for you?”

“He’s doing this _because_ of all that you’ve done for him!” Maria said. “He wants to find a way to undo all of the pain that he’s caused you.”

“Well, you can’t!” Tony raged. “You can’t undo it! No matter what you do, nothing will change the fact that you murdered my parents!”

“I know and I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it back!” Bucky said, shrinking from Tony’s rage. “Do what you want to me. Punish me however you see fit.”

“Nothing I do could ever make up for this!” Tony said. He could beat Bucky, he could even kill him and it would never atone for the loss. His life had been torn apart and for what?

So Hydra could keep their secrets.

Tony slumped down to the ground. Why even bother? He placed his head in his hands and began to weep. None of it mattered anyway. His parents would stay dead. No afterlife, as much as Steve wanted to believe it was true.  They were just worm food now. What would be the point of punishing Bucky? He had not been of his own mind. Tony recalled what Bucky had told him, about fighting the programming, and the subsequent gang rape that followed, and felt the rage towards him depart. In some ways, Bucky was just as much a victim as his parents were, if not more so. At least his parents were able to make the choice.

“Please, Tony. Tell me what you want me to do, to make amends.”

Tony finally looked up, from his hands. “Is it true, you come here every night?”

“For the past two weeks. I want to find away to undo it all. I know it’s ridiculous. Impossible even. But you’re right. I can’t undo it.”

Tony looked at his mother and felt the jab straight through the reactor into his heart.

“I need to come out,” he said quietly. “Bucky?”

He closed his eyes, opened them, then reached over and switched off the machine.

Beside him, Bucky was watching him warily.

“Tony I...I don’t want you to hate me. If you do, it’s understandable, but I-“

“I don’t hate you, Bucky. Far from it. It’s just... it was a shock to see. It’s a difficult concept but I’m a genius, so I get it. That wasn’t you. You were brainwashed. And that part of you has now been removed, thanks to me. I hate Winter, it’s true. But Bucky, Bucky I like. I’ve come to respect him, to respect you.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe I don’t deserve it. Sometimes I think, with everything that Steve’s done, T’Challa, Bruce... maybe someone like me doesn’t deserve it.”

“I think... maybe my anger has been directed at the wrong person. I shouldn’t be blaming you. But I should be blaming those Hydra bastions of humanity who brainwashed raped and tortured you, who were really the ones responsible for my parent’s death. Did you hear what that loopy Baron Von Zemo did to  Karpov? He tied him upside down and drowned him in a sink of water. It gives me great delight, to think about that one. It would be my pleasure to trace every last one of them down and make them pay.”

“It will take a long time. There were a lot of them. And they infiltrate many levels of government and business, in many countries. But I’ll be more than happy to help you do it.”

“Please don’t tell me Jimmy Page is a secret Hydra agent or my life will officially be ruined.”

Tony flicked the electrodes off his head and watched as Bucky did the same.

“Well at least that extreme emotional outburst has caused me to finally become fatigued. Hopefully now I can sleep. Come, I’ll be a gentleman and walk you to your room.”

Tony and Bucky stood and started to walk out of the room.

“Don’t go back to that memory, Bucky. It doesn’t change anything.”

“I won’t.”

“Bucky...” They stepped into the corridor. Tony frowned, asking himself the words. Bruce had asked if he could forgive Steve. But could he forgive Bucky? He looked at the man walking beside himself and thought of all that he had endured, the rapes, the manipulation, the brainwashing, but overall, the strength to continue to fight, to preserve his dignity, in the face of great atrocity.

Looking into Bucky's open, trusting face, so different to the blank sterility of the Winter Soldier, Tony found that he held no malice towards him.

“I forgive you.”

Bucky’s face scrunched up.

“Oh no don’t you cry on me or I’ll take it back!”

They walked silently through the corridors a few minutes.

“It was really about me and Steve, if I think about it. I felt more betrayed by the fact that Steve knew and didn’t tell me.”

He was trying to protect you,” Bucky said.

“Yes, that’s what _he_ said.”

They continued to stroll the long corridor, until they reached the door at the end.

“This is me. Tony, can you... is it alright if you come inside for a moment? I wanted to-“

“Woh! I mean it has been an emotional night. As gorgeous as you are, Bucky...actually, yes I will sleep with you.”

_Ok, why did you just say that to Bucky?_

Bucky, who was placing his key in the door, froze.

 “Joke, Bucky! Just a joke. A very ill-informed joke.”

“When I said that about you coming inside...” Bucky’s face was starting to flush bright red.

“I know! I was making a very bad joke.”

_Great. Good one, Tony!_

Bucky wordlessly opened the door and both stepped inside, as he switched on the light. The room was smaller than Tony’s, bearing just a bed, wardrobe to the left, vanity dresser opposite  and a bedside table, upon which Bucky had placed a book. Upon closer inspection, Tony saw that it was a John Grisham novel.

“I er...” Bucky opened his vanity drawer and started sorting through his clothes. “In the war, I always had... it was a locket, it belonged to mum. Even as the Winter Soldier, I always found ways to hide it, in times that I was... somewhat myself..Aha!” He took out a pair of rolled up socks and took a small gold locket out from inside them, handing it to Tony.

“It’s very pretty,” Tony said, looking it over, in his hand.

“You’ve done so much for me. I want you to have it.”

Tony handed it back to him. “I can’t take this, Bucky.”

Confusion appeared in the pale irises. Tony placed a hand over his folded one. “If it reminded you of who you were, as in who you truly were, that’s a very good thing.”

Bucky looked down at where their hands joined, then back up to Tony.

“You’re not like Rumlow.”

“Wow! That spoilt the good bonding moment. Yes, I’m glad I’m not like a manipulative rapist!” Tony took his hand away.

“With what you said about sleeping with me-”

“Honestly, Bucky I was just joking, based on the fact that you said-“

 “Was it _really_ a joke?”

“Well, considering you’re a traumatised ex-brainwashed rape victim... yes.”

_So why is Steve Rogers fine with having sex with you then, huh, Tony?_

No, he realised he was being unfair. Steve always stopped the instant that he sensed that Tony was uncomfortable.

_Still doesn’t cease the fact that he’s with you to begin with..._

“But if I wasn’t...?” Bucky held a momentary dim hope in his irises, before it instantly  faded. “Sorry, forget it. Forget I said anything. I’m just... I’m messing things up aren’t I? I’m messing things up again. You were just joking around and now I’ve made it awkward between us.”

 “You are gorgeous. I’m not going to deny that. But I’m not going to try and sleep with you, alright? I’m kinda thrilled with the little friendship that we have going on here.”

“Maybe... maybe I wouldn’t mind if you tried to sleep with me."

_...I see..._

 Somehow, Bucky’s words weren’t the least bit surprising to hear.

_Come on, Tony. You knew this was going to happen._

Tony stepped forward and slid a finger along Bucky’s jawline. Bucky’s breath quickened, the blue of his irises now almost fully covered by the extreme dilation of his pupils. Feeling his self-control depart his body, Tony leant forward and brushed lips with the younger man's. Bucky’s mouth opened and their tongues tangled together. They then naturally pulled apart.

“I don’t want to hurt Steve,” Bucky said.

“Nor do I.”

“I haven’t slept with someone of my own consent in such a long time. Before the war-“

“Bucky, it’s ok!”

“I’m scared I’m going to trigger you. Or you’re going to trigger me.”

“Ok, how about we just... hit the brakes? I never thought I’d say this, but with everything going on right now, I’d feel like the asshole that I am, if I took you to bed, tonight.”

“ With Steve, does he ever-?”

“It’s not his fault,” Tony said. “I’m the one who’s pushing it.”

“I don’t want to hurt Steve,” Bucky repeated. “I kept trying to fight it. In the end, I just gave up. I’ve fallen for you, in a pretty big way. I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable to hear. I don’t want to split up you and Steve. I don’t want you to do anything. I just want you to be happy. And know that I care for you. A lot.” To Tony, it sounded like a prepared speech.

Those eyes, always alive with emotion. The lightly freckled face. The way Bucky’s entire face lit up, whenever Tony entered the room. Tony searched through his own feelings and came to a both pleasant and undeniable truth..

_Well, damn..._

It wasn’t as though Tony had actively even considered it. But now, it seemed so obvious.

 “There’s a bit of a problem here. Because... damn, I have feelings for you too.”

Bucky gave a nervous smile.

“Bad timing huh?”

“I always did seem to be the expert at that.”

“So what happens now?”

“For once in my life my answer is I don’t know.”

 “This is so messed up. Steve is my best friend, the one who’s done everything he can to help me. What does that make me?”

“If you want to stop this right now then we will. It’s completely fine, Bucky.”

Bucky appeared torn. He threw his arms around Tony’s neck and kissed him passionately on the mouth, tongue eagerly exploring. Tony moaned, running his own hands down his back and through his soft long hair strands.

“Well, I guess I have my answer,” he said, when they released.

“You go. We can talk tomorrow.”

Tony nodded. “Alright. Bucky... this is so... everything is so confusing right now.”

“I know.”

 Unable to resist, Tony reached out and briefly took took Bucky’s flesh hand, squeezing it in his.

“It will be fine. We’ll work it out, alright?”

Bucky nodded and Tony turned and left the room, traversing the corridors back to his own room, asking himself the entire way whether he had been entirely truthful, when he had promised Bucky that everything would work out fine.

Tbc...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Steve finally say to each other what they've been wanting to say for a while.  
> Meanwhile, Tony and Bucky continue to get closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to all who are reading!

Tony stood outside his bedroom door, key in the lock, hand frozen, mind whirling, as it attempted to come up with definitive words, to say to Steve.

_“Hey Steve, you know Bucky? Your best friend, who you knew from an early age, lost, refound, and ever since have been protecting and helping? Well, it turns out that we have feelings for each other! Yes, me, good ol’ Tony, the one who tried to kill him a few months ago, after discovering that he murdered my parents. Oh, and I also happen to be the one involved in rather intimate shenanigans with you, of late. Isn’t it a lark? Hardee har. Crazy world and all that.”_

Perhaps not.

The simple truth was, no matter what he said to Steve, about him and Bucky, the conversation wasn’t going to go well.

Of that, he was certain.

Breathing fast through his nose, Tony turned the lock and doorknob, and entered the room, closing the door behind himself. Steve lay on his side, facing the entrance. For a moment, Tony stared at the lone, vulnerable looking figure, lying so still, in the dark. He stepped closer, turning on the bedside lamp. Steve didn’t stir. Watching him, Tony felt every bundled divergent emotion stir, in his body.

Even with his genius IQ, Tony was more than aware, that he could occasionally indulge in moments of absolute foolishness. Every so often, rather than using his brilliant mind to work through issues, he would instead make spontaneous decisions, often to his own personal detriment. In that moment, watching the motionless Steve, he felt that impulsive side of himself start to take over. Without even questioning the absurd impulse, he walked over to the ensuite, switching on the light and opening the bathroom cabinet, before searching through the various items, for a specific product. He wasn’t sure of his rationale for doing this, only that he was reacting to his emotions, and that seemed right. Tony then came out of the bathroom and quickly undressed, before crawling up the bed, to sit on Steve’s stomach.

“Steve...” he whispered, patting him on the face, as he undid the vaseline jar. Steve’s eyelids fluttered and his brows knitted together. Blue-green eyes stared back at him.

“Tony, what are you doing?”

Tony reached forward and started fondling him, through his boxers.

“What does it look like?”

“No, Tony...”

“I’m ready Captain, my Captain,” Tony wiggled the vaseline in front of him. “It’s been a while, though. Just take your time preparing me and use plenty of this-“

Steve reached his hand out and laid it flat, on Tony’s chest. “Tony no!” Tony had never heard him speak in a more commanding tone.

“Aw you’re so cute when you sound so authoritative.”

“ Get off me. I don’t want this.”

Tony felt irritation clench his larynx, but did as Steve asked, moving to sit beside him, on the mattress.

“I’m offering you my body! What is wrong with you?”

Steve suddenly flung the blankets back and got up out of the bed, moving to the centre of the room and placing a good few metres between himself and Tony.

“Why are you doing this? You keep pushing this when you clearly don’t want it! It’s almost as though you want me to be the villain, here. Damn it, Tony-“

“Ah! Language!” Tony felt dim vindication, although he wasn’t sure why.

Steve’s brow furrowed, eyes sparkling with lurking emotion.

“I’m starting to think that you don’t even _like_ me, which makes me wonder why we are even together.”

“Of course I like you! I wouldn’t exactly offer myself up... in _that_ way, to someone that I detested!”

“Is that _really_ true?”

Tony’s mind went to Bruce’s earlier question. Had he forgiven Steve, truly?

Why does it matter? His mind countered. We’re together now. Things can be better than they were before.

_And Bucky?_

“This is just... we’re moving too fast. Maybe we need to slow down, for both our sakes,” Steve said.

“Just _fuck_ me, it will be fine. I promise. Fuck me and things will be better than they were before-“

Steve took one step forward. His face changed to his particular trademark expression of patrician, yet concerned, which instantly caused Tony to wish to strike him.

“Who hurt you, Tony?” His tone became deceptively gentle. “That memory, that put you in the coma. The man in the cave-“

“No. I don’t want to talk about that,” Tony said, grabbing the blanket and covering his naked body, up to the waist.

“Something is severely wrong. This memory machine, working with Bucky. It’s brought out a past traumatic event-”

“You really are the supreme ruler of stating the obvious.”

Steve sighed, his expression clearly troubled.

“I know you were raped. I’m not a psychologist. I’m really at a loss as to how to help you. Or Bucky, for that matter. But this...” he gestured between them. “You’ve been pushing it. I’m not sure why. And I shouldn’t be reacting. You’re such a desirable man, Tony. But that’s no excuse, on my side. This... what we’ve been doing here. It’s just... it’s starting to feel wrong. I don’t want to hurt you, Tony. I can’t stress that enough...” For a moment, a muted emotion flared, in the blue-green irises. “I want you to answer me honestly.  How much do you actually _like_ me?”

Tony felt all of his building frustration deflate, in his body.

“I do like you Steve. Believe me on that one. It’s just... you know how I once said that sometimes I want to punch you in your perfect teeth? Sometimes I really do feel that way.”

“Sometimes I feel that way about _you_. Sometimes I want to smack you in your smug face.”

_Well, now we’re getting somewhere._

“Damn it, Tony! Why do you have to be so...? It’s like you’re going to hell and you want to drag everyone down with you. You imprisoned my friends-“

_Woh! Hold on._

“ _They_ broke the law! Don’t you _dare_ try and blame me for that!”

“You tried to _kill_ Bucky! Then _me_ because I got in your way!” Steve’s face glowed with anger. “You didn’t stop to think about your actions! You just allowed your fury to take over.”

“You’ve wanted to say this for a while, haven’t you? All the time, when you have been building up to fucking me, is this what you’ve been thinking?” Tony then affected a decent Steve impression. “‘Tony you’re the most sensitive out of all of us’ ‘Tony, you need to be protected’. Such bullshit!”

A little of the red, that had been discolouring Steve’s face, now drained from it.

“No, no I meant it, Tony. I meant that! And I haven’t been ‘building up to fucking you’? Is that what you think of me? I haven’t had sexual relations in over fifty years!”

“It’s ok to fallible, Tony’,” Tony mimicked.

“I meant that, I did! It’s just... why couldn’t you have been on my side? Why did you have to fight me every step of the way? Quite literally? You threatened to shoot me with your blaster, Tony!”

_So now we get to the real crux of it all._

“Because you were wrong. And you were too arrogant to see it.”

“Bucky needed to be protected! I knew he wasn’t the killer that they made him out to be, and I was right!”

“ It wasn’t about him! In trying to protect Bucky, you ended up causing more destruction. More deaths. Don’t you see that?”

“It was _always_ about Bucky.”

“No, Steve. It wasn’t about him. Or you. Or me. Or any of us. It was about a young man, who wanted to build houses for the poor in Sokovia! That was who it was about!”

Steve started to breathe deeply, in an obvious attempt to control himself.

“That young man wasn’t the reason you tried to kill Bucky.”

“I had just learnt that my parents had been murdered by him! I actually saw my _own mother_ being strangled to death. Yes, Bucky was brainwashed at the time. I accept that now! Must be _wonderful_ to be so perfect, to never lose control. Besides, _you’re_ the one who went against me! _You’re_ the one who didn’t at all consider that that news might... oh, I don’t know, be a bit disturbing for me to hear.”

“I tried to reason with you but you were so angry Tony,” Steve’s tone was now at a more neutral level.

“Then you just left me there. Not a sorry or a goodbye or a ‘well, gee that bit where we tried to kill each other, that was a bit rough, wasn’t it?’”

“I wanted to. I just didn’t know how to say it. Things had just gone so far between us.”

Steve walked over and sat at the edge of the bed.

 “What are we doing, Tony? Why are we trying to... be together in this way? I don’t think we’re ready. There’s too much....history between us, at this point. And you’re hurting. It’s so obvious.”

Tony gave up fighting him. As with that day, he suddenly came to the conclusion that there would be no end to this disagreement. Both were so insistent that their side held the moral advantage. In a lot of ways, he concluded, both himself and Steve really were similar. Both could certainly be pigheadedly stubborn.

Only, his side really did hold the moral advantage. Not that he could convince Steve of the truth of that.

“Why did you start flirting with me, Tony? Why did you kiss me?”

“I thought it would be fun,” Tony admitted. “I do feel there is sexual chemistry between us. And we do genuinely like each other. Or at least liked each other, before all the accords insanity.”

“I agree. But with everything going on...I think we should just cool off, for a bit. At least until we get ourselves sorted out more. I think that our friendship maybe needs rebuilding first, before we launch into a relationship.”

“Have you been talking to Bruce?” Tony asked. Steve’s words sounded rather familiar.

“A little bit, yes. He’s very protective of you, you know. With good reason, I guess.”

“Steve, if I hurt you then I am sorry. I’m messed up. What can I say?”

“It’s alright, Tony. We hurt each other. I guess we’re still working through it.”

Both were silent a moment.

“Steve... I just wanted to say, with Bucky. I really like him.” _More than you think._

Steve smiled. “That’s pretty obvious to me. And he really likes you. That’s also pretty clear. You should hear the way he talks about you when you’re not there. I’m glad you two are really getting along. Really, I am.”

_And we have feelings for each other._

“I guess... I’ll go,” Steve started to walk towards the door.

“Steve...I’m sorry. I tried. I really did.”

Steve turned back; his blue-green eyes held a hint of melancholy, beneath his usual stoicism.

“I know. So did I. It’s just... it’s not the right time, Tony.”

“I understand.”

When Steve opened and closed the door, Tony felt a small incision appear in his heart, pouring out bile, from an infected wound; painful but needed.

*

Tony stumbled into the dining room five hours later, messy-haired and yawning from a lack of sleep. Bruce was already at the dining table, a cup of coffee and empty bowl before himself. Tony stepped up to the counter and called out to Jelani, through the open door, leading into the kitchen.

“Jelani, have any hash browns?”

 The chef  placed down the knife, that he’d been using to chop tomatoes, and came over.

“How many, Mr. Stark?”

“Hm.... three?”

Tony then went around the counter, and watched Jelani gather the required food, before coming back and handing the hash browns to him.

“Thank you.”

Tearing apart one and shoving it into his mouth, he skirted back around the counter and approached Bruce’s table.

“We need to talk.”

Bruce looked up at him and put down his mug. “Something has happened.”

“My room?”

Bruce nodded.

*

“To be honest, I’m rather proud of Steve for doing that. It would have taken a lot of courage, to decide to stand up to your relationship, like that. Maybe things now can start to get better, between you two.” This time, Bruce sat on the sofa, while Tony sat on the armchair, opposite.

“There’s more.”

“Oh?”

“It’s about Bucky...” Tony decided to not talk about the memory that Bucky had visited every night. As far as he was concerned, that was forgiven. “He’s... he told me that he has... feelings for me.”

He suddenly caught the look on Bruce’s face.

“You knew! How did you-? He told you? When?”

“Me and Bucky were hanging out a bit, when you and Steve were doing... couple things. One day, he confided that he had fallen for you. Well, he said that he was confused. Anyway, he told _me_ because he felt he needed to tell someone, and he couldn’t exactly tell Steve, so I was his next best option.”

“And what did _you_ say?”

“I told him it made sense. After all, you have treated him with utmost respect and dignity, and have done everything you can, to help him. Also, here’s the thing. I’ve been thinking about this a bit. You and Bucky... with the whole accords fiasco... you didn’t _know_ each other. The first time you met him, from what you told me, he was programmed to be the Winter Soldier and tried to kill you. Then the few times you met him after that, it was more about you and Steve. Then you heard that Bucky was the one who killed your parents and, well, as you told me, you lost it. Which is totally understandable. What I’m saying is, it wasn’t until you were both _here_ that you started to actually know each other. As in for you to know Bucky, and not the Winter Soldier. And for him to know Tony Stark, and not the man who was going against his friend, and then trying to kill him.”

Tony bit his bottom lip.

“Bruce I... I have feelings too.”

At this news, Bruce appeared contemplative.

 “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by this.”

“I thought you’d berate me! Ask me what the hell I’m doing? Like you did with Steve.”

“No, this is different. You and Steve have a crazy history together. But Bucky... you’re both sexual assault survivors, but then maybe you can help each other through it. Besides, you and him have already tried to kill each other. Surely, the relationship could only go forward, from there,” Bruce ended in wry fashion.

Tony’s mind was stuck on the three words ‘sexual assault survivors’.

_The gang rape. Why, is everything coming back to that, of late?_

“It’s been _eight years_. I was fine. I dealt. But then this whole memory thing comes up and now it’s like it happened yesterday. Believe me, I really don’t want to be re-enacting the Prince of Tides, right now.”

“No, Tony. You never did deal with it. You just pushed it aside. Which is completely understandable. But it was always going to come back. It was just a matter of time.”

“And with me, it’s always the worst timing,” Tony admitted.

“Or the best. It depends on how you look at it,” Bruce favoured him with a gentle smile.

*

An hour later, Tony stepped up the corridor, with Bruce, to the work-room. The plan was to tell T’Challa about their new project- building Iron Men, to stand sentry along the palace. If Colonel Ross and his men decided to come snooping about the palace, Tony did not trust that T’Challa’s security detail would be as efficient, as his own creations.

He swiped his pass on the electronic circuitry above the door handle and opened the door, stepping into the room, to T’Challa, Steve and Bucky, standing in the centre, facing each other.

“No! Absolutely not!” Steve said.

“Steve, it’s ok-“ Bucky began.

“T’Challa, I believe it is a dangerous and potentially lethal idea!”

“See, when you guys argue like this, I can’t come in and spread my usual cheer,” Tony said, moving to stand beside Bucky. Upon seeing him, Bucky’s entire face radiated delight.

“Tony, hey...” He said, in a tone that suggested silk caressing bare flesh.

“What’s happening?” Bruce now stood on the other side of Tony.

“My plan is to test Bucky’s de-brainwashing with a more evolved method,” T’Challa said.  “We will use the trigger words and one of my protective detail will fight Bucky. The test is whether risk of harm will trigger the Winter Soldier.”

“No! I will not risk anyone getting hurt. And what if your plan _does_ trigger the Winter Soldier? Then someone being hurt is guaranteed!” Steve said.

“No, my protective detail is incredibly well trained.”

“So is the Winter Soldier!”

“Steve,” Bucky began. “I _want_ to do this.”

“No, Bucky! I thought the whole point of being here was that you didn’t want to trigger Winter.”

“Steve, if it’s Bucky’s choice, then let him do it,” Tony said.

“I agree with Tony,” Bruce concurred.

“I assume it will be as safe as an environment as you can make it?” Tony asked T’Challa.

“Of course!”

“It’s too dangerous! Why isn’t anyone talking about how dangerous it is?” Steve asked.

“You need to respect Bucky’s right, as an autonomous human being, to do what he wants, even if it is dangerous!” Tony said. “If he wants to do it, then you have to let him.”

“Well, you’re all wrong!” Steve shook his head.

“Steve,” Bucky gently grabbed his forearm. “I’ll be alright. Let me do this. Winter is gone for good. I strongly believe that. Let me prove it. For all of our sakes.”

For a moment, Steve simply looked into his eyes, and then relented. “I’m not happy about this but, alright.”

*

Tony, Bruce and Steve piled into the wide gymnasium together. On the four corners stood four tall, Amazonian looking Wakandan women, armed with tazors. Tony instantly thought that if Winter made an appearance, tazors would be as effective as a toothpick on an elephant. He glanced at Steve, who had his arms folded, and thought that perhaps he should have at least brought Steve’s shield with him. It was currently lying on the floor of his bedroom, against the wall. Conversely, he wished he could at least fly one of his Iron Men out. Better for Winter to potentially battle one of them and rip off its head than, say, himself or Steve. In the middle of the room, stood a tall, elegant, warrior looking Wakandan woman, whose imposing look was both frightening and oddly sensual. Tony wasn’t sure whether intimacy with her would give him the night of his life, or destroy him completely.

T’Challa, standing beside the woman, nodded at the three. Bucky stood on the other side of her. Tony could see that he was slightly trembling. He looked at Steve, then Tony, with clear anxiety.

“This is Nakia. She is my chief security officer and is tasked with protecting me,” T’Challa explained.

Bucky and Nakia shook hands. To Tony, it looked as though she could break his hand, with little effort.

“We will begin.”

As T’Challa started to say the trigger words, Tony noticed the four other women take their tazors out, clearly tensing. He could hear Steve’s increase of breath, beside him.

“It will be alright,” he told him. But then he recalled how Winter had shot him in the face and felt his own body tense. There were no weapons in the room, apart from the tazors

_Steve was right, wasn’t he? If this goes wrong..._

 “...freight car.”

The moment that T’Challa finished, Nakia spun, lifted her leg and kicked Bucky, sending him flying backwards. Wasting no time, she then grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him around, flipping him onto his back. Bucky instantly jumped up and she launched herself onto him again. As she continued to kick, flip and punch at Bucky, in proficient, yet somehow feral motion, Tony noticed Bucky’ reaction.

“He’s acting in defence, not offense,” Tony told Steve, as Bucky once more deflected a blow from the woman.

Nakia then stepped back and T’Challa stepped in, launching himself forward in a flurry of kicks and punches. There was no doubting that Bucky was an efficient fighter, but to Tony, he was shielding and defending, rather than attacking, seeming to be wary of truly hurting the one he was fighting. Finally, T’Challa flipped him onto his back, on the floor, and looked down at him.

“Surrender?”

“I surrender.”

T’Challa held out his hand and Bucky accepted it.

“How was it?” T’Challa said, as he helped Bucky up.

“Fine. Nothing hurt, other than my pride. You’re one scary fighter!” He addressed the woman. “There was a stage there, where I was frightened of being genuinely severely hurt, even killed.” (At these words, Steve let out a grunt of displeasure). “I’m thinking, surely if anyone will bring out Winter, it would be you.”

The woman nodded. T’Challa nodded back at her, and the five women left the room.

Bucky then came up to Tony, Bruce and Steve, face flushed and sweaty, eyes glistening with exhilaration.

“That was... terribly humiliating.”

“Xena Warrior Princes completely whooping your butt says a lot about _her_ fighting skills, not yours,” Tony said.

“Thanks but...well, at least Winter was not activated.”

“I still would like to do more tests,” T’Challa said. Tony caught Steve’s frown. “But that should be enough, for today.”

“Ah T’Challa, Bruce and I would like to discuss a matter with you,” Tony suddenly remembered his Iron Man building plans.

“Come on, Bucky. Let’s get you cleaned up,” Steve said.

*

An hour later, Tony and Bruce were detailing the coding, for the design of Tony’s new sentry Iron Men, when Bucky came into the room, sans Steve.

“Hey, Tony can I speak to you?” He sounded oddly genial. Bruce suddenly remarked something about needing to go to the toilet and swiftly left the room.

“Where’s Steve?” Tony asked.

“We don’t have to do _everything_ together,” Bucky smiled. “T’Challa invited him to lunch. I presume they’re going to talk about me.”

“I guess so, too,” Tony said. “Speaking of which, have you eaten? Let’s grab something. Jelani does a great-“

“Tony, Steve told me you guys are... sort of taking a break...”

“Oh no Bucky it wasn’t to do with you, if that’s what you’re thinking! We’ve been having some issues with each other, going back to the accords saga... actually probably going back _before_ then.”

“That’s what _he_ said. I just... I don’t want my best friend and the man I’ve fallen for to hurt each other... over me.”

A bit too late for that, Bucky, Tony thought, thinking back to the whole accords mess.

_No, it ultimately had nothing to do with him. You know this._

“With what I said last night...”

_Here we go, he’s going to take back what he said._

“I meant it, when I said I just want what’s best for you. If that means being with Steve-”

“Honestly, Bucky. I don’t know if that’s true. We just rushed into things. I don’t want to make the same mistake with you.”

Bucky exhaled with visible relief.

“You thought I’d come to you, today and tell you last night was a mistake, didn’t you?” Tony asked.

“If you did, I would understand.”

“Do _you_ think it was a mistake?”

Bucky suddenly averted his eyes, from Tony’s.

 “Rumlow was the last time I remember feeling this way...”

_Ah... that hope for humanity._

“When we finally... it was a small village, north of Norilsk. Just me and him. A fireplace. Such a cliche, I know. I was starting to remember. Just bits and pieces. My mum’s name. The street I lived on. He cooked me dinner. Then we sat by the fireplace. He didn’t even bother using the trigger words. Didn’t need to. I was already in Winter mode. He also didn’t need to tear off my clothes. I was programmed to do whatever he wanted. Not that he cared. Not that any of them ever cared. Throughout that first rape, he hit me, punched me, bit me, made sure it hurt, that I bled. I was used to that, from the others. But the betrayal, that was the worst. I honestly thought that he... returned my feelings. He just laughed, called me his whore, said no one would want a used up... I won’t tell you the name he called me. He then... repeatedly throughout the next two days that we were there. By the end, I’d forgotten who I was again. But I never forgot the betrayal. I’m telling you this because I need you to know what he did to me.”

Bucky finally looked up, to meet Tony’s eyes.

 “You’re trembling,” Bucky observed.

“Am I? See the funny thing about pure fury, tends to get the adrenaline going, so that one can go full Chuck Norris on the disgusting slime who hurt the one I care about, in such a fundamental way. I wish he was here. No, actually, I’m glad he isn’t. I’d _kill_ the bastard. Again.”

“It’s ok, Tony. It’s ok. It’s _my_ past to deal with. I just need you to understand. If we do start to... I’m probably not going to be easy to be with.”

“This is _me_ you’re talking to here.”

Bucky’s mobile face switched to an expression of stoic hope, that was eerily reminiscent of his best friend.

“Anyway, in answer to your question, I don’t think last night was a mistake at all.”

 Bucky then leant forward and they brushed lips, tongues tenderly lapping together. When they released, Bucky reached up and started to gently run his hands through Tony’s hair. The touch, which sent little bursts of delicious frisson, from his skull, to the base of his spine, felt concurrently sensual and soothing. “I told Steve about me being bisexual. He said he kind of always knew."

“So, with Steve... did you ever think about...?” Tony asked, genuinely curious.

“Maybe a bit, after he was given the serum. He rescued me, after I was captured. Big brave Captain America. Yeah, I think I did feel a little something then,” Bucky paused, expression darkening. “I told him about Rumlow. Steve said Rumlow was burnt, then Steve beat the holy hell out of him. Finally, he exploded. He said it wasn’t good enough for him, but it was a start,” Bucky said.

“Steve and I tend to disagree on a lot of things, but I’ll completely agree with him on that one.”

“Hm... well I don’t want to talk about Rumlow, not again today, not when I have _Tony Stark_ standing right in front of me.”

Bucky scooted back, a bit, and then jumped up, so he was seated on the desk behind himself.

“The one who de-brainwashed me, made me a new arm-“

“To be fair, I was the one who ripped off your other arm, to begin with.”

 Bucky’s grin was somewhat impish, as he gently tugged at Tony’s t-shirt, spreading his legs wide and pulling Tony forward, so that his hips fitted between his thighs. Tony decided that he quite liked this particular arrangement, particularly as Bucky’s face was now so close to his, that if he wanted to, he could count every individual dark eyelash.

“You smell nice,” Bucky said. “What cologne is that?”

“It’s called ‘Eau de Hadrien’. It’s pretty expensive.”

“So who’s Hadrien and what makes him so special that his water is pretty expensive?”

“Whoever he is, he’s made a fortune out of selling water, with a bit of fragrance added in, to rich idiots like me.”

“So, did you wear it for me?”

“As much as I’d love to say yes, it’s really because I didn’t have a shower this morning.”

“Sorry, that was terribly presumptuous of me.”

“As Hadrian would probably say, being French ‘pas le moindre, mon cher'.  'Not in the least.'”

“I understand French. So, what other languages do you speak?" Bucky asked.

"Hm...German, Japanese, Spanish, Italian, Korean, Chinese and Dari. So how many languages _do_ you speak?”

"Well, all of those... to being with."

"This intellectual side of yours is very turning me on, right now."

For a moment, Bucky just stared at him, eyes flashing with clear profound emotion.

“Praecoquem est dicere quod te amo?” [i]

“My Latin is a bit rusty. Something about cherishing, I think?"

Bucky didn’t reply. Instead, he reached out and lightly ran his fingers down the back of Tony’s hand.

“I think about... maybe one day, in the future... you could show me that sex doesn’t have to hurt. I trust you,” Bucky’s voice was honey coated butter.

“Maybe we could show _each other_ it doesn’t have to hurt. Yes, that _is_ something to look forward to.”

“Mmm...the thought of making Tony Stark scream with pleasure...” Bucky grinned. “In reality, that is, and not in my very _vivid_ fantasies.”

“Please tell me about these fantasies, in detail.” Tony said. Here was a side of Bucky that he had never seen before. He very much liked it.

“That would spoil the fun for when we make them a reality.” Bucky started to gently pluck at Tony’s t-shirt, in teasing fashion. “When Steve and you were courting, I asked him what it was about you that so attracted him. He said your ‘big doe brown eyes.’ I didn’t tell him, at the time, that I had already noticed. I’m surprised you didn’t notice me constantly staring at you.”

“Well, I _am_ insanely handsome.”

“You’re not going to have any denials here,” Bucky momentarily brought his hand up and lightly rested it on Tony’s left cheek, before withdrawing it.

“You’re rather pretty, yourself. No, I’m wrong. You’re beautiful. And I’m not talking about, in the way of those silly vampire novels, in which the main character is beautiful because they have yellow eyes because that is sort of ridiculous-”

“And I love that you babble. It’s kind of adorable.”

They touched lips once more, the kiss growing more passionate. Tony placed his hand on the small of Bucky’s back, feeling the warmth of his body, the feel of flesh, bone and muscle, beneath cloth, as his other hand reached up to ruffle through his hair. Bucky’s own arms were wrapped around his back. His left knee slid up, to rest against Tony’s hip.

“Whew!” Bucky said, when they released. “I could definitely go for more of that kissing action.”

“Lunch?” Tony grinned.

In that instant, the door to the room started to open. Tony stepped back from Bucky, as Bruce walked in.

“Bruce, did you want to join us for lunch?” Bucky asked, jumping down from the desk and looking rather pink faced.

“Sure, sounds good. I was just thinking how hungry I was.”

As Bruce then turned to leave the room, facing away from them, Tony risked reaching out to momentarily run his fingers again through Bucky’s soft hair. The smile that the other man gave back convinced Tony that the night before had, indeed, not been a mistake.

“By the way,” Bruce turned back. “I know about you two. I won’t tell anyone, so don’t worry. But to let you know that _I_ know.”

Tony couldn’t bring himself to feel surprised at this admission. He turned to Bucky and grinned, shrugging his shoulders.

Tbc...

 

[i] Latin translation: “Is it too early to say ‘I love you?’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T'Challa's 'chief security officer' is the "Move, or you will be moved!" woman from the movie. From what I gather, she is very kick ass in the comics.
> 
> Sorry to the Stony shippers. In the beginning, this was def going to be a Stony fic but, so far, it's just not going in that direction... :(
> 
> Have also fixed some major mistakes. Probably not best for me to write when my brain is fuzzy with the flu ;)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Tony continue to slowly expand on their relationship, as Steve and Tony come to an understanding, of sorts, with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to all my readers. :)  
> Have it all worked out now, right to the end.

“You do realise that Hydra was _desperate_ to capture the _Hulk_? Not Bruce Banner. The Hulk,” Bucky said, twirling the last of his spaghetti around his fork. “They thought they could turn him over to their side, through force, of course.”

“The Hulk is far too unpredictable,” Bruce, sitting opposite, leant back a little, in his chair. “It would be interesting to see them try.”

“Now that is a fight I’d like to see!” Tony lifted up his mug of coffee, and noticed that he had, in fact finished the last dregs, so returned it to the table. “You’d take out a fair few of those Hydra beings of pure _light_ and _love_.”

“With pleasure,” Bruce said.

“Beings of pure light and love? I was thinking, for Hydra, that ‘little sweeties’ is a more fitting term of affection,” Bucky said, with such a straight face that, if it wasn’t for the ludicrousness of the statement, anyone overhearing would think that he was being completely serious.

 “Now you’re just getting into semantics,” Tony shot back at him, successfully hiding his inner bemusement.

Familiar footsteps sounded behind them and Tony swivelled in his chair, to Steve walking swiftly into the dining room.

“Bucky! There you are! T’Challa wants to talk to you. He wants to run another experiment. Nothing dangerous this time. I made sure of it. He mainly wants to talk about your dreams.”

Bucky gulped down the food in his mouth. “Where?”

“Third room from the work-room. Sun room.”

“Nice to get your Vitamin D while you’re being Inceptioned,” Tony said.

Bucky shot him a puzzled look, indicating that he didn’t understand the reference. Tony opened his mouth to explain, when Steve spoke.

“Sorry to disturb lunch.”

“It’s alright. We were finishing,” Bruce placed his napkin on top of his empty plate.

“Alright so I’m off to be inceptioned... whatever that means, see you guys again soon,” Bucky said, as he stood up.

Tony expected Steve to leave the room with him but, instead, the supersoldier stayed, regarding Tony with a curious look, that was a mixture of both concern and contemplation.

“You alright?” Tony asked.

“You’re not doing anything right now, are you?”

_Well, there are my Iron Man sentries-_

Tony glanced at Bruce, who imperceptibly shook his head.

“No, not particularly.”

“Good, because there is a memory that I would like to show you. You don’t mind not entering the work-room for about half an hour, do  you Bruce, while we look at it?” Steve asked.

“Of course not.”

“Sounds intriguing,” Tony said.

*

Tony opened his eyes. It was clear, from the medical charts on the wall, and the white coat and stethoscope of the man behind the desk, that this memory was set in a doctor’s office.  Standing on the other side of the desk-

_Well, well Steve..._

There were two Steves in this memory. The Almost-God-Like-But-Not-Quite-Thor-Certainly-Better-Than-Loki one standing beside him, and the one opposite the doctor’s desk; short, delicate, looking as though a finger flick would send him tumbling to the ground.

“How can anyone take _you_ seriously as a man?” The doctor said, to the one across the desk from himself.

“Pre-serum Steve,” Tony said.

“This is _me_ Tony,” Pre-serum Steve said, turning to face him directly. “The dirt poor kid who put newspapers in his shoes. I only ever wanted to help. To defend my country. I always hated bullies. And Bucky, he was the same. He would always defend the weak... defend me...”

“When I thought that he’d died, I just, I couldn’t fathom it.” Modern-day Steve now spoke. “And then he came back, as the Winter Soldier, and everything changed...”

 “It’s good he became the supersoldier,” the doctor now said, to Tony. “This puny _child_ here is no man.”

Tony caught the look on both Steves’ faces. The knowledge that the doctor’s speech came from Steve’s own insecurities, did nothing to calm the rage building within Tony. If anything, it built on the emotion.

“If what a _man_ is, is dictated by people like you... actually, it may explain the messed up world that we now live in,” Tony said. “Here’s an idea, it’s very simple. Don’t be a dick. Oh and I don’t care what size Steve is. He’s pretty damned awesome.”

“I’m sorry. I need to come out,” Modern-day Steve said.

Tony nodded. Closed his eyes.

Tony opened his eyes, and started plucking the electrodes off his head. Steve sat next to him, hands folded, almost primly, in his lap, eyes focused forward, in an expression dangerously close to the ‘thousand yard stare’, so frequently adopted by the men who came back from his war.

“Steve-“

A tiny spark of life appeared in the pale irises.

“I finally have Bucky back. As in truly back, thanks to you. I can’t thank you enough. But what if he...? I can’t lose him again.” Steve now turned, to face Tony, his face set with his usual and, at this time, to Tony, comfortingly familiar forbearance. “I just want things to go back to the way they were, between us. But you two are in so much pain. Everything they did to Bucky. How can he ever...? And with you. I want to help you. I want to help you both. Bucky talks a little about what happened but I know that the shame stops him from revealing too much. It just breaks my heart. I feel useless. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m completely in the dark. And I’m so scared for the both of you. I just wish you would let me in.”

Tony considered Steve’s speech, wondering how long he had prepared it, in his mind. Was he perhaps lying on his bed at the time; his mind tortured by the anguish of those he cared about, trying to come up with the right way of saying the words, so as not to come across as too heavy-handed or presumptuous? Steve truly wanted to find a way to ease their pain. This much was clear. Even with everything that had occurred between them, Tony did not deny this aspect of the soldier, particularly when it came to himself.

He recalled what Bucky had said to him, in regards to what happened between him and Rumlow, that it was his past, his pain to bear. Just as Tony’s was his own.

But then, seeing Steve’s bewildered yearning to help, hidden beneath his usual stoicism, yes, perhaps he deserved to know the truth. At the very least, it would be one less secret between them.

Tony took a deep breath, feeling his heart suddenly start to pound.

_Steve won’t judge you. You know this._

“It was early 2008,” Tony began. “Back when I was selling weapons to the US military in Afghanistan. Jericho it was called. For a weapon, it was pretty kickass. Anyway, terrorists ambushed the convoy I was in and took me hostage. You should know all this. It’s pretty much public knowledge how I first developed my Iron Man suits.”

Steve nodded.

 “They held my head underwater, tried to use sensory deprivation, the usual torture techniques. I refused to play. Then this other guy comes in. Osama Bin Gaddafi Hussein."

Steve looked confused. "One was a terrorist and the other two were middle eastern dictators, right?"

"He just wasn't a nice person is all I'm saying!" Tony said, suddenly feeling defensive. "Anyway, he tells me I’ve been raping the land long enough. Orders the men to hold me  down, face down onto the ground.”

Tony knew that Steve, with his sensitive nature, would be troubled by what he was hearing. However, the supersoldier showed no visible sign of it. Somehow, the fortitude in Steve’s blue-green eyes added to his own, giving him courage to continue.

“They pulled down my pants and five of them took it in turns. I can’t even begin to describe the humiliation of being... desecrated in such a way. It was like me, as a person, didn’t exist. I was no longer the playboy billionaire weapons maker. I was just a body, for them to fuck.”

A look of disgust flashed across Steve’s face, that he was clearly unable to restrain.

“After it was finished, and I was still lying on the ground, bleeding, I was given an ultimatum. Start to make the weapon, or _ten_ men will... will repeat what the others did to me. After that, there was no choice. I told them I would make the weapon. But I decided to betray them. I wouldn’t let them get away with hurting me the way they did.” He paused. “It was eight years ago and I still have nightmares about it.”

“Tony...” Steve said.

“With what happened between us, I really did want to try it. It’s just that flashbacks come so easily, especially if I’m being intimate with another man. Well, actually, you were the first man since. I figured if I couldn’t have sexual relations with Captain Hotness America, then I really was broken.”

 “You’re not broken, Tony. Sometimes I feel like you have to be reminded that you’re human. Humans struggle. It’s a part of the condition.”

Tony didn’t need what he saw as empty platitudes, in that moment, although he appreciated Steve’s somewhat naive attempts to soothe him.

“I shouldn’t make it all about me. I wasn’t frozen for fifty years, only to come out and discover that everyone I knew was dead, apart from my best friend, who was changed into a part-time cryogenically frozen assassin, and my sort-of girlfriend, who died of old age not long afterwards.”

For a moment, Tony ruminated on what he’d just said. Bucky and Steve, both taken from their time. Although Bucky had suffered in a more fundamental way, there was no denying that Steve had also. Tony couldn’t even comprehend what it would be like, to be forced from this time period, where he was rich and successful. But then, he recalled, Steve never had the luxuries that he’d had. As he said, he had been just a ‘poor kid’ from the Bronx.

Tony once more thought about what Bruce had said, about forgiving Steve. Did he truly forgive him?

His mind went to that tiny, boyish looking, but eager man from before the serum, and felt a tightly looped knot detangle, within himself.

He once again asked himself Bruce’s question. The answer was now simple.

“Steve, with everything that happened. I forgive you.”

“I forgive you too,” Steve said, without any hesitation, placing a hand on Tony’s shoulder.

Tony wondered if perhaps Steve was waiting for him to make the first move. Perhaps Steve had already forgiven Tony but realised that it was more important to have Tony’s forgiveness of him. Steve took his hand off Tony’s shoulder and, for a moment, stared at the body part, as though mesmerized by the texture and lines of his palms.

“Who am I, Tony?” Steve looked up, to his face. “I know that Captain America is more than just the outfit or the shield. But... everything is just so different now...”

“Even in my genius, I don’t know how to get things back to how they were before,” Tony admitted.

“Maybe we don’t. Maybe that’s the point,” Steve said, with a grim smile.

*

Tony was looping the wire through the circuit board, with great precision, when the door leading to the work-room opened and Bucky stepped in.

“Hey, has anyone seen Steve?”

 “Have you checked his room?” Tony asked, his stomach purring, at the sight of the other man.

After their discussion, Steve had said he wanted some time alone, to think.

“That was just what I was about to do,” Bucky paused. Bruce, standing directly Tony, looked up from his work. “So...er, T’Challa has given me this new Eddie Murphy movie, ‘Trading Places’. I was wondering if you guys wanted to have another DVD night?”

“Dan Ackroyd, right?” Bruce said.

“And Jamie Lee Curtis... and her very beautiful breasts,” Tony said. “Sounds great Bucky. Maybe you and Steve can swing by my room around eight?”

Bucky smiled and Tony felt his stomach purr louder, his heart start to pound.

*

Bruce was already seated on Tony’s couch, with a bowl of popcorn in one hand, and a beer in the other, when Tony opened the door to the sole Bucky.

“Where’s Steve?” Tony asked.

“He said he wanted an early night. Says he had a headache.”

_Oh...poor Steve. Hope he’ll be alright tomorrow._

“Well, come on in,” Tony said, taking the DVD off him. He placed it in the DVD player, and then joined Bucky and Bruce on the sofa, moving to sit beside Bucky. He suddenly recalled the time that he sat down on this sofa to watch ‘Apocalypse Now’ with Steve. They never did finish it. He mentally filed away continuing it with Steve, and hopefully Bucky, at a later date.

Tony pressed ‘play’ on the remote and settled down, feeling rather warm, comfortable and satisfied, particularly as Bucky’s knee now very lightly rested against his own.

*

Two hours later, the credits rolled. A clearly satisfied Bucky started to clap. Bruce yawned, politely covering his mouth with his hand.

“Alright, I’m going back to my own room,” Bruce said, standing up.

“It’s a quarter past ten, Bruce!” Tony said.

“Well, what can I say? I’m an early riser.”

“Do you know what they call you people? Freaks,” Tony said.

“And proud if it! I’m taking this with me,” Bruce said, wiggling his half empty third beer bottle.

“Alright, go dream of large green women,” Tony said, walking him to the door. After bolting the lock behind him, he turned to Bucky, who was still seated on the sofa. Deliberating for only a moment, Tony moved back to join him.

“Steve told me about your earlier conversation. He didn’t go into detail. Just said you sorted some things out. I’m so glad, Tony. I could see that he was pretty relieved. But also... he wouldn’t say, even to me, but what you told him also clearly disturbed him. I think that’s what brought on the headache.”

_Well, I’m presuming that if the roles were reversed, and Steve told me a Deliverance-style memory, I wouldn’t exactly be then running through the corridors singing ‘What a Wonderful World’ either._

 Tony wasn’t sure why, but the thought of talking about the worst that had happened to him, with Bucky, didn’t bring on the usual tension, in his body.

“We were talking about that memory, that put me in the coma. Where I was held down and the man...”

Bucky suddenly reached out and grabbed his hand, holding it firmly in his own, looking at him with his characteristic warm intensity.

 “That was real. When I was captured in Afghanistan. I was held down. Five of them. One after the other, on a dirty cave floor. The joy that is brutal gang rape. Steve suspected. Well, he is no idiot. So now _he_ knows, and now _you_ know.”

“Why, Tony? Why did this happen to us?” Bucky asked, now gripping his hand so tight that both hands started shaking. “There were times, when I was running, I seriously considered... One time, I was standing on the edge of the pier and I thought I could just jump in. With everything that I’d done, that had been done to me. I just didn’t want to exist. At the time, I didn’t know why I kept fighting to stay alive. But now, I have a reason to. You, Steve, T’Challa, Bruce. Will you kiss me, Tony?”

Tony very gladly did as he bid, touching the warm lips with his own, tongues tenderly snaking inside, to bathe together. Bucky released his hand and reached around, to lightly touch the back of Tony’s neck.

“I don’t want to trigger you,” Bucky said, when they released.

“So far so good,” Tony smiled.

“Yes, but when we go further...”

“Ok, have you heard the notion of the ‘safe word’? We both choose a word each. Something innocuous and if we feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable, we say the word.” He placed a tentative hand on Bucky’s upper thigh. “This ok?”

Bucky nodded. “I trust you.”

“My word is...” He glanced at the DVD cover. “Gorilla.”

Bucky laughed.

“So I say gorilla and you instantly stop what you’re doing.”

“My word is... Sweden.”

“Sweden.” Tony said. “Bucky, when we do  become intimate, we’ll remember those safe words, alright?”

“Alright.”

“I will want you to particularly remember gorilla because, to begin with, I think you should be the one to top.”

Rather than looking stimulated by his suggestion, as Tony had expected, Bucky appeared to ponder the idea, for a moment.

 “What if I hurt you?” 

“You won’t. But don’t worry about that now. There’s no rush. We can build up to it. Now what’s my safe word?”

“Gorilla.”

“Sweden.”

For a few luxurious minutes, they locked lips, once more, tongues leisurely exploring.

“Can I ask, Tony why did you say I should top, the first time we’re intimate?”

Tony blinked. He would have thought that the reason was obvious.

“Because of what Rumlow did to you. With us, it’s going to be _vraiment_ _incroyable **[i]**_ , alright? As in Leo and Kate on the Titanic levels of steam... Ok you probably don’t get the ref-”

He was stopped, by Bucky’s tongue in his mouth. Tony didn’t in the least mind the interruption.  

“ _You’re_ very incredible,” Bucky said, pulling back a little.

“Well, yes I know that.”

“Well, I guess I’d better go,” Bucky said, not bothering to hide the slight disappointment in his tone. “Bed time.”

Tony pulled him in for another kiss. “Dream of me.”

Bucky grinned. “I hope so.”

He stood up and both moved to the door. Bucky turned back to him.

“I want to stay but... it’s probably not a good idea.”

“I want you to. But you’re right.”

“Thank you for tonight.”

“My pleasure.”

Bucky’s eyes were alight with warmth and passion, a slight smile played on the edges of his lips. To Tony, he appeared very beautiful, in that moment.

“Sleep well,” Tony said.

“I’m pretty sure that I will, now.”

Bucky closed the door and, feeling a buzz that usually came with alcohol, Tony walked into his bedroom, noticing that, on the desk in the corner of the room, his laptop was flashing. He  stepped over and opened it, to see that a Skype call was coming in, from Rhodie. Well, well, this was interesting. Rhodie never used Skype. What time was it even in New York? Tony made the swift calculations, in his head. It would be four-thirty in the morning, in New York.

“Well, hello there.”

On the screen, he could see the corner of a bed and a wardrobe behind his friend. He was clearly calling from his bedroom.

“Tony! How are you?”

Tony considered the question.

“Good, things are going really well. I hear my stock has gone up some more. I also see that Happy’s been having some fun feeding the press my cover story about suddenly turning New Age and going on long spirit retreats.”

“He’s now spread the rumour that you’ve now decided that your spirit flower is the daffodil and that you are communing with a ‘daffodil clan’, in a secret location, with the aid of a ‘daffodil spirit master’.”

“I bet Ross is thrilled to hear that one,” Tony was incredibly amused.

“He doesn’t believe it for a second.”

“Of course he  doesn’t.”

“But that’s not why I called. Tony, have you been checking out the news?”

“Things have been rather... busy here...”

“I think you should. There’s this small law firm, in New York, by the name of Nelson and Murdock. They’re taking on the U.S government, with the accords. Just two guys. It’s pretty impressive, now I think of it. They’re saying that it was illegal for the US government to imprison enhanced individuals without a trial. It’s pretty big news, here, since Scott Lang and co have come out talking about it. They’re also saying that enhanced individuals should have informed consent, before they sign and should not be penalized if they don’t sign, which they argue is what happened.  They’re arguing that Steve Rogers and his friends were made scapegoats, through the accords, and legally should not be criminalized.”

“Well, I completely disagree with the second part. But this is interesting news... how far do you think they’ll go with it?”

“Pretty far, I’d say. The US government is really not happy with the mess that’s been  created over these accords. You remember the damage control that the UN went into after the mess at the airport? I wouldn’t be surprised if they settle.”

 “Of course, if it happens, and they do settle, they’d still need a scape-goat, or there would be an outcry,” Tony said. “Steve is too loved by the American public. I’m betting the ones to go to trial would be Bucky and Wanda  Maximoff.”

A sharp knock on his bedroom door turned Tony from his chair.

“Keep me updated,” he informed Rhodie. “I’ll see who that is, deciding to pester me, at this time of night.”

Tony then switched off his laptop, closed the lid and walked out of his bedroom, continuing through the lounge area and opening the door, to Bucky on the other side. Discarding puzzlement as to why he was back, Tony opened the door further, to let him in, before allowing it to shut, behind them.

“So I’ve just heard from Rhodie. It turns out that a law firm-“

He was stopped by a firm, hot mouth on his, hands tugging at his shirt.

“Woah there, tiger!” He said, disentangling himself from Bucky, with some effort.

Bucky sidled up beside him, whispering in his ear. “Ya tebya khochu.”[ii]

_Oh no..._

Tony’s stomach sank.

“Not like this, Bucky.”

“Fais moi l’amour,[iii]” Bucky placed his arm around Tony’s back, resting his head on his. “I’m ready.”

Well, there it was, Tony thought. There was karma, kicking him right in the groin. He finally understood the frustration and pain of what Steve went through, when he did the exact same thing, to him.

Bucky grabbed Tony by his chin and hungrily continued kissing him, pressing his lithe body against Tony’s, his tongue electric in his mouth. Tony found himself eagerly obliging Bucky’s passion, responding with his own tongue, as his hands went around Bucky’s back, pushing their bodies even closer together. Bucky’s erection pressed against his own, and Tony knew that, by responding in such a way, he was risking a flashback, on both their sides.

Only, this was too good. And Tony felt too fragile to resist.

_Damn, Steve. Remind me the next time I see you to not be my usual jerk self and just act amazingly towards you?_

Bucky pulled back slightly, very lightly freckled nose just inches from Tony’s.

“I want it right there on the sofa. It’s ok. You can top. Infact, I want you to top. Cogeme por favor.”[iv]

_Bucky, no._

Despite incredible temptation, Tony reluctantly decided that he’d had enough.

“Alright! Gorilla! Gorilla! Gorilla!”

Bucky instantly pulled away.  He looked incredibly pale, his eyes bulging in his face.

“You don’t want me.”

“Bucky, I know what you’re doing, because I’ve done the same thing! You don’t really want this to happen. You just want to feel normal and whole again. I get it. Believe me, I completely understand. But, if  I did what you want me to, it won’t change anything. If anything, you’ll feel worse. We’ll _both_ probably feel worse.”

At this, recognisable contrition appeared in the now wintry blue irises before him.

_They really do change colour._

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. Like I said, I understand. I completely understand.”

“I just... I just want to be normal. Normal people go out and have jobs and meet up for coffee. I don’t get to have any of that. Normal people have sex. And it feels good. Isn’t a complete trauma, where safe words have to be used and everyone is scared of triggering everyone. I should have that!”

“I agree,” Tony said, quietly.

“They took me away from myself. I don’t know what I could have been. I will never know what my life could have been like. I didn’t deserve it!” The tears, which were standing in the corners of his eyelids now ran down his face. “Before Hydra captured me, I wasn’t a bad person. If I made mistakes in my life, then the punishment far outweighed them. They forced me to commit terrible crimes and they tortured me and I didn’t want it! I didn’t deserve that. What did I do, that was so bad to deserve that? I wanted to have a normal relationship. Man or woman, I didn’t care. But how can I, now? How can Steve, my best friend, even look at me, knowing what they did to me? Or even you, Tony? Why do you treat me with such compassion, knowing what I did? Did you know how many cocks I’ve sucked? How good I was at it? Or how many men fucked me over the years?”

“Do you know what I care about, Bucky? I care about finding these assholes and bringing them to justice, not only for their crimes they committed as Hydra agents but also for what they did to you. So yes, tell me how many men raped you. Tell me about all of them. And they’re going on the list of  “Sick Fucks Who Tony Stark Doesn’t Like Very Much” which, believe me, is a list that they _don’t_ want to be on.”

“I didn’t want it, Tony. I didn’t want any of it. But they made me... And they hurt me, they hurt me so much. I just wanted to die...”

Bucky then let out a low, yet powerful wail of such primeval rage and anguish that Tony felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Bucky moaned again, and then again and again, the tears now falling at volumous amounts. He clutched at Tony’s t-shirt and started to sob, heavily against him. Unsure of what to do, how to comfort him, Tony placed a tentative hand on his back, as Bucky continued to gasp and loudly sob.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok. It’s ok.”

After a long while, the tears ceased. Bucky pulled away, averting Tony’s eyes, as he frantically wiped at his eyes and nose. Tony walked over to the coffee table and grabbed a couple of tissues from the tissue box, handing them to Bucky.

“I’m sorry that I...”

“It’s fine, Bucky, honestly.”

“Your t-shirt is drenched now.”

“Ah well,” Tony shrugged. He grabbed Bucky’s hand and led him over to the sofa, where both sat down. “Feel free to cry on me any time.”

“I can’t believe I just did that. It’s just so embarrassing,” Bucky said, wiping his face with the tissues.

“No, not embarrassing at all. Ok, let me tell you a true embarrassing story. Not long after I first met Steve,  I held a little party at my house, where I proceeded to get incredibly drunk. As per usual. The next day, Bruce is laughing his head off. He tells me that Steve came up to him the night before, told him he was worried about me.” He then affected Steve’s voice. “’Tony just broke three glasses. Then he jumped onto his own coffee table and started dancing to the Village People song that was playing. Then he gave-‘ well, she’s now my ex-girlfriend... but anyway, I gave her a lapdance, then I threw up in the toilet, then I started getting upset about the fact that my dad didn’t give me the affection that I needed as a child. Anyway, Bruce told me that he said to Steve. ‘So, Tony got drunk, broke glasses, danced on a table, gave a lapdance, vomited, and then got maudlin about his neglectful father? Yep, he’s fine. Absolutely fine.’”

Bucky laughed, though not as loud, or with as much zest as Tony would have liked.

“Hey, I have an idea,” Tony picked up the remote for the television and switched it on. “Eddie Murphy hasn’t done just films,” he then used the remote to flick through to the internet setting on the television, going into the youtube website. “He was also in a video clip. Did you know?”

“No, I didn’t know,” Bucky said, in a distant voice that was not his own.

“Michael Jackson.”

“Oh he sounds vaguely familiar.”

Tony decided to pass on ribbing Bucky on the fact that he found one of the most well known entertainers of the twentieth century ‘vaguely familiar’.

“He wasn’t really my kind of music. But I’ll admit he did do great video clips.”

Tony located the correct video clip and clicked on the ‘play’ button. As it started, and Eddie Murphy appeared on the screen, Bucky smiled. Tony started to become immersed in the video, when he became aware that Bucky was no longer watching the screen. He turned his head, to look at him. Bucky was staring back, his blue eyes alight with unconcealed, clear emotion. Tony felt scrutinized, as though Bucky was memorizing every aspect of his face.

“You’re missing the clip,” Tony said, gently.

Bucky turned his attention back to the television. After a few seconds, Tony felt his eyes on him, so, once again, turned back to him.

“You didn’t take advantage of me.”

“I was tempted,” Tony admitted. A sudden thought occurred to him. The attempted seduction was a test, of sorts. Certainly, Bucky would not have consciously even known why he was doing it.

“When I was in that first memory, with the Red Skull, and you appeared. I knew you were going to help me. T’Challa and Steve had tried, of course. But as soon as I saw you, despite everything that had happened, I knew you were also trying to break me of my conditioning.”

“Well I’m... I’m pretty good. I know.”

“Yes you are,” Bucky said. “You’re pretty amazing. Although I wonder if _you_ actually believe it.”

With that statement, Tony felt utterly flummoxed _. Even I know that I’m an arrogant swot._ “Ah yes, I do believe it.”

“It’s funny with the great Tony Stark arrogance. It’s there but it’s not, also. And I see it. I see _you_ ,” Bucky then looked at him, with the same intense scrutiny as he had been gazing at him earlier. “You and your big brown eyes.”

“You don’t need to flatter me, Bucky. I’m already very willing to sleep with you whenever you’re ready.”

 Bucky laughed then leant over and kissed him on the side of his mouth, before resting his head on his right shoulder. “You make a nice pillow.”

Tony placed an arm around his shoulders and closed his eyes, content for a few minutes, to simply sit there, feeling the warmth of Bucky’s body.

He looked down to realise, to his bemusement, that Bucky had actually fallen asleep.

“Hey...” He shook him. Bucky mumbled and turned his head, burying his face in the right side of Tony’s chest, just by the reactor.

 Tony carefully scooted out from underneath him and gently lay him down on the couch, placing the cushion under his head. He then darted into his bedroom and grabbed both blankets off the mattress, returning to the front room and draping one over Bucky, before moving to the armchair opposite, sitting down and curling himself up, and then placing the second blanket over himself. Considering the events of that night, he didn’t think it possible but, within a few minutes, he felt the heavy pall of sleep envelope himself.

Tbc...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[i] “truly incredible”. French translation.

[ii]  “I want you.” Russian translation

[iii] “Make love to me.” French translation

[iv]  “Fuck me, please.” Spanish translation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Nelson and Murdoch' are, of course, also part of the Marvel universe and I do plan on adding a cameo of Matt Murdock at one point.
> 
> It occurred to me that Tony and Bucky should watch the Eddie Murphy film 'Bowfinger' together, as in 'Hey Tony, that actor playing the producer looks exactly like you!'


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Tony continue to get closer... physically as well as emotionally.
> 
> They also decide that it's time that Steve is told about their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once more to all who are reading/commenting/kudosing. :)

Tony awoke, to gentle prodding on his shoulder. He opened his eyes, to wide blue eyes staring back at him.

“Hey,” he smiled, allowing the potent euphoria, that was now becoming synonymous with Bucky’s presence, to encircle and warm his heart.

“I was having this nice dream. Usually, I dream about Winter. Terrible things. But last night, was different.”

“Oh yeah?” Tony sat up a little straighter, in the armchair.

Bucky drew the blanket covering himself tighter around his shoulders, and scooted a little closer to him, gently placing a hand on Tony’s knee.

“I was in the work-room, looking at the cryo-chamber, then I turned around and I saw this red cardinal bird. It was really vivid and bright. It swooped around and then landed on my shoulder. Then it flew out of the room and I followed and then I was in the sun room. You came in and then suddenly we were on a beach. Not the one from my memory before but another beach. This time the sun was shining. The water was calm. I wanted to swim. And you were making some joke about... have you ever heard of a movie called 'Jaws'? In my time on the run, I saw it playing once in an old cinema in London, that plays older movies. It was really good.”

Tony had to restrain himself from openly showing his bemusement at Bucky’s innocence.

_Have I heard of ‘Jaws’, indeed._

“Yes, I have seen ‘Jaws’,” Tony said.

“Ok, well in the dream, you were joking about sharks in the water and the movie 'Jaws'. It was just so _you_. I told you that I wasn’t scared of sharks. Then I woke up.”

“That does sound nice,” Tony said. “Except for the idea of swimming in potentially shark infested waters.”

“Have _you_ ever swum with sharks?”

“Actually, I did once. And it was a pretty intense experience.”

“When my crazy mind is no longer quite so crazy... yes, that’s something I’d like to do, one day.”

“Sounds good. You know, Bucky that I have the money to-“

“Tony I don’t want you to feel the need to pay for everything. I get it. You’re the billionaire and I’m... well...” A slight flush blossomed in his cheeks and he suddenly seemed to find his hands very interesting.

Tony recalled Steve saying a similar statement, on their first date, about not wishing to be ‘bought.’

“Bucky, I have the money and I honestly don’t care. It would be my pleasure to treat you, occasionally. But it doesn’t mean that I’m buying your affections.”

“Well, actually, Steve and I have talked about working together, in the future, if it’s ever possible, with all of this accords nonsense behind us. We’re both soldiers. I guess we’ll probably stick to something in that area.”

"Well, I'm sure I could find something suitable for you in Stark Industries as well. I'm just saying that the offer would be open there, too. Companies are usually built on favouritism and I really need to up my ante, in that area. But you do what you think is right."

"I’m just tired of feeling so damned helpless so much of the time. Like I have to rely on other people just to get through the day, with my crazy, screwed up mind.”

“Hey, you’re not crazy and you’re not screwed up. You’ve come a hell of a long way. And you’ve got it the wrong way around. You’re not _relying_ on people like me and Steve. We are here because you are doing everything on your own, and we want to help to make it a little easier.”

 Bucky seemed to actually consider this. He patted Tony’s knee and rose to a standing position.

“I’m sorry, it must have been uncomfortable, in that chair. It’s ok, you can have the sofa now, I’ll leave-“

Tony stood up and grabbed Bucky’s hand. “Well, seeing as we’ve already slept in the same room together, how about we sleep in a more comfy bed? It’s ok, Bucky,” he caught the sudden anxiety in the blue eyes. “I’m not coming onto you. How about we establish some ground rules, ok? No sex. Just sleep.”

Bucky nodded, appearing to relax more, and allowed Tony to lead him to the bedroom. He felt his stomach clench, as it occurred to him that Steve had been sleeping in the same bed, rather recently.

“Alright? If you’ve changed your mind-” Bucky asked.

“I was just... for a moment, my mind went to Steve,” Tony said. “I still don’t feel fantastic about what happened there, between us. How I treated him.”

“I think you two still have a lot of things to sort out, between each other. The funny thing is that he is just as eager to work it out with you. Believe me, on that one.”

Both lay down on the bed, facing each other and Tony pulled the blankets over their bodies, noting that both were still wearing their clothes from the day before; a Van Halen t-shirt and jeans for himself, and a white shirt and jeans for Bucky.

_Ah well, too tired to change._

“As I keep telling Steve, I think you _both_ need to give it more time. Stop trying to rush being all buddy with each other again.”

“Bucky the psychiatrist,” Tony smiled. “Maybe you and Bruce should take it in turns, giving therapy to both me and Steve.”

“Well, I know _that_ was you being defensive. But some of what I said will sink in. Hopefully.”

Tony couldn’t help but be rather impressed by Bucky’s insight into his own behavioural mechanisms.

“So not just a beautiful face then, Bucky.”

Bucky suddenly favoured him with a somewhat demure expression.

“Tony, can we... snuggle? No sex just... body warmth.”

Tony considered it for a fraction of a second.

“Let’s do it.”

It took a bit of tussling and negotiations to get the right position, not that Tony minded in the least. Finally, after a bit of giggling and faux bickering, Tony lay on his back, with Bucky on his side, leg slung over Tony’s, arm around his waist.

“I don’t usually like snuggling but this is nice,” Tony admitted.

“Mm... _you_ feel nice,” Bucky said. “Warm.”

“Before you came in-” Tony said.

“Oh you mean before I very rudely tried to preposition you, and then broke down.”

“Which I already told you, is completely fine. You seem to keep forgetting that this is _me_ , the _king_ of what others would call inappropriate behaviour. Not that _your_ behaviour was inappropriate in the least. Anyway, my friend Rhodie called me from New York, via Skype.”

“Is he alright? How are his legs?” Bucky asked.

Tony suddenly realised that he did not even ask Rhodie about that, despite being the one to design the new body parts.

_Damn, sorry Rhodie._

“You have a lot of good people around you,” Bucky said.

“So do you.”

“ _Now_ I do. I was thinking, Tony, I want to do something for Steve. I know I can’t ever repay everything he’s done for me. But I want to show him my appreciation.”

“He did it because you’re his best friend and that’s what best friends do,” Tony said. “You’d do the same for him. Anyway, as I was saying, Rhodie told me about these two lawyers, in New York. They’re suing the US government, stating it was illegal to imprison Clint Barton and the others without a trial. And that the accords were illegal, in how they persecuted those who refused to sign.”

“Does this mean that Steve may no longer be regarded as a criminal outcast and may be able to return home? He was talking to me the other day about how he misses the US. And people like Sam Wilson. His _other_ best friend. He does talk about him a lot,” Bucky displayed a level of bitterness, in his tone, that was surprising. Bucky had been deprogrammed, had a new arm, was currently lying in bed with one of the most awesome people on the planet, in Tony’s own mind, and yet he felt threatened by _Falcon_?

“You do realise that he helped Steve in trying to find you? Honestly, Bucky, there is no need to feel like he’s going to take over in the best friend category. It is possible for Steve to have more than one friend.”

“Of course, of course!” Bucky said, a little too enthusiastically.

“When he found out that you were alive, he was desperate to find you. We were doing our Avengers thing and Steve was also looking for you, in possibly the most high stakes 'Where’s Waldo' ever.”

Bucky was silent a moment, his hand lightly clenching Tony’s hip.

“We need to tell him about us, Tony. I don’t want any other secrets from my best friend.”

“Alright, we’ll tell him then.”

“Tomorrow. We tell him.”

“Alright, we’ll do that.”

Bucky suddenly turned and climbed on top of Tony, looking down at him. Tony was about to remind him about their ‘no sex’ agreement, when Bucky leant down and started kissing him passionately. Tony moved to sit up, deciding that the agreement was not exactly binding and, with the wonderful things that Bucky was doing with his tongue in his mouth, he didn’t exactly care, anyway. They released, momentarily, before locking lips, once more. Tony soon found himself responding in a physical way.

“What if one of us triggers the other?” Bucky pulled away, slightly.

“Well, the kissing seems to be alright, for now.”

“To be honest, it’s utterly frustrating because I really want us to screw each other senseless but our damned combined traumatic pasts.” Every so often, a scowl would come over Bucky’s face, which Tony always found to be rather adorable. That moment was no different.

“There’s no rush,” Tony said. “Look, I went into sexual therapy a few years back. I was having some relationship problems with my partner at the time. Anyway, the therapist told me to just slow things down and use safe words, and to introduce new sexual elements one bit at a time. I, of course, ignored that advice and, as a result would often get triggered, during sex. I didn’t tell my partner what was happening so she, as a result, didn’t know what to do, to help me.”

“So what happened, in the end?”

“In the end she left me. Ok, it wasn’t about the sex. There were a lot of things wrong with the relationship. It wasn’t her fault, not at all. It was me. I loved her and she was good for me. But I know what I’m like to deal with. For a while, even until recently, I was desperate to get her back. But then I realised that I couldn’t ultimately give her what she wants. It didn’t exactly feel like a blast of a time, but I let her go.”

Bucky suddenly climbed off him, moving to stand up, from the bed.

“Ok, what have I said wrong?” Tony said, alarmed at the sudden white pallor of Bucky’s face, the slight tremble of his hands.

_Woh woh what have I done?_

“So you had an affair with Steve. And then moved on, to me.”

“No, Bucky what happened was... ok Steve and I have always had this... tension with each other. I guess I always knew at some point something would happen between us. But it was the wrong time. Then... with you...here’s the thing, Bucky. We have seen each other at our worst. Hell, we went all 'Mortal Kombat' on each other. Then here, with my memory programme, I helped you, fine. But you helped me too. I don’t care what those assholes in the past did to us. Right now, they’re not here. Steve isn’t here. Pepper isn’t here. Only you and I are here.”

Bucky stepped closer to the bed, before tentatively climbing onto it, once more, to sit, on his knees, before Tony, his face set in an expression of absolute vulnerability. Tony realised that his next sentence may be the difference between Bucky staying and Bucky rushing from the room.

“I know what an absolute jerk I can be. But I genuinely want this to work. And I truly believe that it can.”

“So do I,” Bucky whispered, then climbed back into the bed. Tony lay down and allowed Bucky to snuggle up against him, once more. Feeling tension leave his body, Tony reached around to tenderly stroke his hair.

“Non ti preoccupare, bell’uomo.[i],” Tony said “Whatever happens, we’ll deal, ok?”

“You have this whole past, with actual healthy relationships. And me, I’m just so broken.”

“Well, in reality there was only _one_ healthy relationship. And you’re not broken. If I had to deal with what you have dealt with, I’d either be dead, in prison or climbing some very soft padded walls. You’re strong, Bucky. You’re a fighter. And this is why I believe that you will, with help, be a fully functional human being again. You also have people who care for you, very much. Hell, Steve was willing to _kill_ me over you! You’ll be alright, ok? Just keep moving forward.” He paused. “Maybe I should try my hand at motivational speaking. I'm rather certain that I would utterly kick ass at it.”

Bucky sat up again, eyes blazing with strong emotion.

“You broke the programming, Tony. I didn’t think it was possible. Mi hai cambiato la vita.”[ii]

“No, _you_ broke it, Bucky. I just gave you the means.”

Bucky rested his head back down on the pillow again, snuggling up to Tony’s side, once more. “Kimi ga iru dake de boku wa shiawase dayo.[iii] I didn’t think that it was possible for me to feel this happy. After everything that happened to me, that I did. But, don’t get me wrong.  I don’t want to put pressure on you to be with me. I’d have no problem with being friends with you. I just want you in my life.”

“Yes, because I’m here, in this bed, snuggling with you, because I want to be _friends_ with you. I’m not going anywhere, alright?”

“You can’t stay here forever. Eventually, you’ll have to go back home.”

“Yes, well we’ll figure something out. I’m pretty damned smart, did you know?”

“I just... why do I get the feeling that I have to almost obsessively hold onto as much happiness as I can, before it all goes again?”

“Hey, don’t get all sad on me now. I admit, I can't predict what's going to happen in the future. And Nostradamus was a complete hack fraud. I can tell you about this book I read that proves it. But right now, things are pretty damned great. That's all that we can hope for. And all of the members of our little mini-Avengers group, here in Wakanda, will fight to make sure that nothing happens to you. You're safe, alright? Just keep telling yourself. You're safe."

Bucky responded by moving more of his body on top of Tony’s and gripping his hip more tightly, with the metal arm that Tony made for him.

*

When he awoke again, he went to sit up, to move out of the bed, when he felt Bucky gently grab his shoulder, moving over to lazily kiss his lips. Tony eagerly responded.

“Mm... what a nice thing to wake up to...” Bucky said, before leaning in, to lock lips once more.

As the kiss deepened, Tony tenderly ran his fingers through Bucky’s longish dark hair, feeling Bucky’s own hands slide down his hips, to his thighs.

“Is this ok?” Bucky said, gently rubbing his hands over the denim covering the long muscles. The metal appendage added slightly more pressure, digging deeper into the muscle beneath.

_Yes, yes that is very nice indeed._

“Is _this_ ok?” Tony asked, as he started unzipping Bucky’s jeans.

“Oh, yes. Please, touch me.”

“Remember your safe word,” Tony said.

“I know. It’s Sweden. And yours is gorilla. Please, don’t stop.”

Tony grinned, undid Bucky’s jeans button and slid his jeans and underwear down his thighs, gently stroking his erection.

“Ok?”

Bucky nodded, and started bucking his hips, in time to Tony’s hand movements. With his metal hand reaching up to grip Tony’s chin, he leant in for a kiss, once more, as his other flesh hand undid Tony’s jeans, pulling them, and his boxers down, to grip at his erection. Tony groaned into his mouth, as Bucky’s hand started expertly working.

“What do you want?” Bucky asked. “What do you want to do?”

This wasn’t Bucky coming to him out of fear, Tony realised. Perhaps deep down both knew, when Bucky accepted entrance to Tony’s bed, that this was going to happen. At least they had passed the first test in not having sex straight away. Even so, Tony momentarily froze, and pulled back, looking at Bucky’s face. He saw no fear, only lust and need.

“Are you sure that you want this?”

“I want this. Do you?”

Tony smirked.

“Have you ever had a man give you a blow job?”

Bucky’s eyes widened a little. “No.”

“Well,” Tony grinned. “I kind of suspect you’ll like it.”

“Tony, I don’t want to trigger you.”

“Oh I want this, Bucky. Believe me. Just let me take care of you.” With that, he slid down the other man’s body, to arrive at his erection. As Tony eagerly took him into his mouth, he realised that he truly was telling the truth. Fear of his own triggering was far from his mind, as he started to eagerly suck and lick, using one hand to jerk, the other to run up and down Bucky’s thighs, and across his stomach. Bucky’s moans were the most erotic sound that Tony had ever heard. In Tony’s mind, Bucky was a virgin. What the Hydra men did to him, didn’t count. That was torture, pure torture. They just happened to use their penises as the weapon.  

There was something so scintillating, in teaching the virgin Bucky what pure pleasure felt like.

“Tony...” Bucky moaned, causing Tony to move his head up and down faster. He felt a tentative hand touch his hair and half expected to feel the pressure of his head being roughly pushed down, in a technique that a lot of his past male conquests seemed to favour. Instead, Bucky very gingerly combed his fingers through his hair.

"So good, so good Tony..."

Bucky moaned louder and Tony felt a stirring of fear, in his stomach, as he remembered the feeling of the final man, in the gang rape, pulling out, from inside his body. Tony’s eyes were closed, so he wasn’t aware what was happening, until he heard the slapping of the man’s erection, felt the disgust of the man’s semen desecrating his face. The memory wasn’t the same as a flashback, he realised. It didn’t bring him back to that night, wasn’t enough to force him to smell, hear and taste the horrific events, once more. But it was enough make him realise he couldn’t go further, with the particular act on Bucky, for fear that it could bring on an actual flashback. He kissed up Bucky’s stomach, telling himself to relax, attempting to calm his thumping heart.

_You trust Bucky._

Tony continued to crawl up his body, to kiss his lips, once more. Bucky suddenly broke from the mouth lock and held Tony’s face in his hands, as he scrutinized him.

“Sweden,” Bucky said. “Let’s just stop, for a moment.”

Tony sat up, on his thighs, looking down at him. It was a somewhat odd sensation, both looking at each other, waiting for his slight anxiety to pass, so they could continue with their lovemaking.

“Three months ago, if anyone had told me that _this_ was going to happen...” Tony finally said.

Bucky’s chest was heaving and a line of sweat was dripping down his forehead, his eyes lustrous, as he stared back at him.

“You will respect me in the morning, right?” Tony jested. “I know I’m easy...”

“Actually, quite the opposite. _Finally_ I have you in bed!” Bucky grinned.

_Alright, I want him right now._

“So ready to get back to it?” Tony asked.

Bucky nodded, reaching for him, and pulling him down to his lips, once more. Tony gripped Bucky’s erection, as he felt Bucky grab his own, sliding his body against Tony’s. For a moment, Tony heard the slapping of their bodies as they rubbed together. He gently pressed Bucky’s stomach, so that he lay down on the mattress, and then moved his own hips up, so their bodies didn’t touch, continuing to stroke Bucky’s erection, feeling Bucky’s own hand superbly working his own.

“Is this ok?” Tony asked, looking down at the slightly shaking, sweating, pink-faced man below him.

“Oh yes... oh Tony...”

_Damn, Bucky..._

He felt Bucky’s new arm go around his back. Bucky’s head flung back and his erection spasmed, in Tony’s hand, as he cried out in ecstasy. Seeing the bliss on Bucky’s face was enough to bring Tony over the edge. He groaned, as he reached the peak of his passions, feeling Bucky’s hand continue to stroke him through his release. As Tony came down, still panting, he looked down, to see the stark reminder of their climaxes on both of their respective shirts. Bucky drew him down for a kiss, which Tony accepted with glee. When they released, Tony looked into Bucky’s face, expecting to see utter contentment there. Instead, Bucky was favouring him with an indeterminate expression.

“Is everything alright?” Tony asked, feeling his heart give a strange flutter, as he pulled up his jeans and boxers and zipped himself back up again.

_You idiot, Tony! Why do you always have to mess things up?_

“It’s just... that’s the first time that I’ve consensually been with another man. And it was...you were amazing.”

_Oh... alright then..._

“I know,” Tony grinned. “I know I’m good.”

“Neither of us was triggered. You were ok, weren’t you?” Bucky said, now pulling up his own underwear and jeans and zipping them back up.

“More than ok. I’ve just ruined your shirt by coming all over it.”

“Oh...” Bucky looked down. “Your t-shirt too. Next time, let’s go even further. Just a little bit.”

“Sounds good,” Tony said. “So I take it that you enjoyed the blow job?”

“You honestly didn’t mind?”

“If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have offered. And yes, I loved hearing your moans. Turned me on.”

“Thank you for proving to me that intimacy can actually feel good.”

Tony felt a slight deflation, at these words, as well as a cementing of his growing list of the Hydra men who had hurt Bucky.

“I’ve thought about this, you know. Fantasized about you touching me. And more than that. You _having_ me, being inside me. And me _having_ you.  Just going for hours. Only we’re not triggered or scared. In my fantasy we’re just both so into it.”

“I’m thinking.... yes we will definitely have to make _that_ a reality, at some point.”

Bucky firmly kissed him, once more, and then pulled back, running his hand through Tony’s hair, looking at him with his usual intensity.

“I love you, Tony,” Bucky said.

“Of course you’d say that after orgasming with me,” Tony grinned.

Bucky smiled back at him, a sudden peculiar, though not entirely unpleasant look in his eyes. It was more as though he was contemplating a rather complex puzzle.

“I’d better go back to my room and wash my shirt,” Bucky finally said.

“Oh, so it’s like that, is it?” Tony joked.

Bucky’s expression suddenly switched from post-orgasmic adoration, to serious.

“We tell Steve today. I want him to know.”

“Alright, we tell him.”

Tony glanced at the time on the digital clock radio. It was seven-thirty in the morning.

“I’d better go,” Bucky said, giving him a peck on his lips.

“Hopefully you won’t run into anyone, on the way there.” Tony pointed to the mess on his shirt. “That may take some explaining.”

“I'll come up with something.” Bucky shrugged.

Tony stood up and walked with him out of the bedroom to the main door of the apartment. After one last lingering kiss, Bucky left, closing the door behind himself.

It suddenly occurred to Tony that Bucky had told him that he loved him. And he had dismissed it with his usual wisecracking.

*

Tony had just snatched a croissant off Jelani, when he spied Bruce, in one of the far tables, an empty bowl in front of him, scribbling on a piece of paper. Stuffing a bit of the croissant into his mouth, Tony ambled over.

“So, I’m thinking the calculations of the energy needed in synergizing-“

“Bruce, have you been paying attention to the news?” Tony said, pulling out a chair opposite him and sitting down.

“You mean the whole Nelson and Murdoch attempt to sue the government? Nothing’s going to come of it, Tony.”

“I don’t know. If anything, I can always count on the people in power to be fundamentally stupid.”

“So why did _you_ sign?” Bruce said, grinning.

In that moment, the door leading out slammed open and Bucky came running in, with Steve right behind him.

“What the-?” Bruce began. Tony didn’t comment, though he had a fair idea as to what this was.

“Come on, Steve,” Bucky turned back to him, as he reached Tony and Bruce’s table. “Try and tag me.”

Steve rushed forward and reached his hand out, only to have Bucky bend his entire body backwards, at the spine. He was quick. Steve only just missed him. Bucky then flipped sideways in the air, as Steve tried to tag him again.

“Fine then!” Steve  jumped up and then sprang off the nearby wall, using his feet, in a very smooth parkour motion. This time, he was  closer. Bucky side-flipped again, to duck the attempted tag. For a moment, both friends grinned at each other, before Bucky ran out of the room, with Steve following quickly behind him.

“I think a certain ex-winter soldier is showing off!” Bruce said.

Tony inwardly suspected so, as well. It was rather cute.

*

“This is not entirely unwelcome news,” T’Challa said.

T’Challa, Tony, Bruce, Steve and Bucky all stood, grouped around each other, in the sun room. Tony would rather be lying on one of the banana lounges nearby and looking at the view of the lush Wakandan forest, out of the panoramic window. He was almost tempted to ask if they could have this conversation while lying down, as impractical as it would be.

“The latest that I’ve heard, is that the US government is only willing to concede on the trial aspect,” T’Challa said. “They are willing to charge you, Steve, and all of your friends and put you on trial, and will only actually imprison the ones seen as truly dangerous. The others, as yourself, will likely be placed on bail. However, if you sign the accords, then they are willing to drop all charges against you.”

“Of course they’d say that.” Steve looked as intense, as when the first discussion about the accords occurred.

 “My guess is they’ll do anything to _not_ put you on trial, Steve,” Tony said. “You’re too loved by the public. I wouldn’t be surprised if a judge finds a legal loophole to drop the charges against you. The others I suspect may not be as lucky. They will, however, most probably imprison Wanda Maximoff. As well as Bucky.”

All eyes suddenly turned to the dark-haired, blue eyed man, who had been quiet throughout the entire discussion.

“I was wondering when the conversation would come back to me.”

“I have been aware of this and have been preparing for that eventuality,” T’Challa said. “When Natasha Romanov released the Hydra information it was encrypted. Also, the American government was quick to use their top hackers to delete as many files as possible.”

“But it was released to the internet!” Bruce said. “Surely there would be back ups of back ups, by internet users. I can’t see how it’s possible to be certain that files released to the _internet_ are lost forever.

“Oh, I very much believe that they would have the power to do that,” Steve said.

“I already know where this is going,” Tony said. “You want me to find, and decrypt, files the American government has deleted, on the Winter Soldier? Give me a couple of days. I can do it.”

“Bucky and I have been working on building proof that he is no longer brainwashed,” T’Challa said. “But we need absolute proof that he was brainwashed, to begin with, when he committed the assassinations.”

“But, with the governments involved denying all knowledge of their part in the brainwashing....How far does this ultimately go?” Bruce asked.

“Unfortunately, I’d say pretty far up,” Steve frowned.

“That’s fine, I’ll find proof of that, too, World leaders, business leaders. If it goes that far, and I’m pretty sure that it does, then I’ll find the proof of their links to Winter,” Tony said. “I just hope there is a Marilyn Monroe JFK sex tape. Ok, that has nothing to do with you, Bucky but, still one can dream... Of course, I’ll have to set back my Iron Man sentinel project, for a while.”

“That would be no problem. My own _human_ sentinels were not exactly happy to hear about your project, anyway,” T’Challa said.

“So why did you let me...? Ah you were just humouring me, weren’t you?” Tony shook his head.

“I started to suspect as such, after a while,” Bruce said. “You are pretty good at manipulating people, aren’t you T’Challa?”

“I didn’t see the harm in both of you working together on a worthy project,” T’Challa said. “I was just... rather certain that it wouldn’t be used in my kingdom.”

Bruce appeared agitated at this. Tony burst out laughing, placing a hand on Bruce’s shoulder.

“Hey, no need let the green biggen out. It’s _funny_! Well, at least now we know the truth.”

“I apologize for any distress the truth is causing,” T’Challa said.

Bruce shook his head but appeared to calm down.

“It’s fine.”

“There is one more thing I would like to discuss. Bucky, Bruce, can you leave the room? I wish to speak to Tony and Steve,” T’Challa said.

Glancing at each other, the other two did as he bid.

The door closed and T’Challa squeezed his hands into fists, and then reopened them, a thin line of sweat suddenly appearing on his upper lip.

“You two will not like this...”

“Won’t like that?” Steve asked, folding his arms.

“A lot of Bucky’s conditioning was based around him being constantly isolated and being made to feel as though he had no options.”

Tony decided that he already did not like where T’Challa was headed, with this line of conversation.

“Of course you, Steve will always be there for him. You’ve made that clear. But you, Tony... you’ve always been seen as a bit more of a... wild card...”

“Why thank you for the compliment,” Tony said, sarcastically.

“A true way to test if he is really healed of the brainwashing, is for him to honestly feel that he is isolated, that he has been betrayed. He has developed a clear close bond with you, Tony. If you were to-“

“No,” Tony said.

“-Tell him that you no longer care, completely reject him, then the psychological-“

“Right, that is not going to happen!” Steve said.

“I am on Bucky’s side here!” T’Challa said. “He would want to explore every possibility. And we would explain to him afterwards, that the rejection was actually fake and the reasons why.”

“Steve’s right. That is not going to happen. Because I’m never going to let it happen. Nor will Steve. I’ll be honest, when you brought me here and showed me Bucky in the cryo-pod, I was very tempted to smash my fist into both of your smug faces. But then I realised that Bucky is the victim here! And now, he’s part of the Tony Stark clan. Once a person is in, they are not getting out. We don’t need to do that test because he isn’t going to be isolated, or rejected. Not ever again. Between us, I think Steve and I can make sure of it.”

 “I’m completely with Tony here. So the ones who brainwashed him abused him and isolated him? Fine, then we do  the opposite. We make sure the Winter Soldier never comes back by showing Bucky love and support. That he is worth more than what they made him!” Steve said.

Tony felt such warmth towards Steve, at this moment, that he could have kissed him.

“I meant no offense,” T’Challa said, deferring his eyesight from the both of them.

“I know,” Steve said. “You want to be certain that Winter is gone. But it’s a test that ultimately isn’t needed. Now that he’s back, he’ll never be isolated again.”

“What he said,” Tony said.

“It is clear you both care for him very much,” T’Challa said, deferentially. “I will allow him back into the room.”

He stepped out and was tag-teamed by Bucky and Bruce.

“Bruce do you mind leaving us a few minutes?” Bucky asked.

“I’m really loved today, aren’t I?” Bruce shook his head.

“It’s alright. Whatever this is, Tony will presumably tell you anyway, after,” Steve said.

Tony shrugged. Steve was absolutely right.

All three watched Bruce leave the room, before Bucky turned to face his best friend, elongating his frame, to appear taller.

“Steve...” he began. “You know how I told you I had fallen for Tony?”

_Oh... so Steve knows that._

Tony realised that, given the depth of the friendship between Steve and Bucky, this reveal ultimately came as no surprise.

“Well, there’s more...”

Bucky frowned, then took Tony’s hand. At seeing this, Steve’s flesh initially paled, before flushing deep red. Usually one to hold his emotions in, there was no lurking in the blue-green eyes, now. The emotion, now directed at Tony, was very clear.

Tony read pure fury.

“It turns out that the feeling is mutual,” Bucky said.

Steve shook his head.

“I should have guessed. You know,  I honestly thought that you’d changed, Tony.”

Both Tony and Bucky spoke at the same time.

“Steve, listen-“ Bucky said.

“I have! Steve-” Tony said.

“You  have done some pretty awful things in your time-“ Steve ignored the both of them, focused only on Tony.

“Steve listen!” Bucky said.

“But this! You can screw around with whoever you want, Tony. Even me. But you don’t do it to Bucky. You just don’t touch Bucky.”

As Steve suddenly rushed him, Tony was suddenly aware that he was about to be attacked; most likely, violently so.

Tbc...

 

 

 

 

 

[i] “Don’t worry, beautiful man.” Italian translation

[ii]  “You changed my life.” Italian translation.

[iii] “I’m happy with you by my side.” Japanese translation.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Steve realises how it feels when one's emotions overcome their logic. 
> 
> Also, Tony and Bucky become very intimate, indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to all who are reading.

Steve grounded his right leg and pivoted, kicking his left leg up and out, diagonally, towards Tony. Tony lifted his knee, to protect his stomach, and Steve’s foot then slammed, rather painfully, into Tony’s left thigh. As Tony’s body was swung sideways by the momentum, almost overbalancing, Steve drove forward again, his hand clenching into a fist, which then pistoned towards Tony’s face. Although he was still recovering from the blow to his thigh, his ( _my beautiful_ ) face was of far more importance to him, in regards to needing to be defended, from the suddenly unstable supersoldier. Tony swiftly moved his arm up and blocked the blow, catching Steve’s fist with the back of his forearm.  Steve’s other fist came in towards his cheek, from the other side, and Tony put his other arm up, feeling sharp pain _(...there’s going to be quite the bruise there later!_ ) as his forearm likewise blocked what would have been rather significant impact to his zygomatic bone, catching Steve’s wrist and driving his arm up, and away, from the impact zone.

“Steve stop it!” Bucky shouted.

Tony suspected that Steve was not going to cease in his attempts to beat the holy hell out of himself, just because Bucky asked him to. This was confirmed instantly, when Steve lifted his knee and kicked out, hard, aiming for Tony’s torso. Tony twisted to protect his organs and felt a sharp strike to his hip bone.

Suddenly Bucky was in front of him. He saw Bucky’s right leg bend and kick up, his foot connecting with Steve’s torso and sending him flying back a good three metres, before very roughly colliding with the room’s only door, with a thud so loud that Tony was certain he was going to go straight through the metal frame and out into the corridor. Instead, however, Steve tumbled to the ground, before instantly picked himself up. Tony noticed that his face was no longer flushed; now the flesh was chalky white, his eyes wide, lips trembling. The only sounds in the room were Tony and Steve’s harsh breathing. Steve’s aberrant loss of control had left Tony utterly speechless, which he supposed was also uncharacteristic of himself. In any other situation, he’d at least see the humour, in such a bizarre turn of events.

_Is someone going to say something, or are we just going to stare at each other, like we’re all players in the reveal of an Agatha Christie whodunnit?_

After what seemed an extraordinary long time, Steve spoke.

“You don’t know, Bucky! You don’t know what he’ll do to you!”

“Oh great! Thanks a lot Steve!” Tony said. “Thanks for the damn trust!”

“For once in your life this isn’t about _you_ , Tony! You just had to go there, didn’t you! Bucky is traumatized and you just had to-“

“This is my choice, Steve!” Bucky said.

Steve finally drew his attention towards his friend.

“No, Bucky-“

“No, _you_ listen! You can’t tell me what to do, who to be with.”

Steve’s tremor seemed to spread to his hands. If he wasn’t acting like the kind of supreme asshole that Tony usually saw himself as, he probably could have conjured up some sympathy for the supersoldier.

“No, Bucky, I would never... I wasn’t...”

“Those men who brainwashed me, who made me do those terrible things. _They_ did that to me. Please don’t. I deserve the choice to do this. And if it’s a mistake, then it’s _my_ mistake.”

For the second time, in as many minutes, a clear emotion showed in Steve’s blue-green irises.  The sudden crumpling of his face clearly echoed his inner turmoil.

“We didn’t want to hurt you,” Bucky lowered his tone.

“No, this isn’t about me, Buck. Tony and I, we don’t work. I understand that. But, Bucky, he’s not...I can’t lose you again. When he hurts you... how do we know that the Winter Soldier won’t make an appearance?”

_Wow! He really is at the ‘me around the time I thought I was dying’ levels of douchebaggery._

 “No, Winter isn’t going to make an appearance. Not ever again,” Bucky said.

“You really think that little of me? You honestly believe that I would do that? That I would hurt Bucky?” Tony felt too shocked to be offended by Steve’s complete lack of trust.

“Tony, with everything that’s happened in the past...Your arrogance is your downfall. I don’t want it to be Bucky’s,” Steve said and it took all of Tony’s control not to launch himself upon Steve, in the manner that Steve had just attacked him.

Instead, though he felt no humour whatsoever, Tony forced laughter. “ _You’re_ talking to _me_ about arrogance?”

“Tony’s right. _He’s_ not the one being arrogant, here. Steve, you’re not listening to a word I’m saying! Also, you’ve just treated Tony with _such_ a level of disrespect, I’m just _amazed_. I really am. Come on, Tony,” Bucky grabbed his hand. “There’s no getting through to him. If he wants to be that way, fine. Let him.”

Bucky started to pull Tony towards the door, clearly intending to walk straight past Steve.

 “Bucky, please don’t go! Look, I’m sorry, alright?”

“ _I’m_ not the one you should be apologizing to!”

Steve took a few deep breaths, before his blue-green eyes locked with Tony’s brown. It was obvious, from the complete stillness in his irises, that he had now successfully clamped down on his emotions.

“I’m sorry,” he said, neutrally. When he looked at Bucky, however, his face once more lit up with emotion. “Can we just talk? Just you and me? Please, Buck.”

Tony could see the conflict in his lover’s wide eyes, before he finally sighed.

“What do you think?” He asked Tony.

Tony was felt very tempted to tell him to tell Steve exactly where he could shove his apology. But then, he reasoned to himself the importance of Steve’s friendship, to Bucky.

“It’s up to you, Bucky.”

Bucky’s lips downturned, his face creasing, with his distinctive stubborn expression. He turned back to Steve.

“Fine.”

Steve nodded. Some of the colour had returned to his face but he was still obviously crestfallen.

_Good. Hope you tell him exactly what shade of asshole he is acting like, Bucky._

 Both wordlessly left the room. As the door closed, Tony walked over to one of the computers and tried not to think about what had just happened, even though his heart was still racing and his left hip, in particular, ached. He was half hoping that Bruce would come in, so that he could complain about what an asshole Steve was, and then Bruce could postulate reasons as to why Steve _wasn’t_ an asshole. After a few minutes, it was clear that his friend wasn’t returning to the room. Figuring that he may as well get started on his hacking idea, he sat down, turned on one of the mainframes and then began hacking into the system. He was starting to make significant progress, when Steve came back into the room. Tony quickly saved all of the information, that he had downloaded, onto the USB attached to his keying and placed it back into his jeans’ pocket.

“Ok, tell me about it, from your side.” Although Steve’s tone was civil, Tony felt himself arc up.

“You think your protecting him, Steve?”

“He is in a very vulnerable place-“

“Yes I know this! Why are we even arguing? Both of us agree that we want what’s best for _Bucky_. Look, I’m an arrogant jerk. But do you really think that I would be the type of man to manipulate a known rape survivor, especially considering what happened to _me_?”

“Darn, Tony. I didn’t even think-“

“Can I record that? I’d love to have it on a plaque; ‘Steve Rogers admits he doesn’t think’. Actually, it’s kind of ironic, considering what an _utter moron_ you have acted like, today, our main concern has been _you_. Neither of us wanted to hurt you.”

“No, you didn’t hurt me-“

“To be honest, Steve, I don’t _care_ what you think about our relationship. I know the depths of my feelings for Bucky.”

Steve looked to be rather stunned by this revelation.

“I’m sorry Tony, I guess I... no I _know_ I overreacted.”

“Oh so you don’t think I’m some monster just out to get what he wants from your traumatized friend? So my de-programming him, the making of his arm, telling him that yes I have feelings for him, that was all just a ploy to get him to fall for me, as a part of some supervillain plan? That’s an even worse plan than Reindeer Games’!”

“Bucky explained to me, in _much_ more colourful words that even you could come out with, how absolutely terrible I was, to accuse you, and then attack you! To be honest, I’m just... I’m pretty ashamed of my behaviour. No, I take that back. Very ashamed.”

“So, finally the great Captain America admits that he’s wrong!”

“You think I don’t admit when I’m wrong? I’m wrong a lot of the time, Tony! I’m _always_ questioning my judgments.” Steve paused. “He’s crazy about you. You know that, don’t you? He utterly worships you.”

“No, he doesn’t. That implies I have some sort of god like status over him. He has complete control to do what he wants.  Does he think I’m suave and handsome and amazing? Of course he does. But then, who doesn’t?  Even _you_ couldn’t resist.”

“I think it’s more that _you_ couldn’t resist _me_ ,” Steve said, clearly attempting to add some humour, to the tense atmosphere.

“You are quite the specimen,” Tony said, dryly.

Steve clenched his jaw, breathing out through his nose.

“Tony, I feel that I wouldn’t be Bucky’s good friend, if I didn’t say this. If you hurt him, I will kill you.”

Tony clenched his fists, digging his fingernails into his palms.

_You were almost there, Steve. And then you just had to go and mess it up again. You should have just stopped at ‘I’m pretty ashamed of my behaviour’! In fact, maybe you should have started there._

“Maybe I don’t want _you_ to hurt _him_. Did you consider that? Maybe not everything is about _you_ , Steve. I never thought that I’d say that sentence.”

Red blanched across Steve’s cheeks. “I would never! Everything that I’ve done has been to help him!”

“Including bringing _me_ here. Remember that. Also, in the dialogue you clearly have going in your brain about how bad I am for Bucky-“

“No, Tony, I’m just-“

“You have not even considered how _good_ Bucky is for _me_. He _sees_ me, in a way that few people ever have.”

“No, Tony I do see that. I need...I need some time alone. To think.”

“Fine. You go do that,” Tony said, folding his arms.

*

“What is wrong with him?” Tony slammed his typing fingers into the keyboard. “Actually, I _know_ what’s wrong with him. He’s Steve Rogers. Which means he is clearly the expert on being the most sanctimonious jerk in the room. Instead of supersoldiering maybe he should have just applied for the position of pope. He’d probably get it, too.”

“Have you considered that he may be feeling a little threatened?” Bruce asked, and then held his hand out towards Tony. “Here, I’ve refigured this USB so that it is completely immune to any virus.”

Tony took the tiny device off him and plugged it into the system. If he was going to start this hacking project, then the first step was to protect himself. Hence, he had finally completed setting up blocks and alternate routes for the inevitable tracking that the NSA would start to embark on, as soon as they realised that someone was hacking deep into their system.

“Why? Because he thinks I’m going to steal his best friend off him?” He almost added a line about high school shenanigans, but then remembered Bucky’s clear jealousy towards Sam Wilson.

“Bucky is one of the few people that Steve allows in,” Bruce said. “I think he trusts Bucky more than anyone.”

Tony considered this concept but then decided that even his immense brain could not fathom the enigma of Steve Rogers.

_Forget him. Let Bucky try and sort him out, if he can._

 “So, it turns out that Hydra wasn’t so successful, when it came to hiding evidence of their activities. There was a group called ‘SHARP’. Shield Hydra Archival Restorative Project. A bunch of hactivists who managed to hack into their files as they were being deleted. I’ve managed to hack into SHARP’s very heavily protected page on the deep web.”

“And?” Bruce ambled over.

“...and it’s not good. For the members of this particular group, that is.” Tony hacked the tight security surrounding the members’ identities and then went into another computer, and brought up their respective social media pages. “This man, Robert Ortis died in a car accident eighteen months ago.” The Facebook page showed a stream of ‘rest in peace’ messages, next to a photo of a man who appeared to be in his late teens. “This woman was shot in a mugging.”

“Tony... this is terrible...”

Tony then brought up a newspaper article.

“This one was placed in prison on drugs charges. Ten years.”

And so it kept coming up, social media pages, newspaper articles, all showing every member of the group now either dead or in prison. Tony clicked out and looked at Bruce. Neither said anything. Both knew what was at stake, perhaps more than the poor members of SHARP.

_I’m so sorry, my hacker friends. But thank you for the legacy. I’ll make sure to get your names, and what you did, out there._

Tony downloaded as many files of theirs as he could onto the USB, then continued typing, redirecting any NSA hackers attempting to track him, to the Oval Office, itself.

_Let’s see if they can believe that POTUS, herself, is now hacking the system._

 “We’ve got a lot to go through,” Bruce admitted.

“Hm...” Tony felt his stomach rumble. “I’m going to see if Jelani can make us some of his supreme cheese toasties.” He took the USB out of the mainframe and repocketed it.

*

“I’ll get Saeed here to bring a plate of fruit and your toasties to you,” Jelani said to Tony, gesturing to the waiter.

“That would be much appreciated, thanks.” Tony then pointed to the ‘too big and bright looking to be real' food, that sat on a tray, on the counter separating the kitchen from the dining room. “That muffin you have there, can I just...?”

Jelani laughed, shook his head and handed it to Tony. “Blueberry.”

Tony took a bite and moaned out loud. “Divine.”

Feeling better, now that he had his food fix, he moved towards the door, whereupon it opened from the other side and Steve stepped inside, almost colliding directly into him. For a moment, both stood awkwardly, looking at each other.

“How are you going, with the whole hacking initiative?” Steve asked.

“A fair way, actually. We’ve managed to find a good amount of information. Will take a while to go through it.  Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just-”

“Tony, I’m sorry,” Steve said. “I was just... I was so utterly out of order. I’m just utterly mortified by my reaction!”

“So Bucky got through to you, did he?” Tony couldn’t quite bring himself to accept Steve’s apology just yet.

“Since you’ve come here, all you’ve done is help him. And this, despite what Winter did. You’ve both suffered terribly. I’m so sorry Tony. I don’t know why I can’t...”

In the vulnerability of his eyes, Tony saw the Steve of before he became the supersoldier. “This is the real me,” Pre Serum Steve had said.

“I thought if anyone had the brains to get through to him, it would be you. My friendship, my caring for him. It wasn’t enough. But you, you got through to him.”

Tony considered Bruce’s theory.

_But it just doesn’t sound like the Steve that I know._

Who is the Steve that you know, Tony? His mind countered. The Steve that slammed his shield down into your arc reactor? The Steve that showed you himself before the serum, who spoke to you of his absolute fear for both you and Bucky? Which one would you prefer?

“Do you know what’s sort of funny? He’s clearly a bit threatened by Sam Wilson. He thinks he’s going to take over, in the best friend department.”

“He’s told you this?”

“No, I’ve just developed some pretty cool new telepathic powers,” Tony said, sarcastically.“We talk about you, you know. Of course we would. You’re his best friend.”

“Yes, a best friend who knows nothing about him!”

“No, that’s not true-“

“Is it, Tony? _You’re_ the one who knows all about his private memories. _You’re_ the one who cured him of the brainwashing. You even made him his new arm. What am I to him? How do I even compete with that?”

So, it turned out that Bruce’s hunch was, indeed, correct. Tony almost felt disappointed that Steve Rogers, of all people, would actually feel threatened, by who his crazy brain saw as a ‘competitor’ to his friendship with Bucky.

_Is it a prerequisite to being an Avenger that one has to be completely unstable?_

“What are you even talking about, _compete_? This isn’t some crazy sport with Bucky as the prize!”

“I know, you’re right, Tony. What am I even saying?”

“Now you finally know how it feels, when emotions overtake logic. Look, Bucky wants us all to get along. Because clearly we’re both important to him. I’m not really good with the emotions talky feeling thing. I can only say that if you want Bucky to talk about his trauma you just have to _ask_ him.”

“I have...” Steve said, his voice low.

“And what did he say?”

“This isn’t my...He told me, in detail about how Rumlow betrayed and then raped him. Repeatedly. I’m not qualified. I can’t help him. I don’t know what to do to help him.”

_Oh not this again!_

“Did you leave part of your brain in the nineteen forties? You already went through this with T’Challa this very morning! Just be there for him. Listen to him. And Steve, we may be together but he’s not going to completely leave you for me, any more than you’re going to leave _him_ for Sam Wilson.”

Steve let out a deep exhale, his entire body seeming to deflate. He pinioned Tony with his blue-green eyes.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I really am. I keep messing up. Badly. I hurt you, again. I hurt Bucky. I’m just. I’m so sorry.”

As someone who was an expert, in his own mind, in messing up and hurting people, Tony felt his defences come down.

“Alright, apology accepted.”

Steve’s smile was one of the most genuine, from him, that Tony had seen for a while, particularly directed at himself.

“Bucky and me are thinking of watching ‘Jaws’ tonight. Did you want to join us?”

_A film with everyone? I guess that should be alright._

“How about we have it in my room, then?” Tony frowned. “Why was I the only one, it seems, who was given an entire apartment, complete with lounge suite, for a room?”

“Probably because T’Challa assumed you to be the prima donna of us all.”

Tony considered this and shrugged.

_Fair enough._

“I was actually just about to pick up some lunch. Bucky and I, we’re just sitting in the sun room. It’s nice in there. Peaceful. If you want to come in and say hello-“

Tony appreciated the effort but he was not entirely in the mood to jumping into being all Buzz Lightyear/Woody with Steve just yet.

“It’s alright, I’d better get back to work.”

*

“Well, there is a lot of information to sort through,” Tony said.

“We haven’t even looked at it, in detail, just started categorizing it,” Bruce, who was sitting next to Tony on the sofa,  leant forward and picked up some popcorn, from the bowl on the coffee table. “Coming up with algorithms to make sorting through it easier.”

“But what kind of information is it?” Steve sat perpendicular to them, in the armchair.

“From what we see, there are a lot of written reports. Maybe half a dozen videos. Those are very heavily decrypted. We’re still working on it,” Tony said.

“Videos?” Bucky sat on the other side of Tony. “I don’t really remember anything like that. Unless it’s of course CCTV footage. There certainly wasn’t any taken when they were torturing me, raping me. As far as I remember.”

Tony momentarily placed a hand on the top of his.

“Whatever you find, I want to see it though,” Bucky said.

“Me too,” Steve said.

“No issues here,” Tony turned to Bruce.

“Of course,” Bruce nodded.

“Alright!” Tony patted Bucky’s knee and stood up. “Let’s watch a movie about a very misunderstood shark who just wants to get closer to people.”

*

As soon as the credits came up, all four men in the room started clapping.

“Well, what did you think?” Bucky turned to Steve, as Tony rose to take the DVD out of the player. Tony didn’t need to hear Steve’s effusive response. It was clear, from his enthusiastic chatter, and gasps throughout, that he had enjoyed the movie.

“Sharks are naturally actually quite shy,” Bruce said. “This idea that they deliberately target humans is a fallacy that has led to the deaths of many of these absolutely majestic creatures.”

“You won’t hear any argument from me, here. I was on the shark’s side, in this one. The world is overpopulated as it is,” Tony said.

Steve stood up and yawned.

“Time for a glass of milk and bedtime story?” Tony asked.

“Actually, I would love to read. The lack of library in this particular part of the palace is disconcerting.”

“I’ll give you my kindle,” Tony said. “It has thousands of books on it.”

“Oh no I couldn’t...”

“Or you can actually read a proper book. Remember those, Tony? With actual pages to turn?” Bruce said.

“You have actual books? You brought them with you?” Tony was impressed.

“Not many. Just a half a dozen or so. Oh and T’Challa leant me a few of his.”

“Do you have any Steinbeck? I quite like him,” Steve said.

“Actually, ‘Of Mice and Men’ is one of my favourite novels. Would you like to borrow it?” Bruce asked.

Despite their current issues with each other, Tony could not help but feel a little inwardly warmed, with the way Steve’s eyes lit up, at Bruce’s suggestion.

“Only if it’s no problem.”

“No problem at all. You can have a look at the other books, too. See if there are any you like.”

Both stood up and Tony escorted them to the door.

“Thank you for tonight. Tony...” Steve began but trailed off. “We’ll talk more, alright?”

Tony remembered Bucky talking about Steve truly wanting work it out between them. He saw no dishonesty on the handsome face.

“Sure. Sounds good.”

_We’ll work it all out and then be fine for a while... until the next argument._

“See you tomorrow for more hacking fun,” Bruce said, sarcastically.

Tony closed the door behind them then quickly came over to sit beside Bucky, who instantly cupped his jaw, leaning in for a kiss.

“So Steve...” Tony began, after they released.

“Steve’s disappointing me, very much, of late. I told him to back off from you,” Bucky scowled.

“He’s just...”

“I know, he’s trying to protect me. Well, he needs to learn the difference between trying to protect and trying to control.”

Tony knew that Steve would be devastated if he overheard what Bucky had just said.

“It’s just his way of coping. He doesn’t know how to help you.”

“Yes, that’s what he told me. Well trying to control who I want to be with is the opposite of helping me. I want to control what happens to this body. He needs to understand that.” Bucky leant forward, to taste Tony’s lips, once more. “Can we... get naked? I want to see your body. And then I want you to make love to me. As in I want you to penetrate me.”

“Alright,” Tony pulled back. “Let’s set down some house rules, before we get into the fun.” He took Bucky’s hand. “Are there any particular triggers for you?”

“Pretty much everything. I’ve been had in so many ways,” Bucky looked down to their joined hands.

“That’s not true. You seem to like kissing.”

“No, they never kissed me. Whores don’t kiss on the mouth. They thought it was a big joke.”

“Ok, how about we talk about what you _don’t_ want to do? Clearly, we’re both ruling out anything that involves pain. Or water sports for that matter. Actually, anything involving bodily functions. How about if I talk about myself? Potential triggers...” Tony thought about it. “The sound of flesh slapping flesh. Being facialed. Being held face down. Being kissed on the side of the neck. Being bitten, especially on the shoulders or neck. Whispering in my ear. I love hearing you talk in another language, Bucky just please don’t do in my ear if we’re... yes, that might trigger me.”

“I won’t do any of those things. Actually some of them I wouldn’t do anyway. I used to hate being facialed...” Bucky’s eyes suddenly shone with unnamed emotion. “Tony, I’m sorry.... I don’t... I don’t like giving fellatio. I always hated it. I think that would be a major trigger for me. Even thinking about it makes me feel queasy. I love you. Everything about you. But I don’t think I could bring myself to...”

“Good, I’m glad you told me that. We’ll take that completely off the table, then.”

“You’re ok with that?”

“Absolutely. So anything else?”

“I don’t like to be face down, either, or to be bitten. And don’t spank me. Don’t pull my hair. I know some people like dirty language. But I don’t. Don’t say anything like how I want it, I want to be fucked. Don’t restrain me, in any way.”

“Ok, these are all likewise,” Tony frowned.

“I guess, if we come to more I’ll say the safe word. I know the main difference is that what seemed to get them all off, was seeing who could humiliate me and cause the most pain. In fact, it was promoted, by the higher ups. The sexual torture was always the most effective way to control me. But I know that won’t happen with you. I know you’ll try everything you can to make it feel good.”

“Sorry, but you’re wrong there. I’m going to try everything I can to make it feel _amazing_.”

“Moi aussi[i], Tony.”

“Alright, we need to talk about protection. Now, I was a complete male slut in my former life. But I was always safe. Even so, I was regularly checked. I was pretty lucky, considering. Last I was checked was actually not long after Pepper left. I was clear. Which wasn’t surprising. Pepper and I were monogamous. Anyway, I haven’t been with anyone since.”

“It’s a miracle I never picked up anything life threatening or serious,” Bucky said. “I was also regularly checked. So were all the  Hydra members. After a year on the run, I decided to get checked again. After Alexander Pierce died there was this rumour... he used protection anyway. Anyway, so I was cleared. I haven’t been with anyone since escaping from Hydra anyway.”

“Ok so we’re both clear. But we can still use protection if you’re uncomfortable-“

“I want to feel _you_ , Tony,” Bucky said, his breath quickening a little.

“Alright, then,” Tony smiled and grabbed his hand, standing him up, and feeling slightly lightheaded. He’d never had so much talk before a sexual encounter. Bucky leant forward and he allowed the kiss, before leading him to the bedroom.

“I’ll be back in a moment,” Tony said, going into the bathroom and rummaging through the cabinet until he found the lube.  By the time he came out, Bucky sat on the bed, trembling a little, with what he suspected was both fear and anticipation. He was also naked. Tony took a moment to appreciate the lovely lines of his muscular body.

 “That is one beautiful body you have, right there. In the Tony Stark Beautiful Body Classification System, you’re a ten.”

“What’s that, out of a hundred?” Bucky jested.

“No, out of five.”

“Ten out of five? Interesting maths there. But then, you are the genius.”

“Alright,” he said, flinging his t-shirt off. “I’ll tell you what I would like to do. As it’s our first time, I would like,” he tore off his socks and pulled down his jeans and boxers. “For you to be the one to top, as in to penetrate me.” He stepped out of the clothes and stood, naked before Bucky, feeling himself respond physically, as Bucky’s eyes devoured his flesh. “As I’ve said before, I think it would be better for _you_ if we do it this way, to begin with. Now if you really do want me to top then we can do it that way. It’s up to you. You’re in control here.”

“I want you to _also_ be in control, Tony.”

“Well, this is me exerting _my_ control. Come on, Bucky, you’ve already told me that you’ve fantasized about what it would be like to have me.”

 “Are you sure?”

“Oh, I’m very positive.”

“Well you need to come here, then,” Bucky said, reaching for him.

They started with the kissing. Tony was more than happy to kiss for hours at a time, if that was what Bucky wanted. Finally, he pulled away slightly, grabbed Bucky’s flesh hand and covered his ring finger with lube.

“I’d prefer you didn’t stick your new metal hand up my ass. For one thing, it may be a tad on the cold side.”

“Tony, what if I hurt you?”

Tony lay down on his back and bent his legs at the knee, spreading them.

“Just go slow. Very slow.”

Bucky’s breath started to quicken, Tony suspected more in anxiety than passion. He closed his eyes, as he felt Bucky’s finger touch his opening.

“It’s alright. Just do it slowly.”

Bucky’s finger entered him and stopped. Tony considered how it felt. It was alright, for the time being.

“Ok, just very slowly slowly move it forward.” As Bucky moved his finger forward, he looked up, to see pure concentration on the handsome face. Tony almost felt oddly giddy. In the past, when he decided to bottom, he’d never had any other male lover bother with such attentions. Usually, they went with shoving their lube covered fingers inside him for a few minutes, then replacing them with their erections. It was always rather rough, which was alright. Tony had always liked it a little rough. But then, if he considered it further, he was almost always... actually was there ever a time when he was sober, when it came to consensually bottoming with another man?

So, this was a first, in more ways than one.

He pulled Bucky closer to him and took his mouth once more.

“Keep it going,” he said.

“Remember gorilla,” Bucky said.

“It's alright for now just...” The finger inched further in. “You’ve got pretty long fingers. If you just curl it... just curl it in...”

Tony felt Bucky press up against the tight bundle of nerves within himself.

“That’s it! Oh yes, that’s it!” He said, as pleasure shot out around his body.

Bucky’s eyes widened and he pressed up against the nerves again, causing Tony to gasp.

“Alright,” Tony glanced at the digital clock radio, as he smothered Bucky’s second finger with lube.

Bucky continued to slowly work his fingers inside of him, almost excruciatingly so, stopping whenever Tony asked, allowing him time to adjust, to overcome any nerves that he may have, before continuing. Tony glanced at the digital clock radio, again. It had been a good fifteen minutes since he had last checked it. Bucky had worked up to three fingers, in that time, slowly scissoring them to stretch him, while continuing to press against Tony’s prostate. At this point, Tony was so overcome with desire that he was starting to get concerned that he may climax before Bucky even had the chance to enter him.

“I’m not hurting you? Please tell me if I am,” Bucky said, for now the third time.

“If this is pain, then give me more. Alright, let’s do it. Your fingers are no longer enough. Just be slow in pulling them out.”

Bucky very slowly did as he bid, as Tony squeezed the lube onto his hand and then covered Bucky’s erection with it. He then wrapped his legs around Bucky’s waist. Bucky was, by now, trembling all over.

“It’s alright,” Tony said, touching his cheek.

_Shouldn’t he be saying that to me?_

Only, any thought of being triggered had fled his mind and his body. Perhaps it was simply that he felt utterly in control of the situation.

“Alright,” he grabbed Bucky’s erection and pressed it against his opening. “Slowly.”

He closed his eyes.

_If I’m going to get triggered now will be the time._

Bucky slowly breached him. Instead of the expected pain, he simply felt pressure.

“Is it ok?” Bucky asked.

“It’s ok.”

“Tony?”

Tony opened his eyes.

“I love you.”

Tony smiled. “Keep going.”

He ran his hands through Bucky’s hair, pressing their mouths together for a kiss, as Bucky ever so slowly entered further into his body. Finally, while buried at the hilt, Bucky stopped.

“Tony...”

“I know, I know it feels good.”

He was enjoying the wide surprise in Bucky’s eyes.

Tony then grabbed Bucky’s hand and placed it on his erection. “Move for me, Bucky. Slowly slowly to begin with.”

Tony watched Bucky’s face, as he started to move, the passion in the wide eyes. It occurred to him that it was still possible to be triggered. But he trusted Bucky. He would stop. He would understand the flashback.

“Move a little faster.”

“Tony...” Bucky moaned.

Tony wriggled a little underneath him, trying to find the right angle.

_Oh that’s it!_

He threw his head back and groaned, as he felt Bucky slam into his prostate again. Then again and again. Tony started to move in time with him, their bodies undulating in a dance of passion, moaning together, the sweat sliding off each other’s bodies. Tony could vaguely hear the slapping of their bodies together but was far removed from it, was too caught in Bucky’s eyes, the look of utter trust and love emanating from the pale blue irises.

“Tony, I think I’m going to...Do you want me to?”

Tony considered it a moment. If Bucky did climax inside him, could that potentially trigger him?

_“Every time, from now on, you try and make love to another, you'll remember this moment, won't you? You'll remember my men forcefully taking their pleasure from you, while you screamed and cried and urinated on yourself.”_

_It was a damned fine Iron Man that I made from the equipment that you gave me in the cave, wasn’t it?_

“Yes, yes do it!”

“Oh Tony...” Bucky thrust a little faster and Tony felt himself drawn into his own, intense climax. He cried out, as he heard Bucky’s own shout of ecstasy, felt the familiar warmth rush inside himself.

“Wow...oh man...” Bucky collapsed on top of him. “Oh man...”

“When you pull out just do it slowly...” Tony said.

Bucky kissed him thoroughly, as he carefully followed his instructions. He looked down at Tony with utter intensity. Somehow, they had done it. Bucky had penetrated him and he had not been triggered.

“Next time I want _you_ to penetrate _me_. I want to feel what you felt,” Bucky said.

“If that’s what you want.”

“Yes, that’s what I want.”

They leisurely kissed once more, before lying down. Tony pulled the blanket up over themselves, feeling Bucky snuggle up against his side. Tony placed an arm around his shoulder and closed his eyes.

 “Dayam, I just made love to one Tony Stark! I think I’m still in shock! Did this really just happen?” Bucky said. “If this is just a very vivid dream, then I’d rather stay in the land of OZ. I’ll even take on the Wicked Witch of the West!”

Tony opened his eyes and turned, nuzzling against his neck. “Does this feel real? How about this?” He ran his hand down Bucky’s sweat slicked chest. “You are so wonderfully sweaty right now. Sex is always a good workout. We’ll have to include it in our daily routines.”

“Thank you Tony. It was... beautiful.”

Tony felt the sudden urge to make a wry comment but then resisted it.

“J'etais heureux de le faire[ii], gorgeous.”

*  
_A hand, clamped over his mouth. Breath against his face._

_The familiar voice sounded, from across the room._

_“Turn him onto his stomach. He deserves to be taught a lesson in hospitality.”_

_Tony felt terror freeze his limbs, as he was turned over onto his stomach, an unknown man lying on his back. A voice sounded in his ear._

_“You slut! You want to be fucked.” American. Could have been any of his previous jock bullnecked encounters. Tony let out a strangled plea for the man to stop._

_Then, it happened again._

_As it had countless times, in his nightmares. Tony was powerless to stop it._

_The man breached him with no concern for the sharp pain that tore through his body. Tony screamed, as the man started to move, too fast, too rough. No, he liked it rough but not like this._

_“Please no-“_

_*_

Tony screamed, jolting awake.

“No, no no no no.”

The dream had felt so intense, so real.  Why did it happen, after such an incredible encounter with Bucky? It didn’t seem fair. He reached up to touch his face, surprised to find wetness there.

“Tony...” Bucky said. Tony turned and buried his face in Bucky’s chest, clinging to him, feeling the tremors that moved through his body.

Bucky’s flesh arm went around him and started stroking his back. Tony pulled back, to look into his eyes.

“You know I love you, right? So very much.”

Bucky’s lips pulled up in his characteristic sweet smile. “I know.”

Tony felt an odd relief sweep through his own body, as he pressed his head back against his chest. “Hm... Bucky, sweet Bucky. Je t’aime. Je t’adore. Je te trouve beau[iii]. Ok, now I’ve got that off my chest, in the most romantic language possible, I think I can sleep.”

 Bucky responded by pressing his hand harder into his back.

“I know you do. It’s  nice to hear it, though. Well, you know how crazy I am about you.”

“Well you’re only human.”

Tbc...

 

 

 

 

 

 

[i] “Me too.” French translation.

[ii]  “I was happy to do it.” French translation

[iii] “I love you. I adore you. I find you beautiful.” French translation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to OMOWatcher for the 'SHARP' idea. :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Tony continue to sort out their relationship.  
> Tony and Bruce show the others what they have collected so far, in terms of evidence of Bucky's brainwashing and torture as the Winter Soldier.  
> Bucky and Tony go on a 'date' of sorts, with mixed results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'm very appreciative of all my readers :).

_Well, just look at this. Beautiful bed. Beautiful room. Beautiful, no...wonderful... what a wonderful world. Louis Armstrong, my good man, you had it right._

Tony threw the blankets off himself and yawned, before stretching and relishing the contented sigh of his muscles. He then swung his legs around and placed his feet on the ground, grabbing his dressing gown off the end of the bed and throwing it on himself, before stomping over to the ensuite, as he felt the twinge of his full bladder.

Only the ensuite was already occupied.

_And there he is. What a wonderful Bucky. Damn, Tony! You’re just cra-cra-crazy over this one._

Tony stood in the doorway, for a moment unable to cease what he assumed was probably the most ridiculous looking grin, from curling up his lips. Tony had never quite before appreciated the fact that Bucky was a good three inches taller than himself, until that moment, when Bucky turned, to face him. He had, evidentially, helped himself to one of Tony’s Black Sabbath t-shirts, which clung quite nicely, and tightly, to his muscular physique. A red toothbrush hung from his lips.

_Hey, that’s my toothbrush!_

“Please do help yourself,” Tony said.

Bucky turned to the sink, spat out the toothpaste and then turned back, looked Tony up and down and said “I already have.”

“Oh you deliciously saucy minx.”

Bucky laughed.

“You do realise that it’s seen as a bit disgusting to be using another person’s toothbrush?”

“We’ve both put our mouths on far more unhygienic things. I wouldn’t be too worried,” Bucky said, turning on the tap and placing Tony’s toothbrush under the running faucet. “When I was on the run, I always had a toothbrush. It probably sounds odd. I could go for days without food or shelter. But it seemed important, somehow, to at least have clean teeth.”

“That time must not have been the height of fun, for you,” Tony said, watching him turn off the tap and replace the toothbrush in the holder, under the cabinet.

“Actually, it wasn’t too bad. When I was Winter I was used to having it rough. They gave me enough food and water but that was about it. Never anything tasty, mind. Food was just seen as fuel, to give me the energy to complete their objectives.”

“What did you do for food and shelter, when you were on the run? Did you work?” Tony asked.

“Sometimes I’d pick up the odd job cleaning dishes or picking fruit. I was good at finding abandoned places to squat. I even considered at one point...” He laughed. “I thought, well they made me into their whore, maybe I could now get paid for it. But, ultimately, I just couldn’t do it. There was one time, I was sleeping under this bridge in London, these four guys came up to me. Very drunk. Offered me a hundred bucks for their friend to fuck me. Said it was his buck’s night and he wanted to know what it felt like to fuck a guy. They said I was ‘pretty’ for a homeless guy,” he sneered. “I told them where they could stick that idea. They didn’t like that very much. One of them, the ringleader, said if I was going to be an uptight queer, then all of them would fuck me to teach me a lesson. Don’t worry, they didn’t touch me,” he said quickly, correctly interpreting the expression on Tony’s face to be one of horror and anger. “And I didn’t kill them. But I did break the jaw of the ringleader and the groom-to-be would be attending the wedding with a broken arm. The other two ran off.”

Tony stepped closer and placed his arms around him.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I don’t want to be talking about my terrible past all the time. Must be depressing for you to hear,” Bucky said, returning the embrace.

“I like to think that we’re working through it. There’s a lot to unscramble. We’ll get there.”

Bucky pulled back a little and ran his hands along the front of Tony’s dressing gown.

“This dressing gown is so soft. Like silk.”

“That’s because it is.”

 “You are such an incredible fop!”

“When you’re as _gorgeous_ as I am, it’s important to keep up appearances.”

“Hm... that’s true. You _are_ gorgeous.” Bucky leant forward and brushed his mouth against Tony’s. He tasted of toothpaste.

“Alright, you need to get out. I’m not going to be one of those couples who pee in front of each other. But Bucky, please tell me you haven’t showered yet?”

“Well, I was going to do it after-“

“After I finish peeing? Now that does sound like a good idea!  Especially if you’re going under the shower with me.”

*

“Well, yes, they’re very elegant creatures,” Bucky said.

Tony and Bucky were walking down the corridor, headed to the main dining room. Bucky had put on Tony’s Black Sabbath t-shirt again. It was this instigating factor that led to a rather profound reveal. So, it turned out that Bucky was fundamentally flawed. Earlier, he had admitted that he did not know the band that well, so Tony had looked up ‘Paranoid’ on his mobile and played it, for him. Bucky had then scrunched up his nose and made a startling declaration.

“Oh _that_ song! I hate that song!”

Tony was about to make a wry remark, to the effect of it wasn’t for the mutual masturbation in the shower, he’d be throwing Bucky out of his room, for blasphemy, but then decided against it, in  case Bucky actually took him seriously.

Looking at him now, he could forgive the Black Sabbath lapse... particularly after Bucky admitted that a few more of their songs were “Ok, I guess.”

(Although Tony strongly suspected that Bucky had just said that to shut him up, after he had ranted to him for five minutes as to why ‘Paranoid’ was also the best album ever made.)

“See, I was always talking about getting a pet but now it makes sense, why I could never decide,” Tony said, continuing the conversation. “I just hadn’t thought of the right one. But yes, a puma. A big beautiful black puma.”

“Woh woh hold on! A pet? I wasn’t talking about-“

“Oh, don’t worry Bucky I know they’re unsafe. But I’ll get it declawed and defanged and-“

He stopped, at the revolted look in Bucky’s eyes.

“It’s a wild animal! You can’t just have it in your home.”

“You... care about pumas?” Tony asked, taking his hand.

Every so often, when talking about something that was clearly important to him, a slightly demure, yet conversely passionate and defiant expression would come over Bucky’s face, that seemed only particular to him. Tony realised that noticing these Bucky-centric expressions, was vastly becoming one of his favourite hobbies.

“I .. like zoos. In my two years on the run, I visited dozens. Wild animals are far nicer than humans.”

“Except when they rip your throat out,” Tony replied. “Alright, alright. I won’t get a puma, then. Probably pee all over the carpet, anyway.”

Bucky burst out laughing. “I’m glad you’ve seen the error of your ultra rich ways. It is a rich person thing isn’t it? Having a wild animal as a pet? I just don’t get it.”

They reached the dining room and Tony let go of his hand, to push open the door, before both made a beeline for Jelani.

“Tony and Bucky! Good morning! Tony I have a banana, almond and passionfruit smoothie today, that I have made especially for you. I guarantee you that you’ll enjoy it.”

“Sounds good to me,” Tony said.

“And Bucky, I’ll tell you the secret to making good pancakes. Rather than normal milk, use butter milk.”

“Thanks for that, Jelani,” Bucky said, flashing him his sweetest smile.

Jelani then winked at Tony. “I’ve been giving Bucky some advice on cooking. Just simple techniques, to begin with.”

“Well, I’m one of those _ultra rich_ snobs who doesn’t care how the food is made, as long as it finds its way into my stomach. Having said that, I make an insanely good tiramisu,” Tony said.

“Maybe we should have a bakeoff,” Jelani grinned.

“I said it was insanely good. I didn’t say it was of your standards,” Tony said.

 “Saeed will bring the menus over for you,” Jelani gestured to the waiter.

Tony and Bucky then wandered over to the nearest table and sat down, in time to be handed the menus.

“Banana pancakes, thank you,” Bucky said,  handing his menu back.

“The smoothie and the fruit muesli for me,” Tony said.

“Like I said, as Winter, food was just seen as fuel,” Bucky said, as Saeed moved away. “But in my time on the run, I did taste a lot of different food, in a lot of different countries. I started to develop an interest in food as something more than fuel.”

“Oh I completely understand where you’re coming from. I _love_ to eat.”

“I’ve noticed,” Bucky smiled, before leaning in, closer to Tony, grabbing his hand, once more, as a Bucky-centric mischievous look crossed his face. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

_Here we go._

“What’s that?”

“Black Sabbath is a terrible band.”

“Right, that is it! You are so dumped!”

“I’m going to take this shirt out and burn it!”

Tony shifted in his chair, suddenly uncomfortable with the effect that Bucky’s impish expression was having on his body.

_We’re going to have to have sex again, very soon._

“You take that back!” Tony said, snatching his hand away.

Bucky shook his head.

“Alright, no kisses from me then, for the rest of the day.”

“No, that’s just unfair,” Bucky faux pouted.

“Alright, then,” he cupped Bucky’s jaw, leaning in close. “Repeat after me. Black Sabbath-“

“Black Sabbath-“Bucky repeated.

“-are the pinnacle of music.”

“-are the pinnacle of music,” Bucky repeated.

“Good,” Tony let go of his jaw. “Oh, you wanted a kiss now? Was that what-?”

He was stopped, by Bucky’s lips on his, Bucky’s tongue voraciously gaining entry. Tony moaned, running one hand through his hair, his own tongue fighting for control with Bucky’s, his other hand running up Bucky’s thigh, relishing the feel of the broad muscle.

“Feeling better now?” Tony asked, as they pulled apart.

“Much better.”

Feeling a presence behind them, Tony turned, to a rather fidgety looking Bruce.

“I didn’t want to interrupt. Do you mind if I join you?”

Tony pulled the chair out beside himself.

*

“I had  been in Kolcatta for less than a day,” Bruce began. “Anyway, this very distraught child comes up to me, asks if I can look at her mother. She’s very sick, she explains. So, I go to this hut, at the edge of the village, to this woman. She didn’t appear to have leprosy but she did appear to be in a fair amount of pain. The daughter confirmed, explaining that she was _saying_ that she was in pain. So I said to her ‘pain’ or what I thought was the Bengali word for pain. There she was, moaning about being in pain and I kept saying to her ‘bhala’.”

“You didn’t?” Bucky said, and then started laughing.

“So, of course the woman starts screaming at me. I could pretty much understand the context when she also started throwing things at me. Later, I realised my terrible mistake. So basically, Tony, the woman was saying ‘I’m in pain’ and what I was actually saying to her wasn’t ‘pain’ but ‘good’. ‘Bhala’ is ‘good’ in Bengali.”

Tony joined Bucky in laughing.

“How did you get it so wrong?”

“I don’t know!”

“So what is the word for pain?” Tony asked, picking up his cup of coffee and sipping from it.

“Byatha,” Bucky said.

“Is there any language that you don’t speak, Bucky? Can you say ‘Tony, you are the sexiest man alive’ in Bengali?”

“Tony you are the sexiest man alive in Bengali,” Bucky said, grinning.

“Well you did ask him to say it,” Bruce said.

“If you’re going to be cheeky, then I’m taking the arm back,” Tony teased, grabbing Bucky’s new metal arm by the hand and yanking it towards himself.

“No, it’s mine, it’s my arm. That’s my arm,” Bucky said, laughing and pulling the arm back towards himself.

“Sorry, Bucky...” Tony started tussling him for the arm.

 “Steve!” Bucky suddenly said. Tony turned, to see Steve entering the room. He then quickly released Bucky’s arm.

“Hey Buck. Tony. Bruce.”

Bucky patted the fourth empty chair, at the table. “Bruce, tell Steve what you just told us. It’s pretty funny.”

Steve stared at Bucky’s t-shirt a moment. His eyes then slid to Tony, his expression opaque.

*

Five hours later, the four men, as well as T’Challa, stood around a different table, in the work-room. Not a single person was laughing, at this time.

“We’ve taken the liberty of printing some of these pages out,” Tony said, as Bruce handed a copy of the first set of papers, to each other man. “For reference. Winter is referred to as ‘The Asset’. Now, we’ve highlighted some parts. Of course, this is written in Russian. I’ll translate. This is dated September nineteen forty-four. If you go to page five. Alright, at the top.” Tony started to read, off the page. “’The asset remembers the following words: mum, dad, Brooklyn and Steve. Conditioning failed. The asset still remembers the words. Further conditioning needed.’”

Tony handed out more printed pages. “This is from October of nineteen forty-five. Ok, go to page seven.  Highlighted section. ‘The asset broke containment. Conditioning failed. The asset says the following words: help. No. Please. Further conditioning required.’”

Tony placed down the paper and picked up another one, deliberately not looking in Bucky’s direction. For the sake of everyone in the room, he had to stay professional, through this.

“Ok, if everyone will go to the papers marked ‘April nineteen sixty-nine.” Tony waited until the others had found the right papers. “Again, page seven. Highlighted section. ’The asset showed an emotional display. Tears. Conditioning failed. The asset says the word mother. Further conditioning required.’”

Steve placed the papers down.

“Ok, these red papers here. March nineteen eighty. Page thirteen. ‘The asset recalls his name. Further conditioning required.’”

Tony noticed that Steve had not picked up the papers again and instead stood with his arms folded, looking down solemnly, at the paper filled table.

“There are a hundred of these papers. Every one lists instances of Winter failing the conditioning, all the way up until those lovely days with Pierce. Their response was to just continue with the ‘reconditioning’ until he was back to their version of ‘normal’."

"We have also found a lot of evidence, of government mandated assassinations, by Winter. Pretty much, the government was bumping off anyone that was against their interests, right up until very recently. Not just the USA or Russia, either. We’ve taken the liberty of making a list of every person killed by Winter, that we’ve found so far,” Bruce said, handing the papers, to the group.

“This is a very dangerous list to have,” T’Challa said. “I have no doubt that any government would kill to keep it a secret.”

“There are a couple more things, we wanted to show you. One is a medical report,” Bruce said, handing out the papers around. Tony noticed that Steve again didn’t pick up his copy. Instead, he wrapped his arms tighter around himself. “Proving not only torture but also sexual assault.”

Although both T’Challa and, oddly, Bucky picked up the paper and started to read, Tony noticed that Steve physically took a step back.

“This is sickening,” T’Challa said, as he put the paper down.

Bucky placed his copy back down onto the table, looking rather more peaky. Tony had only read the report once. After terminology such as ‘severe anal trauma’ and ‘evidence of multiple penetration’, the report finished with the sentence ‘Recommend surgery asap to repair asset back to functional capacity.’

Functional capacity, the words had milled around in Tony’s mind ever since.

“There’s... something else. It’s a video,” Tony said. “I’ll have to use the USB for this.” He clicked into the device and located the right file, before moving to stand beside Bucky, as he leant forward to press 'play'.

The video showed Bucky, tied down to a chair, in what appeared to be an empty warehouse, looking dazed, his usually vibrant eyes now dulled.

“Sir, sir the reprogramming isn’t working,” a generic American sounding voice said, off camera.

A overly muscular blond man, dressed in full army fatigues, then stepped in front of the camera.

“Do it again!” The man ordered. Clearly Texan, from the accent.

The usual countdown started.  Bucky’s eyes rolled to the back of his head.

“Freight car.”

“Please...Rebecca...Rebecca...” Bucky implored the man, the words slurred.

The Bucky standing beside Tony suddenly gasped.

“Take him away. Time for some more severe reprogramming.” The man ran a hand through Bucky’s hair, as the younger man’s head rolled, to the side, as though he could barely keep it upright. “I always enjoy the breaking part.”

The screen went blank. The same scene came up again, only this time, the Bucky in the chair was clearly distressed. His clothes were in disarray, his face bruised and bloody. His gasping sobs and incessant shaking attested to trauma not visible, on the screen.

“....freight car,” said the same voice, off camera.

Bucky’s head suddenly dropped down, the sobbing and trembling ceased. His head then came up again, his face now utterly expressionless, his eyes cold, predatory; the eyes that Tony had looked into, when Winter had fired a gun in his face.

“Gotovy Soblyudat.”

“That’s it,” Bruce said, turning off the video.

“Bucky, are you alright?” Steve asked, as Tony placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. Feeling tension in the muscle, he started very gently kneading the strained flesh.

“I can’t believe they would film that. How could they be so stupid?”

“More arrogant, I’d say,” Bruce said. “Thought they could get away with it.”

“Bucky, who’s Rebecca?” Tony asked, gently.

“Sister,” Steve explained.

“I haven’t thought about her in so long...” Bucky said. “About any of them.”

“This is incredible,” T’Challa said. “Absolutely amazing, what you have found.”

“This is only the beginning. We’ll find more,” Tony said.

*

A few hours later, Tony took the USB out of the hub and repocketed it. Beside him, Bruce took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

“Searching through hours of  brainwashing, murder, torture and rape is rather draining. Who would have thought of that?” Tony said.

“Tony, this is incredible, though. Not just our government but others around the world, have been secretly assassinating people for years. And now we have proof! I think we should go public. Give this information to the people.”

“I’ve already thought about this,” Tony admitted. “I’ve been working on a programme in which the information, when released to the web, will be repeated, multiple times. So, the NSA will have a fun time, trying to block something that is continually being released thousands of times over. Of course, it’s just an idea, for now. We’d have to discuss it with the others. Particularly Bucky.”

 “Speaking of which, you and Bucky seemed in an extraordinary good mood this morning.”

“Oh that’s because we had sex last night.”

“Yeah, I figured as such,” Bruce shook his head. “Well, it is nice to see you both smiling and laughing.”

In that instance, the door behind them opened and both Steve and Bucky walked in.

_Well, speak of the simply edible looking, gorgeous devil._

“Anything new?” Bucky asked.

For a moment, Bruce caught eyes with Tony. They had decrypted another video but Tony had requested to Bruce that the contents of that particular video be kept secret, for now. He wanted to spring the footage on Ross, at exactly the right time.

 “The other videos ended up being too scrambled to be useful,” Bruce said.

“But we have found multiple evidence of your brainwashing, Bucky and forced brainwashing at that, as well as torture. As well as more of the people assassinated. I’m pretty sure that the relevant governments involved would _not_ want this information getting out,” Tony said.

“All the more reason to let the information out, don’t you think?” Steve asked.

“I don’t exactly want the whole world knowing about the rapes,” Bucky said.

“We can leave that part out,” Steve said, soothingly. “Bucky, this would be good for you. The world needs to understand that you are not a monster. You were forced to do the things that you did.”

“We don’t have to talk about this now,” Tony said, seeing the insular unease that washed over Bucky’s face.

“Anyway, Bruce... these two need to talk,” Bucky said. “How about we see what Jelani is cooking up.” As he passed Steve, he placed hand on his arm. “Remember what I told you about actually _listening_ to what Tony has to say?” He then turned to Tony. “See you soon.”

Both Steve and Tony watched the two others leave the room and close the door.

“So Bucky’s giving you some Tony 101 psychology lessons? What else did he say?” Tony turned to face Steve directly.

“That sometimes I’m an absolute fat head who is so determined to have my way I just bulldoze over other people.”

“Fat head huh?” Tony couldn’t help but smile at the somewhat antiquated language.

“Tony, you need to understand, I’m still processing. Bucky, he went in and out, so he was able to acclimatize, somewhat, to the changing of the years. I just went from the nineteen forties, to now. It’s not really about looking at movies, or books. _Everything_ is different. I had to look up things like women’s liberation and the civil rights movement! Don’t get me wrong, these are great, positive changes. But I’m still adjusting. Sometimes, I think I just go straight into nineteen forties mode. Fight the imagined bully. I’m not excusing my behaviour, at all. I guess I’m just trying to explain it.”

“Look, I get it that you have issues to deal with. Believe me, I do,” Tony said.”But you need to curtail the urge to just lash out. Especially for Bucky’s sake. He’s suffered in ways that I can’t even imagine.”

“So have you,” Steve said. “Bucky’s right about the bulldoze thing. I even catch myself doing it, at times.”

“You can’t just rearrange life to your will, Steve. It doesn’t work that way. In fact, the more you do, the more it will go the _other_ way. Life is messy.”

“I always accuse you of being selfish and arrogant but I’m guilty of the exact same thing.” Steve visibly straightened. “Tony, what do you need to tell me? I’ll promise to listen.”

 “Well, if you put me on the spot like that... I don’t know...I feel like we’ll talk and we’ll seem to sort things out and then we’ll just argue again!”

“I don’t want to keep arguing, either!”

“Then why are we doing it?”

Steve shook his head. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

“Alright, what are _you_ angry with _me_ about? Let me know right now. Is it the t-shirt?”

“T-shirt?”

“I know that you noticed that Bucky was wearing my t-shirt this morning.”

“Oh that! No, that didn’t bother me. It just surprised me, that’s all.”

Tony wasn’t sure if he entirely believed him.

“Alright, you want to hear what I’m angry about? I’ll admit that I’m pretty annoyed about you trying to kick my head in yesterday! I’m angry that you don’t trust that I would not hurt Bucky.”

“That’s fair,” Steve said.

“The only reason why I didn’t blast a torpedo of Tony Stark rage at you was for Bucky’s sake. I didn’t want to endanger your friendship with him. So what did you truly believe would happen? How do you believe that I am going to hurt him? That I’m going to just dump him for someone else? Can you see how hurtful that is, to me, that absolute lack of trust?”

Steve nodded. This time, his eyes did not hide their emotion. “I understand.”

“We can’t even be intimate without being terrified about triggering the other. That is what our life is like right now! I would have thought that you, of all people, would have some respect for that!”

“Yes, of course, Tony,” tears shone in Steve’s eyes.

“So yes, in your mind I just jumped straight into a relationship with the most damaged person here. Because I’m _that_ kind of asshole.  Why not? It’s all fun and games for Tony Stark. The fact that I was also raped didn’t even enter into your mind. They come back to me at night, did you know?  For years, I’ve had nightmares. And it’s so real, it’s like I’m literally there, being raped all over again.  Did you know that I urinated on myself? That they tore me up inside?”

Steve shook his head, the tears now running down his face.

“It took me _years_ to be fine with being even touched in an intimate way, by another person. Another man, that’s a whole other...I still have a lot of trouble. But I honestly tried to make it work with you. And I’m trying to make it work with Bucky. Even though I’m risking triggering myself, I want to be with him that much.”

“Tony...” Steve looked so distraught, that Tony felt his anger started to dissolve. He knew that Steve would be truly hurting from the pain that he had caused him.  What was the point in just adding to it?

“So now you understand,” Tony said, quietly.

Steve nodded. “I can’t apologize enough.”

“I don’t need your apology. I just need you to understand.”

Steve wiped his eyes once more and nodded.

“Alright,” Tony reached out and touched his upper arm. “We alright?”

Steve nodded, once more. “I’m glad you said that you really did try, with me. I know it didn’t work out, with us. But, from my side, you were with me and then you were so suddenly with Bucky...”

“My timing is always awful, I know. But when I was with you, I honestly was trying to make it work. I’m not _that_ much of an asshole, Steve. At least, not anymore.”

“I know. And I do see how good you are for each other. Bucky is just so happy of late.”

“Yes, much better than when he was trying to kill us all.”

“And _you_ seem so much happier, too.”

Tony smiled. “So what’s the plan for tonight?”

“Actually, T’Challa, Bruce and I are watching this film called ‘Duck Soup’. There’s this group called the ‘Marx Brothers’-“

“I know them,” Tony said.

“I thought I’d leave you and Bucky alone. Have a date night. Enjoy yourselves.”

Tony could see, from Steve’s earnest face, that he meant it.

“Sounds like a good idea.”

“Tony, I’m glad you told me. I really am. I’m going to try and be more understanding. Stop acting like a dick, isn’t that what you’d say?”

“We’re alright, Steve,” Tony said.

Steve nodded, looking relieved. “I’ll go get Bucky.”

Watching him leave, Tony wondered if it was truly the end of their issues with each other.

_Maybe we need a damned relationship counsellor. Yeah, that would go down well._

Tony amused himself with an image, in his mind, of him and Steve, sitting on opposite sides of a sofa, facing a very nerdy looking man with glasses and a pudgy stomach, asking them to talk about their ‘feelings’.

The door leading out opened and Bucky stepped inside.

“So did you sort some things out?”

“I think so.... for now.”

“Good, good,” Bucky leant in for a kiss.

“So what did you do today?” Tony asked, taking his hand.

“T’Challa took us to his personal zoo.  I think he wanted to take our minds off... everything.”

Tony felt his stomach flutter, at the spark in Bucky’s eyes.

“How many panthers were there?”

“They are such incredible creatures. Just magnificent.”

“So what do you want to do?” Tony said, kissing him on the neck, feeling his stubble brush against his lips.

“I was thinking of looking up Rebecca... a memory of her... but then I realised that it would probably just make me sad. She’d be long dead, by now. I’m so tired of looking into the past. Can we make a decree for tonight? Can we agree to not talk about my messed up past? Just for one night?”

“Whatever you want,” Tony said, kissing him once more. “So what do you want to do now?”

“I want to make love. I’ve been thinking about it all day.”

“Woh Bucky! We’ve got all night! At least wine and dine me before the sex.”

Bucky smiled his sweet smile. “Alright, dinner first.”

*

Tony downed the last of the wine, in his glass, and then picked up the bottle on the table, examining the label.

“This four thousand dollar bottle probably tastes the same as a hundred dollar bottle. Maybe I should try one of those far less expensive wines, one day.”

“Your _ultra rich_ snobbery is showing, Tony. I would assume that, for most people, even buying a _hundred_ dollar wine, would be seen as a great expense.”

“Yes but you still _adore_ me, despite my billions.”

“I didn’t say that I didn’t. I just think that your money insulates you, somewhat, from the way other people live.”

“Bucky from the Bronx,” Tony said.

“Exactly. Even before I was made into Winter, my family wasn’t exactly flush with cash. Nor was Steve’s, for that matter.”

“Well, just as you were born into a family without much wealth, I was born into a family of wealth. It’s all I’ve known.” Tony frowned. “This seems to be a bit of an issue, for you and Steve.”

“I’m sorry, Tony,” Bucky said, looking abashed. “It’s not like you flaunt your money, or brag about it, like some rich folk do. I shouldn’t be giving you a hard time.”

“I get it,” Tony shrugged. “I _can_ be a snob, at times. Maybe I _should_ be told when to pull my head in.”

“But not from me. I’m your partner. I should be supporting you, not condemning you.”

“Bucky, if you think I’m acting like a bit of a jerk, you can tell me. I’m not going to get hurt. I know your intentions come from a good place. You care for the ‘average’ person. That’s actually pretty sweet.”

“So do you. Despite all of your posturing, you really care about other people.”

“I was just thinking...you are just insanely gorgeous. Has anyone ever told you that you could be a model? I’ve bet more than a few people have given you that corny line.” 

Bucky smiled, shook his head, and placed the wineglass to his lips, taking a sip. Tony then bit into his shrimp fritter and moaned. “He has done it again! Just give me a second.”

He stood up and ambled over to the counter. “Jelani! This time, you tell me the secret!”

“I’m glad you like it, Tony,” Jelani said.

“Like it? It’s divine!”

“Thank you, I appreciate you telling me that.”

Tony then came back  to the table and sat down.

“See, he’s-“

Bucky’s eyes were vacant, his breath coming in and out, in pants that were clearly too fast and shallow.

Flashback, Tony thought, his stomach muscles twisting painfully. He suddenly remembered T’Challa’s technique to help him, when he had gone through one of his own.

“Alright, Bucky, I’m going to grab your hand, alright?”

“Ok, ok,” he said, clearly struggling to get the words out.

Tony grabbed his hand and placed it on his chest, to the right of the arc reactor. “Feel my chest, moving up and down?” He deliberately started deeply inhaling and exhaling. “There it is. The breath. In out. In and out. It’s alright, Bucky. You‘re having a flashback. Just focus on my breath.”

Tony closed his eyes.

_In and out. Just like my flashbacks. That’s it, Bucky. Concentrate._

 Gradually, he heard Bucky’s breath start to align with his own.

_That’s it. That’s it._

He opened his eyes. Bucky took a few more deep breaths. His face was still lacking the pink hue of his complexion, but he at least appeared a lot calmer.

“I’m sorry, Tony. The food is delicious but I can’t... I can’t have any more. Can we leave?”

“Of course, Bucky.”

Bucky waited until they arrived in the work-room and closed the door, before talking.

“I’m sorry-“

“No need to apologize at all.”

“I didn’t want to talk about the past tonight! But...I was lifting the wine bottle, to top up your glass and...Rumlow. It all came back. After raping me, he took the wine bottle that we’d had at dinner and forced it... inside me. Why did I remember that? Why can’t I have just one night with you without being damned traumatized? I’m so tired of it!”

“Bucky, can I hug you?” Tony asked, knowing, from experience that physical contact was not always appreciated, after a flashback.

“Please do.”

Tony placed his arms gently around Bucky, feeling him tremble beneath him, as Bucky’s own arms went around his shoulders, the metal hand digging into the back of his upper arm.

“Why did he do that to me? I was in Winter mode. Completely under his control. He didn’t need to punish me. I hadn’t done anything wrong! I’d obeyed all of his commands. But he was still just so furious with me.”

“He did it because he’s a sadistic fuck who enjoyed making you suffer. It didn’t matter what you did, Bucky. He still would have wanted to hurt and humiliate you.”

“I need to stop doing this, don’t I? Need to stop trying to rationalise the behaviour of the ones who hurt me.”

“I don’t think you’re rationalising, exactly. You’re trying to understand it. They weren’t brainwashed and yet they enjoyed hurting and killing others. Maybe that was part of why they kept wanting to hurt you. You had to be brainwashed to do what they did of their own free will and even then, you fought against it. You weren’t like them, and they recognised it.”

“With some of them, they seemed to take offense at the fact that I was their top assassin, and yet I was also programmed to not fight it when they decided to fuck me. I don’t know why, but that seemed to enrage them. And yet they also were always the one who would fuck me the most. I just never understood that.”

Tony pressed Bucky closer to him. As upsetting as this was to hear, from Bucky, a part of himself was also amazed, at his strength, to survive such horror and, furthermore, not allow it to remove his own humanity.

“You will work through this. We will work through this. Fuck the assholes who hurt us, alright?”

“Fuck the assholes who hurt us,” Bucky repeated.

Tony closed his eyes, continuing to embrace him.

“So much for our date night,” Bucky said.

“I usually have a pretty lax relationship with time, but I was under the impression that the night is not over, just yet.”

Bucky pulled back, favouring him with his usual intense stare.

 “Do you think I’ll get over what they did to me?”

“Absolutely.”

Bucky  leant forward, moving his metal arm around Tony’s neck, as their lips touched, tongues tenderly lapping together.

“Tony, I believe you,” Bucky said, as they released. “That’s the incredible thing.”

He leant forward again, kissing Tony across his jaw. “Tony... my Tony,” he pulled back again, looking at Tony with a droll smile. “Mine, all mine. Black Sabbath can’t have you.”

Tony felt relieved to see him smiling and joking again.

 “I have an idea. A memory that you might like, of mine. Do you want to see it?”

Bucky nodded. “As long as it isn’t a Black Sabbath concert.”

“Bucky, my beloved, you are extraordinary in so many ways,” Tony said, as he took Bucky’s hand and led him to the chair.”You have terrible taste in music.”

 Both sat down and started placing the dots on their heads.

“Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing about you.”

“Cheeky little bugger,” Tony muttered and then switched on the machine and concentrated. It was not long at all before he located the right memory.

He opened his eyes, to find himself in the centre of a very sturdy metallic shark cage, with Bucky beside himself. The cold black eyes of a great white shark looked straight at them, from only inches away.

Bucky gasped. Tony quickly glanced at him, gauging his reaction. His slight anxiety as to whether this was an appropriate memory to show Bucky, was quickly superseded by amusement, when Bucky laughed and started clapping his hands.

“Oh that is amazing!” The shark, a good fifteen footer, then swam away. “That is so amazing! Did you see the teeth?”

Bucky laughed once more. Tony could only stare at him, pleasantly incredulous at the pink glow of his face, the rapturous expression. He placed his arm around Bucky’s waist, kissing his neck, as another great white glided through the water towards the cage.

“Bucky, you are so-“

“So close!” Bucky smiled at Tony, who couldn’t help but smile back, feeling utterly undone, by Bucky’s wide eyed beauty. “He’s looking right at us! Oh my god, he’s just so close!”

There was a sharp thud as the cage was slammed into, by a shark from behind. Bucky jumped and gasped and both him and Tony laughed, as Bucky spun around, to catch the one behind.

“You are. Just. Adorable,” Tony said.

Bucky grabbed his chin and pulled him in for a kiss. Their tongues tangled, as the cage was slammed into, once more, from behind, causing both to jump and laugh once more.

“Can we go to your room and can you have sex with me? I want you,” Bucky said.

“If I had my way, we’d already be in round two, by now. Yes, a thousand times over.”

Tbc...


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Bucky become intimate, once more, although it's not exactly instantly amazing sex.  
> The Nelson and Murdock lawsuit finally gets a verdict.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you to my lovely readers :)

“So how do we want to do this?” Tony, standing with Bucky before the bed, inwardly scolded himself, for the jittery nerves that spiked his stomach.

_Try calm down a bit, Tony._

Considering the trust that Bucky was about to place in him, Tony told himself that it was integral, to both of them enjoying themselves, that he feel in control.

_It’ll be fine. We’ll both have a good time._

Bucky’s eyes appeared incredibly blue, in the dim light, a slight smile about his lips.

“I’m feeling a bit nervous too.”

“Who said anything about nerves?” Tony asked.

Bucky continued to ensnare Tony in his characteristic intense stare, as he climbed onto the mattress, taking off his t-shirt and flinging it to the floor, before unzipping his jeans and tugging them, and his underwear, down his thighs.

“As much as I love you in my Black Sabbath t-shirt, I prefer you even better without it,” Tony said, shrugging off his own t-shirt and joining Bucky on the bed, helping him pull the rest of his clothes off. Tony then sat back, to visually consume the lean muscles of his partner’s body.

“Your body is insanely scrumptious looking,” he said, running his hands down Bucky’s legs, across his chest, pinching at his nipples, savouring the feel of hard muscle under soft flesh. “I could just _devour_ you.”

“You’re not undressed enough, Tony!” Bucky scowled, unzipping his jeans and boxers and pulling them down, to his knees.

“And this body has not been kissed enough. Just lie back and allow me to worship you.”

Bucky’s pupils became so wide that they almost eclipsed the blue of his eyes, his chest heaving up and down, as he lay down, on his back.

“You ready?” Tony asked.

“What exactly do you plan to do?”

“This.” Tony lowered his head and rained kisses across the agreeably muscular contours of Bucky's chest, before taking his left nipple into his mouth and sucking lightly, feeling Bucky’s ensuing moan rush to one particular, already oversensitive part of his body.

Tony then brought his head up and grinned at Bucky’s flushed, sweaty face.

“So, I take it that you like that?”

“I don’t like it that you’ve stopped,” Bucky said, mock scowling.

_Good. That’s what I wanted to hear._

 He then returned to his very pleasurable task, bombarding Bucky’s chest with his lips once more, continuing down his sternum to his abdomen, running his tongue down the thin trail of hair to the organ clearly begging for attention. Instead, of giving in to his temptation to take Bucky’s erection in his mouth, Tony pulled back, pulling his jeans and boxers off, and taking the moment to admire Bucky’s intense masculine beauty, eagerly running his eyes over his entire body, from the well-formed arcs of his feet, all the way up to the sweaty, slightly curled in strands of his longish dark hair.

Bucky held the lube in his metallic hand, his eyes taking their own journey of Tony’s body.

“Are you giving me a hint here?” Tony said, taking the tube off him.

Bucky moved up, onto his knees, leant forward and started kissing across Tony’s chest, obviously wanting to return the favour.

“You also have a beautiful body, Tony,” Bucky murmured, between kisses. He reached his lips up to his shoulder and then briefly sucked, gently.

“Mm... Tony flavour.”

“And what do I taste like?”

“Salty,” Bucky laughed, then reached up and tenderly moved a tendril of Tony’s hair off his forehead. “My brown eyed man.” He then flicked open the lid, on the tube of lube.

“We go slow, alright? Like you did with me,” Tony said.

“I trust you,” Bucky said, moving down, to lie on his back, once more.

Tony squeezed the lube onto his middle finger, then scooted back and grabbed Bucky’s leg, hoisting it up.

“This is a rather magnificent leg,” Tony said, kissing his ankle. “Remember your safe word?”

Bucky nodded.

“Ok, here we go.”

As Tony slowly breached his entrance, Bucky closed his eyes, his brows furrowing.

“Alright?”

Bucky nodded. Tony edged his finger forward, kissing down Bucky’s leg, hoping to distract him, from the clear tension, in his body.

“Is this the most perfectly formed gastrocnemius muscle under flesh that I have ever seen? It could very well be,” Tony said, and then kissed up the back of Bucky’s leg, brushing his lips again against his course leg hair.

“Mmm... feels nice...” Bucky said.

Tony curled his finger around, feeling around for Bucky’s prostate. Bucky suddenly jumped and groaned.

_There we go._

Tony’s own erection was shooting sparks around his body, merely from Bucky’s positive reaction to his touch. He pressed against Bucky’s prostate once more, as he turned his attention back to his leg, kissing back down the muscular curve, to his ankle.

Bucky opened his eyes and reached out, running his flesh hand along Tony’s stomach and reaching down, to squeeze his erection.

“Do you like this Tony?” He said, as his hand started vigorously jerking.

“Not too much, Bucky or it will be over with too soon.”

Bucky’s hand dropped his erection and started to run up and down his thigh, instead, as Tony poured more lube onto his second finger, and then slowly entered Bucky’s body.

“Is this alright?”

Bucky nodded once more, his blue eyes wide and trusting.

“You let me know if you want me to stop.”

“It’s ok. It doesn’t hurt. Is it ok for you? Does it feel normal?”

“All very anatomically correct, Bucky. In fact, you are very blessed, don’t worry about that.”

Bucky placed his metallic arm around Tony’s back and he leant forward, more than content to lock lips, and tongues, for a while, as he gingerly added more fingers, zigzagging them in Bucky’s body. Tony pulled away from his lips and kissed down his neck, tasting his salty sweat.

“Tony, that feels really good.”

“Good, that’s kind of the idea,” Tony murmured, against his flesh.

“Je te veux.[i]”

“ And you, Bucky. You let me know when you’re ready.”

“Alright, I’m ready, I’m ready.”

“Ok,” Tony carefully pulled his fingers out. “How do you want to do this?”

Bucky rolled over onto his side, facing him. Tony looked at the vulnerable, yet eager look in his eyes and felt privileged, for the trust that Bucky was giving him. He grabbed Bucky’s knee and hooked it over his hip, positioning himself. As Tony wiped more of the lube onto his already aching erection, Bucky started to tremble, his face scrunched up, in clear anxiety.

“Do you want to say Sweden?”

Bucky shook his head, although Tony read something almost akin to terror, in his eyes.

“I’m not going to hurt you, ok? You’re safe, here.”

Bucky nodded. Tony felt it apt to add “I love you, alright?”

Bucky nodded again, clearly too anxious to even answer.

“Do you want me to do this? I need to hear you say it, Bucky.”

“I do, so much...I just don’t want it to hurt.”

“If you feel even the slightest bit of discomfort, use the safe word, alright?

Bucky nodded and Tony very carefully breached his opening. In response, Bucky tensed up, his breath coming faster.

“It’s ok, it doesn’t hurt. I trust you, Tony.”

“Ok, slowly does it. Remember your safe word.”

Tony edged forward a little more, feeling his own body start to tremble. Bucky closed his eyes and Tony told himself that they would be fine. No one was going to get triggered, that night. He would make sure of it.

“Bucky, open your eyes for me.  Do you want me to stop?”

The eyelids fluttered open. Bucky’s irises had changed to a darker blue.

“No, keep going.”

Tony very slowly moved inside him, gripping Bucky’s hip with one hand, as he reached forward with the other, to lightly touch his cheek.

“Je t’aime, Bucky. You know that.”

“Does it feel ok?” Bucky asked.

“How does it feel for you?”

“It’s not hurting me. It just feels... full, I guess.”

“Bucky...” Tony said gently. “This is how it’s _meant_ to feel. It’s not meant to hurt.”

“It always hurt,” Bucky said, his eyes bright. Determined to take his mind off his fractured past, Tony stopped moving, allowing Bucky time to adjust to the feel of him.

“You let me know when you want me to keep going.”

Bucky nodded, running his fingers through Tony’s hair. Tony ever so slowly inched forward, until he was fully inside his lover. Bucky’s warm channel fit snugly around him. For a moment, both lay unmoving, Bucky’s flesh hand running up and down his back.

“Yes, Tony, it’s good. It’s good.”

“Hm... just good? I’ll have to fix that.” Tony kissed along Bucky’s clavicle, up to his neck, as his hand ran down Bucky’s thigh, feeling the strong muscle, beneath flesh. Bucky moaned.

“Yes, Tony please move...please...”

Tony groaned, as he started to slowly thrust.

“How is this?” He whispered.

“I’m alright.”

_Oh no no. Alright isn’t good enough!_

Tony thrust a little harder, knowing that he’d hit the right spot, when Bucky suddenly jolted and groaned, irises suddenly switching from anxiety to passion. Tony grinned, thrusting again, deliberately angling himself to press against Bucky’s prostate. Bucky reached down and gripped Tony’s ass, moaning, his eyes slightly wide, looking at Tony as though he was a supreme being deserving praise. Thoughts of his own triggering fell far from his mind, as he felt invincible, in giving Bucky this pleasure, allowing him to realise what pure passion was. Bucky moaned now with every thrust, moving his own body in time with Tony’s.

“Oh Bucky...” Tony moaned. “How does it feel now?”

Bucky suddenly stilled. “Tony, Sweden.”

Tony instantly stopped moving, his abdominal muscles clenching so violently, it was as though Bucky’s metallic hand had grabbed them, and twisted them painfully around. What had gone wrong?

“Alright, I’m going to pull out, very slowly.”

Bucky nodded.

As Tony pulled out of his body, he studied his face, looking for signs of a flashback. Curiously, there were none.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said.

“Alright,  stop right there! You don’t ever apologize for using the safe word, ok? In fact, I’m glad you used it.”

“I just hate this, Tony. I hate not being able to trust my own mind. I was actually enjoying myself! But then, this started,” he pointed at his head. “With Hydra, it always hurt. Always. But even so sometimes...”

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Tony asked, alarmed at the sudden look of utter distress on Bucky’s face.

 “I can’t...”

 Tony tried to ignore the frustration that jolted his body.

_Can’t we have one night where one of us isn’t traumatized?_

“It’s alright, Bucky. You can tell me. Whatever it is, I’m not going to judge you. Hell,  I forgave you for killing my parents...admittedly, you were brainwashed at the time, which did make it a lot easier to forgive.... actually impossible not to forgive. Anyway, what I’m saying is... I’m rambling aren’t I?”

Bucky shot him a pleading glance, that Tony instantly recognised, because it was identical to the  one that he had given others, in his times of need.

“I won’t judge you,” he repeated.

Bucky took a couple of deep breaths, as though centring himself.

“I’ve never told anyone this. Sometimes, when they were fucking me, they would start... they would touch me, you know, get me hard. I didn’t want to...but they would keep going until I...and then they would laugh and say see? I wanted it. But I didn’t want to... I swear, Tony! It was always so painful. But even so, they could make me...I must be sick, to be getting off on that!”

Although Tony was not surprised by this revelation, it still tore at his heart, to hear.

“After what happened to me, I wasn’t going to tell anyone, but I sure as hell was going to research into it. Some sick rapists deliberately manipulate their victim’s body, in that way, to have complete control over them. It’s not uncommon at all. The body will react even if the mind doesn’t want it to. In fact, the stress, in itself, of being raped can cause you to become erect. It doesn’t make you sick. It just makes them all the more wrong, to do it to you. Again, it was an involuntary reaction that you had. You had no control over it, ok? Just think of it like your brainwashing. You had no choice.”

“I wasn’t going to talk about my past, tonight,” Bucky said, quietly, and then placed his arms around Tony’s neck, kissing him along his jawline. “I want you to make love to me.”

“Can we just wait a little longer?” _Ok, that's a first. Never said that before._

Bucky pulled back a little, taking Tony’s hand, as he regarded him with an openly vulnerable expression.

“Did they do it to you? Did they make you... did you get hard?”

Tony would usually rather take on the Hulk than discuss the worst moment of his life, in such detail. But then, this was Bucky.

“No, but they humiliated me in other ways, during the rapes. When I pissed myself, they seemed to find that pretty funny. One of them ejaculated on my face. Again, that was the height of hilarity, to them. The leader told me not to worry, they were being mindful of the wires, connected to the battery, keeping my heart going. So, I wasn’t going to die, straight away, at least.”

 “I’m sorry they did that to you, Tony.”

Tony shrugged. What really was there to say?

“What happened to them, in the end?”

“Well most of them I killed, when I escaped. With the leader, I found out later that Obadiah killed him.”

“And you never told anyone, until now?”

“It’s not exactly something that I want to be made public. Besides, what’s the point? It happened. There’s nothing I can to do to change that fact.”

“But you’re clearly still hurting from it. You’re great at putting on a front, Tony. But even _you_ can’t hide this from the people who care for you.”

“Look at this clavicle. I’m going to make a notion that this is the most perfectly formed clavicle in the history of clavicles,” Tony said, drawing his finger along the top of Bucky’s chest.

“I don’t know if I’ll be any good, but if you want to talk, or go into a bad memory with me, that’s fine. I just don’t want you to feel you have to struggle through this alone, Tony.”

Tony lifted Bucky’s metallic hand, examining the fingers.

“The other one did have _some_ good uses. I’m sure it would have made a good tin opener.”

“ _They_ tried so hard to make me into this machine-“

“But they didn’t succeed, did they?”

“I remember seeing Steve, on the bridge. He said my name. Bucky. They wiped me after. But when I saw Steve again. I started to remember.”

A loud crack sounded and the room suddenly brightly lit up, as though the earth had temporarily forgotten which side it had currently facing the sun.

“Lightening,” Bucky said, pulling the blankets over them. “I always loved a good thunder storm.”

“Aspects of Bucky...” Tony smiled.

“It’s not all come back yet but it’s getting there. There’s so much I’ve missed out on.”

“There’s so much that you have _yet to do_. Tonight, when I saw the look on your face, with the sharks... I’m the opposite. It seems there isn’t much that I _haven’t_ done. But, experiencing that memory with you, it was like seeing the sharks for the first time. Bucky, you’re free to do whatever you want. _They_ no longer control you.”

Bucky’s entire face coloured with convoluted emotion.

_How do you stand being so gorgeous? It’s almost sickening._

Tony leant forward, gently running his fingers through his hair, with one hand, as he dragged his fingers along Bucky’s jawline, with the other. Bucky stared back at him, with his usual intense expression. A loud crack sounded again, from outside.

“So you like a good thunderstorm?” Tony pulled the blanket back and climbed, naked, out of the bed, feeling goose bumps rise on his arms and legs, as he walked to the window and opened the blinds. Footsteps padded behind him, and then Bucky was at his side. Rain lashed at the window and, for a moment, a bolt of lightning lit up the entire dense forest, below. He felt Bucky’s touch on the back of his neck and turned his head. This time, the kiss had more passion to it.

“I’m ready to continue now,” Bucky said. Tony looked into his eyes and saw no fear.

“Alright,” he said, taking Bucky’s hand. Both stepped back to the bed and lay down, with Bucky on his side, once more. Tony gently grabbed his leg and moved it over his hip, positioning himself. “We go slowly and we remember our safe words.”

He looked into Bucky’s pale blue eyes, as he slowly entered his body, gently stroking his hip.

“Does it feel good?” Bucky asked.

“Hm... let me think about that. I’m having sex with an insanely handsome young man... actually old man. You’re technically older than me! Hot grandpa.”

Bucky laughed, the sound clearly fraught with tension.

“Good. I want it to feel good for you. With the other men you’ve been with, as in the ones you wanted to be with-“

Tony stopped moving.

“Don’t worry about them, Bucky. This is far different. For one, I wasn’t in love with any of them. In fact, I was also drunk, every time.”

“Were they sober?” Bucky looked slightly alarmed.

“You really want to be discussing this, right now?”

Bucky leant forward to taste his mouth and Tony very slowly slid all the way in, then stilled, repressing the strong urge to start thrusting into the tight channel.

“Do you want me to touch you, Bucky?” Tony asked, mindful of Bucky’s recent revelation.

“I like it when you touch me,” Bucky said.

Tony reached between them, and started jerking Bucky’s erection.

“Ok,” Bucky said. “Just go slow.”

Tony did as he bid, slowly sinking in and out of the tight heat. He groaned, wrapping one arm around Bucky’s back, as the other continued to stroke his erection, in time with his movements.

“Is this alright?”

Bucky nodded and Tony found himself overcome by the slight flush of his face, the glow of his eyes. He moved a little faster, angling himself to press that sweet spot within his lover, and was rewarded with a cry of passion. Bucky moved his leg, wrapping it further around Tony’s hip, his metal arm around Tony’s back, pushing their bodies tight against each other.

“Yes, Tony...”

Tony felt Bucky’s flesh slide against his and groaned. Bucky was making little mewling sounds and moving in tandem with Tony, which only served to spike Tony’s stimulation even higher.

_Yes, gorgeous..._

Bucky moaned louder, flinging his head back. Tony took the opportunity to kiss all over his neck, sucking on his adam’s apple. He felt spurred on by Bucky’s cries of ecstasy, powerful in the knowledge that he was affording Bucky this experience, that this was true lovemaking, the giving and sharing of another’s body.

Tony started to cry out, in time with Bucky’s whimpers and moans, stimulated by the thought that now Bucky was no longer a virgin. He had helped him achieve this, had shown him what they could accomplish, together.

“Fuck, it feels incredible...”

“Language, Bucky!” Tony joked.

“Oh Tony...”

Tony groaned. Bucky was so tight and lovely and beautiful. He wasn’t going to last much longer.

“Bucky, I’m close...”

“I want you to come inside me,” Bucky whispered.

The words were enough to send Tony over the edge. He screamed in ecstasy, feeling himself release deep within his lover, as Bucky suddenly bucked against him, crying out. Tony felt Bucky’s erection spasm with his hand, releasing his ejaculate all over both of their combined abdomens.

Bucky’s moans became lower now. He reached for Tony’s mouth and Tony gratefully received the kiss. They pulled away and Bucky moved over onto his side, away from Tony. Frowning, Tony pulled the blankets over themselves, and then snuggled up behind him.

“Bucky-“ He moved his head up, to look at him and froze.

Silent tears were running down Bucky’s face.

“Oh my god, Bucky-“ Tony felt too confused and horrified, to even begin processing what was happening.

_You’ve hurt Bucky. You’ve finally done it._

“It was incredible, Tony.”

Tony closed his eyes, breathing out his relief.

_Ok, I have no idea as to what is going on._

“Then why are you crying, gorgeous?”

Bucky turned to face him. “I don’t know.  So many men have had me. I was scared I might be too damaged, somehow. That you physically wouldn’t be able to do it. That it couldn’t be enjoyable for either of us.”

“But that didn’t happen,” Tony said, wiping a tear from his cheek.

“Why am I such a nutball? We just had incredible sex, where no one was triggered and I’m acting crazy... yet again!”

“Well, if you’re a nutball, it’s the Tony Stark approved brand of nutball. And yes, we did just have incredible sex. I’m pretty sure I just exploded my brain.”

Bucky laughed. Good, Tony thought. That was what he was going for.

“You’re not crazy. You’re fine. _We’re_ fine. As I keep telling you, you’ve come a hell of a long way,” Tony said. “Considering everything that they did to you.”

“I just want to normal,” Bucky said. “I don’t want people to look at me and say ‘oh there’s that killer whore.’”

“I don’t even know what normal is. And some people _will_ think that. Forget them. They’re wrong. _I_ look at you and I say ‘there’s ‘oh there’s that intensely sexy toothbrush stealer’.”

Bucky snuggled up against him.

“So warm, Tony. You’re like a beacon of warmth, did you know?”

“Well, yes I always knew that I was scorching hot.”

“Ok, now that is a terrible pun. Disappointing from you, considering your usual wit.”

“What can I say? My mind is still a bit frazzled by the intense orgasm that I just had.”

“You’re welcome,” Bucky said, sliding his metal arm across his abdomen and clamping the hand onto his waist.

*

Tony felt the last dregs of slumber ebb from his body, returning him to the land of  wakefulness,  to warmth pressed along his side and a heavy weight across his stomach. He blearily looked down, to see Bucky’s metal arm, still lying across his lower abdomen. It took a fair amount of Tony’s strength to peel it off, before he pulled back his side of the covers, and loped out of bed to the bathroom. After completing his business, he washed his hands and returned to the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the mattress and taking the moment to admire his sleeping companion. Bucky twitched and moaned.

“Bucky...” he said, gently, reaching out to shake his shoulder. “Wake up, gorgeous.”

Bucky opened his eyes, blinked a couple of times and then smiled.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Tony said.

“I’d better... I’d better go to the bathroom.”

“Sure.”

As Bucky disappeared into the other room, Tony threw his dressing gown on and then picked up his mobile phone, off the dresser opposite the bed, texting Happy and requesting for him to order in a second dressing gown. He decided that Bucky should also reap the benefits of the silken texture. Tony then returned to the edge of the bed and sat down. A few seconds later, the door opened and Bucky returned out of the bathroom.

“I used your toothbrush again,” he said, suddenly looking oddly coy, as he moved to sit next to Tony.

“Alright, no arguments about my wealth. I’m going to buy you a very expensive electronic one.”

Bucky shrugged.

“Hey, everything ok?” Tony asked.

“I just keep thinking that this has to be a trick, of some kind. Like I’m actually still with Hydra and this is just some weird dream I’m having while being cryofrozen. I can’t be this happy. Not me.”

_Oh you silly gorgeous man._

Tony placed his arm around him and kissed his neck. “It’s real. I’m real. At least that’s what billions of neurons in my brain tell me. And I have substantially more neurons than others.”

“I can still feel you, inside me. It feels so dirty. For the first time, it’s the right kind of dirty.”

“Mm... I like the sound of that,” Tony said, taking his mouth in a kiss. When they released, he picked up Bucky’s hand and placed it on his face. “Real.”

“Tony with the big brown eyes. Thank you for last night. You’re always so patient with me, and I continue to be a complete lunatic.”

“Hey! That’s my boyfriend you’re criticizing there. He’s no lunatic. Well, no more than anyone else who’s taken me for a partner. Honestly Bucky, stop it.”

He could see Bucky coming to what he assumed was the right conclusion, in his own mind, before the Bucky-centric impish look came over his face.

“All day I’m going to be thinking about last night, how _good_ it felt when you pounded me into sweet oblivion.”

Bucky’s words had an instantaneous positive physical effect on Tony.

 “How about we have a shower together, right now? If  we’re both a bit dirty, then we’ll just have to soap each other clean, then, won’t we?” Tony said.

*

Forty minutes later, Tony and Bucky were walking down the hall together, towards the dining room. Bucky leant over and sniffed Tony’s neck.

“Mmm.... you smell so good.”

“I did tell you that you could wear the aftershave also.” Tony had, in fact, only sprayed the aftershave on himself,  after he had finished shaving and Bucky had started insisting that he wear it (and before Bucky had nabbed Tony's razor, for himself).

“I’d rather smell it on _you_.”

Tony carefully turned Bucky and backed him up against the wall, before leaning in and mashing their lips together. Bucky moaned, stroking his fingers through Tony’s still wet hair, his metal arm clamped around Tony’s back, their tongues voraciously clashing. They naturally pulled apart and Bucky released Tony from his strong metal grip.

 “Ok, now that we can stop awkwardly standing here in the corridor...” Bruce’s voice rang out.

Tony and Bucky turned, to see both Bruce and Steve, standing barely feet away from them. Bruce smiled wryly. Steve regarded them with a rather curious expression. To Tony, he didn’t appear at all troubled, rather, contemplative.

“This is the second time now that I’ve come in on you two with your mouths stuck together,” Bruce said.

Tony simply smiled goofily. Why not? They were completely out in the open with their relationship, now.

“What can I say? Bucky has extremely kissable lips.”

“I’ll have to take your word, on that one.”

“What is it, Steve? What’s wrong?” Bucky asked.

“We just heard. The decision has been made, in the Nelson and Murdock lawsuit. Most of it has been thrown out. But there is one concession. They will only imprison enhanced individuals that they see as ‘dangerous’, until trial.”

“There’s more,” Bruce said. “If everyone involved in the airport fight sign the accords they’re willing to drop any charge against them. Including Bucky.”

“No, I don’t believe it will be so simple,” Tony said, placing a hand on Bucky’s upper flesh arm. “They’re not letting Bucky go that easily.”

“There’s a TV in the dining room,” Bruce said. “How about we see if there’s any updates?”

Tony continued, with the others, down the corridor and into the dining room, for once feeling rather deflated, as he entered. He nodded at Jelani who, seeming to understand the low mood, nodded back. As his three comrades pulled out the chairs at the table nearby and sat down, Bruce turned on the television, to what appeared to be an episode of ‘The Simpsons’. He then switched through the channels, finally coming upon an image of two young men, standing behind a podium, with multiple camera flashes lighting up their faces. The one talking was wearing sunglasses. The title at the bottom of the screen stated his name to be Matt Murdock.

“He’s blind!” Steve said. “Incredible.”

“We are of course disappointed by this outcome,” Matt said.”Any attempt by the government to stifle the free will of their constituents, no matter who they are or what they have done, should be seen as an attack on America’s liberty and good character.”

“This will not be the last you will hear of us,” said the slightly chubby man beside him.

Tony found his attention drawn to the news ticker, at the bottom of the screen.

_Clint Barton and Wanda Maximoff signed accords earlier today. Sam Wilson and Scott Lang have posted bail._

The scene then cut to a middle-aged redheaded woman, walking in front of the parliament building, clearly being hassled by reporters. A cool female voiceover spoke.

“Senator Elizabeth Mcgraw has also again come out in criticism of the accords.”

“Yes, I stand by what I said yesterday and what I’ve been saying since these accords were instituted,” the redhead said. “I condemn the way in which these accords were handled. I do believe that they were rushed through and I have major problems with some of the moral issues that they raise, particularly in regards to individual freedom.”

“It’s starting, they’re really starting to cut down on us,” Bruce said. Tony, however was distracted by the bottom of the screen.

_Worldwide hunt for Steve Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes yields no results._

Steve stood up, and swiftly started to walk out of the room.

“Steve!” Bucky said, chasing after him.

“I understand why Clint and Wanda signed,” Bruce said. “Clint has a family.”

“I’ll be willing to bet money that Vision convinced Wanda to sign,” Tony said.

“It won’t take long at all for them to figure out that Steve and Bucky are here.”

“They can’t just come and take them. It’s a sovereign country.”

“Do you think that’s going to stop them?”

“Point taken.”

On the screen, footage was now being shown of Iron Man, fighting the chitauri, in the New York attack. The news ticker at the bottom of the screen now read: _Tony Stark still on ‘spiritual retreat’._

Tony shook his head.

“I’d better go talk to Steve.”

*

Steve and Bucky sat, huddled together, with their backs to Tony, on one of the banana lounges in the sun room.

“...it’s just so...” Steve swung his body around. “Hey Tony...”

Tony ventured further into the room, sitting on the banana lounge opposite the two friends.

“I take it, from your sudden dash from the dining room, that you are slightly upset,” Tony said, to Steve.

“All of my friends are suffering, because of me. Because of my choice.”

Tony noticed Bucky slight shift, away from Steve.

“Woh! Let me stop you right there!” Tony said. “You are not the genius in the room. Only _I_ can create and build independently functioning robots, and even then they often do things that, in the past when I’d drunk enough, alluded to some form of consciousness. Your friends are the only ones responsible for their actions.”

“I didn’t mean for it to go this far,” Steve said. “Sam, in particular. I wish there was some way of contacting him, telling him to sign.”

“To sign?” Tony said. _Has Steve been taken over by a doppelganger?_

“Yes, Tony. This isn’t about principles any more. It’s about protecting my friends.”

“It was _always_ about protecting your friends!”

“Ok, then all the more reason for them to sign! I don’t want them to go to prison.”

“Maybe they will and maybe they won’t. It’s not up to you, Steve! Don’t feel guilty for _their_ choices. Listen, the more I think about these accords... considering what we’ve learnt of the people in power, in the past few days, the more I’m really starting to see your side.”

“Are you saying you’re coming over to my side?”

“I’m saying things are far more complicated than I’d originally recognised.”

“You two talk,” Bucky suddenly said. “I’ll be back.”

Steve waited until Bucky left the room, before continuing.

“Bucky, if he signs, then he might get some protection.”

“I doubt it, Steve. With everything that he knows, if they find him, then I wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t shoot him on the spot. Like they tried to do originally, remember? The best way to protect Bucky, is for all the information about him to become public. For the world to see what they did to him.”

Steve loudly exhaled.

“Damn, I think you’re right, Tony.”

“Of course, I’m always right.”

“Except when you’re wrong.”

“Even then I’m right... wait, what am I saying?” This, at least, elicited a smile, from Steve. “Look, don’t allow them to blackmail you from doing what you think is right. Sign because you want to sign, not because you’re scared of the repercussions of _not_ signing.”

Footsteps turned both of their heads. Bucky had stepped back into the room.

_Something is wrong._

Bucky’s face looked disturbingly blank. Tony’s eyes, however, were drawn to his hands. Bucky had folded them together, in a clear failed attempt to cease his trembling.

“I’ve made a decision. I’m...I’m endangering all of you. It’s because I care for you all so much, that I’ve decided to-“

“Oh here we go,” Tony said, folding his arms.

“I refuse to let you all be hurt, or worse, because of me. People have _already_ been hurt. It’s gone too far-“

“Ok, Bucky, just stop right there!” Tony said, standing up. Beside him, Steve likewise rose.

“I know places to hide. They’ll eventually find me, but at least they won’t hurt any of you others, as well.”

“Bucky, no,” Steve said.

“Do you remember when I went into the coma?” Bucky said. “When I tried to erase my memory of Rumlow? He spoke to me, told me what will happen. They will find us. And they will kill you all. They will recapture me and do everything they can to turn me back into Winter.”

“That wasn’t a prediction of the future!” Tony said. “That was just your mind playing out the worst possible outcome!”

“I agree with Tony! Bucky-“ Steve began.

“Rumlow told me that they won’t just kill you, Tony, they’ll rape you. Repeatedly.”

Tony looked at Steve, who appeared just as exasperated as he was.

“No, Bucky, that was just your mind. Bucky, listen to me-“

“They will do it as a punishment to me, for having the audacity to develop feelings for another person.”

“If I’m going to get raped again, I would at least want it to be very much personal to me, and not just to prove something to someone else. It’s just so undignified,” Tony said, wryly, then instantly admonished himself. “Sorry, I don’t even know why I just said that, I-“

But then he caught Steve’s look, which read ‘It’s alright, Tony but please just shut up for a moment’.

“Bucky...I get that you’re scared and you want to run,” Steve said, gently. “But it’s not the right thing to do, not now. As Tony just told me, we made our own decisions. We decided to stay here and protect you, try and help you. If you decided to run now, then that would be all for nought.”

Tony could read the struggle in the wintry blue eyes, before finally arriving at a decision.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said, quietly.

“I’m not scared of them, Bucky. Infact, they should be scared of me,” Tony said. “I mean it. After everything they did to you, it would be my absolute pleasure, to get my hands on them.”

Bucky looked out of the panoramic window, with a contemplative expression.

“I’m sorry I said I wanted to leave. This is the happiest that I can remember ever being. It was a moment of selfish panic.” He turned his head, facing Steve directly. “You’re right, Steve. You’ve all done so much for me. And to leave right now would be throwing it all back in your face.”

“You’re allowed to be human, Bucky,” Steve said. “Look at me. I’ve demonstrated what Tony would call ‘being a dick’ quite a few times, in the past few days.”

“Oh I am constantly demonstrating major ‘being a dick’ capacity,” Tony said.

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Bucky said, squeezing a hand on his shoulder. He then stepped up to Tony. “I’m sorry, Tony. I’m not going to run. If they do come, then I will _kill_ all of them.” Tony could see, in the steel of his eyes, that he meant it. He placed his arms around Tony’s back. Tony gratefully returned the embrace. “I’m sorry I even thought about running away. Ya lyubl yu tyebya fsyei dushoj.”[ii]

“Ya tozhe tyebya lyublyu,”[iii] Tony said.

He caught Steve’s eye. It was clear, from Steve’s expression, that he was just as relieved as Tony. He nodded at Tony and Tony subtly nodded back.

“Till the end of the line, Bucky, remember?” Steve said. 

Tbc...

 

 

 

 

 

 

[i]  “I want you,” French translation.

[ii] “I love you with all my soul.” Russian translation

[iii] “I love you too,” Russian translation.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky comes to a decision, in regards to releasing the information about the Winter Soldier.
> 
> Tony starts to realise the true wretchedness that was his life growing up, as well as the years following his parents' deaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thanks to all my readers. Slowly stumbling towards the end. :)
> 
> Warning in this chapter for talk of the emotional and physical abuse of a minor.

Tony turned the handle, opened the door and found Bruce exactly where he had presumed he would be; on a computer in the work-room, sorting through the evidence of the Winter Soldier. Noticing Tony enter, Bruce logged out of the mainframe, and stepped forward a few paces, to meet him.

“How is Steve?”

_Hm... how is Steve?_

Tony pulled out the nearest office chair and slunk down into it, spinning around three hundred and sixty degrees, before answering.

“Well, I had to convince him that everything that is happening right now, particularly when it comes to the other Avengers and the accords, isn’t his fault. Oh and Bucky threatened to split. So then Steve and I had to convince _him_ that it was safe to stay.”

“Bucky was going to run?” Bruce pulled out a chair and sat down, scooting forward a little, until he was within a comfortable distance to Tony.

“He did the whole ‘I’m endangering all of you if I stay’ speech. Apparently, Hydra is going to come and massacre us all. Oh and I’m going to be specifically targeted for gang rape, before they kill me. I guess I just have that kind of rapeable vibe.”

“You know that says more about his own damaged psyche,” Bruce said.

“Yes, I know. It still doesn’t make me want to jump around the room singing ‘Oh what a beautiful morning!’ at the fact that I am the one who Bucky, in his mind, has decided will be violated.”

“But it isn’t about what would theoretically happen in reality. It’s about what Bucky _perceives_ would happen.”

“I know. He was just scared and panicking,” Tony shook his head.

“He’s very protective of you. Even more than Steve. He’s projecting his own fear of not being able to protect you, from the worst of what happened to him.”

“Yes, well it wasn’t exactly free champagne and hard-rock head-banging fun, when it happened to me, in reality. I’d prefer not to have a replay. Look, I know,  I know it’s all about his own fears. It’s just that I really don’t like being told that it’s somehow my destiny to be gang raped. Again. It kind of gives me the heebee jeebees.”

“This is a very damaged man, we’re talking about here. He’s getting better. Definitely. Thanks mainly to you and Steve. But it will take time. Maybe even years, until he feels completely safe again. We just have to keep reminding him that he _is_ safe and that no one is going to hurt him.”

Tony thought back to his own PTSD, the absolute fear that always occurred, when he was in the throes of a flashback; so overwhelming that it was almost bodily numbing, as though his very being could not comprehend terror that great, and hence decided to shut down completely.

As he had, during the gang rape.

“I can’t guarantee that though, Bruce. Maybe Bucky _is_ right. In fact, I'd say it's a high possibility that Hydra _could_ come and try infiltrate this kingdom.”

“Tony,” Bruce spoke calmly. “This is your own fear talking, now. Bucky will be safe. And so will you, alright?”

In that instant, the door handle opened, and both Steve and Bucky stepped inside, moving swiftly over to them. Bucky’s jaw was clenched, his irises now changed to grey. Tony had seen this Bucky-centric resolute expression before.

Obviously, Bucky had made an important decision.

Tony stood up from the chair, folding his arms, feeling his stomach perform a little loop-de-loop, in its peritoneal sac.

_Bucky, if you have decided that you really are leaving... Please don’t. Please just don’t._

“There’s something that I have to tell you guys. We’re just waiting for T’Challa.”

Tony glanced at Steve, who nodded back. Ok, this looked good. Whatever the decision was, clearly it was not worrying his best friend. Tony unfolded his arms, feeling his visceral nerves relax.

Bucky stepped beside Tony and stared at one of the blank computer monitors. He then lifted up his metal arm, seeming to study it, a moment.

“Tony, can I ask you a question? Why do you still have the arc reactor? I’m sure I read somewhere that you had surgery to get it fixed.”

“Well, the surgery worked, for about a month. This,” Tony pointed at his chest, “Is only a partial reactor. Doesn’t need to be as strong as the others. That’s why when you smashed my suit, Steve, I didn’t immediately go into cardiac arrest.”

“Tony, I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry-“

Tony shook his head. _Don’t._

“Does it hurt?” Bucky asked.

“Not at all.”

“We _both_ now have body parts designed by you,” Bucky appeared contemplative.

“Yes, maybe I should just go full Darth Vader. Oh, right,” Tony reminded himself. “Neither you or Steve have seen those films yet.”

“It’s like we’re _both_ you, in a way.”

“No, Bucky, not at all. You are very much your own person. Besides, I don’t think anyone else could stand another Tony Stark in the room. Too much perfection can only be contained within one person,” Tony finished, dryly.

“I like having a part of you permanently attached to me,” Bucky said, smiling and flexing the arm.

Tony turned to Bruce and raised his brow, grinning.

_See? I know I’m that great._

Bruce shook his head and rolled his eyes.

The door opened, once more, and T’Challa walked in.

“You wished to see me?” He asked as he moved to stand beside Steve.

Bucky’s eyes travelled over the men surrounding him, lingering on both Steve and Tony. He then elongated his spine and cleared his throat.

“Firstly, thank you, T’Challa, for your amazing hospitality, for allowing me, for allowing us all, to stay here. I can’t even begin to thank you enough, for everything that you’ve done to help me.” He paused. “We can’t stay here. We all know this. But, if we go back to the United States, both me and Steve will be arrested. So, I’ve decided that when we do go back, I’m going to sign the accords.”

Tony glanced at Steve, who caught his eyes, his lips very slightly pursing.

“If you think it will protect you, it won’t, Bucky,” T’Challa said. “They will still arrest you, and charge you for the Winter Soldier’s crimes.”

“Yes, I agree. And I also agree that the accords are not ethically sound. But I’ve spent so many years on the other side of the law. For the world to see me as trying to do the right thing, then I have to sign. The world will think that I need to be held in check., No matter how much evidence we show that I’m not dangerous, there will always be that doubt about me. Besides I....I want the chance to maybe help, be on the right side for once, the Avengers side.”

His blue eyes rested on Tony’s brown.

“Well you do what you think is right, Bucky,” Tony said.

“I don’t know if it’s right to sign. But I think it’s logical.”

“Now you sound like Vision,” Tony muttered. “What about you, Steve?”

“I actually think that Bucky _should_ sign. For every reason that he said. If it will help protect him, then I’m all for it. As for me, though, I’m still not sure. I’m still very much ethically against the idea of the accords. Anyway, there’s more,” Steve prompted Bucky.

“Yes,” Bucky glanced at Steve, who nodded back at him. “I want you to release the evidence you have of Winter. All of it. The assassinations, the brainwashing, the rapes.” His eyes skittered down. “The world needs to know what Hydra did to me.”

Tony told himself that he shouldn’t be too shocked by this decision. Bucky consistently demonstrated bravery, in circumstances where most people would crumple. Even so, he felt his entire body flood with pride, for the beautiful, strong man before him.

“That is incredibly courageous of you,” T’Challa said.

“I agree,” Tony said.

Bucky’s jaw was clenched so tight, the ligaments in his neck protruded, his breath coming in and out of his nose too quickly. Tony came over and ran his hand down Bucky’s flesh arm.

“I know this is scary for you. But we’re all here for you, alright? Watashi ga dore hodo kimi wo suki de iru ka, kimi wa shiranai deshou?”[i]

 Bucky’s eyes brightened with unshed tears, his face crumpling.

 “Woh, Tony what did you-?” Steve stopped, when Bucky threw his arms around Tony’s neck and kissed him, soundly, on the mouth.

 “Anata ga hontou ni daisuki desu,”[ii] Bucky said, when they released, his breath now slightly calmer.

 “I know,” Tony said, before stepping back.

 “Sorry,” Steve looked rather abashed.

 “Well, it’s not often that I make people cry because of _positive_ emotion... in fact, I think that’s the first time ever so...” Tony said. “Anyway, getting back to the task at hand. Releasing the Winter Soldier information.”

 “I would argue that we do it slowly. Too much information at one time, would be overwhelming for people,” Bruce said.

“We can also include the proof that I have; written reports and videos, that Bucky is cured,” T’Challa said.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. That will make it obvious that he is here, in Wakanda,” Steve said.

“I would bet that they already know,” T’Challa said. “Besides, let them come here. I’ll be ready for them.”

Tony could see, from the fierce look in his eyes, that anyone who tried to unlawfully enter his lands, would pay dearly for their transgression.

“Alright,” Bruce said. “We’ll have to organise the data, of course, make it palatable for people to understand.”

“We can send the information through the biggest platforms. Youtube. Facebook. Twitter,” Tony said. “I have already developed a programme, which would exponentially release the information every minute. Once it catches on, people will also start to share it, themselves.”

“Won’t the government just take it down?” Steve asked.

“They’ll try,” Bruce said. “It will just keep coming back. That’s the beauty of the internet. Tony has developed a programme that not even the NSA can keep up with.”

“You’ve thought about this, a lot,” Bucky said. “How close are you to finishing?”

“Very close,” Bruce said. “In fact, we could actually start to release the information whenever you want.”

Bucky looked at T’Challa and Steve, as though searching for confirmation, his ribcage heaving up and down.

“Could we do it now?”

Tony caught Bruce’s eyes. His friend subtly nodded.

“If that’s what you want,” Tony said. “Bucky, we don’t have to release the evidence of the rapes, to begin with-“

“It’s the truth, Tony. The world should know it.”

Tony felt another swell of pride burst out of his heart and through the arc reactor towards Bucky, combined with shame, for his own shortcomings. There was no doubt, in regards to himself, that he could never come forward publically about his own sexual assault.

“I have another idea,” T’Challa said. “Once this is done, we move away. Don’t look at the result until tomorrow morning. No doubt, the internet will, indeed, explode over this.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Tony said and then focused his attention directly on Bucky, looking into his eyes. “You’re sure about this, Bucky?”

“I’m sure.”

Tony turned to one of the mainframes, switched it on, and placed his USB in the port, before setting up the usual protections.

“I think it would be easiest, to start by going backwards,” Bruce said. “From the most recent evidence. This will show the world that this is serious. _We_ are serious.”

T’Challa pulled a ring off his little finger and then sharply flicked his wrist to the side. The  ring suddenly elongated, turning into a USB.

“T’Challa that is amazing. I’m putting in an order for at least... a hundred of those. Remind me,” Tony said, taking it off him. He then turned on another computer, placed it into a second USB port and started to download the information off it.

 “Footage from your experiments proving that Bucky is cured of the Winter Soldier?”

T’Challa nodded.

“Alright,” Tony said, hacking into the system. “First, I’m just setting up protection, especially for the inevitable NSA following. And this, here, is my programme, to replicate the information over and over. So, the videos we’ll send to YouTube, to begin with. The written material... hm...We could just start with one million random Facebook pages.”

“We’ll pick ones that are used at least ten times a day and have... over a thousand friends,” Bruce said.

“Ok, just let me work out an algorithm to set that up,” Tony said, grabbing a piece of paper and pen from a desk nearby, pulling a chair in to sit down, and swiftly working out the calculations, before handing it to Bruce.

“Twitter?” Bruce said, as he started to type Tony’s algorithm into the system.

“Sounds good!” Tony said, flicking into the site. “Let’s see...a thousand twitter feeds, with the provision they must have at least a million followers? For both the videos and written documents? We’re going to be sending this to a lot of celebrities. Oh and we can’t forget the leader of every single country. The head of the FBI, NSA and CIA maybe throw in the KGB, and of course the UN official twitter,” Tony felt energized, elated. This was what he lived for.

_Taking it to the man. Gonna take it to the man._

He then picked up the paper and pen and again started calculating the required maths.

“We can’t forget major news outlets. Let’s inundate the websites of the three highest grossing news outlets of every country in the UN, shall we?” Tony asked, turning over the paper, to write on the back. “I’ll set it up, so that every hour, more information is released. By the end of this day, the leaders of a lot of countries are going to be a _tad_ unhappy.”

Tony and Bruce, working in perfect synchronicity, spent the next few minutes quietly checking and rechecking the protection, completing the website algorithms and setting up Tony’s programme, for the information to be released repeatedly.

They completed their calculations, and Tony then wheeled around, in his chair.

“I just have to press the ‘enter’ button now, and it’s done. The information is out there.”

He looked at Bucky, whose chest was still heaving in clear anxiety, yet he still held a steeled gaze.

“Do it.”

Tony pressed ‘enter’, then watched as the websites started to become inundated, over and over, with information.

“It’s working.”

He felt the clamp of a hand on his shoulder.

“Switch it off, Tony,” T’Challa said. “We will come back tomorrow morning to see the results. Come, you have never seen my zoo. You and Bruce deserve a break.”

*

“This isn’t a zoo,” Tony remarked, as he looked beyond the chain link fence, to the vast wilderness beyond. “It’s more a fenced in path, through the wilderness.”

“I suppose that is a better description,” T’Challa said, walking beside him. “I call it a ‘zoo’, to the intense purposes that it is a way for visitors to view the animals, in their natural habitat, at their own leisure. I understand the necessity for keeping animals in actual zoos, for breeding purposes. However, it is a necessary cruelty. It is a reduced and depressing life, for the animal, who longs to be in their own land and with their own kind.”

Tony thought about his momentary, insane idea of owning a puma, and felt inwardly chastised.

In the foreground, two black panthers sunned themselves, in the tall grass.

“Such beautiful creatures,” Bucky said. Steve caught Tony’s eyes and smiled. “Their coat is such a shiny black-“

“Actually, they do still have the usual markings of the jaguar. It’s just not noticeable,” Bruce, stood directly beside Bucky and, judging by his somewhat raised inflection, was just as impressed by the wild cats, as Bucky was.

“Hidden by excess melanin, I’d assume?” Tony asked T’Challa, who nodded.

“This is the third time now that I’ve seen them. And every time, it’s just magical,” Bucky exclaimed.

“Every time, he has the same reaction. Every time,” Steve whispered, to Tony, who couldn’t help but grin, in return.

*

“I’m simply saying that _had_ I actually taken out the Disney stock, I would be even more of a billionaire. It’s phenomenal right now,” Tony sat on the sofa next to Bucky, with one hand around his companion’s waist, the other absently stroking his hair. His focus, however, was on the man sitting in the armchair opposite.”Buying out George Lucas was the right option.”

“I’ve only ever seen the first one, Tony,” Bruce looked a little sheepish.

“Who’s George Lucas?” Steve, on the other side of Bucky, asked.

_Alright, who are these people, really, who don’t know about Star Wars?_

“Ok, Steve, I would have said that you have an excuse to say that, on account of just coming out of the ice and all. But really, it’s been more than a few years now. You need to up your game, buddy! And Bruce, there is absolutely _no_ excuse for you not seeing the other Star Wars. Ah, but at least now we have the perfect excuse to watch them! But not the prequels. Forget the prequels.”

“Can we at least finish the film we’re watching now, first?” Bruce asked.

Tony leant sideways, resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder, as Bucky reached to grab his hand. On the screen before them, Shrek made a joke. Everyone laughed, but for Bucky. Tony frowned. Throughout the film, Bucky had only laughed sporadically and, even then, it sounded half-hearted. For one who usually laughed hard, and often, in films, particularly if they were Eddie Murphy ones, this was a little disconcerting.

_He’s just told the entire world that he was raped, tortured and brainwashed. Understandable that he’s not in the mood for laughing hysterically._

Tony squeezed his hand tighter.

*

“We did the right thing, today,” Steve stood in the corridor, facing Tony. “It’s probably going to be tough for a while, especially for Bucky. But we did the right thing.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” said Tony.

“They can’t get away with what they did.”

“No argument from me, here.”

“You know... you’re alright, Tony,” a slight mischievous smile, somewhat reminiscent of Bucky, crossed his face.  “Just... alright. Wouldn’t want you to get a big head.”

“No wouldn’t want that to happen,” Tony said, laconically.

Steve laughed. “See you tomorrow. I can’t wait to see those sick men get what they deserve.”

“Likewise.”

Tony closed, and locked the door and rejoined Bucky on the sofa.

“By now, most of the world will know all about me, well at least anyone who has access to the internet,” Bucky said. “I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

“I won’t lie to you, Bucky. A lot of people will be on your side, after this. There will be a lot of outrage, about what they did to you. But, there will be the small, but vocal group of people too, who will say that you lied, that this is a trick. Every fear you have, of what you think that they will say, they will say. They’re wrong. You have to keep thinking that. Take it from someone who has been called every word that you can think of. And probably some that you can’t. Actually, some people are actually pretty impressive, with the ways that they come up with, to insult.”

“But you haven’t done what I’ve done.”

“No, you could argue that I’ve done worse. I wasn’t brainwashed, when I created Ultron.”

“No. You aren’t. You’ve only ever done what you’ve thought was right.”

“That’s what every tyrant, in history has said. I’m not saying I’m a tyrant, I’m just making a point. Actually, being called a tyrant is the _least_ of what people have called me.”

“It’s just... all of my life, laid bare. It just feels so exposed.”

“You are not your trauma, Bucky. They won’t find out anything about your personal life. They’re not going to find out that you like to steal toothbrushes and t-shirts and that you love thunderstorms and Eddie Murphy films. That’s the _real_ you. Not the one who was brainwashed and raped and tortured. Believe me. I’m the one with the genius IQ, so I know what I’m talking about.”

Bucky suddenly pulled away, placing his legs up and folding his arms around his knees.

“Tony, I don’t... I don’t know if I can handle this. I love you so much. But we’ll have to go back to the United States soon and you’ll go back to your own life-“

_Woh! Hold on! What?_

“You think I’m going to dump you, when we get back to the US?”

“I just don’t want to be the one holding you back. I know I’m so messed up.”

Tony resisted the urge to start screaming.

_Not this again!_

“Bucky you’ve got to remember something. _You_ were the one threatening to leave _me_. I know you were panicked and scared. Please don’t do that again. If you want to leave, at least talk to me first, allow me to try and convince you to stay. Is this what you’ve been quiet about, most of tonight? Oh you silly, gorgeous man. You’re not holding me back. I wouldn’t even be here if I thought that.”

Bucky swiftly climbed on top of Tony’s lap, cupping his jaw in his hands, to kiss him passionately on the mouth. When they pulled apart, Bucky’s eyes were alight with clear reassurance.

“I’m sorry I even thought that you would consider it. I’ve been such an idiot tonight, worrying that when we go back to the US, you’ll be better off without me. What’s wrong with me?”

“You’ve just told the world that you were tortured and raped. You’re allowed to feel a little vulnerable. But Bucky, I don’t care what happens from now on. I want to be with you, alright? In the Tony Stark chronicle of all things awesome, you’re on page one...ok page two, right after myself.”

"You do realise that the same applies to you, Tony?”

“This doesn’t have to be a great love in-“

“You amaze me, did you know? I’ve been thinking about this, a lot. You have this incredible ability, to take the abuse that you suffer in life and turn it around. It’s like you’re the master of giving the most fundamental ‘fuck you’ to the ones who have hurt you. With the ones in the cave who raped and tortured you, you used your fury over what they did to you, and created the first Iron Man. Tony, I know...” He trailed off, a sudden trepidation coming into his blue irises.

“What?” Tony reached up, to trail a finger down his jaw.

“The Howard that Steve knew isn’t the one who brought you up, was he? When you would talk about your parents’ death, not once did you ever mention your father. As Winter, the reports that we had on Howard was that he was a cold, neglectful father who also abused his son... emotionally, maybe even physically.”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Tony said, feeling an odd chill clamp down his innards.

“You created an absolute _empire_ , Tony out of his work. Of course, your genius helped. You even took what happened with Steve and me and turned that around. We hurt you, and, in return, you de-programmed me.”

“Bucky,” Tony laughed _. I’m sorry gorgeous, but I’m going to have to set you straight, on a few things._ “With creating the empire, that was just me on autopilot. Did you know that right up to my mid-twenties, my personal life was a complete mess? Obadiah, he eventually got through to me. Gave me an incredible talking to and sent me off to rehab. Told me if I didn’t straighten up, then the company was going to be taken from me. The investors were willing to walk. They didn’t care how much of a genius I was. It worked. I forced myself to turn my life around. Well, as much as I could. But, before then, I was pretty much always drunk. I would have constant sex with random strangers. You should have seen the newspaper headlines, in this time. Sure, I was the great brainchild, of Stark Industries. That area of my life was fine. But the rest of it was a mess. Sometimes I would wake up, in someone else’s bed, not even remembering how I got there. You asked me the other night if any of my male partners, who I let penetrate me, were sober? Pretty much all of them were. Some of them insisted on not using protection. I just didn’t care. One time, I woke up, and there was this guy on top of me, using my body like his personal blow up doll. Anyway, he finished and then he told me what a slut I was. Considering that I didn’t even remember picking him up, I guess he was right.”

Bucky’s face had drained of all colour. “Tony... oh my god...He raped you!”

“No, Bucky, it was me! I was just so messed up.”

“Who was it? Did you know his name?”

“Bucky, it’s no big deal-“

“It’s a major big deal!” Bucky’s eyes were hard flints of ice. “So this asshole waited until you were asleep to have sex with you? I don’t care what you drank that night. I don’t care if it was six vodka bottles. And I don’t even  care that you consented to take him home. He _raped_ you, Tony.”

Tony considered what Bucky was saying. He had felt so personally conflicted, at that time, in his life, that he had never even considered that he shouldn’t take the blame for everything that happened to him. He did recall, after the man had left, needing to take a long shower, and scrubbing his flesh. But even so, at the time, he had not thought of it as a violation, of any kind. After all, he was constantly out screwing so many people, of both genders, sometimes two or three at a time. Just a few nights before, he’d taken part in a three-way, where he allowed himself to be penetrated by two other men.

No, he had not considered waking up, to find a man having sex with him, to be rape. Unlike the time in cave, the man had been careful not to cause him any physical damage. Also, he had used protection and Tony had, at least, consented to taking him to his house.

“Do you know his name?”

_I wasn’t raped!_

“No, Bucky. He’s not worth it.”

 “I don’t care how ‘messed up’ you say you were. He shouldn’t have taken advantage of you, like that. And if I ever find this guy, then I will _kill_ him.”

“Ok, so I’ve always been an alcoholic slut, even after Obadiah talked to me. But at least I slowed down... a lot.”

“I don’t care how many people you fucked in the past. Or how drunk you were. He shouldn’t have done that.”

Tony considered all his research, after the gang rape, on male on male sexual assault.

_But it couldn’t be... could it?_

His mind suddenly flashed on the recent dream. The man on top of him, rough American accent in his ear. Only it wasn’t entirely a dream, he realised now, it was a memory.

“I _was_ raped, wasn’t I? How could I not have known, at the time?” Tony felt too shocked to truly understand how to feel about this revelation. In a lot of ways, it did explain his actions afterwards. Two days later, when Obadiah spoke to him... yes, he remembered now. He had thrown out all of his alcohol bottles, had not ventured out of his house. No, worse,  he had not ventured out of his bed. At the time, Obadiah had thought that he was genuinely sick, had even insisted that he go to the hospital. Tony had refused.

“Maybe because you were too busy blaming yourself.  I know the feeling. For the longest time, I just stopped fighting, just accepted what Hydra did to me. In fact, it wasn’t until those two years on the run, when I started to get my memories back, that I realised I was actually the victim.”

“I’m proud of you, what you did today. There’s no way that I could do it, could tell the world about what was done to me. I couldn’t even tell Rhodie!”

“It was the death of your parents wasn’t it? That was what caused the spiral.”

“It may have been the trigger. But Bucky, I still had control over my own life. I was the one who decided not to get help.”

“ _I_ caused you to feel that way.”

“Not you, Winter. Alright? You had no control over what happened. If you had, you would have stopped Winter, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course! Of course I would have! I felt so sick afterwards, when I started to regain my memory. I can’t take it back. Can never take back the hurt and pain that I caused you.”

“Again, that was _Winter_ , Bucky. Not you. He’s gone now. And he’s _not you_. I bet Winter didn’t like good cooking and thunderstorms. Winter would certainly not fall in love with anyone. Hey, don’t be sad, don’t be sad,” he said, distressed at the utter crestfallen look, on Bucky’s face. “Alright, how about if I serenade you? It would be far better if we were in a gondola and I was wearing a beret and a red and white striped shirt. But anyway...”

_Alright, think. Who was big in the nineteen forties?_

“I fell in love with you when I first looked into... Them there eyes,” Tony sang, twirling his hands in the air to make music notes, in exaggerated fashion. “And you have a certain cute little way of flirting... with them there eyes,” he smiled, poking Bucky on his lightly freckled nose.

Said beautiful eyes sparkled with clear joy.

_That’s it, that’s it Bucky._

“I’ve never been serenaded before,” Bucky said. “You actually can sing!”

“Why do you sound surprised?” Tony asked.

“How do you know Billy Holiday? She’s from my era!”

“I know good music. It doesn’t matter the era.”

Bucky bent down, and they locked lips, tongues eagerly exploring.

“Let’s make love. Right here, on this sofa,” Tony said.

Bucky instantly clambered off him.

“I’ll go get the lube.”

_Well, that was easy._

As Bucky disappeared into the room, Tony threw off his t-shirt and then undid his jeans and boxers, before pulling the rest of his clothes off, along with his socks.

Bucky reappeared.

“Better,” he said, raking his eyes up and down Tony’s body.

“Come here,” Tony said, reaching for him. “You’re far too dressed, for my liking.”

Bucky grinned and moved forward. Between them, Tony figured they’d broken a new record in stripping someone naked. Bucky then climbed back on top of him, touching lips with him, once more. Tony had never truly discovered the joys of kissing, until he met Bucky. Of all his previous partners, only Pepper enjoyed a good snog, before the actual sex. Bucky, however, seemed content to lock lips for minutes at a time. It was obvious that this was his foreplay.

“I want you to... have me again. This time, I want to last all the way through,” Bucky said, handing Tony the lube.

“Ok, safe words. We always remember our safe words.”

As Tony carefully prepared him, he found that he was distracted by the earlier conversation, about the crazy years following his parents’ death. In regards to the rape, he could barely recall the incident. Most of those days were a blur to him. How had he reacted, when he woke up and felt the man on top of him, inside him? He didn’t recall doing anything, simply grimly accepting that it was happening, and hoping that it would be over soon.

Bucky, who had been raining kisses on his chest, suddenly stopped, and looked up.

“Do you need to say your safe word? Tony, what’s wrong?”

_What is wrong with you, Tony? You’re about to have sex with one of the most insanely hot men on the planet and you’re thinking about some ass who took advantage of you twenty years ago?_

 “Sweden,” Bucky said and Tony pulled his lube covered fingers out of him.

“I’m sorry, Bucky,” Tony shook his head. “I don’t know why this has to be so hard? And I don’t mean in that good way. You were right, with what you said earlier. I’ve always had such a messed up life. I was raped and I didn’t even realise! That’s how messed up I was. And you’re right about Howard. Did you know that it took me years, to even realise that I was being abused? It wasn’t as though he beat me. It was more subtle than that. It was more that I was just never good enough. He would ignore me, most of the time and then when he did talk to me, it was always about what a disappointment I was. Every so often, and this was always when mum wasn’t around, if I pissed him off, which was a lot, then he’d lose his temper, just saying the most horrendous things to me. And sometimes that meant throwing things at me, pushing me. One time, he grabbed me by the arm and threw me against the wall, to yell at me. I was terrified.” Tony stopped to run a hand through his sweaty hair. “We’re about to have sex and I’ve turned this into my own private therapy session! What is wrong with me?”

“It’s ok. It’s ok, Tony.”

“I never told anyone about Howard. Not even Pepper. Although she suspected. Not Rhodie.”

“I just don’t understand anyone who would do that to their own child.”

“Actually, it does feel better to get that out,” Tony nodded. “This therapy with Bucky session is going well.”

“My poor beautiful Tony. You’ve had such a horrendous life.”

“Not as bad as yours, Bucky.”

Bucky’s corresponding smile was full of understanding and warmth.

“It’s not a competition. We’ve both suffered terribly. You keep telling me how far I’ve come. But I think we’ve _both_ come a long way. Tony, you may think I’m totally out of line, for saying this. Particularly considering what Winter did. But what Howard did was wrong. The way he treated you was utterly wrong. You do understand that, don’t you? You deserve to be treated with respect,” Bucky ran a finger along his jaw.

Tony couldn’t help but smile at his sweetness. Without knowing the full extent of the fractured relationship between himself and his father, he’d had various therapists over the years tell him the exact same thing, with varying results.

“Bucky, you’re not going to solve my various personality problems, tonight, although I appreciate the attempt.”

Bucky leant forward, until his face was just a hair breadth away from Tony’s.

“Well, no one is going to disrespect you again. I’ll make sure of it.”

“That may be difficult. I tend to get on people’s nerves.”

 Bucky pressed his lips against Tony’s. This time, the kiss had far more passion to it.

“Make love to me, Tony, please. I want you so much,” Bucky said, as he moved sideways and lay down on the couch. “I’m ready.” He hooked his legs around Tony’s waist. “I trust you.”

“Alright, if you insist,” Tony poured lube onto his erection. He saw no fear in Bucky’s eyes.

“You’re not going to leave me,” he reached up and touched Tony’s cheek.

“I think it’s about time that you tried to have a normal life, don’t you? No more running.”

“No more running,” Bucky repeated.

“Alright, we do this slowly, as usual. And remember? Safe words.”

Bucky nodded.

Tony very slowly entered him, as slowly as possible, taking the time, to kiss all over his face and down his neck, running his hands over his thighs. Bucky lay still, beneath him, his arms and legs around him, a slight tremble over his entire body.

“It doesn’t hurt,” Bucky said.

Tony buried himself to the hilt, in his partner’s accommodating body, and then stilled, feeling Bucky’s chest rise and fall beneath him, the warmth of his legs, the coldness of the metal arm on his back. He reached between them, to touch Bucky’s erection. As he started to stroke him, Bucky closed his eyes. Tony could feel the tempo of his heart, frantically drumming from more than just desire.

“It doesn’t hurt,” Bucky repeated.

“Bucky, look at me,” Tony said. Bucky’s eyelids fluttered, to now dark blue irises staring back at him. “You’re safe. And I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Move for me, Tony. Please. I want you to move.”

Tony did as he bid, thrusting slowly at first, allowing Bucky to adjust to him. And then going faster, as Bucky started those little mewling sounds, which Tony decided were beyond delectable. He then moved even faster, and Bucky started to move with him, slamming his hips against Tony’s. Tony heard the slapping of their bodies together and told himself that it was ok. They would be alright. He was safe.

“Tony...” Bucky moaned, reaching down to grip his ass. “So good...”

Tony now moaned, with each thrust. Bucky suddenly let out a guttural, loud groan and Tony felt his release cover his hand and stomach, as his channel spasmed around his erection.

“Oh Bucky...”

Tony continued thrusting even harder. He was close now... so close. Feeling a hand reach up and trail down his cheek, across to his jaw, he looked down, to Bucky staring up at him, with a dreamy, content expression. Tony could not hold on any longer. He threw his head back and hollered, as he reached his own incredible peak, feeling himself release deep inside his lover. When he collapsed on top of Bucky, still trembling, he felt Bucky’s flesh arm go up and down his back.

“That was... that was intense...” Tony admitted, as he slowly slid out.

“Can we just lie here a while? I like the snuggling part. Maybe almost as much as the sex,” Bucky said.

“Maybe later, you can have a go at pounding _me_ into oblivion,” Tony said.

“Alright, if you insist,” Bucky smirked.

*

_Tony zoomed up the side of the Stark Tower, weightless, unencumbered by his Iron Man suit. Upon recognising the dream, he had decided to fly; to simply take off from the ground, zooming straight up into the air. A tiny pink glow, at the top of the tower, drew him towards it. As he flew closer, he realised that it was a new room, that he did not at all recognise. Flying in through the window, he found himself completely surrounded by pink. Pink walls, pink lounge suite, pink rugs. Even a pink television screen. The one, incredibly gorgeous aspect of the room that wasn’t pink, but instead dressed in a white shirt and jeans, rushed forward to him, with a wide grin, on his face._

_“Why is everything this incredibly tacky shade of  pink?” Tony asked._

_“How should I know? This is your dream,” Bucky replied._

_Tony looked around and started laughing._

_“Tony,” Bucky said._

*

“Tony...”

Bucky whispered his name, ever so softly.

“Tony, you awake?” A gentle hand ran down his face. Still three-quarters in slumber, Tony grumbled and rolled to the side, nestling his head in what he assumed was the vicinity of Bucky’s chest. They’d moved to the bed a few hours before, giving them both more room to spread themselves out. He now felt the metal arm reach around his back, cold against his flesh. “You must have been having a very nice dream. You were just laughing in your sleep.” He felt Bucky's fingers stroking his hair.

“Bucky...” Tony mumbled. “Pink Bucky. Everything is pink.”

“Is it, now?”

“Mmm...”

“I know you’re going to not like hearing this, but you are almost _painfully_ adorable, at times, did you know?”

“Mmm...”

“Sleep well, my adorable brown-eyed man.”

Tony fell back into his pink dream.

Tbc...

 

 

 

 

 

[i] “You have no idea how much I love you, do you?” Japanese translation.

[ii]  “I love you very much,” Japanese translation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In regards to Tony's dream, this author isn't sure if they believe in 'dream interpretation' but regardless, according to their research dreaming of the colour 'pink' symbolises romance, love, sharing, kindness, affection, protection and innocence.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony, Bucky, Steve and Bruce decide that it is time to leave Wakanda and return to the USA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you to my lovely readers. :)

“We’re getting a lot better at this, aren’t we?” Tony said each word between gasps, as Bucky gingerly pulled out of him.

Certainly, it helped that Bucky had taken his time and used plenty of lube. It also helped that Bucky had been cautious in entering him. Bucky had also stopped when the noise of their bodies slapping together had caused Tony’s apprehension to rise, waiting patiently until Tony’s heart rate had slowed down to less than a jackhammer, and Tony verbally assented, before continuing.

What helped most of all, was the fact that, following Tony’s suggestion, Bucky had kept his, as always, borrowed ACDC t-shirt on.

Still gasping, himself, Bucky collapsed on top of him, placing his head on his chest, next to the arc reactor, as Tony unhooked his legs from around his waist, travelling his hand down to lightly stroke his ass.

_In the annals of Tony and Bucky lovemaking I’ll give that one an eight. A high distinction, no doubt. But with room for even better improvement, next time._

Bucky moved his head up, to place his chin on Tony’s chest. “We just went twice in one night,” there was a proud tone, to his voice. Tony found it impossibly cute that Bucky didn’t seem to understand that it was common, in new relationships, to start with a healthy amount of sex. New relationships between functional people who were not still healing from being violently raped, Tony amended.

Bucky lightly kissed his chest. “I like it that we’re both just so _dirty_ now.” He slid his hand down, over Tony’s stomach. “When they would finish inside me, I’d always feel so disgusted. In fact, to me, that was even worse than the physical pain of the rapes. Knowing that this part of them was still... in me. Of course, Winter wasn’t allowed to show any emotion, had to just obey. But now, I _relish_ the feel. Because it’s you.”

In Tony’s experience, when most people talked about 'being dirty', with their partner, their intent was to arouse. With Bucky, however, he was starting to realise that this was his way of clinically examining his sexual experience. Tony was certainly pleased that he was enjoying their new relations. However, it was rather disconcerting to hear Bucky compare consensual sexual relations with himself, with his own violent rape.  

“Bucky...” _How to even begin to untangle this mindfield?_ “Do you know what the best part of having sex with you is? It’s knowing, just by looking at you, that I’m giving you the ultimate pleasure. That we’re _both_ feeling it together.”

Bucky moved to the side, pulling Tony over with him, to kiss his mouth, his metal arm heavy across his back.

“Thank you for teaching me that sex can be pleasurable. And fun. Tony, I know I say it all the time. But I just _adore_ you.”

“I’m going to take it as a total coincidence that you’re saying this just after some pretty incredible sex,” Tony jested.

Bucky’s full lips quirked up in a rather smitten smile, his flesh hand now leisurely stroking Tony’s thigh.

“Do you remember in the memory programme, when I defeated the Red Skull, by putting my metal arm through him?”

Tony nodded. He was quite certain that he was not going to forget that, in a hurry.

“You smiled at me, looking right at me, with _those_ big brown eyes and...yes, that was the moment,” Bucky smiled, ruefully. “I knew I was in big trouble. Subconsciously. There’s no way, consciously, I would have admitted it. That’s why the memory changed. Do you remember? Suddenly it changed to be Pierce and Rumlow.”

“Because you wanted to punish yourself,” Tony’s brows knitted together.

Bucky nodded. “I think so. Pierce, I honestly thought he was an ok guy. Obviously a Hydra agent, but still...so was I, at the time.”

A dark look skittered across his face, his metal arm pressing deeper into Tony’s back.

“It just went for so long. First he made me fellate Rumlow, while he watched. Then I had to do it to him. Then he ordered Rumlow to fuck me. And he told Rumlow to be rough. He wanted me to bleed. Well, Rumlow succeeded, on that front.  Then Pierce went, then Rumlow went again. And the entire time, he kept telling me that I deserved it. I let his cleaning lady see me. I needed to be punished. At the time, I believe it. So, I was wrong about them being good people and I was wrong about you being a bad person. I don’t have very good insights into my fellow humans, do I?”

Tony didn’t understand why Bucky seemed determined to talk about past events that clearly pained him. As far as Tony was concerned, painful memories were best kept locked in a safe, buried under six feet of concrete, guarded by one of his Iron Men.

_Only that’s not exactly working of late is it? Repressing all of the bad times hasn’t exactly stopped them from resurfacing._

 “I remember seeing you, not long after you’d been captured, in Bucharest. A part of me realised that you were insanely hot. But then, I also thought that you were a deranged killer, so if I were to have sex with you, you would most probably kill me after, like some human praying mantis. So weighing up... sex with you... dying.... Who am I kidding? I would have taken the sex. At least it would have been one _hell_ of a way to go out. Of course, I’m assuming the first time that you ever saw _me_ , you thought I was the most insanely handsome man that you had ever laid eyes on.”

“You’re a genius, Tony and you don’t know that praying mantises don’t bite off the heads of their mates after mating? It’s a total urban legend,” Bucky said, smiling.

“Really? It’s... actually disturbing that you know this.”

Bucky laughed, before the Bucky-centric impish look came over his handsome face.

“Insanely handsome? You have a funny nose.”

“What? What are you talking about? I do not have a funny nose!”

“Oh yes you do!”

“My nose is perfectly fine, thank you.”

“Yes,” Bucky leant forward and kissed Tony on the nose. “Funny nose.”

“Well you have a funny...” Tony moved up, to look down his muscular body. “Little left toe.”

“I can live with that,” Bucky shrugged, then leant forward to kiss Tony, once more. “I’m joking. I think your nose is as perfect as the rest of you.”

“I know,” Tony said, as they moved apart. “Go on, then. Choose one of my t-shirts to wear, for the day.”

Bucky climbed out of the bed, and yanked open the wardrobe. “You took a lot with you.”

With no self-consciousness whatsoever, as Bucky went through the clothes in the wardrobe, Tony stared at his well shaped ass, beneath the t-shirt.

“That is the Venus de Milo of asses, right there,” Tony said.

Bucky glanced back at him, smirked and lifted the t-shirt he was wearing off, before returning back to the wardrobe.

“Even better,” Tony said.

 “Hm...what’s this about?” Bucky asked, turning and holding up the t-shirt of Tony’s that showed a picture of Darth Vader and a stormtrooper, in a carriage, coming down a roller coaster.

Tony sighed.

_What’s this about, indeed._

“Wear that one. I think it will suit you.”

“Alright,” Bucky threw it onto the bed. “Shower first. You coming?”

Tony flung the covers back and hastily jumped out of bed.

*

Upon walking into the work-room, Tony was not entirely surprised to see Bruce and Steve already inside, standing before one of the main computer consoles.

“We’re just waiting for T’Challa,” Steve said.

“So...ok, please don’t keep us in suspense. I’m assuming you’ve looked at the results of our little internet release yesterday?”

Steve and Bruce both glanced at each other and then nodded.

“Do you want the good news or the bad news?” Steve asked.

Tony felt Bucky’s metal arm suddenly reach out to grab his arm, fingers digging into his flesh.

“Give us the good news first.”

“Well, it certainly did cause a stir,” Bruce said. “In fact, it actually shut down Twitter for two hours!”

 “There’s a lot of ‘Free Bucky’ talk. Even politicians are talking. It seems that a lot of people genuinely believe that you were tortured and brainwashed,” Steve said. “But then, the evidence is, in my mind, pretty much irrefutable.”

“There is talk, in a lot of countries, of launching an investigation, into the people involved in the assassinations. In fact, in Germany and Switzerland, they’ve already started making arrests!” Bruce said.

Tony took a moment to contemplate this news. He had expected the reaction to be colossal. However, even he, with his powerful mind, could not have anticipated the obvious intensity of the public outcry.

Behind him, the door opened then closed. T’Challa appeared beside him.

“What’s the bad news?” Tony asked.

“Tony, do you remember the experiment, in which I tried to draw out the Winter Soldier, by allowing my assistant to fight Bucky?” T’Challa asked, and then waited for Tony’s nod, before continuing. “I secretly filmed it. As I filmed all of my experiments on Bucky, for documentation of his ‘cure’. I ordered that you three be edited out of the footage,” he indicated Steve and Bruce, also. “However, there is one aspect of the fight that was missed. You are in the footage, Tony. And people on the internet have slowed down the footage and noticed you. They now know that you are here.”

Tony, ever the master of cunning verbal wordplay, could only answer in two words.

“Well...fuck...”

*

Tony picked up the remote, for the dining room television, and flicked through the news channels.

“... Senator Barklay was arrested this morning, at his house.”

“...what we’re looking at is an almost Stockholm Syndrome type effect, where a person-“

“We are suffering from a lack of trust, in the government. Steve Rogers’ handling of the accords is a testament to-“

“The FBI says that it will investigate the death of Natalee Barrett, wife of now disgraced senator James Barrett-“

“...  certainly, this is a delicate situation. We have evidence of the rape and torture of someone who was originally an American citizen-“

“... we’re supposed to believe that he is actually innocent? Who can believe this brainwashing garbage?”

Tony glanced to Bucky, sitting in the dining chair beside him, and then switched channels again, to Senator Elizabeth Mcgraw and Secretary Ross, standing beside each other, on the steps of what he assumed to be Capitol Hill.

“Of course, I completely disagree. We should not be trying to force James Barnes out of hiding. But rather, coax him, with the promise that we will look into his situation-“ Senator Mcgraw was saying.

Jelani walked up to the table and placed a bowl of various fruits, cheeses, dips and crackers on the varnished top, in front of the four occupants.

“Eat, please...” He said, before walking away.

“And I wouldn’t argue that one small freeze-frame is absolute evidence that Tony Stark is in Wakanda,” on the screen, Senator Mcgraw continued.

Tony turned the channel, once more, to footage of Bucky and T’Challa fighting. Seeing it on screen, the ferociousness of the fight was obvious, although, knowing what Bucky was like when he was in full aggression mode, it was clear, to him, that Bucky was holding back. Bucky ducked and swung away from T’Challa’s high kick and the footage froze, to a glimpse of a blurred face, in the background. Tony agreed with the Senator. One couldn’t be absolutely certain that the blurred shot was actually him. But one could make a guess, in the high percentages.

“Tony, can you turn it off?” Bucky asked. Tony glanced at his determined face, and then pointed the remote at the television and switched it off.

Bucky took a few deep breaths, clearly steeling himself.

“We can’t stay here. We’ve been compromised, now. In particular, Tony has been compromised. And I’m tired of running. I think we should go back, to the United States. Let whatever will happen play out.”

“I agree with Bucky,” Steve said. “Staying here is endangering T’Challa. Now that the information is out there, we face them. We fight them, if need be.”

Bruce shrugged. “Well, it would be really nice to see Nat, again.”

“Tony?” Bucky turned to him.

To Tony, everyone agreeing so quickly to return to the United States, was a testament to how much they missed it.

Or how fatigued they were from being on the run.

_Bucky’s right. We can’t stay here. Besides, surely by now Happy’s running out of New Age penguin references, to give the media._

“It would be nice to go back to the Stark Tower,” Tony said to the three before him, before focusing directly on Bucky. “I have dozens of shirts there for you to steal, as well as more than a few toothbrushes.”

Bucky’s face was then overcome with an expression of such painfully naked affection that Tony had to deliberately turn to his mobile phone, to stop himself from launching himself on Bucky, in a display that would certainly embarrass Steve and Bruce.

“Alright, I’ll get in contact with Happy, get him to take my fastest jet.”

*

After Bruce, T’Challa moved to stand before Steve.

“I can’t even begin to...Thank you so much, T’Challa, for everything,” Steve said, clasping T’Challa’s arm.

“The pleasure is all mine,” T’Challa responded. “You are welcome back here any time.”

“And you, at the Avengers' HQ.”

T’Challa nodded and then stepped to the left, to now stand before Tony.

“You are a great man, Tony. Everything that you have done here... There are no words to describe your integrity, your caring for other people, particularly considering what occurred in the past, between you all. I am beyond relieved that you responded to my letter and, furthermore, didn’t run away, when I begged you to help.”

“So am I,” Tony said, momentarily placing his arm around Bucky’s shoulders, accentuating the reason for his gratitude.

T’Challa then focused his attention on Bucky.

“I don’t even know how to thank you,” said Bucky.

“You have immense inner strength,” T’Challa said. “It will see you through the darkest of times. Oh, and also,” he nodded at Nakia, standing behind him, who nodded back and stepped, with elegant strides, to the work-room door.

“T’Challa, that clearly awesome woman scares me,” Tony said, watching her close the door behind herself. “Remind me not to ever get on your bad side.”

“Yes, she is a good fighter,” T’Challa said.

 The door reopened and Nakia re-entered, carrying a black t-shirt in her hand.

 “I noticed that you like t-shirts,” T’Challa said to Bucky, as Nakia handed the item of clothing to him.

 Bucky unfolded the t-shirt and held it up, for everyone to see. Tony whistled. The t-shirt bore an illustration of a Black Panther, stalking forwards. “Now _I’m_ going to be stealing this off _you_ , Bucky.”

“It’s fantastic!” Bucky said. “Thank you so much!”

“We’ll see you again,” Steve said. “You’re like an honorary member of the Avengers now.”

T’Challa said nothing, simply smiled in that graceful way of his and nodded.

“I will take my leave now.”

Watching him and Nakia leave the room,  a bittersweet feeling swept over Tony.

“We’d better wipe the computers,” Bruce said.

“Good idea.”

As Tony and Bruce moved over to the mainframe, to start deleting their work, he could hear Steve and Bucky behind them.

“I honestly thought I’d be in there for a very long time,” Bucky said.

Tony glanced behind himself. Both Steve and Bucky stood in front of the cryo-chamber.

“No more running, Bucky,” Steve said.

*

 Happy was, as was his custom, exceedingly punctual. When Tony had called him on an untraceable line, hours before, and asked him to travel urgently across the world to pick them up, he had expected to be waiting at least another few hours. As it occurred, Happy parked the jet on T’Challa’s private runway with twenty minutes to spare, according to Tony’s calculations. Tony wasn’t sure how he’d broken the rules of time and space to arrive there in such a ridiculous time, but decided not to question such an impossible feat, lest it turn out that Happy was actually secretly more of a genius than he was.

The jet cruised to a stop, on the Wakandan tarmac, and the group of men waiting watched as Wakandan workers rushed to attached the jet stairs. Tony started walking forward, with the others, and was almost at the base of the stairs, when the side door opened and a familiar figure stepped out.

“Well, hello there!” Tony said, smiling, as Rhodey walked down the stairs, in satisfactorily limber fashion. His new legs were clearly working out very well, indeed.

_But then, can I really be surprised, seeing as I designed, built and fitted them? Of course not._

 “So, I see it that you guys are all friends again?” Rhodey said, somewhat laconically, as he clamped a hand on Tony’s shoulder, and then nodded at the man beside him. “Hey Bruce.”

“Hey.”

“Steve, Bucky.”

Both nodded back.

“It’s... a long story...” Tony admitted.

“I bet. I’ve been watching the news. You’ve been having fun, Tony.”

“Hm... I guess you could call it that.”

“Well, you’ll all have plenty of time to tell me about it, on the jet.”

“There’s one other thing,” Tony said. He’d made the decision, as they were walking out of the palace, to the runway. If Bucky could be courageous, then so could he. “I need to talk to Happy. If it’s alright with everyone else, I’d like to take a pit stop, of sorts, relive some _wonderful_ memories.”

“Where do you want to go, Tony?” Steve asked.

“I’ll keep it a thrilling surprise,” Tony said, as he started to climb the stairs, to clamber on board.

*

Between themselves, Steve, Tony and Bruce managed to fill Rhodey in on most of the details, of their weeks in Wakanda, leaving out some of the more horrendous detail, particularly in regards to the sexual assaults. Bucky sat silent beside Tony, only offering tidbits of information, when asked.

“It’s all so crazy. But then again, considering it’s _you_ , Tony, it doesn’t surprise me in the least,” Rhodey said.

“Well, there’s one other thing to tell you, possibly the most important part of all,” Tony said and then took Bucky’s hand and kissed it. Bucky instantly beamed, squeezing Tony’s hand. In a flash of insight, Tony suddenly understood the reason for Bucky’s silence.

_I’m going to have to talk to this silly, gorgeous man later._

 Rhodey reacted to the news with far less fury than Steve. In fact, he reacted with no fury at all. Instead, he laughed.

“Of course! Of course! Only _you_ , Tony would do this.”

“Rhodey, it’s not what you think. I love him,” Tony shrugged. Rhodey looked to Steve, who nodded. All of the humour left his face.

“So this is really happening?”

“This is really happening.”

Rhodey then switched his attention to Bucky.

“Tony saved me, Rhodey. He brought me out of the dark place I was in. I owe him everything.”

Tony could see Rhodey mulling it over in his mind. “Alright, then. We’ll it’s clear you’ve both made up your minds. And you’re both adults and, thankfully, are both now able to make informed consent. So...” He shrugged, and then looked directly at Bucky, dark eyes suddenly flashing with clear malice. “If you hurt him, Bucky then you will have to deal with me. And, believe me, you don’t want that.”

Steve caught Tony’s eye, raising his brow, a half-smirk on his face.

“I would never hurt him,” Bucky replied. “But your loyalty is heartening.”

*  
Tony took two steps forward, grimaced and then swung around and walked ten paces to the left, cursing himself for not being able to figure his dilemma out. What was the point of having a brilliant mind, if he couldn’t work out the exact location of things? Of course, he had been barely conscious, when transported to the cave; then there was the fact that his heart was dangerously close to shutting down, at the time, a condition that made it perilously difficult to focus on what was happening around him.

Also, right now, the stifling heat seemed to be melting his brain. As per his request, Steve, Happy and Bruce were a good fifteen minutes away, in the cool comfort of the jet. Thinking of the air conditioner, as well as the well-stocked bar inside, Tony was starting to wonder if this was a ridiculous idea, to begin with. He noticed that both Rhodey and Bucky stood a little back. He wasn’t even sure why. To give him space, to continue with his ridiculous meanderings?

“I don’t know, I was expecting to find a sign. ‘This is where the first Iron Man was built.’ But then, maybe the people here have a few more important things on their mind like, I don’t know, trying not to die.”

The entire area was completely empty, with just a few shrubs and stray goats for company. Tony had not been anticipated for a shopping complex to be built, in the eight years of his absence, but he expected more than just total desert nothingness. But then, he reasoned, he couldn’t blame people at all for not wanting to stay in this particular part of Afghanistan, particularly considering it’s bloody past, which he had a direct hand in.

Walking blindly, now, he continued forward.

Although the usual part of himself was determined to tell himself that he was a terrible person, he deserved what they did to him, in that cave, the larger part of himself now knew that this wasn’t true. Yes, his actions had not been smart, had been immoral at times and he had contributed to death and destruction. For that, he would be always be paying back his dues.

But he was not a terrible person. And he did not deserve to be held down and forcibly penetrated.

He turned back and looked at Bucky feeling the usual warmth flood his body at the sight.

_He knows I didn't deserve what happened to me._

Tony turned back around and continued forward, before seeing something glittering, in the distance. He started to run, feeling the sand kick up under his sneakers. As he came closer,  the object became more vivid. Finally, he was upon what appeared to be a shiny piece of metal, buried half in the sand, mostly rusted away. He picked it up, only just making out the K from the ‘Stark’ name, and then looked around himself. Time, the sand and sun had destroyed any sign of the destruction that he had wrought here. In regards to the cave itself, that was now completely caved in, a wall of rocks blocking him from the interior.

“This is it, isn’t it Tony? This is the cave?” Rhodey reached up and placed his hand on one of the massive jagged rocks covering the entrance.

_Slap slap slap._

_Bruising hands holding him down. Grunting noises._

_Even in his brilliant mind, Tony did not have the language, to comprehend the apex of the dizzying pain, with every thrust. He could only liken it to a sharp knife, being shoved up inside him, tearing his insides._

_“Yes, you will remember this, Mr. Stark. And that makes you ours. Always.”_

“Rhodey, there’s something I need to tell you, about what happened in the cave.”

He looked at Bucky, standing so silent and strong in the dimming light. In Tony’s mind, Bucky had suffered more, had suffered countless men, forcing him. Yet, Bucky remained dignified. Bucky had not let them break him.

“You know how they forced me to create a weapon for them?”

Rhodey nodded.

“My initial response was to tell them exactly where they could stick that idea. They tried torturing me. I still refused. They showed me that my own weapons were being used in the area, by them. Well, I certainly wasn’t going to help them, then. So, the leader ordered five men to hold me, face down onto the ground and pull my pants down.”

_Initially, Tony had not even comprehended what they had planned. He was too busy fuming at the humiliation that every person on the room could see his bare ass. Then there was the feeling of weight and warmth, against his back, the man forcing his way into his body, with no preparation or warning. Tony had screamed in disgust and pain. Laughter rang out around him._

“So the first one went. Just climbed onto my back, forced his cock inside me and went at it. He seemed to take forever. Then, when he finished, then the second one went. Same routine.”

_By the time the first man had groaned his release, Tony had stopped struggling and screaming, and was reduced to blubbery sobbing. Although shame rippled through him, at the feel of the man climaxing inside him, he also felt a sense of relief. Now that the worst was over, then they would send him back to Yinsen, where he would force himself to forget what had just happened. Then the second man climbed on top, started forcing entrance. This time, Tony’s scream was more of agonised mortification, over physical pain._

“Brutal anal rape, without protection. That old gem. Then the third one. He didn’t last long at all. I guess he was excited by the sight of the others because, you know, watching someone being anally raped is on par with going to see a new Pixar movie.”

He was also the one who had been gentler than the others,  who ran his hands over his chest, whispered into his ear, as he kissed the soft folds. No, he wasn’t going to tell Rhodey about that.

 “Then the forth one raped me. He liked to bite. Then finally the fifth.”

_He never did find out what type of bug, was crawling along the ground. Tony wasn’t even aware that the man had finished, until he felt him pull out and stand up._

 “So, when the fifth one finished, the leader told me again to build the weapon, or _ten_ men would rape me. It wasn’t exactly a tough decision, after that. I bled for three days straight. Found out later in the hospital that my anus and rectum had been torn. I needed stitches. Do you remember when I got back to the USA and asked for the burger? That’s because I was finally allowed to be on solid foods, at that point, and I was starving.”

Feeling that he needed human comfort, he walked over to Bucky and embraced him. Bucky placed his arms around him, and for a moment, Tony took solace in the warm, sturdy body, before turning to face Rhodey, who was looking at him with a distinctly pained expression.

 “I always knew. Like I said, you were just so different, when you came back. Did you ever... talk to anyone about it? As in a professional?”

“I talked to Bruce... no, I didn’t. Me and Bucky, we’ve been working through it, I guess you could say. Together. We both have similarly rapey messed up backgrounds.”

“Tony... I’m just...” Rhodey suddenly slammed his fist against the rocks. “I’m so upset that they did that to you! I’m glad you told me. Anything you need, anything at all.”

“I figured it might explain a bit, about how I act sometimes. But then, considering how I am, probably not, actually.”

“Tony, there are a lot of good organisations that can help you, out there. I can put you in touch-“

“Woh, let’s not... I’ve only just told you.”

“I’m sorry, I just feel so helpless! I want to take those men that hurt you and totally kick their asses!”

“I did, remember? I created my first Iron Man and used it to burn them alive.” Tony paused. “Actually, now I think of it, that was a bit extreme.”

“How does it feel, coming back here? Are you alright?” Rhodey asked.

Tony considered the question.

“Not as bad as I thought it would. The worst is over. I’ve already been raped. And they’re dead. It’s not like they’re magically going to pop up and drag me into the cave and do it again, like the most insane Thriller rejects ever.”

“And Steve and Bruce?”

“They know.”

“I’m glad you’re telling people, Tony. Admitting it is the first step towards healing.”

“Why thank you, Doctor Phil!” Tony exhaled. “I want to go back to the jet. And I don’t ever want to come back here. Not ever again.”

*

They were almost to the jet, when Bucky pulled him aside, telling Rhodey to go on.

“Tony,” he embraced him once more. “I’m so proud of you. I know that must have been difficult. Rhodey, he’s such a good friend to you.”

“Yes he is. That’s why it was very important to tell him about us. As soon as I could.”

Bucky’s large blue eyes seemed to glow, in the dimming Afghan sun.

“When we get back, I know they’re going to arrest me and Steve, probably place me in the Raft prison.”

“You’re right. But it’s not going to end there. I’m going to get you out, Bucky.”

Bucky placed his arms around his waist. “I know. For the first time in forever, I don’t feel the least bit scared about the future. In fact, bring it on. I’m not scared of them.”

“That’s the idea, gorgeous,” Tony said, and then leant forward, to mash their lips together, their tongues leisurely investigating each other’s mouths. It seemed that no matter how many times he kissed Bucky, he could always find new facets of the oral centre of his body.

They released and started to walk towards the jet. Rhodey stood at the base of the stairs, a somewhat perplexed look on his face.

“This is going to take a bit of getting used to. You’ve got to remember that the last time I saw you two,  you were literally fighting each other,” Rhodey said.

Tony shrugged, lifted Bucky’s hand and kissed it.

“Hold on, is that your t-shirt, Tony?” Rhodey asked, staring at Bucky.

Bucky laughed and started to climb up the stairs, to board the plane. Tony moved to go up after him, when Rhodey stopped him, by placing a hand on his arm.

“I’m here for you, Tony.”

Tony considered all of the crazy shenanigans that he had put Rhodey through in the past, and would undoubtedly put him through in the future, and felt his stomach clench with guilt.

“I know. Thanks, Rhodey.”

*

Tony had expected for the  NSA to start tracking them, as soon as they arrived back in the United States. He was impressed, however, with how fast it took for them to converge on the spot where they landed, on a small runway just outside of Lexington. Although it was three fifteen in the morning, there was a group of two dozen or so men and women wearing FBI vests and four police officers waiting to meet them, along with with two helicopters and two police cars. A very irritated looking Thaddeus Ross stood directly in front of the group, with his arms folded.

Tony was the first to step out of the jet, waving his hands at the waiting crowd.

“Well, hello everyone! What a surprise!”

“This is beyond what I’d call a surprise, Tony,” Ross said, scowling.

Upon reaching the tarmac, and standing within inches of Ross,Tony swallowed down a thick wedge of disgust, lodged in his throat. His mind flashed on the footage that Bruce had found, concerning the secretary of state.

“Something wrong, Tony?”

“Oh no, everything is wonderful! How nice of you to ask!”

Suddenly, every agent and officer on the tarmac tensed, raising their weapons.

“Arrest those two,” Ross ordered.

Tony spun around, in time to see four of the officers rush forward, roughly grabbing Steve and Bucky, as they stepped off the jet steps and slamming them to the ground.

 “You know, Ghandi has nothing on you people. What does the FBI do as a follow up? Give kittens to orphans?” Tony said, watching as Steve and Bucky were very roughly handcuffed.

“Aha! The plot thickens!” Ross said. Bruce Banner and Rhodey now stepped out of the jet’s doorway. “Tell me one good reason why I shouldn’t arrest you, too, Tony? Or Bruce Banner?”

“You know, I was having a wonderful time on my retreat,” Tony ignored Ross and walked up to a pretty brunette woman, standing a few feet behind him. “I would recommend this little place, just at the top of Greenland. There’s this pretty little hamlet, makes incredible honey. You would not believe how good this honey is.”

The FBI agent could not repress her grin.

“Alright, cut it out, Tony and answer me,” Ross said.

“I am!” As Tony continued talking, he walked around the gathered police and FBI. “Anyway, I was coming back through Greenland, when I receive a text, from Steve Rogers. I honestly never thought that him, of all people, would text me again! Anyway, he tells me that he’s willing to hand himself in. Him and Bucky both. Go back to the US and face the proverbial music. And not the kind on my current ACDC t-shirt. That is a terrible joke. I’m so sorry about that.”

The mouths of a few more of the FBI officers twitched, as they struggled to remain stoic.

“By the way, do you like Bucky’s shirt?” He asked Ross. “Darth Vader and a stormtrooper on a rollercoaster. Quirky. Never thought that the one who you, Secretary Ross, labelled a vicious killer could be so _fun_.”

A few more of the officers now openly grinned.

“So, I got in contact with my pilot and Rhodey came along for extra support, as well as Bruce. Of course, I had heard the news of internet leak, with the Winter Soldier. Still, I thought, just to be safe, to have some back up-“

“Such bullshit!” Ross swore. “You were there, in Wakanda, with Steve Rogers and the Winter Soldier. I saw the tape-“

“That blurred man in the background? I saw that footage too. Found it kind of funny that everyone would think that was me!”

“Admit it, Tony. You were there. And you were also the one behind the internet leak.”

“If I was, that would be something, wouldn’t it? Tony Stark releasing information that proves a conspiracy, as well as the brainwashing of the man who killed his parents? What next? The Winter Soldier and I are having a love affair?”

He stepped up to Bucky, cupped his chin and planted a kiss on his lips.

“You know you just live to piss people off, don’t you?” Ross asked.

Tony turned back to him, and grinned.

“Fine, then. Both Steve Rogers and James Barnes are now under arrest. We’ll read them their Miranda rights on the way. And yes, we’re taking James Barnes to the Raft prison. I don’t trust in the least that he is no longer dangerous.”

“Alright,” Tony took out his mobile. “Happy, fly both Bruce and Rhodey to wherever they want to go. Steve, I’m going to get the best lawyer possible, to get you off.  Don’t worry, you’ll be in the police station for less than an hour, I’d say.”

“You really are that arrogant, aren’t you?” Ross shook his head.

As they started walking Bucky off, Tony followed.

“And where are you going?” Ross asked.

“With you, of course,” Tony said.

“No. We’re taking Barnes to the Raft and you’re not following.”

Tony’s smile grew wider. “Do you mind if I talk to you, for a moment?”

He led Ross a little bit away from the others.

“You have a beautiful daughter, secretary. Smart too. You should be very proud. But what I do find it interesting is that not many people know about your son.”

Ross’s face changed to the colour of chalk.

“But then, I’m not surprised you’d want to keep Syd a secret, considering what he is and what he’s done. I’m coming with you, to the Raft.”

Still ashen faced, Ross nodded.

Tbc...

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony realises that he isn't going to convince Ross that Bucky isn't dangerous. After a guard attempts to attack Bucky, in the Raft, Tony comes up with his own plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to all who are reading :)

Rather than climb into one of the waiting helicopters, Tony decided to fly to the Raft, in his own, indomitable style. With the knowledge that their speed far exceeded the two hundred and fifty-five miles-per-hour speed of the helicopters, Happy flew the jet to Newark, where Tony had secured a second, even faster and far more luxurious plane. It sat, idly, on the tiny strip of runway, waiting for him. He bid goodbye to Bruce and Rhodey, and then boarded the second jet, smirking, as he considered the privilege that being a billionaire buys, when one desperately needs a very fast jet plane, at three o’clock in the morning. Tony then piloted the vehicle himself, directing it to the Raft prison (after deciding to take a bit of a detour, to the Fredericton airport, where he knew there was a twenty-four hour fast food restaurant, within a ten minute walk of the landing strip, that made insanely tasty hotdogs).

He docked the jet on the Raft landing pad, next to the helicopter that Bucky had been in, and then ran down the jet stairs, the positively arctic feeling wind whipping seawater into his face. Bucky was already a little-ways ahead, being escorted into the entrance of the prison, by four men. As Tony came closer, however, he considered that ‘escorted’ was perhaps the wrong word. Three of the men around Bucky gave him a wide berth, of at least three feet. Only one actually stood close to him, gripping his arm, and keeping step with him.

“He’s dangerous, Tony. No amount of conveniently released documents and videos will convince me otherwise.”

Tony spun around, to Ross now climbing out of the second helicopter.

“This isn’t about him, though, is it? It’s about protecting yourselves,” Tony said.

As both walked into the facility together, Tony continued to talk.

“I would be more worried about the leaked information, and less about whether Bucky Barnes is dangerous. I did hear on the radio, on the jet over, that the UK prime minister, is stepping down, and being charged with conspiracy to murder. But then, it’s not just the UK, is it? France, Germany, Sweden, Canada, Australia, Japan, the list goes on. All of them have now been proven to have key political and corporate officials linked to the Winter Soldier assassinations. It’s all so utterly _fascinating_ , don’t you think?”

“It _was_ you,” Ross said, quietly.

They reached a t-junction, just inside the facility. Tony went to turn left, to continue following Bucky, who was now being escorted down the ensuing long corridor, at the end of which stood the elevator. This, in turn, moved down into the main prison area.  He was stopped, however, by Ross’s hand on his shoulder.

“Can we just talk? Me and you?”

Although Tony wanted to continue to follow Bucky, if only to comfort and reassure him, he realised that perhaps the best way to help him, was to try and appeal to Ross. Tony wasn’t sure how exactly he was going to get through to the tough curmudgeon. Blackmail had, at least, allowed him to accompany Bucky to the Raft. However, he was certain that it wouldn’t work again. He decided that he would simply have to be vigilant for a hint of vulnerability, from the secretary of state, to use to his advantage.

“Five minutes.”

Tony allowed Ross to direct him to a designated  Men’s bathroom, opposite the main command centre.

“This accords business is turning out to be a complete headache,” Ross admitted, after checking that all of the stalls were empty. “Now with Steve back. His so-called 'brainwashed' friend. The internet leak. I don’t think anyone quite expected it to work out the way that it did.”

_Oh, I’m pretty sure that I did._

Tony smirked, shaking his head. Ross was clearly using a tactic on him, although he wasn’t sure the purpose, or intended outcome.

“Steve will sign. He has no choice. As for Bucky... we need to determine that he’s truly safe to be around. People say that he is no longer brainwashed. I refuse to believe that. In fact,  I question whether he was even brainwashed to begin with. It’s all so ludicrous.”

So, there it was. There was no convincing Ross of the truth. He was determined to state that the sky was green, and that grass was blue.

“You’re willing to believe in a demi-god who can grow horns out of his head, and another who can control lightening, but not that someone can be brainwashed? See, this is the problem with you politicians!” Tony allowed the tension building within him, to give voice. “You won’t believe anything unless it’s been proved six times over, stamped, triplicated, buried in peat, dug up, repackaged, stamped again and then read over by six judges, with degrees in ethics! This is proven. Bucky is no longer a threat. Anyway, considering what happened with your _darling_ boy Syd, I really don’t care what you think.”

Deciding that he didn’t need to hear any more of Ross’s waffling, Tony then swiftly moved out of the room.

“Tony, wait!”

 Ignoring Ross, he crossed the hall, opening the door to the central command centre. A few of the personnel, seated at the various desks arranged in a semicircle, in the centre of the room, turned around in their chairs, to gape at him. Ignoring their shocked expressions, Tony stepped in front of the biggest monitor, positioned at the back of the room, and started searching the surveillance footage, for Bucky. As Ross entered the room, Tony noticed the static, on screen three.

“Sir!” One of the operators turned around. “We seem to have lost visuals on the jail cells-“

With his heart suddenly leaping up into his throat, Tony tore from the room.

_Those sons of bitches! If they’ve done anything to Bucky..._

The thought propelled him faster forward. He reached a staircase and rushed down the stairs, two, three at a time, almost tripping at the bottom, over his own feet. Steadying himself, he raced forward to the end, ordering the woman standing guard to open the door. Looking puzzled, she did as he asked. He then stumbled through, moving swiftly past the cells that had previously housed his fellow Avengers, to the one at the very end.

Bucky sat on the cot-bed, of the cell, head bent, breathing exerted. The guard, who had accompanied him to the prison, lay on his side, on the ground.

“Open the door!” Tony ordered the other guard, who was now racing up behind him. Without questioning why he was even there, the woman pressed a code into the keypad and the door slid smoothly open. This woman would definitely be looking for a new job, by the end of the day.

_Aiding and abetting. Bit of a shame, really. But then, considering her bosses, I've ultimately done this woman a favour._

Tony entered the cell, bent down to the downed officer, and noted the rise and fall of his ample chest.

“He’s alive.” He then noticed something that pricked the hairs up on his neck.

The man’s pants were unzipped, exposing his genitals. While the other guard attended to the fallen one, Tony knelt before Bucky, who looked back at him with clear panicked eyes.

“It’s alright. I’m here. I’m here,” Tony said. “I’m going to place your hand on my heart, alright?”

_Damn you Ross! Damn you damn you damn you!_

Although his eyes still looked rather unfocused, Bucky nodded.

“Alright, slow breaths. Slow. Slow.”

_Come Bucky. I need you to work with me here._

Tony’s own heart was racing. It took all of his efforts to slow his own breathing down, to remind himself to be patient. In the time it took for Ross to enter the cell, and the downed man to be taken out, Bucky’s breathing returned to a much slower rate.

“I knew it! I told you, Tony-“ Ross began.

“Shut up!” Tony spun around to him, before turning back to Bucky. “What happened?” He asked gently.

“The guard was one of _them_.  I didn’t recognise him, at first. Then he reminded me. He was one of the ones who raped me, Tony. He was from Hydra.”

“This is ridiculous!” Ross said.

Bucky flinched.

“He came into the cell and told me he could do whatever he wanted. Exposed himself and... I disabled him. He wasn’t going to touch me.”

Tony stood up and spun around, feeling heat flush his cheeks, his racing heart now going into overdrive. He clenched his fists, feeling them tremble, from the effort to not send them flying into Ross’s obtuse face.

“This is an absolute disgrace! A prisoner being threatened with sexual abuse!”

“Tony there is no evidence-“

“No evidence! Bucky just _told_ us! The man had his pants undone!”

“The monitors were malfunctioning! We just have Barnes’ word on this. How do we know he didn’t set this all up? How do we know that _you_ didn’t?”

For a moment, Tony could only stare at him, in absolute incredulity.

It took him less than ten seconds to make up his mind on his next move.

Perhaps if Ross had known what was coming, he would have reacted faster. After all, he was an ex-military man. However, he was long out of practice and Tony was a skilled fighter. It only took a few well laid out smacks and kicks from Tony, for his unconscious body to then hit the ground.

“That’s it. We’re going,” Tony said, to Bucky.

The door leading into the main cellblock opened and six guards, baring batons and guns, came rushing in. Bucky suddenly grabbed Tony and threw him behind himself, as he charged forward. Tony hit the wall so hard that pain spiralled down the back of his skull. Feeling now rather lightheaded, Tony watched the men enter the cell and Bucky punch, kick and flip, taking out four of them, in less than a minute.

_So, are you actually going or what?_

Tony rushed to join him, in the fight. Between the two of them, they took out the other two, relieving them of their weapons.  

“Next time, Bucky, maybe don’t almost knock me out, when throwing me back, to protect me from the rushing guards. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated your concern. But we’re not going to get very far, in my jet, if I have concussion.”

“Sorry,” Bucky looked a little sheepish.

They then rushed out of the cell, to the door leading out of the cell block. As they reached it, it opened, to three more guards coming in, from the other side. In a flurry of kicks and punches, Bucky easily dispatched all three, at the same time. As they continued through the now open entrance, Tony looked back. The area looked like a battlefield of unconscious and semi-conscious men.

The run out to the helicopter landing pad was surprisingly free of personnel. Tony couldn’t figure out whether they were too apprehensive to confront them _(admit it, Tony, they would be apprehensive to confront Bucky. You’re out of your Iron Man suit_ ), or were secretly a little on their side. Tony hoped for the latter. Surely Ross was as much of an asshole of a boss, to them, as he appeared to be?

He and Bucky swiftly boarded his jet and he rushed to the pilot’s seat, forgoing the pre-flight calculations, and going straight to flicking the various buttons and levers on, and turning the necessary dials, readying them for takeoff. As the bird started to rise in the air, he half expected Ross to come charging out and attempt to jump onto the cockpit window, as though they were in a crazy action film. However, as the plane rose up, into the rainy night sky, no one came out to meet them. Tony wasn’t sure why he felt a little disappointed, by that.

He then plotted the course back to New York, before leaning back into his seat, finally feeling his tense muscles relax, a little.

“That was... that was intense...” Bucky, sitting beside him, laughed, the sound fraught with clear nerves.

“Them coincidentally losing visuals at that point is about as remotely possible as me giving up being Iron Man and living a life as a hula dancer. There should be a way to remotely hack the feed. We’ll find the footage and audio of what happened, don’t worry.”

“Ross... I  just can’t believe that he would even try it.”

“He thought that he could get away with it. I’m assuming that they sent that guy in there to kill you. He wasn’t going to settle for just that,” Tony inwardly shuddered.

Bucky wrapped his arms around himself.

“What’s going to happen now, Tony? What are we going to do?”

“Bucky... there’s something I have to tell you...” Tony paused, not even sure where to begin. “Bruce and I found one more piece of footage. It only lasts for eighteen seconds. One of the two men in it, we managed to trace. Secretary Ross has a son, from an affair he had with his secretary twenty-five years ago. Such a dull cliche. He tries to pretend he doesn’t exist. Not surprising, considering he’s another absolutely  _charming_ rapist Hydra member. What is _with_ those guys, honestly?”

“What’s the footage?” Bucky’s voice was strained. “Does he... is he raping me?”

“No. It’s just... it’s hinted that he’s already...”

 “I want to see the footage. When we get back, I need to see it.”

“No, Bucky. It will trigger you. It almost triggered _me_!”

“It’s my past! I need to see it!”

Although Tony felt pained at the thought of Bucky being exposed to such a horrific reminder of his past, he would never deny him the chance to confront it.

“Of course, Bucky. When we get back, you can see it.”

*

Home darling lovely home. Everything was as Tony remembered, from the inviting looking alcohol glistening behind the walnut coloured bar, to the sleek black furniture and one hundred and seventy inch plasma television, that covered the entirety of one wall. Downstairs, his robots seemed pleased to see him. Tony realised that he anthropomorphised them, but damned if they didn’t all come wheeling, rolling or skittling up to him, as he entered his work-room.

Where was Vision, though? He expected to be greeted, as soon as he arrived.

_Must be with his new lady friend._

He switched on one of the monitors, and Bucky started walking around the room, looking at his various experiments in progress, with clear interest. Tony suddenly remembered that this was the first time that Bucky had ever been in his tower. Perhaps, in an alternative universe, Bucky was currently seeing the Stark Tower, in a far more cordial environment, with a lot more intense sex, and a lot less sexual assault trauma. Tony inwardly sighed, looking over at Bucky, who was carefully inspecting one of his Iron Men. Dum E sat directly behind him. Bucky caught Tony’s eyes and walked over to him. Dum E followed.

“Have a new favourite now, do we?” Tony asked Dum E. Bucky spun around, and looked down at the robot, which then stopped rolling and pointed its mechanical head up at him.

_Still, no time to be scolding inanimate objects._

As Tony worked on hacking the prison and regaining the footage of the jail cells, he called Happy, balancing the mobile between his ear, and his shoulder.

“Yes, yes I’m fine. I need to organise a press conference. Yes, asap. Hm... yep, alright. Let me know.”

It occurred to him that Pepper was always much better at organising these things. For the first time in a while, Tony wondered what she was doing. Whatever it was, he hoped she was doing well.

Bucky came over and sat down in the chair beside Tony, drawing his legs up and looking pale and somewhat diminished.

“It’s alright, gorgeous. Whatever is going to happen, we’ll work it out, alright?”

“I know. I trust you,” Bucky said.

Tony clapped, as he finally hacked the footage of the cells.

_Damn, my brilliance surprises even myself, at times._

“Play it, Tony,” Bucky ordered.

“You sure?”

Bucky nodded, still looking rather pale, but his jaw was clenched, his eyes glistening, in his Bucky-centric determined expression.

“Alright, let’s do this,” Tony said, pressing the vlc play button.

The camera view was from overhead. Tony saw Bucky, sitting, cross legged on the cot, the top of his dark hair visible. He saw the officer enter the cell, his gun out and held loosely in his right hand.

“Hello there, bitch, remember me?"

The Bucky in the footage stood up.

"So you’re Tony Stark’s bitch now, are you? You’re just a dumb machine. I will always have complete control over you. Can do whatever I want. Do you think anyone is going to stop me, in here?” The sound of the zipper being undone was loud, in the silence of the room. “You always were so good at giving head.  Maybe after I’ve cum down your throat, I won’t kill Tony Stark, after I kill you.”

“Woh!” Tony actively winced, as the Bucky in the footage  karate-kicked the guard right between the legs, sending him flying back and slamming hard against the cell door. In Tony’s mind, the man’s high-pitched scream would have impressed Mariah Carey. Bucky then stepped over and flipped sideways, kicking the guard again, his calf connecting with the side of his head. The man hit the floor and then lay still. Gasping, Bucky knelt down, feeling the man’s neck for his pulse, and then sat back down on the edge of the bed. Tony noted that he didn’t bother to pick up the man’s weapon, which now lay a few feet to his right. But then, when he entered the cell, he didn’t pick up the weapon, either. In fact, he realised that he didn’t even notice it, was too focused on Bucky.

“Stupid, stupid man for tempting someone as kickass as you to kick his ass! What an idiot!” Tony said, turning off the footage.

“Now, I want to see the footage that you have, of Ross's son.”

“Bucky...”

“Please...”

Tony frowned but did as he bid, placing his USB into the computer and loading the footage. He then turned away. He had already seen it once, and didn’t feel compelled to see it again, particularly the sight of Bucky kneeling naked on the ground, body trembling, flesh a patchwork of hideous abuse, eyes the blank eyes of the soldier. He could hear it, however. That was already enough to send a cold chill straight through himself.

_“So, here we come to the Winter Soldier. Deadly as shit, but also takes dick really well.”_

_The other voice then sounded,  Ross’s son. “You loved it, didn’t you, you dumb fucking robot?” The slap then followed. “You loved feeling Eric and I slide our dicks deep inside your pansy ass and mouth. Look at all this jizz, all over you. Yeah, you fucking slut.”_

_“Scary fucking ninja assassin, my ass. More like Hydra’s biggest come-catcher.”_

_“Turn that fucking camera off! Remember, no cameras!”_

Tony turned around and ejected the USB, as Bucky placed his chin on his knees. He appeared almost deathly pallid but was at least not in flashback mode.

“I remember them, now. We were in a safe house, in Indochina. It just went on and on. They were so young. They could just keep going. One would finish and then the other one would start. After six hours, they just placed me in the shower, washed me. The scientists determined I would heal from my injuries, so they just put me back in cryo-freeze.”

Tony slid off his own chair, knelt before him and placed his cheek against Bucky's knee.  

“It just keeps getting better, doesn’t it?” Bucky asked, reaching out and stroking his hair.

Tony turned his head and kissed Bucky’s knee. Bucky responded by placing his legs down, giving Tony the chance to placed his chin on his thighs, looking up at him.

“Too many sick assholes in the world.”

“Come sit on my lap, Tony.”

Tony hurried to oblige him.

“You’re heavy. Must be all Jelani’s cooking,” Bucky joked, trailing a hand over Tony’s taut stomach, under the shirt.

“I’m not fat, I’m taut trim and terrific.”

“Actually, that’s true. You could be an ad for a fitness club. Tony’s Taut Training,” Bucky’s eyes still lacked their usual spark. “Tony, they’re not going to put you in prison for this, for breaking me out?”

“It would be fun to see them try.”

“I’m serious here,” he said, reaching out to run a hand down Tony’s face.

“Any lawyer with half a brain could get this thrown out and Ross knows it. Besides, he’s not really interested in me. He’s more interested in _you_.”

“So what are you going to do, with the press conference?”

“Are you still going to sign?”

“I think so, yes.”

“Alright, then. Do you mind doing it after the press conference? I think it would be far more fitting, then. But I need to ask you something. Is it alright if I release both pieces of footage?”

“I trust you, Tony. If you’re planning something, then ok.”

Tony cupped his jaw, leaning forward to kiss him, as ever, impressed by his courage. He felt certain that, should footage ever arise that proved his own sexual assault, he would order all traces of it to be destroyed. 

_No way in Thor’s Valhalla would I allow for any of that to be made public!_

“It will be alright,” Tony said. “I’m going to fix this.”

For the first time, in a very long time, Tony felt optimistic that he could actually do this; could actually, for once, have his own plans go his way.

*

The bulbs flashed in Tony’s face. He couldn’t help the massive grin that quirked up his lips. Here, under the flash of cameras and stare of eager reporters, he felt in his element.

“Hello again, people! Alright, if everyone would be so kind as to stand. Now sit. Now stand again. Now sit again. Now stand.”

He laughed, as everyone, but one middle-aged woman, at the back, followed suit, obeying his every command.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it. You, at the back, what’s your name?”

“Deborah Paley, from the Northern Times.”

“Congratulations! You have demonstrated that you exhibit no lemming tendencies. Although, it’s actually false, the idea that they follow each other off cliffs. There is a film, called ‘White Wilderness’ in which they actually forced the lemmings off the cliffs! Now there’s one for the ASPCA.”

Tony suddenly realised that he was going a little off tangent. He could see Bucky, in his mind, smiling that lovely smile of his and saying ‘You’re babbling, Tony’.

“So... you’re probably thinking I’m going to come out with something as mind-blowing as when I told you all that I was Iron Man. This will be close I’d say.”

He went around the podium, to sit down, on the edge of the stage. In the second row, he spied a certain familiar looking blind man.

_Hey, that aint no journalist!_

He smiled and nodded. Matt nodded back.

“Ok, firstly... this is for all you tabloid junkies. Although this has been obvious for years, I would have thought. Yes, I am bisexual. Now that’s out of the way.”

He laughed at the sudden flash of bulbs, the hands that shot up in the air, the sudden questions as to who his partners were. Rhodey? Steve? Bruce?

_No, not even close._

“Alright, moving on. Sorry to disappoint, but I have not been spending the last few months ‘finding myself’. So yes, sorry to any penguin spirit guide aficionados out there. I have, indeed, been in Wakanda.” He paused, deliberately drawing out the tension. “I’m the one who found the intel on the Winter Soldier and I’m the one who released it to the net.”

At this, the room exploded into the sounds of cameras flashing, the reporters talking all at once, so that their voices became a blur of cacophonous sound. Tony placed his hand up in the universal ‘Stop’ motion. The reporters instantly fell silent.

_Wow they really are like sheep._

 “I had help though. There is a group, called SHARP, the Shield Hydra Archival Restorative Project. They’re the ones who managed to hack a lot of the information, before the NSA deleted it. So to Susan Morgan, Dennis Culp, Robert Ortis, John Wentham, Karen Johnson and Marie Hilderberg, I salute your bravery and I pay homage to your sacrifice. I would ask that you journalists look into that, by the way. All of those people are either dead, or in prison right now.”

He watched as everyone frantically wrote, or spoke into their dictaphones.

“Yes, the intel is all true. And you’re hearing it from me now. Bucky Barnes was, indeed, brainwashed into being an assassin. I have no reason to lie, or distort the truth. He did, after all, kill my parents. Whenever he would fight against the brainwashing, he would be raped and/or tortured, until he was conditioned again. Tonight, he was sent to the prison, where an officer threatened to rape and kill him and, subsequently kill me. I was told, by Secretary Ross, that the footage of the jail cell was missing. But, with my genius hacking abilities, I was able to find the footage.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his mobile. “And I’m releasing it to the internet... now...”

Tony watched, amused, a few seconds, as everyone in their room instantly pulled out their smartphones, clearly intending to start searching for the footage.

“Then there is Ross, himself. See, I found some interesting footage that he’d prefer I not release to the internet. Plus, I have even more footage and more information, that I could potentially leak. This goes beyond the Winter Soldier. Assassinations, blackmail, government takeovers of other democratically elected governments. I have proof of it all. Now, here’s what I think should happen. Seeing as there is no way that a court can even _begin_ to prosecute someone like Bucky, without the governments of the entire world implicitly including themselves, how about he just signs the accords, and it’s decided he isn’t prosecuted for past crimes while brainwashed? Or, I could continue to release this information, bit by bit. Or, I could be bluffing about having the information. So many ways this could go. Don’t we just love this twisting of reality?  My life has suddenly become a Christopher Nolan film. Maybe I don’t have the information. Maybe I gave it to someone else. And maybe _they_ gave it to someone else. So if anything happens to me, it’s going to get released, regardless. So yes, that’s the deal that I’m willing to make. I’ve already signed. Most of us have signed. We’ll abide by the rules. And so does the government, by not prosecuting us, for past crimes. I’ll give the government, and the UN, some time to think about it.”

Tony stepped off the stage, to the ensuing roar of the journalists, the excitement and shock palpable, in the air,  swiftly departing through a side door, and started to walk down the ensuing corridor, still feeling the adrenaline rush through his bloodstream.

“You know I didn’t believe for a second that you had gone all New Age.”

Tony turned around, to Pepper standing in the centre of corridor. She must have been waiting there from the beginning, with the knowledge, from experience of this particular building, that he would go through that particular area, after the press conference.

“This makes a lot of sense," Pepper continued.

“How have you been?” He asked.

“Why did you do this, Tony?”

“Because he deserves to not be hunted, any more.”

For a moment, she studied him.

“Oh my god. Now I know why you added in the bit in the beginning about being bisexual. When do you plan to tell them? I guess it’s all a bit to digest, for now. Give them a couple of weeks.”

Tony couldn’t be too surprised by her insight. She always did know him better than he knew himself.

 “I’m sorry, Pep, for the way things turned out."

“So am I. Maybe it was always going to happen this way. We did give it a hell of a try,” she reached out and took his hand. “You deserve to be happy, Tony. Steve used to talk about Bucky being a sweet man, when they were growing up.”

“I love him, Pep. Does that feel weird for you to hear?”

Pepper shook her head.

“For a long time, I ached to have you back. I was willing to do anything. I started working on breaking Bucky’s brainwashing so I didn’t have to think about everything that had happened. I started to get to know him really well. Then we had this major breakthrough. Anyway, it just happened. We started developing feelings for each other.”

“I missed you too. For the longest time. But I realised, ultimately that I had to let you go.”

Tony felt something release within himself, that he didn’t even realise he’d been holding onto.

“Tony, there’s something that I have to tell you. I’m seeing someone as well. You don’t know him. He’s an investment banker.”

Two months before, this news would have devastated him. Now, he felt merely neutral.

“Oh! I thought you would be able to do far better than Gordon Gekko!”

“I was hoping that we could stay friends. I know it sounds trite...”

Tony only needed to consider this for a moment. He realised that he actively needed Pepper in his life.

“I think that sounds like a great idea. Besides, you’re better at my business than even me.”

“I am,” Pepper said. “But if I do start working for you again, my share goes up to thirty percent.”

Tony shook his head. “You manipulative... you have learnt well, my young apprentice.”

Pepper laughed.

*

Tony opened the back door, to arrive at a dingy, trash-littered alley, where the jaguar was parked and waiting. He opened the side door and climbed in, next to Bucky.

“I told Bucky that you would do the press conference in your own indomitable style,” Happy said, as he turned on the engine and smoothly started to roll the car down the alley. “That you definitely did, sir.”

“I don’t know if you’ll get what you want, Tony,” Bucky said. “I don’t know if they’ll just say ‘sure, we’ll let Bucky go’. It’s nice in theory-“

“You’re underestimating the power, that the fear of public reprisal that governments have, especially when they’ve proven to be guilty of some pretty vicious atrocities.”

Bucky still appeared unconvinced.

“Bucky, there’s something I have to tell you. I saw Pepper, afterwards.”

Bucky’s entire body seemed to freeze, his eyes widening. Tony took his hand.

“I didn’t need to tell her about us. She just knew. But then, I guess it was obvious from what I’d just done, how absolutely crazy in love with you I am. You’ll really like her. She’s far, far more likeable than me.”

Bucky’s visibly relaxed. “I guess it wouldn’t be particularly easy for her to hear.”

“She’s moved on also, Bucky. It wasn’t working between us. We tried. It didn’t work. But, with you, it works really well. Funnily enough, I’ve moved on too.”

Bucky grabbed him by the back of his head and mashed their lips together. As Tony eagerly responded, running his hands up and down his thighs, he heard the window, separating the front from the back of the vehicle, go up. Tony wasn’t too bothered. Happy had accidentally come in on much worse shenanigans. Clear in his mind, was the time that Happy, thinking that Tony was in trouble, had yanked open the side door, to discover  him awkwardly sixty-nineing with another man, in the back seat. Happy had simply closed the door, without saying a word, and never brought it up with Tony again.

*

As Bucky and Tony entered the foyer, Tony locked the door behind them.

“So you’re going to have to show me around, properly, this time? You just kind of rushed me through to your work-room last time,” Bucky said, looking with clear curiosity at the open-plan architecture of the floor.

“Alright, well,” Tony walked him forward, to the first set of lounge chairs, which sat before a wide fireplace, and perpendicular to a window, showing a rather spectacular view of the city. Tony grabbed the remote to active the shutters, and then turned back to Bucky, who now stood at the base of the stairs, looking up.

“So what’s up-?”

Tony grabbed him, spun him around and pulled him to himself, pressing their lips together. Bucky moaned, wrapping his metal arm around Tony, as Tony carefully directed him to one of the sofas and arranged him to lie down, on his back. It was a testament to how stimulated Bucky was, that he managed to help strip Tony, as well as himself, naked, within seconds. Tony then took the time, to kiss down his body, reaching his erection and eagerly wrapping his mouth around it. He felt Bucky’s hand lightly fist in his hair, propelling him to move his head faster, up and down.

“Tony...”

“Should we get the lube? It’s currently in the drawer by my bed. Oy!” Tony called out. “Dum E!”

While he waited for the robot to appear, he kissed back up Bucky’s abdomen, feeling his lover’s hands doing their own exploring.

_Yes, no flashbacks, no anxiety, just fun. This time, we'll just have fun._

The robot rolled into the room.

“Go to my bedroom and get the lube out of the drawer. Bring it back here.”

“Your robot can do that?” Bucky said, as Tony ran his hands down his thighs, his lips kissing his neck. “Amazing.”

Bucky spread his legs wider and hooked them around Tony’s waist.

“I want you to have me,” he begged, grabbing Tony’s erection.

“I’m working on it. Dum E hurry up!”

Bucky burst out laughing. “I take it you want to have sex on this lounge chair.”

“I want to christen every single piece of furniture in this house. It means have sex on,” Tony explained, after Bucky’s brows creased in clear confusion.

Tony then leant forward, to kiss his lips once more.

“Sir, I’m sorry to-“

Tony and Bucky both jumped and screamed, at the sudden voice behind them. With his heart still hammering, Tony swiftly moved off Bucky, as the robot returned with the lube.

“Vision! You can’t you can’t just sneak up on people like that!” He said, picking up his jacket and covering Bucky’s waist. “Especially when they’re....”

He glanced at Bucky, who was smirking back at him, his face flushed pink.

“I’m sorry, sir. I just wanted to tell you that Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov and James Rhodes are about to ring your front door bell. Should I let them in?”

Tony collapsed his head against Bucky’s chest, shooing the robot away.

_No sex, then, right now._

“Give us a few minutes to get dressed. Where have you been, anyway?” Tony asked, as he picked up his and Bucky’s clothes, from where they’d been slung around the floor.

“It has been difficult for Wanda to acclimatize to her setting and life-“

“Say no more,” Tony said. “Alright, now scoot.”

They silently redressed, before Tony cupped Bucky's face, in his hands, looking for any sign of anxiety.

“I am so utterly sorry-“

“It’s alright. I sort of find it funny.”

“So no sex for now.”

“For the first time ever, I’m actually unhappy that Steve is here,” Bucky said. “Tony, we’re both still hard.”

“Hm... how about we think about... Secretary Ross masturbating?”

“Yes, I think that will work.”

“Bucky,” he said, laughing. “Your t-shirt is on back to front!”

“Oh!” Bucky switched around the right way and both then swiftly walked through the space, to the front door.

After Tony unlocked and opened the door, Steve was the first to come in, shaking his head. “Well that was something. Wow, I’m just so utterly impressed.”

“Well, I _am_ impressive,” Tony said.

“Hey Buck,” Steve said to Bucky, as Bruce, Natasha and Rhodey followed after him.

“Well, at least it’s done, now.”

The final person to enter was Sam Wilson. Remembering what Bucky had said about him previously, Tony glanced at his lover. His face appeared neutral.

 “I signed,” Bruce said. “Nat convinced me. Right now, this seems the only option. Although I’m not happy to be backed into a corner, like this.”

“I thought you were going the other way, with the accords?” Tony asked Nat.

“Bruce is right. Right now, it seems the only option.”

“I agree,” Vision said. “It is logical to try and work the accords, from the inside.” He paused, frowning. “Tony, I think you should retrieve your latest Iron Man upgrade.”

“What? What for?”

“And everyone else prepare yourselves. Right now, forty-three men, carrying machine guns, are coming up to the front door, with a battering ram.”

For a moment, Tony could only stare at the others. Their stunned faces clearly echoed his own. He was aware that there would be repercussions for his actions. He just wasn’t aware that they would be so severe.

"I’ll take all forty-three on, myself,” the look on Bucky’s face gave no lie to that statement.

“They really think they can take all of us on? They’re idiots!” Sam said.

Tony couldn’t agree more.

Tbc...

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath, of the attack on Stark Tower, in which the Hydra agents get their asses handed to them, the UN strikes a deal, in regards to Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you to my readers. :) 
> 
> Enjoy!

Bucky instantly tore from the room, sprinting towards the front door.

“Bucky!” Steve screamed, rushing after him, with Sam following close behind.

Tony grabbed one of his Iron Man gloves, from where they lay, on the cabinet situated under the television, and then shoved the nitinol construct onto his hand, as he threw another one to Rhodey. Screams, groans, gunfire and slapping sounds indicated a fight in action, directly behind them.

“Bucky, don’t kill them!” Steve shouted.

“I’m not going to kill them!” Bucky screamed back.

“They just broke into my tower. _I_ have no qualms about using lethal action against them,” Tony placed his hand out in front of him and waited the precious few seconds, for the specific Iron Man suit to burst up, from downstairs, before fitting snugly around him. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Rhodey enact the same action.

Both then turned around, to see that between Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Vision and Sam, they’d already taken out half of the men, who lay, in various states of unconsciousness, on the ground, in Tony’s living room.

However, as they were clearly determined to have their asses absolutely handed to them, in Tony’s opinion, the Hydra agents continued piling through his front door. Tony rushed forward, and started to kick and punch, throwing the Hydra members hard enough against the plaster of his foyer walls to knock them out, before using his blaster to first shoot one aiming his machinegun at Steve, then another firing his weapon directly at himself.

_Perhaps it would be smart to not fire at the Iron Man outfit, that has been designed to withstand machinegun blasts?_

Tony took out two more men firing at him, with his blasters.

A mighty roar suddenly sounded behind him. For a second, everyone froze.

_That doesn’t sound good._

Tony turned around, to a sight that he was hoping to never behold, in his lifetime; the Hulk, in full rage mode, now stood in his living room. The Hydra agents then concentrated their fire on the giant green man, who roared again.

_Ok, did they send the Hydra Dunce Academy? Maybe best not to agitate him further, guys. What am I thinking? No, do! Keep firing your machine guns at him!_

 The Hulk lifted up two of the closest agents to him and slammed their heads together, so hard, that he heard the definitive crack of their skulls shattering. The whir of blades then drew Tony’s attention to the panoramic window to his left. A fighter jet hovered just outside, pointing two missiles straight at them. The Hulk ran across the room, his feet tearing up Tony’s floorboards, and smashed through the glass panorama, before landing on the jet and tearing out the cockpit window.

Returning to the fray, Tony heard the terrified screams, as the two pilots were picked up and flung out of the jet. Bucky was fighting the two remaining men simultaneously. As he watched, Bucky grabbed one and flipped him onto his back, slamming his knees into the man’s upper abdomen. Tony heard the distinct crunch of broken ribs. That seemed to take the fight out of the man, who moaned and curled up into a ball. Tony then heard the sounds of cement falling, along the side of his building. Clearly, the Hulk was climbing up the side. A loud explosion, below, signalled the fighter jet hitting the ground.

_They definitely have a point, about our wanton destruction._

_But then, they started it._

“I’ll go talk him back,” Natasha said, racing out of the room, presumably to the elevator, to meet the Hulk at the roof.

Bucky, meanwhile, had pinned the final Hydra agent to the ground, his hand around his throat.

“Bucky don’t kill him!” Steve said.

“I’m not!” Bucky said. “I’m just choking him into unconscious.”

He let go of the man’s throat and then stood up, his eyes blazing, hair messy, face set in a ferocious expression. To Tony, he looked almost painfully beautiful, in that moment.

“Everyone alright?” Tony asked, taking his focus off Bucky, to keep from ravishing him on the spot. His Iron Man helmet pulled up and over, revealing his head, and he then looked at the bruised, bloodied faces of his companions, in turn.

“Better than them,” Sam said, indicating the ones who had died, in the fight.

“I just can’t believe they just did that,” Rhodey said.

“I can,” Steve said.

“I need to talk to you,” Bucky grabbed Tony’s arm.

“Sure...”

“Not here,” Bucky started pulling him from the room.

“Bucky?” Steve asked.

“We’ll come back, I just... I  just need to talk to Tony...”

“Alright, what is it?” He said, as Bucky continued dragging him through the lounge room.

“I can’t say I’m too surprised. Those assholes, Tony! To attempt this at your tower! Well, we showed them, didn’t we? Let them come back. Bring in more. We’ll take them all on!”

By now, they’d reached the top of the stairs. Bucky looked around.

“Where’s your bedroom, Tony?”

“Third door on the left. Bucky, what-?”

 Bucky then started moving them both down the wide corridor. They reached Tony’s master bedroom and both stepped in, closing the door behind themselves, before Bucky slammed Tony back against it, his mouth hot and voracious against his. Tony groaned, wrapping his arms around Bucky's waist and tugging his t-shirt up, to touch his bare flesh.

“Are you ok?” Bucky pulled back, visually inspecting him. “They didn’t touch you?”

“I’m fine, Bucky.”

“I wasn’t going to kill them. But I wanted to hurt them, for doing this to you, in your tower.”

“Funnily enough, it was because they decided to do this in my own domicile, that I decided that I _was_ going to kill them."

For a moment, Bucky simply focused on Tony with his usual intense stare.

“That Iron Man suit looks bulky. I think you should take it off.”

He then stepped back and threw off his t-shirt, before peeling down his own jeans and underwear.

_Alright, if you insist._

Tony gently tapped his fingers to his palm three times, and the rest of the suit peeled off him, as the now naked Bucky sat down on the bed, before him.

“It’s insane. We’ve just been attacked. Your friends are still in the house. _Steve_ is still in the house. But I want you. Now,” Bucky said.

Tony completely agreed. This was utterly insane. However, at that point, his entire body felt aflame with passion. He didn’t care who topped. But one of them had to absolutely screw the other senseless, in the next five minutes, or his erection felt as though it would explode, leading to some interesting questions from the Emergency Room staff.

“Life threatening situation,” Tony said, as he quickly pulled off his remaining clothes. “It makes some sense.”

“Lube?” Bucky asked.

“Top drawer,” Tony indicated the right bedside cabinet. Bucky opened it, grabbed the tube of lube and threw it at him.

“A lot of the time, I’d be raped, after a mission. The men would be all revved up. I guess the superiors saw it as a way for them to let off their aggression. I was usually the one who completed the mission for them. They never seemed to like that.  Seemed to make them all the more violent, with me.”

“Bucky...” Tony frowned.

_Please keep talking about the assholes who violently raped you, especially before we’re about to have sex._

 “I’m sorry, I’m screwing things up again. I shouldn’t be talking about the rapes. Especially now.”

Tony joined Bucky on the bed, kneeling before him.

“You talk about whatever you want to, alright?”

“But you don’t like it. I can see it in your face.”

“It’s just... I want you to enjoy yourself, alright? I don’t want you to be reminded of what those... _charming_ people did to you. Right now, you’re with me. And I’m determined to show you a very good time. See it as Tony’s Sexual Re-Education Class. No pain. Hopefully no flashbacks. But a guaranteed explosive orgasm.”

Bucky smirked. “Is that a fantasy of yours? Me being your student? You as the teacher?”

“Well, actually, no. Never had that one. Believe me, Bucky, I’ve played out every fantasy of mine. They’re never as good, in reality, as they were in my head.”

“Back in Wakanda, even before we... got together,  I used to fantasize about you. I never... touched myself before then. It always felt too... wrong, to even try. To begin with, it still felt wrong. But after a while, I would fantasize about you and I would start touching myself and it felt... it felt very good."

“Well, it’s my absolute pleasure to make those fantasies a very pleasant reality.”

“Hell yes,” Bucky flicked open the cap of the lube. “For once, after a fight, I want the intercourse to be consensual.”

_Hell yes too, then._

 As Tony slowly entered his lubed fingers into Bucky’s body, he ran his tongue in a straight line down his chest and stomach, before engulfing his erection with his mouth. Even though he was aware they had to be quick, he deliberately took the next few minutes to prepare his lover, pressing his prostate with every stroke of his fingers inside him, as he enthusiastically sucked and licked the very sensitive area of Bucky's body that made him whimper and moan.

“Tony, I’m about to, I’m about to-“

Tony pulled his head away just in time, using his hand to jerk his erection, as well as his fingers, continuing to work inside him, to bring Bucky to completion. He watched, feeling a delicious zap through his body, originating from his own erection, as Bucky flung his head back and screamed, his entire body suddenly thrusting up, and his erection throbbing in Tony's hand, as he covered his stomach with his own release.

_Alright, that just took the number one spot, of the most erotic sight that I have ever seen. Sorry, playmate number seven and playmate six sixty-nineing each other, you’re now relegated to number... sixteen. Bucky takes at least the first fifteen spots._

“I’m sorry, Tony, I didn’t mean for that to happen so soon.”

“I’m not,” Tony said, as he continued to fondle him. “I enjoy watching your face, when you cum.”

Bucky grabbed him by the neck and pulled him forward.

“I still want you to have me. Please.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, more than anything. Wait, like this,” Bucky said, going over onto his hands and knees.

“So, you’re absolutely sure about this gorgeous?”

“Yes, do it Tony, please.”

“Alright, we’ll remember our safewords.”

“Sweden. Gorilla,” Bucky said, looking over his shoulder at him.

Maintaining eye contact, Tony ran a hand down his back and then carefully gripped his hips, as he slowly moved into his body. Bucky’s breath quickened, his eyes darkening, irises blown wide open.

“Is this alright?”

“Yes, it doesn’t hurt.”

“If you feel in any way uncomfortable-“

“I’m alright, my gorgeous brown eyed man. Keep going.”

Tony entered in all the way and then stilled, feeling sweat drip down his face. Gripping Bucky’s hips tighter, he started to move, groaning with every deep thrust.  Bucky continued to stare back at him.

_Actually, number one spot already overtaken._

“It’s ok, Tony. It’s alright.”

 He leant forward, bending over Bucky’s back and gripping his jaw, so he could kiss him on his mouth. Bucky sighed, their tongues clashing. Tony pulled away, slightly, and then tenderly ran his hand down his cheekbone. Despite the pure eroticism of thrusting into Bucky’s tight, pliant body, in his utter astonishment at his lover’s physical beauty, Tony momentarily found himself utterly separated from the physical act.

“You’re so insanely beautiful, Bucky. It’s like you’re not real,” Tony said, and then started kissing down Bucky’s neck and across his shoulders, relishing in the soft, sweat drenched skin, under his lips. As his other hand gently ran over the muscular planes of Bucky’s chest, he was so focused on not potentially triggering Bucky, that he barely registered his own potential triggering.

“That feels so nice, Tony,” Bucky said. “I like it when you touch me, like that.”

As he had predicted, from the beginning, he didn’t last long. Within minutes, he was crying out, giving in, to the waves of overwhelming pleasure, as he released into the willing partner. Gasping, and loose-limbed, he kissed Bucky, under his jaw, and carefully pulled out. Bucky turned fully around to face him and kissed him on the mouth, once more.

“Thank you, Bucky. That was incredible.”

Bucky reached up, to run his hand through Tony’s hair.

 “I know I was risking triggering myself. So often, _they_ wanted to fuck me in that position. I wanted to know how it felt for _you_ to do it. It was ok. I like it that you take such pleasure from my body.”

“Bucky, I’d say I take more pleasure from your _brain_. You’re not some sex toy, to me.”

“I know,” Bucky smiled. “No one ever kissed me the way that you just did, or touched my face in such a gentle way. If you had just wanted to fuck me, then that would have been ok. But even then, you didn’t. You made love to me. There is a difference.”

“I’ll admit, that’s the way I used to be, when it came to sex. Well, before the incident in the cave, that is.”

‘Fucking’ seemed like such a crude, and inappropriate word to use, when it came to Bucky.

“I would never just ‘fuck’ you, in the way that you’re suggesting. This body, although insanely hot... I mean damn, Bucky...I’m going to now say something that, I guess some of our adoring public could conceive to be utterly outrageous. Everyone knows that Steve, the great supersoldier, has the amazing body.  Sure, he does. So does Thor. But you’re the _real_ Adonis of the group. There I said it. This body, this insanely beautiful face,” he said, as he ran, his fingers down Bucky’s cheek. “Deserve to be treated with the absolute reverence and worship.”

The Bucky-centric look of adulation and hope came into the pale blue eyes.

“I find _you_   so gorgeous, Tony. Sometimes, especially when you’re in a really good mood, and you’re all smiling and making jokes, I look at you and I just feel stunned by you. And then I thank god that you’re with me.”

This was the first time that Bucky had ever intimated to Tony any belief in a supreme power. Upon reflection, given the time period that he was from, it made sense. However, he had simply assumed that Bucky’s horrendous past had driven any belief in a god, from him. Tony was tempted to tell him that his imaginary ‘god’ had nothing to do with it. Tony was with him because he chose to be.

Come on,” Tony kissed his lips, once more. “We’d better see what’s happening with the others.”

“Look at me, I’m a mess, now! I can’t believe that we just did that!” Bucky said, as both started pulling on their underwear and jeans. “That was...damn...”

“If the others ask, we’ll just tell them we had to run off to have hot sex,” Tony replied, shoving his t-shirt over his head.

 “Well, actually, I was the one who pulled you away. I’ll tell them I had to have you. Right then and there,” Bucky said, as he pulled his own t-shirt over his head.

“Well, I am irresistible. Especially in my Iron Man outfit.”

“You’re irresistible in _any_ outfit,” Bucky said, moving forward to kiss him on the lips.

When they came back into the lounge, Tony took the time to review the carnage, with a sinking heart. Between them, Steve, Sam, Vision and Rhodey had tied the still breathing men together, along one wall of the room.  They had piled the decidedly not breathing ones along the opposite wall.

In the centre of the room, it looked as though a bomb had gone off. Half of the ceiling had broken off, and fallen to the ground, which was also littered with glass and other debris. It took a moment for Tony to work out where his foyer furniture had gone. The console table, buffet, and coat rack were still in the room, albeit in very much smaller pieces. Tony mused that it was almost as though Hulk had deliberately targeted every piece of his furniture, to smash to smithereens.

“I don’t believe it!” Sam said, gaping at Tony and Bucky. “You two just had sex, didn’t you? Steve told me that you were together. I just couldn’t believe it but... we just had a bunch of people try and kill us and you two-“

“I just had one of my usual genius ideas!” Tony abruptly turned and rushed back to the first loungeroom, grabbing one of his many laptops sitting on the furniture, and bringing it back to the foyer.

“Luckily for these sons of bitches, I have cameras installed in the foyer,” Tony said, as he switched on his laptop and clicked into the security programme. “Yep, there we are.”

He turned the laptop around, for the others to see the footage. The camera was positioned looking down, from the ceiling. The overhead shot showed the battering ram slamming open the door, followed by the Hydra men, with guns, moving in. Bucky rushed to meet them, jumping up, to kick the weapons out of two of the entering men's hands, before kicking them again in the chest, slamming both back through the door. Steve then came into frame, joining him, in what Tony saw as the proverbial ass kicking, that he would expect from them both, as they kicked, flipped and punched, taking out another four men, in less than twenty seconds. At this time, Natasha, Sam and Vision had also entered the fight. The armed men started falling in an array of punches, kicks, headlocks and hits.

“Guess what? This attempted murder is going on the internet!” Tony turned the laptop around to face himself, grabbed his USB out of his pants and plugged it into the system, accessing his programme that continually released information to the net. He then typed the title “Avengers Attempted Murder” and released the video to YouTube.

_You don’t do this, assholes. Not in my tower._

Tony then clicked into his footage of Ross‘s son tormenting Bucky, and also uploaded it to YouTube, with the title “Ross’s Son Turns Out To Be Rapist Hydra Agent’, before taking his USB out of the port, and switching out of the internet.

“Let’s see what the public makes of that!”

Footsteps sounded down the stairs. Everyone turned around, to see Bruce walking down, held up by Natasha.

“I’m so sorry, Tony. I... I destroyed everything,” Bruce said, as both came into the foyer.

“Not your fault,” Tony said. “Blame these Hydra home invasion failures here.” He pointed down at the men, at his feet. “In fact...”

He turned on the camera of the laptop, quickly setting up a live feed, and posting it to CNN, Huffington Post Live and the BBC News.

“Well, hello world! I’m assuming that I don’t need to introduce myself. This here is my lounge room. Say hi Steve!” He said, as he spun the laptop around, to take in the carnage, as well as a frowning Steve Rogers. The supersoldier instantly turned his back to the laptop’s camera. “A bit shy, that one.” Tony then positioned the laptop, to show the left foyer wall. “ _There_ are the unconscious Hydra agents who tried to kill us.” He spun the laptop, to reveal the opposite wall. “Here are the dead Hydra agents who tried to kill us.” He finally turned the camera back to his face. “I’m just a _tad_ irritated that I was almost murdered in my own foyer. But send more Hydra agents. I dare you. I’ll be waiting.” He switched the laptop off.

*

Two hours later, the foyer was back to the way it was, thanks to the restorative builders that Tony had called, for an emergency fix it job, as well as the various medical personnel, who came to take the dead, and unconscious, agents away. At this point, only Tony, Bucky, Sam and Steve were still in the Stark Tower. Vision had taken off to check in on Wanda. After Bruce’s continual apologies, Natasha had offered to take him to hers, to sleep. For the first time in their friendship, Tony was a little relieved to see him leave. If he heard one more “I’m so sorry, I’ll pay for everything!” he suspected he would unleash his fury on Bruce, risking ironically bringing out the monster again. Rhodey had depart not long after the fight, to talk directly to his Army superiors, telling Tony that he would not leave, until he found out exactly what they knew, about the attack on Stark Tower.

The builders were finally departing, arms filled with bottles of champagne, along with wallets stuffed with an extra thousand, from Tony, as thanks for their good work, when there was a knock on the door. As the builders piled out, a woman stepped in, who Tony instantly recognised, from the television.

“Senator Mcgraw!” He said, reaching out to shake her hand.

“Mr Stark. Mr Rogers. You must be Mr. Wilson. Mr Barnes.” She shook each hand in turn. Tony noticed that her voice was slightly warmer, with Bucky and she held his hand for a tad longer, than the others. “May we talk?”

“Alright,” Tony led her down the steps, through the foyer to the lounge. Two men followed, bearing radios, earpieces and flashy black suits. Tony was a little dissatisfied that they were also not wearing sunglasses at night, to complete their secret agent look.

“Well you’ve caused quite the commotion, in the past few days,” Senator Mcgraw said. “Particularly in the past two hours! A fair amount has happened from our end, too. You’ll be pleased to know that Secretary Ross has been fired. I am the most preferred candidate to take his job.”

Tony raised his brows. Glancing at the others, he noticed similar surprised looks.

“We have also located his son, Syd, in a safehouse, in Berlin. We are currently in negotiations to extradite him back to the US. There is... evidence that Secretary Ross was involved in helping his son flee to Germany. Just a heads up. He will most probably be charged tomorrow with aiding and abetting. The FBI has found evidence of crimes, dating back ten years, for Syd, from rape and extortion, to murder. This is big news. We have found the second man in the footage, behind the camera, also”

Tony glanced at Bucky, who was focused purely on her, a slight flush across his pale flesh.

“The UN convened in an emergency meeting, just after news of the attack here hit the net. They are willing to absolve the Avengers of any potential criminal repercussions for past acts. You have to understand, this has been a, if you’ll pardon my French, complete shit storm.”

Tony couldn’t help but grin. He decided that he liked her.

“Now, the blame will likely fall on Secretary Ross. But I’m more than certain that the attack tonight probably goes higher than him. The deal that the UN has made is if Mr. Barnes signs the accords, and is determined by a psychiatrist to be free of brainwashing, then they are willing to not prosecute him for crimes committed as the Winter Soldier. This is causing such a headache for the UN. You understand that they are completely in damage control.”

“I can imagine that a trial for Bucky would not exactly be in their interest, would it? Imagine all of those government mandated hits that he’d have to talk about?” Tony smirked.

“What psychiatrist are we talking about?” Steve asked.

“You don’t trust us. I don’t blame you. But you must understand that _I_ am working in your best interests.”

“When would this happen?” Bucky asked.

“We would like to get this done with, as soon as possible. This is actually why I’m here. I’m authorized to take you to the appropriate facility, to be examined.”

“You may be a little surprised to hear that I don’t trust you one bit,” Steve said. “I’d like to know everything about this psychiatrist.”

“I am more than happy for you to come with Mr. Barnes,” Senator Mcgraw said. “Bring a lawyer along as well, if you like. As I said, I am on your side, here.”

Steve stared at her a long moment, his brain clearly working, behind his blue-green eyes, before he looked at Bucky, who nodded.

“Lawyer? Hm...” Following the attack on his tower, and after seeing the deluge of messages and calls from reporters and concerned folks, Tony had switched off his mobile. He now turned it back on, ignoring the twenty new missed messages, as he googled ‘Nelson and Murdock’.

“I’ve decided I like these guys. Steve!” Tony threw him the mobile. “Would you do the honours?”

“Here’s the address we’ll be going to,” the Senator quickly wrote on the back of a business card and handed it to the supersoldier. “Tell them to meet us there, in half an hour.”

Steve took the card and then walked out of the room, Tony’s mobile in hand.

“What are the chances that he’ll find Bucky ‘cured’? Because I’m telling you that he is.”

“I have no doubt about that,” Senator Mcgraw said. “As I said, I’m on your side here. I was against the accords, to begin with. With the attack on New York, the fact that the government was about to nuke the city! It was so utterly unethical! And they then state that _you_ have to be monitored? This release of information about the Winter Soldier, has put in a new light the hypocrisy of the government. That, to me is a good thing.”

“You say being part of it,” Tony reminded her.

“I believe that change can be worked from the inside.”

“So do I.”

Steve walked back into the room and threw Tony’s mobile back to him.

“They seemed to not believe, at first, that I was who I said I was. Then they seemed to be pretty excited. I spoke to the partner, Mr. Nelson.”

“Alright, we’d better go then.”

As they walked to the door, Bucky turned back to Tony and lightly touched his arm.

“It will be alright,” he smiled.

The secret service agents glared at Tony, as they passed. Tony deliberately smiled widely back and waved at them.

“Goodbye, chuckles!”

The agents’ scrunched their faces up in even tighter scowls.

 Tony closed the door, leaving just him and Sam, in the room. Both stood, awkwardly, a moment.

“Good to see that Rhodes is doing well,” Sam said.

Tony nodded.

“You know, Steve was in contact with me a little bit, in Wakanda, when he could. He told me that he was thinking of bringing you in, to try and help Bucky. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea.”

“You were right, to some extent, to begin with, anyway.”

“I read the reports... as much as I could. Everything that they did to Bucky. I don’t know if Steve told you, but I used to run a counselling service, once a week, for ex-soldiers who suffered from PTSD. Sometimes I’ve even taken on people one-on-one. I have dealt with men who say they were raped, in the army. This isn’t talked about much. What Bucky did, taking it out in the open like that. It’s very brave. I know me and Bucky aren’t very close but... if he does need someone to talk to... I’m here...”

Tony nodded, but seriously thought that, considering how Bucky felt about him, that wasn’t going to happen.

“Alright, I’ll... I’ll go... let me know what happens.”

*

The next three hours went by very quickly. Tony spent the time sorting through the concerned texts and phone calls, in relation to the attack on the tower. Clint, Pepper and Wanda individually stopped by, to express their anger over what had occurred, but did not stay long, perhaps noticing how utterly wretched Tony looked.

Finally, there was a knock on the door, and he could see, on the outside security camera footage, that Steve and Bucky had returned.

“What happened? What happened? What happened?” Tony asked, running up to them.

“Well, they took us into this little room,” Steve said. “It was like an interview room set up. You know, like at a police station? Anyway, here are the psychiatrist’s credentials.” Steve handed Tony a stack of papers. Tony swiftly perused through them. “Swedish? Hm...” He made a mental note to do more digging on the psychiatrist later.

“He basically made Bucky talk about the original brainwashing, in detail. He didn’t talk about any of the assassinations, just that first brainwashing. He also made Bucky go through the subsequent gang rape and torture.”

Tony frowned, glancing at Bucky, who, judging by the clear dark circles under his eyes, and slightly pale complexion, appeared as wretched, as he felt.

“Then he made Bucky talk about being cured of the brainwashing. Your machine.’

“I didn’t talk about _your_ past, Tony,” Bucky said. “I just talked about mine.”

“The psychiatrist kept asking about _you_ , Tony,” Steve said. “Why was Bucky in particular responding to you?”

“Here’s where Mr. Murdock was amazing. He just jumped in and said that it had nothing to do with what they were talking about. He knows his law very well, started talking about legal precedent. It was great!”

“Oh yes, Matt was incredible. Again with the rapes, the psychiatrist started asking all of these questions about Bucky’s sexuality. Matt really lost his temper about that. He said ‘whether James Barnes is heterosexual, asexual, bisexual, even attracted to clowns on unicycles makes no difference! He was raped. In fact, legally, there is no possible way to refute it!’”

“Senator Mcgraw was also not happy with that line of questioning. She also had a few words to say to the psychiatrist. Anyway, then they took me to have a medical...You know how I had a shower, this afternoon? Anyway, there was still evidence that we’d...” Bucky flushed bright red.

 “Actually, I’m thirsty. Anyone want a drink?” Steve abruptly started walking out of the room. Both Bucky and Tony watched the hastily moving supersoldier, before Bucky turned back to him.

“They said they had to check... for past injuries...Don’t worry, it wasn’t as though it was obvious that we’d had sex. I wasn’t bruised or torn or anything like that. You’re always so tender, with me. But they found... there was still a bit of lube and your... your semen inside me. They asked me if I’d had sex and I told them the truth. I said that yes, I’d had consensual sex with my boyfriend this afternoon. I guess that proved that I was the kind of dirty male slut that they-”

“Bucky, no! Alright, just stop! You are allowed to have consensual sex with your loving partner. Even though you’ve been raped, it still doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t have sex ever again. Like there is some binding notion that decrees that every rape victim must now be celibate, for the rest of their lives. Besides, you have no idea what they were thinking! Maybe they were thinking about what they were having for dinner that night! Maybe they were worried about the new puppy peeing all over their carpet. You don’t know.”

“I know... I just... sometimes I think I must be weird, for wanting to have sex, especially with another man, after everything that’s happened to me. That there must be something wrong with me.”

“Then I must be weird too-“

“Tony, I didn’t mean-“ Bucky said, looking alarmed.

“Bucky, it’s not like we just bend each other over and go for it. We are always very mindful of each other’s rather rape-filled pasts. You have sex with _me_ , alright. Remember, the man that you always say that you love and adore, like the god that I am?”

Steve started walking back into the room.

“I can’t think of anything more _normal_ , than wanting to have sex with the one who you love, and who absolutely _worships_ you, almost as much as he worships himself,” Tony finished, in his usual laconic fashion.

“I do, more than anything that I’ve ever...” Bucky didn’t need to say it. Tony could, as always, read his loving emotions, in his eyes.

“Et moi.” Tony cupped his jaw and tenderly kissed his lips. “Alright, now _that’s_ sorted, so, what happens now?”

 “Well apparently they need to ‘collate their evidence’. There should be a decision by tomorrow morning,” Steve said.

“So more waiting then?” Tony sighed. “You know what? I’m happy right now, to just try and forget about the chaos that was today, and settle and watch ‘Star Wars’. What would you two say to that?”

“He has a cinema on the second floor,” Steve said, to Bucky.

“Of course he does.”

“Oh and Steve, ‘Matt’? Already on first name basis with our lawyer superstar?”

“We had a long chat, after, when they were doing the full medical assessment on Bucky. He’s a really interesting guy. There’s something... more about him... I can’t put my finger on it.”

“I suspect he’s possibly ‘enhanced’ in some way,” Tony shrugged.

“You think?” Steve’s eyebrows raised. “Hm... maybe so...”

*

“Tony...”

Tony grumbled, attempting to turn. Something was wedged up against his hip, preventing the full movement.

“Tony! He’s really out!” Bucky said.

“Well, he’s had quite the day,” Steve replied. “Makes sense he’d be a little tired.”

I can hear you! Tony thought, as both Steve and Bucky then laughed.

“Well, should we retire for the night? I’m pretty tired, myself,” Bucky said.

“Yes, let’s do the third film another time.”

“Tony!” Tony felt a hand shake his shoulder. “Unbelievable. I can’t believe it. I’m going to have to carry him to bed, aren’t I?”

“Just leave him there!” Steve said.

“It’s alright.”

Tony felt hands grab him under the shoulders, followed by the odd sensation of his entire body lifting up, into the air.

“You alright there?” Steve asked, as Tony felt his torso wedge comfortably around Bucky’s shoulders, Bucky’s metal arm pinning Tony’s arm around his chest.

“Tony’s actually pretty tiny, haven’t you noticed?”

_Again, I can hear you!_

“Compared to us!” Steve laughed.

Tony then felt everything lift, once more, followed by the experience of movement.

“I was thinking today,” Bucky began. “We both were made into supersoldiers. And we both lost each other, in the nineteen forties, only to find each other again in present day. From that point-of-view, that’s incredible!”

“Are you talking about some kind of kismet?”

“Maybe I am.” Silence, a few seconds. “Those two years running. I didn’t want you to find me, Steve. Not because I didn’t want to see you. In fact, the opposite was true. I missed you so much it physically hurt. I just wanted to protect you. I was convinced that if you did find me, that I would hurt you. Or someone else would. But now, I’m just.... I’m just so tired of running.”

“Hopefully now, you won’t have to.”

The movement stopped. Tony heard the ding of the elevator opening, movement again. The ding of the doors closing.

“You did remember me. On and off.”

“Yes, I did.”

The ding noise again and movement, as they stepped out of the elevator.

“I’m so proud of you Buck, really. Everything that you’ve done. I don’t know if I could have.”

“Yes, you could have,” Bucky said. “I know you.”

Silence for a while.

“These past few months have just been so crazy. I’m sorry if I’ve acted like well...” Steve began.

“Steve, you haven’t acted in any way that wasn’t, well, you. Sometimes I forget that you’re a supersoldier. To me, you’ll always be that kid from Brooklyn who wanted to beat up the bigger men. Here we are.”

Tony felt himself being placed down on his comfortable mattress, followed by the warmth of the blanket covering him.

“You know, I’ve seen a side of Tony in the past few months, after he came to Wakanda, that I never saw before,” Steve said.

“He’s had a tough life. Hides it all behind the bravado.”

“Oh, I knew that. Seriously Bucky, I could just strangle him, at times! How do you not go crazy?”

Bucky laughed. “I don’t know. All of _that_ side of his personality doesn’t bother me. If anything, I find it all adorable.”

“I think maybe you are made for each other. You’re both crazy.”

 “I just love him so much, Steve.”

“I know. I see it, Bucky. And it’s pretty clear, to me, that he’s crazy in love with you. Tony is... he needs someone special to take particular care of him. Most people can’t hack it. He’s not easy.”

“He is to me,” Bucky said.

“Alright, I’m going to sleep for the next three days,” Steve said.

“Steve? I really am glad that you’re here. Like I said, I missed you. So much.”

“So did I, Bucky.”

The snick of the door closing, then silence for a few minutes. Tony felt the blankets beside him pulled back, followed by the warmth of a body along his back, a metal arm around his waist.

“Always so warm, Tony. You’re like a nice comfy indoor fire. Sleep well, gorgeous.”

*

A shriek of utter terror jolted Tony awake. Bucky shrieked again. Then again and again.

“Bucky! Bucky! It’s ok! It’s alright!”

Bucky thrashed about in the bed, screaming as though he was being murdered, the sounds goosepimpling Tony’s flesh.

“Bucky it’s alright!”

Bucky’s eyes sprang open yet he continued to cry out, loudly.

“Bucky sh... sh...”

Bucky’s entire body was shaking violently and tears coursed down his cheeks. He suddenly grabbed Tony and buried his head in his neck, his metal arm going around his ribs and squeezing so hard, that Tony suddenly fought for air.

“Woh, Bucky! Woh-“

The door to the bedroom burst open and Steve came rushing in. Bucky suddenly screamed again, this time the sound more helpless but he had at least loosened his grip on Tony’s waist. Tony looked at Steve, utterly destitute as to what to do.

“Bucky? Bucky it’s alright! You were just having a nightmare!” Steve gently pressed an uncertain hand to Bucky’s back, trying clearly to provide some comfort to him. Bucky still had not stopped shaking, and was now reduced to heartbreaking sobs. Steve’s blue-green eyes caught Tony’s, his own helplessness echoed in Tony’s brown irises.

“It’s alright, Bucky. I love you so much. You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you here,” Tony said, holding him tightly against himself, his neck wet with Bucky’s tears.

“He’s right, Buck. We’re here for you. Till the end of the line.”

“It’s alright, gorgeous. You’ve got me here. And I’m awesome. And Steve, well he’s... less so...but he’ll do in a crisis, I guess,” Tony tried levity.

Steve shot him a look that he could easily decipher.

_Really, Tony, do you think this is the time for jokes?_

“Nightmare, just a nightmare,” Bucky said.

“Hey, nightmares can be deadly! I’ll have to show you guys Nightmare on Elm Street. I’m not even going to bother asking if you’ve seen it-“

“Tony, really?” Steve asked.

“Babbling, Tony...” Bucky said, then moved, to place his head on the right side of his chest.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Steve asked.

Bucky shuddered but didn’t reply.

“That’s alright. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“...sorry...”

“No, don’t be sorry, Buck! You’ve done nothing wrong, alright?” Steve said.

Bucky didn’t reply.

 “Bucky?”

Tony looked down at his angelic resting face. Bucky had fallen back to sleep.

“Damn, Tony what do we do? What do we do?” Steve looked pale and shaken.

Tony’s mind went to what Sam had told him, earlier that day.

“Maybe Bucky does need  some outside help.”

Tbc...


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony, Steve, Bucky and Sam hear the results of Bucky's evaluation, by the psychiatrist. Plus, new accords are offered to the Avengers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all my readers. Slowly making the way to the end :)

After Bucky’s mini-breakdown, Tony slept sporadically, throughout the rest of the night. When he finally awoke, with the digital clock showing the time to be nine am, his exhausted body still craved at least another ten hours of tranquil dreamland. It occurred to him that this was his first night, in his own bed, back on his home soil. So far, being back in the good ol’ USA had included attempted murder and his beloved Bucky screaming his lungs out, from a horrific nightmare. Tony made a secret promise to himself that, in the future, if he ever complained that life was becoming rather humdrum, then he would punch himself in the face, even if that meant potentially bruising the flesh over his well-formed bone structure.

He rolled over, to face Bucky, marvelling at how angelic he looked, in slumber, when his countenance was not lined, with the occasional convoluted tormented expressions of exhaustion, fear and worry that he would display, while conscious; this exotic creature, who had somehow buried his way into his very soul. Tony found it difficult to comprehend that someone as damaged as himself, could feel such a depth of emotion, for another human being.

 “Bucky,” he said quietly.

Bucky opened his eyes. Bright blue orbs stared back at him.

“Hey...” A hand reached out, to trail down Tony’s cheek, before he moved forward, to kiss him, on the lips.

Feeling rather awkward as to how to begin to talk about what happened the night before, Tony went back to his usual fallback; humour, fishing in his mind for a film that Bucky should have heard of.

“So, how about that really messed up Wizard of Oz moment that you had last night?”

Bucky’s flinch was very subtle, but Tony still caught it.

“Let’s make love,” he said, pulling Tony’s shirt up.

“Bucky,” Tony grabbed his hand. “What was the nightmare?”

“Forget about that!” Bucky smiled, running his metallic hand over Tony’s stomach. “I want you.”

Tony sighed. “Not right now, Bucky.”

A very Bucky-centric scowl creased his companion’s handsome face. “What is this? You’re not attracted to me, anymore, because of one nightmare?”

Tony bit his bottom lip, to keep from screaming.

“Ok, Bucky, I’m going to give you some time, to think about what you just said, and then decide whether there is any truth to it, whatsoever.”

He then pulled away, folding his arms.

“I’m sorry.”

Tony could see, in his eyes, that he meant it. However, the past twenty-four hours had not exactly been party-central, for either of them and Tony felt too exhausted, to appeal to the damaged side of Bucky, that seemed to insist that he wasn’t worthy of being in a healthy sexual relationship.

“It’s fine,” he said, tersely.

“I don’t know why I just said that! I was just being an idiot. Why am I always such a freak? Why can’t I just be normal?”

“Why on earth would you want to be normal? _I’m_ not normal!”

That, at least, elicited a smile. “That’s true. You’re the most ‘not normal’ person that I have ever met.”

“Thank you! I’ll take that as a compliment!”

Tony noticed the puffiness of Bucky’s eyes and inwardly sighed. Bucky had been the one suffering last night, far more than himself, who was simply witness to his pain.

 “Bucky, if you don’t want to tell me about the nightmare, that’s ok. You don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to, alright?”

“No, now I think about it, I want to. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.”

Bucky took a deep, shuddering breath, ensnaring Tony in his gaze, and then began to talk.

“I was walking down a dark corridor. I just knew something was wrong. Had this terrible feeling of dread. And then I saw,” he paused, chest heaving up and down a little faster. Tony reached out and grabbed his hand, holding it firmly in his own. “First T’Challa. Dead. His throat slit, eyes staring up at me. And, in the dream, I knew that he was blaming me. My fault. And then Steve. Also dead. Bleeding. So much blood...” Bucky’s panting increased. "Then I was on the ground and Rumlow was on top of me, was _in_ me, raping me. And I could feel it all. His touch. That particular sweaty smell of his.” Bucky blinked and tears ran down his face. “I could feel him and I couldn’t get him to stop. I was just frozen. I couldn’t...He told me it was my fault. They were dead because of me. Then I heard you scream and I looked across and you were next to me, with a man on top of you and he was....” Bucky sobbed. “And I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t do anything to help. He had a knife to your throat. And you were screaming. They told me that they were going to kill you too. I’d have to watch. I begged them not to. I told them I’d do anything they wanted. Just please not you too. But then the one with the knife... there was so much blood....”

_Woh! Ok then. Wasn’t expecting that level of gorno._

“It was just a terrible nightmare Bucky, that’s all. Just a dream,” Tony said, glad that the revulsion that he now felt, had not affected his tone.

“I know, but it was so real,” Bucky said, wiping his tears.

“Well, the mind can be a son of Lassie, at times. Bucky, you are not some prognosticator. It is scientifically impossible to know the future. Although, I understand that if you do want to scam people and be an all-round scumbag of a human being, you could make a lot of money, telling people that Mr. or Miss Right is coming around, or they’ll be moving house soon-“

“You’re babbling, Tony,” Bucky said, a little mirth peaking through the fatigued torment, in his eyes.

“As far as I know, _this_ is the true reality.  Well, yes there are quantum physics theories which...” Tony stopped himself from going off-tangent, once more. “It was a _dream_ , Bucky. Your mind decided to play a game of ‘It’s Fun to Worsen Existing Trauma’, but that was all that was happening. Your mind was, essentially, being a total dick, to itself. I know about total dick mind games. Mine does it to myself, every so often.”

Bucky looked down at their joined hand, frowning.

“Just a dream...”

With his other hand,Tony cupped Bucky’s jaw and tenderly moved his head up, looking directly into his pale irises.

“Look, nothing is going to happen to you, ok? Or me. Or Steve. Nothing is definitely going to happen to T’Challa. That man will be two-hundred and fifty and will still be out kicking ass.”

“You love me,” Bucky said, his face set in an almost heartbreakingly vulnerable expression.

_Oh Bucky... silly sod..._

Tony wrapped his arms around his shoulders, feeling his well formed trapezius muscles tense under his hands.

“So much, gorgeous. To be honest, I’m kind of absolutely crazy about you.”

“That’s what Steve tells me.”

“So he has some brains to go with that brawn,” Tony jested.

Bucky reached up and play-swatted his arm. “Steve is my best friend. You be careful how you talk about him.”

“Mmm hm... whatever...” Tony started nuzzling his hair. “What were we talking about again? I’m kind of distracted by the incredibly sexy man, in my arms.”

“Tony, what if I’m going crazy?”

Tony pulled back, to look at him, once more. “I’ve sometimes thought that about myself, over the years. One day, I’ll just wake up and Nurse Ratched will be telling me that it’s time for my suppository. No, you’re not crazy, Bucky. What is crazy, anyway? In your time, you and me, as two men, playing gland to gland combat with each other, were officially labelled crazy. What you are, is someone who is coping with some pretty damned heavy trauma. And you’re coping really well. You’re one strong mofo Bucky. You have to believe that.”

“Sometimes I just feel so... sometimes I just want to scream and start throwing things.”

“Ok, there is this really ugly sculpture on the third floor that I paid ten thousand dollars for. Because it is written in the book of eccentric billionaires, that we must buy really ugly pieces of artwork. Please start with that.”

That received a very slight smile.

"You know, I was talking to Sam after you two left, yesterday. Did you know that he used to counsel PTSD sufferers? He told me that some of them even suffered what we both went through. Because the trauma of going to battle clearly isn’t enough. Sometimes rape has to be thrown in too, you know, just to shake things up, give life that whacky edge,” he finished, sardonically.

Bucky seemed to consider this. “Do you think I should talk to him?”

“It’s totally up to you, gorgeous. I’m just saying that the option is there. Actually, he specifically said if you wanted someone to talk to, he’d be open to it.”

“Would you talk to him... you know about what happened to you?”

Tony had not even considered this. Talk to Sam Wilson?

“I’ve been to so many therapists over the years. But hey,” he said, catching Bucky’s pleading eyes. “Why not? It can’t do any harm, can it?”

“If you think it will help...”

“I really don’t know,” Tony said honestly. “But we might as well give it a go.”

“Alright,” Bucky said. “It’s not like we’re going to lose anything if it doesn’t work out.”

Tony picked up his flesh arm and kissed up his inner wrist, then placed Bucky’s palm against his cheek.

“We’ll be alright. We are two kickass mofos. And we will kick the ass of anything that life throws at us,” Tony said.

“My Tony...” Bucky said, leaning forward to kiss his lips, once more.

“Ok, for being a good Bucky, I’ll give you a present,” Tony said, grabbing the lube, from on top of the bedside cabinet, and then lying on his back, on the mattress. “Me.”

Bucky reached down and pulled Tony’s t-shirt up, running his hands over his pectorals.

“It goes both ways, you know. You have to promise to be a good Tony.”

“Bucky, there is never going to be a ‘good Tony’.”

Bucky laughed, as he helped Tony pull his t-shirt up and over his head.

“In how many languages do you want me to tell you how handsome you are?”

“Hm...” Tony started pulling up Bucky’s own t-shirt. “Let’s start with ten.”

*

Tony sat down at the edge of the bed, buttoning up his jeans. Bucky was currently in the bathroom. Although the lovemaking had been characteristically tender yet passionate, Bucky had also been atypically needy, throughout. As he thrust into Tony’s yielding body, he had clung to Tony so tightly that his body shook, telling him over and over “I love you, love you, love you so much.” At one point, the metal arm reached around his waist and squeezed him, so constrictively that Tony had to say “Woh Bucky, loosen up a little there!” out of fear that his ribs would start to be crushed. He then had to cease Bucky’s corresponding horrified look, with a lot of reassurance that he was alright, he just didn’t appreciate Bucky’s sudden desire to be an anaconda.

Although Tony had, as ever, enjoyed the intimacy, Bucky’s emotional insecurity had inwardly discombobulated him, a little. He had not even considered being potentially triggered, himself, because his concern had completely been focused on his partner.

The bathroom door opened and Bucky stepped out, smiling, but still with a somewhat distressed look in his eyes. Tony walked up to him, gently placing his arms around his shoulders.

“Thing will calm down, Bucky. It’s alright, to feel  a bit...” He made a face and stuck out his tongue.

 “Is there any way we can contact T’Challa? I just want to see him.”

“Of course. I am more than certain that even a king would have Skype. Hey, everything will be alright. But how about we see Steve first? Actually, I really could do with some breakfast.”

*

The fresh aroma of pancakes hit Tony’s nostrils before he even stepped into the kitchen.

“Mmm... now that is a nice smell to wake up to...”

“Well good morning!” Steve said, flipping the batter up, in the frypan. “I was going to ask, Tony, who does your cooking, usually?”

“I used to have a chef until I drove her crazy and she left. For a while, Pepper hired someone else. He was pretty good. But then, after Pepper left he went with her. After that, I mainly ate out.”

“I take it you don’t like to cook?” Steve said, frowning.

Tony shrugged.

“Steve, do you think you could show me how to do that?” Bucky asked, appearing, behind Tony, and stepping into the room.

“How are you feeling today, Buck?” Steve's face instantly arranging itself into his patented Concerned Steve expression.

“I’m sorry about last night-“

“It’s ok. I’m just worried about you.”

“I’m fine, honestly. So, can you show me how to do that?”

Steve’s smile was very gentle. Tony came to the sudden realisation that he only ever gave that particular smile, to his best friend.

“Sure.”

As Bucky went over to Steve, Tony walked to the adjacent dining room, grabbing one of the ipads off the dresser, that sat along the west wall, pulling out a dining chair, sitting down, and typing T’Challa’s personal mobile number into Skype. As it rang out, he didn’t expect the man to respond. However, within less than thirty seconds, the handsome face smiled at him, on the ipad screen. Tony could see the top of the lush Wakandan forest behind him, and assumed that he was on a balcony, most probably outside his own bedroom. Seeing the fertile landscape, Tony felt a sour, yet comforted feeling sweep through himself. T’Challa had been very good to them. In fact, ultimately, he had this great king to thank, for the blessing of his life, right now. T’Challa was, after all, the one who had convinced him to stay, to help Bucky.

“Tony! It appears you have been very busy. I guess I don’t have to ask you how things have been?”

 “Productive.”

“Yes, I can see that.”

Both laughed.

“Well, as pleased as I am to see you, this little tete-a-tete is not for me. Bucky wants to speak to you.”

T’Challa appeared a little surprised.

“Of course! I’d be delighted to see Bucky.”

“I think he just misses you,” Tony winked. “I’ll go get him, and give you a very minor tour of the Stark Tower, on the way.”

Tony then stood up and lifted the ipad.

“So, here is one of six Stark Tower dining rooms,” he swept the device around the room, and then turned it to face himself. “We’re walking into one of six kitchens. Oh here is Steve, of course.” He swung it around to face the supersoldier, who turned from the stove, and smiled at the face on the screen. Bucky, beside him, looked at the ipad and then smiled so wide that his entire face glowed, with clear delight. “Say ‘hi’ to T’Challa, Bucky.”

Tony then moved to Bucky and placed the ipad in his hands, catching, out of the corner of his eye, Steve’s puzzled expression.

“T’Challa! So great to see you!” Bucky said, carrying the ipad back to the dining room.

“He said he missed him,” Tony shrugged.

“Did he say anything about the nightmare?” Steve whispered, glancing in the direction that Bucky had just left.

“Just the usual; blood, rape and murder.”

“He’s suffered so much...” Steve was still looking in the direction of the dining room. Tony looked through the archway, to Bucky sitting down in one of the chairs, as he placed the ipad down on the table, against a vase, his face alight with exuberant expression.

“Do you think you could call your friend Sam? Ask him to come over?”

“Sure, I’ll do it straight away,” Steve clearly instantly understood what Tony was asking.

*  
Tony leant back in the dining chair, feeling the batter and honey churn pleasantly in his stomach.

“Compliments to the chef,” he said to Steve, sitting opposite himself.

“I can see that you liked my pancakes,” Steve said.

“No, he only had four plates worth, Steve,” Bucky’s sarcasm was clear.

Tony shrugged, lifted Bucky’s hand, beside him, and sucked on his ring finger, tasting tiny sprinkles of sugar. Bucky stared back, his pupils dilating.

“What can I say? If it’s good food-“

The buzz of the front doorbell caused all three to jump.

“Hm... now who would that be?”

 Tony stood up, wiped his hands on his napkin and then strolled out of the dining room, down the stairs and across the foyer to the front door, glancing at the newly installed monitor, on the wall next to the door, displaying the security footage.

“Well, this is interesting,” he said to Bucky and Steve, who had both followed behind him. Tony then opened the door, to Senator Mcgraw, her two stoic social security agents, Matt Murdock and Sam Wilson.

“Sorry, Halloween is not for... oh over six months.”

“Can we come in?” Senator Mcgraw asked.

Tony opened the door wider.

“Nice to finally meet the legend,” he said, as Matt entered, with his cane, after her. He held out his hand, and then inwardly envisioned himself slapping his own forehead. “Sorry, I’m holding out my hand to shake.” Matt’s reached out and they shook. His grip was rather firm. “Although I’m surprised your partner, Mr. Nelson isn’t here.”

“That was my idea,” Senator Mcgraw said. “I figured the less people involved, the better.”

“How about we go sit in one of my entertainment rooms. Follow me,” Tony led them across the foyer and through an open doorway, to the set of leather sofas, upon which Bucky and himself had almost had sex, the day before.

“I honestly just arrived,” he overheard Sam telling Steve, as both sat down on one of the sofas together. Bucky sat on the other side of Steve. Matt Murdoch gingerly felt around the edge of the arm, and then sat in the perpendicular armchair. The two secret service officers stood on either side of the archway entrance. Senator Mcgraw, as with Tony, stood by the centre coffee table.

“I wanted you to be the first to know. The psychiatrist who examined Mr. Barnes has determined that he is completely free of his former brainwashing. It’s all documented here,” she unclipped her suitcase, reached inside, and then threw the report on the coffee table. For a moment, it just lay there, unmolested, until Tony reached over, picked it up and quickly scanned it. Although filled with unnecessary jargon and verbal diarrhoea, the end result was clear. Bucky and the Winter Soldier were now no longer the same person. Tony placed it back on the table. Steve then leant over, picked it up and started to read.

“I also have here a new set of accords. A copy for you to sign, and a copy to keep, for yourselves.” A sudden rueful smile came upon her face, as she again reached into her briefcase and drew out a stack of stapled papers, which she then also placed on the coffee table, before her. “Since some of your leaks directly implicate key UN representatives, a lot of the former UN representatives have now been replaced. The UN held an emergency meeting three hours ago. These amended accords are the result.”

Tony and Sam picked up the new accords. Steve still read the report on Bucky, who sat, very rigid, staring down at his primly folded hands, in his lap.

“These are also, right now being delivered to the other Avengers. With these new accords, you Avengers will have the power to decide to _not_ fight a threat that the UN has ascribed to you, provided that you show evidence that it is not in your interest to do so. You will also have the power to tell the UN of a threat that you feel you are justified in fighting and the UN would then have to make a decision, within the hour, as to whether you were allowed to go into the specific country to take out the threat. If another demi-god and his army starts attacking New York again, really, who else would have the capability to fight them? The UN will only send you on missions that they feel have potential world destroying consequences. You’re not going to be involved in squabbling between countries. That’s for diplomats to sort out.”

Tony flicked through the accords. To him, this sounded fair.

“I’m just making this clear. We would have the ability to say no, if we don’t trust what we’re being asked to do? What evidence are we talking about here?” Steve asked.

“It would depend on the threat. Written statements from all of you, stating the reasons why you don’t feel it’s in your interests, to fight, would be one way.”

“And what about Bucky?” Steve folded his arms.

“Well, that’s the second part. You wouldn’t believe, or maybe you would, the fracas that’s occurred, as a result of the attack on your tower, Mr. Stark. Never has the world been so united _for you_ and _against_ the UN. The UN has decreed, that any country that has input into these accords, obviously including the US, are not to prosecute Bucky, for any crimes committed, while brainwashed as the Winter Soldier, provided that he sign these new accords. So, pretty much every country. Apart from North Korea. And Antarctica. We have a high court judge, who, on the behalf of the newly formed World Security Council, is willing to sign into effect a legal document, absolving him of all blame, due to his altered mental state. If you all sign, the charges will of course be dropped, for any past infractions.”

“I’m here to act as legal counsel,” Matt said. “To verify that this will happen.” He then reached into his own suitcase, and pulled out a sheaf of papers. “This here is a legal document, that states that, should James Barnes sign the accords, it has been spoken here, today, that he will be absolved of all crimes, by Justice Myra Prior, by any country listed as having input into the accords,” he handed the senator the paper, who took out a pen and signed it. “For the record, Senator Mcgraw has signed the document.” Matt took it back, opened up his briefcase and placed it inside, before snapping the case shut.

“I’m on your side here,” Senator Mcgraw said, silently, looking at Bucky, Steve and Sam, in turn. “But I’ll give you some time, to read through, and discuss-“

With shaking hands, Bucky grabbed the pen off her, picked up one set of accords off the table, flicked to the last page and signed. Sam and Steve looked at each other, before Steve’s gaze reached Bucky, his face softening. It was clear, from his expression, where his priorities lay. He took his own copy of the accords and signed, before Sam followed suit. Tony shrugged, and then picked another copy, flipped it open to the last page, and signed.

“Alright,” the Senator placed the signed accords in her own briefcase then snapped it shut. “When Judge Prior signs, I’ll give you a call, to give you a heads up, before the inevitable media frenzy.”

She started to walk towards the door. Tony jumped up to escort her, with Matt following.

At the entrance, after the Senator, and her goons, had left, Tony waited until Matt had just stepped outside the door, before speaking.

“I get the feeling that you’re not exactly who people think you are. There’s something different about you.”

Matt smiled. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Stark.”

“Tony.”

He closed the door and returned to the others, sitting in the chair vacated by Matt.

“I won’t believe it until that Judge signs,” Steve said.

“Steve, you didn’t have to sign,” Bucky said.

“What choice did I have? Everyone has signed. If I didn’t, then it would just be me and Sam against the whole system. At least these new accords seem fairer, than the last ones.”

*

For the next hour, all three sat, in relative silence, mainly reading through the altered new accords, the tension so thick in the air that when Tony’s mobile finally rang, both Steve and Bucky visibly flinched.

_Alright, here we go._

Tony took the device out of his jeans pocket and answered.

“Judge Prior signed ten minutes ago. Bucky is now a free man.”

“Thank you for everything, Senator.”

“My pleasure.”

Tony ended the call, feeling as though Steve had hit him a good one with his shield. The other three looked at him, expectantly.

 “Judge Prior just signed. Bucky, you’re officially a free man.”

Steve pumped his fist in the air. “Yes!”

The supersoldier then stood up, strolled over and lifted Tony up and out of the chair, in a back-slappy, bear-hug.

 “You did it, Tony! We did it.”

“Ah guys?” Sam indicated Bucky walking swiftly out of the room.

“Bucky!” Steve promptly dropped Tony to the floor and rushed after him. Sam came over and helped Tony to his feet.

 “Steve told me that you wanted to talk to me,” Sam said, as they followed after Steve and Bucky. “Said maybe I could help Bucky.”

Tony stopped walking and turned to face him.

“And me. Sam, I think we _both_ need someone to talk to.”

“Ok, that’s no problem at all.”

A little further up, Bucky sat against the wall, knees drawn up, head on Steve’s shoulder, tears streaming down his face.

“Why is he upset?” Tony asked, baffled.

“I think that being told that he’s finally free, after seventy years, is a bit overwhelming for him,” Sam said.

“Do you remember the day after my mum died?” Steve said, to Bucky, gently stroking his hair. “And you came to my house? You cleaned the entire place, made me food, put out clothes for me to wear, and even brushed my hair. I could barely operate. But you were there for me. I never forgot that. I thought I’d never see the light again. But I did. It wasn’t exactly the same shade. But it was still there. I know it’s a lot to process, but things will be better now. You’ll see. I’m with you till the end of the line. Look, Tony’s right there. And he loves you, Buck. You have people who care for you, who enjoy your company. Bruce and T’Challa. You’ll get to know a whole lot more, too. Nat’s just the best! I can’t wait for you to get to really know her. Clint’s funny as hell.” The sobbing had stopped now. “You deserve to be happy, Buck.”

“You never gave up on me,” Bucky said.

“Of  course not.”

Bucky wiped at his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry. I think I would cry too. Infact, when the news came through that you were free I did feel like crying!”

 “You did this, Bucky. You were the one courageous enough to get the information out there,” Sam said.

Bucky looked up at Sam and Tony, standing before him. “I just can’t believe that it’s really over.”

“Not exactly. Some of those Hydra men who hurt you are still out there, Buck,” Steve said. “I’m going to make it my priority to find them.”

“I’ll help you there,” Tony said.

“I’m willing to help you, too. In any way possible,” Sam said.

“We didn’t exactly get off on the right foot, did we?” Bucky said, to Sam.

“It was an intense situation,” Sam shrugged.

Bucky glanced at Tony.

“I think that maybe I do need some...maybe I do need to talk about a few things. I hear you have some experience with PTSD sufferers...”

“Like I said, I’d be more than happy to talk to you, Bucky.”

“So, when do we...what happens now?” Bucky asked, rising up to his feet, with Steve following.

“Well, I can come here again say tomorrow?” Sam said. “How about I come in at ten o’clock tomorrow morning? It doesn’t have to be formal. But you and Tony, separately, or together can just, sit with me for a bit of a chat.”

“Alright,” Bucky said. Tony nodded.

“Bucky this is at time to celebrate!” Steve said, a spark suddenly appearing in his blue-green eyes. “I have an idea! Tony how about you occupy Bucky for an hour, while I prepare?”

“Oh, I’d be more than happy to accommodate that,” Tony said.

“Come on Sam, want to help?”

*

Tony groaned, with every thrust into Bucky’s snug channel, relishing the heat, sweat and suppleness of his flesh, as they rubbed together. Although Tony had been careful in preparing him, in their franticness to get to the main event, neither had bothered to remove their t-shirts. Bruce Lee was currently face-butting a panther now, as a result, with every thrust.

“Feels so good...” Bucky moaned. “So good...”

Tony bent down, eagerly sucking and licking his neck, feeling the stubble brush against his lips, tickling them.

“Mmm....”

Tony took this as an assertion to move both his hips, and his stroking hand, on Bucky’s erection, a little faster.

“Oh oh...”

_That’s it gorgeous that’s it..._

Bucky screamed and Tony felt his organ pulsate in his hand, no doubt dirtying both of their t-shirts, with his release.

“Ooh now that was nice...your turn,” Bucky grinned up at him.

“Oh believe me, I’m close,” Tony said, not slowing down his thrusts.

Bucky gently grabbed Tony’s hair, and pulled him down, to press their lips together, his tongue electric, in his mouth. Tony moaned louder, feeling Bucky’s metal hand travel all down his back, resting on his pumping ass, gently kneading his flesh.

“That feels cold!” Tony said, laughing.

“I’m sorry!” Bucky drew his hand away.

“Hey, don’t get me wrong,  I love this arm. Mainly because _I_ made it,” Tony said, lifting Bucky’s metal arm and kissing the hand, without slowing down his movements. “And because it’s now part of you." The pleasure was starting to now become overwhelming. "Bucky, I’m about to...”

“Yes, please do it, Tony. Cum inside me.”

Acquiescing to his impending orgasm, as well as Bucky's demand, Tony flung his head back and screamed, as the intensity of his ecstasy wracked his body.

“Oh yes, that was... indeed, nice...” Tony panted, plucking first Bucky’s left leg off his shoulder, and kissing his knee, before enacting the same action with his right leg, as he slowly pulled out, from his body.

“Tony...” Bucky began, dropping his legs back onto the mattress, as Tony then started planting kisses all over his chest. “They’re going to know. Steve and Sam. They’re going to know that we had sex.”

“Most probably,” Tony murmured. “They did tell us to occupy ourselves for an hour.”

“No, Steve told you to occupy _me_.”

“And that I did,” Tony grinned up to him.

“Yes, you certainly achieved that command with flying colours. Maybe you should have been in the army,” Bucky said, reaching out to run a hand through Tony’s hair.

_I wouldn’t last two minutes in the army. Does not play well with others._

Tony scowled and went back to kissing Bucky’s chest.

“What do you think they’re planning?”

Tony glanced at the digital clock. Thirty minutes had passed.

“We’ll know, in half an hour.”

“Tony...”

“Mmm?” Tony started now kissing down his flesh arm, careful to kiss around the curves of every defined muscle.

“I love you.”

Tony looked up to him. He saw no fear or torment in Bucky’s eyes, merely his usual warm affection.

“I love you too, gorgeous.”

“I just can’t believe that it’s over. I’m free. I just can’t...” Bucky shook his head.

“It will take a bit of getting used to.”

“Tony... I don’t want you to think that just because I’m here now, that I’m moving in or anything. When I get a bit more settled, I’d be more than happy to find a place to live. Maybe Steve could help me.”

Tony sat up, frowning down at him. “You don’t want to stay here?”

“I just... I don’t want to be a burden.”

This time, Tony gave out a strangled scream of frustration. “You are not a burden to me, Bucky!” He couldn’t help the annoyance from creeping out, in his tone. “I want you to stay here. But, if you don’t want to stay, then that’s fine.”

“I do. I want to stay. I want to be with you. I just...Like you told me before. There will be some people who will not like me. They’ll start to blame you, for being with me.”

“Bucky, there are a lot of people who don’t like me. And I never cared what other people thought of me, anyway. Haters gonna hate, as they say. I’m not sure who they are but... actually who are _they_? When we come up with these little sayings, who exactly-?”

“Tony, you’re babbling,” Bucky said, smiling.

“Look, they can think what they want. I know I’m awesome. Bucky, the question is, do you want to stay? If this is all too much, then-“

“No, I want to stay! I love being with you, spending time with you. When I was Winter, if I was allowed to sleep in a bed, it would always be with one of my rapists. Sometimes they would flip coins, to see who would have me for the night. I never actually slept. I would just lie there, waiting for the next inevitable rape. Remember that night, in Wakanda, when I fell asleep on your couch?”

Tony nodded. He wasn’t going to forget that, in a hurry.

 "That was probably the first time that I’ve fallen asleep in another person’s presence. Sometimes, even now, I have trouble sleeping. I just lie there, watching you sleeping. You always look so beautiful to me, so peaceful. And I tell myself how blessed I am, that you’re there.”

Tony frowned. That was also the night that they were first intimate with each other, in Tony’s own bed.

“When we went to your bed afterwards, I knew that there may be a chance that things may... happen between us. But I wasn’t the least bit scared. I trusted you, Tony. I knew you weren’t going to hurt me.”

Tony leant down and kissed his lips. “I would love for you to stay here. Get you some clothes of your own. This is pretty big, me offering this. I don’t tend to just move people in. I’m really not that magnanimous. But you... weirdly enough, I like hanging out with you.”

Bucky’s smile widened. “I’ll stay.”

*

Steve’s ‘surprise’ ended up being a chocolate cake, with candles, using Tony’s supplies. Tony had been a little surprised. He didn’t even realise that he had cake making ingredients, in his walk- in pantry. Bucky now stood beside Steve, slice of the cake in hand, grilling him over his exact baking procedure.

“I never knew that Steve could cook,” Tony stood a little back from the others, with Sam.

“Nor did I. This is actually pretty good!” Sam took another bite of his cake.“So what happens now?”

“I guess that’s the question, isn’t it?” Tony replied.

*

After the cake, Tony offered to show Bucky all of the Stark Tower. This was pre-empted by Sam, who had seemed bemused that Bucky didn’t know where the steam room was. Steve and Sam accompanied them through the first few levels but then reached the indoor heated pool, where they swiftly decided they couldn’t go any further.

Tony completed his tour, with Bucky, of the Stark Tower, by taking Bucky to the very top. Bucky stepped out along the walkway, staring at the skyline view of New York, laughter rippling out of him. He turned back to Tony displaying such excitement and awe in his blue irises that Tony felt his stomach buzz with his own elation, at the sight.

 “Wow! This is incredible!”

Tony came up behind him, placing an arm around his chest, unable to resist the urge to give little kisses, along the side of his neck.

“I mean it’s utterly ridiculous, this view,” Bucky continued, as Tony pulled his t-shirt across, and then started kissing along the top of his shoulder. “But then, it’s so _you_.”

He turned, grabbed Tony’s chin and eagerly clashed tongues with him. Looking rather sated, Bucky then returned to his gawking at the spectacular view of the city. Tony now wrapped both arms around his chest, pressing his front along Bucky’s back.

“So what are you going to do now?” Bucky asked.

“The usual. Keep creating new and wonderful Iron Men. Work on a plan to bring down more of Hydra. Now that the UN is actually on our side, or so it seems, that will make it easier.”

“I can help you on the Hydra front. With the Iron Man making stuff, I’m happy for you and Dum-E to do that on your own. Maybe when you’re working on that, I can spend time with Steve. Maybe Sam’s not a bad guy, either.”

“I think that Steve would like that.”

“Tony, I don’t want you to be...I don’t want you to pay for everything with me. I would like to find a job. Steve doesn’t earn much with what he does. But then, soldiering is all that I know...”

“Ok, at least allow me to help you out to begin with. If you want, then see it as a loan. You do need clothes, Bucky. Clean underwear. I notice that T’Challa was more than kind enough to help you out a little, in Wakanda. As for a job...you can go into soldiering if you want. But ‘it’s all I know’ is not exactly, in my mind, a good enough reason to go into a profession. My advice would be to really think about what you want to do. I can tell you two things that spring to _my_ mind, automatically. You really like cooking. And you also like animals. There are always short courses, in cooking, going on all over the city. Take one. See how you like it.”

He could sense Bucky turning it over, in his mind.

“You know, that’s not a bad idea.”

“It’s brilliant. Because it’s _my_ idea.”

“Must be so _difficult_ , being so brilliant.”

“Is that sarcasm that I hear?” Tony said, tickling his ribs.

“Not going to work, Tony. I’m not ticklish.”

“Everyone is ticklish!” He said, attempting to tickle under his arms.

Bucky giggled. “I’m laughing because you’re so obviously attempting to try something that just isn’t going to work. But _you_ , on the other hand...”

He turned around, and launched himself on Tony, with tickling fingers. Tony screamed, and laughed.

“Alright, alright mercy! Mercy!”

Bucky stopped, a very Bucky-centric mischievous grin on his face.

“Hm... now that’s interesting to know... you’re extremely ticklish...”

“Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare use it against me!”

“Oh no, I wouldn’t.”

“Hm... why do I not believe you?”

Tony heard the beep of a text coming in, on his mobile. He took it out of his pocket and unlocked it. The text was from Rhodey.

_So it seems you’re making the internet explode, all over again._

“Hm... interesting...”

“What is it?”

“Not sure. Do you mind if we go inside?”

“Well, the view’s always going to be there... until the next alien invasion.”

Tony laughed.

“Nasty Bucky! I’m impressed!”

*

Steve and Sam were lounging about on the sofas of Tony's central loungeroom, having liberated some beers from the nearby bar’s vast collection. When him and Bucky stepped into the room, both were in the middle of laughing.

“No, I’m not risking it, I’m not,” Steve said, sticking his beer bottle down on the coffee table before himself. “Sam here is asking how many beers it will take for me, with my vast metabolism, to actually start to feel drunk."

Tony took one of the ipads lying on one of the armchairs and configured the room, to produce a three-dimensional hologram, of what he was googling.

“No, please do, Steve. I think Drunk Steve would be Fun Steve,” he said.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked.

“Just typing my name into google, as you can see.”

He pressed ‘enter’. Instantly, in the google newsfeed, a title came up.

‘Tony Stark and James ‘Bucky’ Barnes Photographed in Romantic Entanglement on Stark Roof’.

Tony clicked into the article. Although, it wasn’t an article, more a heading, with photos underneath, of him and Bucky; his arms around Bucky’s chest, his lips against Bucky’s neck, on his shoulders. Other photos showed the kiss that they had shared.

“But... how?” Bucky asked.

“Never underestimate the levels the paparazzi will stoop to, to obtain a photo. I can only think they’d been staking the building opposite, waiting for me to come out onto that roof. Well, we certainly gave them their story!” Tony said. “What I’m amazed is how quickly they put these photos up. This one...” he brought up a specific one of Bucky standing, with Tony’s arm around his chest, Tony’s lips on his neck. Bucky was staring forward, a beatific half smile on his face.  “You look so insanely gorgeous in this one. I think I might print it out and frame it.”

“So I guess now the world knows about us,” Bucky said.

“Well, they were going to find out sooner or later,” Steve sighed.

Tony started laughing. “Oh come on guys, it’s funny! Bucky Barnes and Tony Stark. The media is going to have a field day over this one!”

Tbc...

 

 

 

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky acts, in Tony's eyes, 'painfully adorable'.
> 
> Tony talks to Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to all who are reading. Really coming close to the end, now. :)
> 
> Warning in this chapter for frank discussion of rape.

“Everyone, come with me,” Bucky suddenly said, with such conviction that, as he started to swiftly walk out of the room, everyone else instantly stood up and filed behind him. As Bucky moved past the first lounge room and into the ensuing corridor, before turning left, Tony suddenly realised where they were headed; to the elevator. He also had a fair idea where they were going, after that.

Sure enough, they reached the elevator and Bucky pressed the button. The door instantly dinged open and all four piled in. Bucky then pressed the very top button. The four men were silent, as the elevator slowly rose. From Tony’s perspective, he was rather curious as to what Bucky was going to do, and was rather enjoying the very steely, very-Bucky, irritated look, on his partner’s face.

The elevator pinged and then all four stepped out, onto the open roof terrace.

“Do you think he’s still there?” Sam asked.

“He’s still there,” Bucky said, moving quickly, to position himself before the waist-high glass fence, that formed a rather flimsy barrier, from what would conceivably be a rather long fall, to his death. As Tony moved to stand beside him, he was not the least surprised, to realise that Bucky was standing at approximately the same spot where they had canoodled, earlier that evening.

“Ok so what-?”

Bucky suddenly grabbed Tony and pulled him to himself, wrapping his metal arm around his back so tightly that Tony felt his ribcage compress. He was about to gasp at Bucky to loosen up, when Bucky’s lips found his, pressing against his mouth so hard that his teeth clanged painfully into Tony’s. With his tongue ferociously gaining entry into his lover’s mouth, Bucky then dipped Tony, forcing his spine to bend back in a position that would have been a lot easier perhaps thirty years before, when he was far more flexible. Sam started to whistle and clap. Bucky then righted Tony, and then let him go, to wave at the building opposite. Tony stumbled back, feeling rather bemused at being so manhandled, by Bucky, and more than a little aroused.

“Right... well, I think the point was made!” Tony said, as Sam laughed. He came up to Bucky and reached his hand up, to softly play with the hair under his left ear. “And gorgeous, I’m in my forties, now. I gave up being a limbo dancer over twenty years ago.”

“Sorry...I guess I got a bit carried away.”

“Bucky claiming ownership over his man! Are you going to drag me into a cave by my hair and have your way with me?”

“No, Tony I wouldn’t! I would never-“ Bucky spluttered.

“I thought that you would know me well enough, by now, to realise that pretty much everything out of my mouth is a joke.”

“It was this crazy spontaneous-“

“It’s alright, Bucky!” Tony said, laughing. “If you want to know the truth, I kind of loved it. Not many people succeed in surprising me, like that. Believe me, Bucky, I’m really not going to be upset with you ‘ambush kissing’ me.”

He then leant forward and took Bucky’s mouth, in a decidedly more tender kiss.

*

“Such a powerful song,” Bucky said.

Tony took another sip of his whiskey, and then balanced it back on his knee, with one hand, as his other gently played with Bucky’s hair. On his massive plasma screen, Billy Holiday was singing ‘Strange Fruit’. The evening had started with Bucky wanting to show Steve the Michael Jackson 'Remember the Time' video clip, that starred Eddie Murphy. From there, it had divulged into each of them taking it in turns picking various songs, to show the others. Tony was, initially, a little grumpy that no one seemed to appreciate his Black Sabbath. However, he was somewhat placated, when the ACDC was received a little better. About half an hour ago, when they started to play the older music of Steve and Bucky’s time, Sam made a hasty retreat.

Steve, sitting in the armchair opposite, had drunk three beers, and did not seem in the least affected.

_Must be that supersoldier metabolism._

“Tony, you’re turn,” Bucky said.

“Alright.” He reluctantly moved his hand away from Buckys hair, and started to type ‘Dire Straits’ into the YouTube search bar, while taking another sip of his whiskey, He could sense Bucky watching him, then felt a warm hand, on his thigh.

“Tony, my brown eyed man,” soft lips against his cheek.

Bucky had also consumed three beers. Plus, after his insistence, Tony poured him a shot of whiskey.  Tony was starting to think that Bucky did not, alcohol-wise, have the kind of supersoldier metabolism that Steve had.

“I just _adore_ you.”

“I never would have guessed, gorgeous,” Tony said.

“No, you don’t understand. I really really do!”

“Oh no, I do understand, Bucky, I do.”

Bucky suddenly leant forward and hugged Tony so tightly that half of his whiskey spilled onto the floor, beneath him. He caught Steve’s eye and grinned. Steve didn’t return the grin.

_Alright, what’s wrong with him?_

Bucky then stood up, walked over to Steve, and bodily lifted him up out of the chair, to hug him. Tony often forgot, because of Bucky’s baby-face looks, that he was at least as strong as Steve, if not stronger. Seeing Bucky so easily pick up the muscular Steve, Tony suddenly felt greatly physically diminished.

_Hey I can bench press three hundred!_

 “Steve, the best friend that one could possibly ask for. You never gave up on me,” Bucky’s metal arm appeared to be rather tight around Steve’s shoulders.

“Till the end of the line, Bucky. Always.”

_Ah well, he doesn’t seem to mind. Damned supersoldiers._

“Do you remember when we’d play your dad’s old records and dance? We’d pretend each other was a girl.” Bucky grabbed one of Steve’s hands and then moved his metal hand lower, around his waist. “Or a boy.”

 Tony laughed, as Bucky then started to swing Steve around the room.

“Now you two are just beyond adorable.”

Steve suddenly disentangled himself from Bucky’s grasp.

“I’m tired. You did say it was alright for me to stay here tonight?” He asked Tony.

“Everything alright?” Bucky asked.

“I’m just tired,” Steve said. “Good night guys.”

“Hey...” Bucky said.”You’ll find someone special to dance with.”

_Oh... right._

Tony instantly felt a familiar guilt slice through his heart.

“Never did get that dance with Peggy. And then the second person that I developed feelings for, it didn’t work out, and then he went and fell in love with my best friend,” he said, in wry fashion. Tony felt the knife twist deeper. “But then I think it actually worked out perfectly. I’m convinced that, if we had stayed together, then we truly would have killed each other,Tony. It’s alright; you don’t have to look so guilty.”

“Steve, I really am sorry,” Tony said.

“You’re right. Tony doesn’t have to feel guilty,” Bucky said. There was a slight stern edge, to his tone.  “I thought we already went through this? Tony has the right to decide who he wants to be with. And he shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it.”

Tony could read clear sheepishness now, in Steve’s blue-green irises.

“I’m sorry. I honestly think that you two make a great couple,” Steve said. “I think I’m just... in a funny mood, tonight.”

“Steve...” Bucky suddenly stood up and signalled for him to come with him. Tony frowned, watching them leave the room together.

_Thanks Steve. Thanks for making a rather enjoyable night suddenly really damned awkward._

He took another sip of the whiskey, and then pointed the remote at the television and jabbed angrily at the play button. Bucky and Steve did not return until the first song had ended, and the next, on the playlist, had started. Steve stood before Tony, with an appeasing look, in his eyes.

“No, don’t-“ Tony put his hand up to stop him, but Steve continued, regardless.

“I’m sorry, Tony.”

“It’s fine.”

An awkward silence then followed.

“I’ll... go to sleep, then.”

 “Hm...” Bucky said, watching him leave the room. He then turned to Tony and held out his hand. Tony placed his whiskey down, took his hand, and allowed Bucky to pull him up. The metal arm reached around his back, while Bucky’s other hand grasped his. Tony had never partner danced to 'Money for Nothing' before. Somehow, it seemed to utterly fit with his relationship with Bucky.

“Don’t worry about Steve. He’ll be fine.”

“Did he ever talk about me, to you?”

He could see Bucky clearly deciding what to tell him.

“When you two were... he kept saying that he wanted to understand you more. Kept feeling that you were holding back, from him. But then, he seemed to think that you were _always_ that way, with him. He was really hurt about what happened between you, you know, with the whole accords fiasco. And he was pretty ashamed of himself, after the whole three-way fight that we had.”

Tony didn’t answer. He had already forgiven both Steve and Bucky, and was more than happy to let go of that particular horrid memory.

“Tony...” Bucky glanced behind him, and then leant closer. “I didn’t think he was good for you. I didn’t think you were good for each other. At the time, I tried not to think it. I tried to be happy for the both of you. But also I wanted you for myself, so badly. And at the time, I felt just awful.”

“We had major problems, from the beginning, Bucky. I can be a hard person to be with. I think we were attracted to each other, and were so determined to make it work that we became a bit confused, tried to launch into this crazy relationship. It didn’t work. We both realised it.”

“I think that he’s accepted that you two can’t be together, but... sometimes, the way he looks at you...Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he’s crying himself to sleep, or anything like that. I just think he couldn’t just turn off his attraction, just because you’re now with me.”

Tony considered this.

“Steve’s an objectively beautiful man. I can acknowledge that. But I’m no longer ‘attracted’ to him. As in I just don’t feel it, in my body. Not like when I look at you. Not only does my mind, in an aesthetic sense, find you the equivalent of Michelangelo’s David, every other part of my body wants to therefore ravish you senseless. And I mean ravish in the most consensual way, with a lot of preferred begging, from you.”

_I’m sorry, Steve. I really am._

“I know. Don’t worry, even despite what happened between you two, in the past, I’m not the least threatened by Steve. In fact, even when you two where together, it looked, to me, like you were putting on an act of being in love. If I’m going to honest, I saw it with Steve, also. Ultimately, you both just looked kind of bored, but also really stressed. It was sort of odd to see. Then one night, it wasn’t long after we got together.  We were in the dining room. And you were talking to Bruce. I said some joke. I can’t even remember what it was. And the way that you looked at me. And I remember,” he laughed. “And I remember thinking ‘wow, he’s in love with me, isn’t he? Tony Stark is in love with me’. I’d kind of guessed before. But that moment...I just wanted to start jumping around the room.”

Tony laughed, enthralled by Bucky’s cuteness.

“Hm... it’s completely true,” Tony kissed his lips. They released, and continued in their rather jaunty sway to the rock music.

“This is an interesting song,” Bucky said.

“It’s one of my favourite of theirs,” Tony admitted. “I had this plan, at one stage, in my late teens, of learning guitar and forming a band. Of course, it was never going to come to fruition.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was a terrible guitar player.”

Bucky laughed. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you admit to being terrible at anything.”

“Ok, I’m allowed to have one flaw.”

“Hm... just the one.”

 Tony stared at the beautiful man who he had fallen for. He couldn’t even say that he was surprised. Surely, at that very moment, the internet was totally abuzz with the news of Tony Falling for the Former Brainwashed Assassin Who Killed His Parents. But then, it was, in some ways, so utterly like him to actually enact something so crazy, that perhaps it was always destined to happen.

But then, he told himself, it ultimately wasn’t about him. Not entirely. Even right now, looking into the pale blue irises, that, as always, gave no lie to what Bucky was feeling, Tony was drawn into his vulnerability, as well as his strength. He had simply never met a person before who had such qualities in equal measure. As much as he was determined to protect Bucky, from the horrors of the world that both were very aware of, he also knew that, in Bucky’s steel determination, he could achieve goals that even Tony did not think were possible. Tony realised that, perhaps with his own fears, combined with his determination to break through them, Bucky was a great advantage, to have alongside him.

But then maybe he was overthinking it. Maybe it was simply that this insanely beautiful, animal loving, cooking and toothbrush obsessed man utterly enthralled him, in everything that he did.

Tony leant forward and brushed lips with him.

“Tony...” Bucky said, as they pulled apart. “What was going through your genius mind, just then? You looked really lost in thought.”

“I’m thinking about how irritatingly gorgeous you look right now. And I’m thinking it’s your turn to pick a song.”

Bucky picked up the remote and turned off the television, then turned back to Tony, placing his arms around his neck. Tony found himself drawn to his full lips, the freckles on his nose, the long dark eyelashes.

“They’re not going to like us being together.”

“I thought you would realize by now that I don’t care what ‘they’ think.”

“I’ve noticed that...” Bucky said, lips upturning.

*

“Mm... now that was nice,” Tony said, lazily drawing patterns on the bare flesh of Bucky’s back.

“Just nice?” Bucky said, between kisses of his chest. “From the way you were moaning, it sounded more than ‘nice’ to me.”

Tony smirked. He couldn’t exactly deny that fact. They were getting better at the sex part of their relationship. Although Bucky had, as usual, taken his time in preparing him, Tony had felt the usual slight nerves at being entered, a momentary fear of being triggered. He supposed that there possibly wouldn’t be a time when they didn’t consider the possibility of having a flashback, to their abuse, during intimacy. But then maybe that was alright. It meant that they would be always gentle and concerned with each other, mindful of each other’s potential apprehension.

“Alright, it was absolutely fucking fantastic. Is that better?”

Bucky now started kissing down his right arm. “Better.”

“Bucky, I’ve been thinking...you really need to buy some gear. What do you own? A couple of pairs of jeans and t-shirts, plus the underwear that T’Challa gave you. You can borrow clothes off me all you want, gorgeous, but I truly believe that you’ll be more comfortable, if you have some stuff of your own. Some toiletries, your own toothbrush.”

Bucky looked up to him. “Tony, I don’t want to take your money. You’ve already done so much for me. But if you want me to stop borrowing-“

“Borrow all you want. Honestly! I just thought it would help you to become more independent if you had some things of your own.”

Bucky seemed to consider this, absently stroking Tony’s inner thigh, his feather-light touch sending thrills of pleasure up Tony’s body.

“Ok, I’ll ask Steve if I can borrow some money off him. I know he’s not a billionaire. I just, I’d feel more comfortable, that way.”

“Ok, you do what you think is best.”

“I just... I’m already living here and... I don’t want you to feel that you have to do everything for me.”

“Bucky, you’ve only just been told that you are finally free, to do whatever you want. I just want to give you support, to do that. I get it, alright? For seventy years, every aspect of your life was completely controlled. But you’re a completely autonomous human being. You can do whatever you want. Even if you wanted to walk out that door right now, it would be completely your choice.”

 “No...” Bucky wrapped his arms around Tony. “I don’t want to leave.”

“I know. I was just illustrating a point.”

“Sei il grande amore della mia vita, Tony.”[i]

“And you, Bucky. Sei l’unico per me.[ii] So stop being so silly or I’m going to withdraw sex from you for... one day. Twelve hours. Six. Six hours.”

“I’ll be good!” Bucky said, very quickly, looking up at him with characteristic mischievousness in his eyes, his lips upturned in a smirk. “But right now, I’m exhausted.”

“Yes, well a nice round of healthy sex will do that to you. I think it’s about time we try get some sleep. It’s been an... interesting day.”

“Alright, but first, I haven’t stopped with my kisses, yet ,” Bucky lifted Tony’s left arm and kissed up his wrist.

“Better?”

“Mm...” Bucky rested his head on his chest, next to the arc reactor. “Much better.”

*

“Tony, ah... ah...”

Bucky screamed loudly and pressed his metal arm into Tony’s flesh with such force that he was certain that it was going to cause a massive bruise, along the top of his back. Not that he particularly cared, at that moment, not when he was screaming out with his own intense pleasure, as he flooded his release within his willing partner.

“Damn, Bucky,” Tony collapsed against him, slowly pulling out and burying his face in his hair, as he felt Bucky’s arm loosen up. “I think my testicles are going to shrivel up. I feel like I just came so hard that all of my sperm has now departed from my body.”

Bucky laughed and unhooked his legs from around Tony’s waist. “That was a first. I never had sex on a shower floor before. With Winter, showering was only for cleaning. It was one of the rules.”

“Bucky,” as Tony sat up, Bucky rose with him. “You didn’t have _sex_ with those assholes. They _raped_ you. They wanted to hurt and humiliate you. Ok?”

Bucky nodded. “I know.”

“Good.”

 “Tony...” Bucky said, as Tony turned the water on and started to adjust the temperature.

“Hm...?”

“I really enjoyed that. You making love to me on the shower floor. Even if it was slightly cold, to begin with.”

Tony felt incredibly bemused, by that statement.

“Well, that is sort of the point, Bucky... Well, not the cold bit...”

Tony now had the water at the right temperature. He placed the soap underneath the water and then reached forward, to lather Bucky’s chest.

“We have really awesome sex, don’t we?”

Now Tony did openly grin, as he started lathering his stomach. “Why, yes, Bucky!  I agree that we do!”

Bucky’s warm smile had a tinge of clear pride to it.

_Damn it! He’s just being aggressively adorable, right now!_

“Can I-?” He indicated the soap. Tony handed it to him and Bucky started lathering his chest.

“Want me to do your hair as well?” Tony asked.

“You like touching my hair,” Bucky said, with the same smile, as he started now lathering Tony’s arms.

“Bucky, I like touching _every part_ of your body.”

“I like you touching my body too.”

“Bucky, you are _killing_ me right now, with how damned cute you are being. Alright, yes. I like touching your hair. So can I... give that a wash as well?”

“Alright,” Bucky shrugged, but looked incredibly pleased, as he started lathering lower, on Tony’s body.

“See this is why you need soap as well,” Tony said, taking the soap off him, to rub it over his arms. “That way we can clean each other, at the same time.”

“I’d argue that it’s kind of counter-productive to be lathering _each other_. But, I’ll admit that it makes having a shower damn more enjoyable.”

Tony completely concurred.

*

“See, I’d rather buy five different coloured toothbrushes, than one electric one,” Bucky said.

Steve caught Tony’s eyes and shrugged.

“Sometimes, you have to spend a bit more, for better value. Electric toothbrushes are far better for the teeth!” Tony said, and then shovelled more of Steve’s blueberry pancakes into his mouth. He had to admit, his cooking was rather good.

Tony appreciated Steve staying in the tower to help Bucky out, he just hoped it was going to be a temporary plan. He really didn’t want Steve to move in. The scenario of the lodger who stays for a couple of days but then doesn’t leave for years, really did not appeal to him.

“Steve...I was thinking...” Bucky paused.

“Actually, I think it’s a good idea,” Steve said, demonstrating his occasional uncanny ability, to recognise what someone wanted, before they’d even worked out how to ask for it. “Even if you just get a few essentials. You’ll feel a lot better, having a few things to call your own.”

“I don’t want to use Tony’s money. I know it’s ridiculous. He’s a billionaire but-“

“Oh Bucky, I’d be more than happy to help you out.”

“I know you’re not exactly paid well, from what you-“

“No problem, honestly. I’ve been thinking we should do some shopping. Just get a few essentials for you.”

“You sure?”

“Positive, Buck.”

“Thanks Steve. I’ll pay you back when I-“

Steve waved the offer away. “When did you want to go? Today?”

“If that’s alright. I was hoping to go as soon as possible.”

“Ok, well Sam’s coming over at ten, isn’t he? That would still give us an hour and a half, if we leave pretty soon.”

 “Oh yes, I’d completely forgotten!” Tony said, inwardly smacking himself.

*

Steve cornered Tony by the front door, just after Happy stepped out, with Bucky, to the waiting car.

“I offered, Steve-“

“I know that! I also know that Bucky refused to take your money.”

_Oh. Alright then._

“Tony, I’m sorry if I made things awkward last night. I honestly meant it when I said that I think you and Bucky make a great couple. I just want you and Bucky to be happy. That’s the honest truth. ”

“Steve, when we...in Wakanda.. I was being my usual asshole self and-“

“Actually, _I_ was being the asshole. I kept pushing you, even though you clearly weren’t ready for that kind of intimacy. I messed up,” Steve said. “You were obviously struggling and I... I’m so sorry, Tony. See, this is why Bucky really is good for you. He just completely respects you, in a way that I never could. I’m glad that Bucky can give you the respect and love and caring that you deserve.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that.”

Steve smiled and clamped a hand onto his shoulder.

“We’re alright.”

“Until the next argument,” Tony said, wryly.

“Yeah, until the next one,” Steve grinned back.

*

“Ok, first I should tell you that anything we say here does not go out of this room. The only exception is if you have done something illegal. Then I would, by law, be forced to inform the authorities,” Sam and Tony both sat, in armchairs opposite each other, in one of the tower’s vast study rooms. Sam had arrived at precisely ten am. Bucky and Steve had not returned home from their shopping trip, so Tony had simply decided not to wait for them and to start his session.

“Alright, so no mentioning the meth empire.”

“You’ve seen Breaking Bad?” Sam asked.

“It’s incredible, isn’t it?”

“Alright, so we’ve got an hour.”

“I’ve got to say, Sam. I seriously doubt this will work. I’ve tried therapy, in the past. It _never_ works.”

“To me, that sounds like you didn’t have the right therapist. It may not work with me, either.”

“So why am I doing this, then?”

“Why _are_ you doing it?”

“You know why! Because Bucky only agreed to do it if I did, also.”

“I don’t think that’s the reason. If you truly didn’t believe that you needed therapy, you would have convinced Bucky that you didn’t need it.”

“Fine then! I’m messed up. I’ve always been messed up! I can’t even begin to see how I can change that now! And I _know_ the reasons why. Daddy was a neglectful, emotionally abusive ass, and then him and mum were killed. So I became a slut alcoholic. Was so utterly messed up, that I woke up at one point, to some asshole raping me, and didn’t even realise that I wasn’t the one to blame! In fact, Bucky was the one who pointed out to me that some random fucking me while I was sleeping, then not stopping when I woke up not even remembering who they were, or even why they were there, was actually a violation. Oh and then there was what I considered the actual rape, that was gang rape, when I was captured in Afghanistan. Because being blown up, tortured and forced to work for them, wasn’t enough. There’s other stuff. My mentor going crazy and trying to kill me. Going into a wormhole into another dimension. But yes, that’s all a good start as to why I’m Tony Crazyville Stark.”

Sam didn’t look the least shocked by this outburst. In fact, he continued to look at Tony with a neutral expression, although warmth showed in his brown eyes.

_Ooh he’s good!_

“I’m sorry, Tony. I’m sorry that happened to you.  And I really want to try and help you. There are a variety of methods that I could use. I do find Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to be particularly effective.”

“There’s the therapist speak! Besides, I’ve had it tried on me before. It didn’t work.”

“It has to go two ways, Tony. I can only give you the tools. You have to apply them, to your own life. I’m not saying that it’s going to be easy, at all. Do you want to hear one of the first things that I tell _everyone_ , who comes to therapy? I tell them that their past doesn’t have to determine their future. Just because someone suffers horrendous abuse, doesn’t mean that they have to be defined by that, their entire life.”

“That’s what I tell Bucky! He is not what they tried to make him. And they did terrible things to him. You would have read the reports. He is more than that. I just wish he would see how damned amazing he is.”

“You know that I first heard about you two from Steve, when he was in Wakanda? He called me one night and, in the middle of conversation, told me that I wasn’t going to believe it. But you and Bucky were an item. He was right. I didn’t believe it. Then you both came here and ooh boy did I believe it then. It’s pretty clear that you both care for each other, a lot.”

 “Bucky is... well I don’t need to say how incredible he is. But he has a lot of trouble with believing it, himself.”

“Would I be wrong in saying that you enjoy taking on projects? Initially, curing Bucky was a project of yours. I’m saying when you first arrived in Wakanda.”

“Well, yes, it was something to do.”

“You like solving problems. Makes sense, with that genius mind of yours. You could cure Bucky, but you can’t solve Bucky’s emotional problems. I can only imagine it must be somewhat frustrating for you.”

“I just want him to be happy. Actually, a lot of the time he _is_ happy. If I were him, I’d be banging my head repeatedly against the padded cell and asking the rainbow coloured unicorn in the room to please stop yelling at the flying hippo.”

Tony’s mind went back to Bucky in the shower, that morning.

“Bucky is... when he’s not thinking about the trauma, and just being all playful and in a good mood, there’s no one who can top him, in terms of pure awesomeness. Not even me.”

Sam smiled. “When you say you want him to be happy, do you think it’s plausible that he feels the same way about you?”

Tony thought back to all the subtle ways, throughout their relationship, in which Bucky had attempted to help him, with his problems.

“Well, yes, of course. He loves me. He’s actually pretty vocal in saying it. Actually, now that I think of it, he was the first one to say it. He was also the first one to tell me that he had feelings for me, to begin with. Brave Bucky,” he smiled.

“Do you know what I find interesting? We’ve been here ten minutes and spent the entire time talking about Bucky. You started by giving me a list of reasons why you’re, as you said, ‘Crazyville Stark’ and then started diverting the conversation to Bucky. I want to talk more about _you_. Now, obviously Bucky is a major part of your life. But what is troubling _you_ , right now?”

Tony wasn’t even sure where to start.

“Everything that happened to Bucky... I guess, on one hand, there’s the fact that it relates directly to my parents’ deaths. And I’m still just so messed up over that, I’ll admit it. And then, when I was curing Bucky of the brainwashing, I was also dealing with...I was gang raped eight years ago, and it all came back. I started having panic attacks, nightmares. It was like it was happening all over again.”

“Alright, when did you last have a panic attack?”

Tony considered the question. “On the way back to the US from Wakanda I went back to the cave, in Afghanistan, where it happened. I guess I wanted to... confront it. I didn’t have a panic attack, per say, but I felt close to it. It’s more that I’m scared of being triggered. That’s what me and Bucky both call it, ‘being triggered’. We’re both very careful around not triggering each other.  Anyway, and then with my parents... after they died, I just didn’t want to deal. So, I went crazy and drank and had just a crazy amount of dangerous sex. I mean I put myself in these situations where anything could have happened. Because that’s how I dealt, for a long time. Sex and alcohol. And so this asshole raped me... of course. But then what did I expect was going to happen, the way I was acting?”

“Ok, putting everything else aside, do you mind if we just talk about that? I’m not talking about what was happening around that, at the time. I just want to talk about that particular incident.”

“Alright...” Tony said, feeling his heart rate elevate.

“So, what do you remember about what happened?”

“To this day I don’t... I don’t remember picking him up. I was in a bar, the night before. I must have been in a Richard Harris state of drunkenness. Maybe we had sex, the night before. I honestly don’t remember. It would happen sometimes; I’d wake up with some stranger in my bed and wouldn’t remember what happened the night before. Sometimes, it would take a few hours, to remember bits and pieces of what happened. If I’m going to have sex, I’d like to at least remember. But with this guy, I honestly don’t...Funny, I never retained any memory whatsoever, from the night before. He was sober, that’s all I remember. I remember just waking up on my stomach and he was fucking me.  I guess I must have panicked a bit, because he put his hand around my mouth and kept going. Called me a slut. Said I wanted it. I just let it happen. He left not long after.”

“Did you ever have that happen before? Not recall _anything_ from the night before?”

“Maybe...” Tony shrugged. “I don’t know. Everything was such a blur, at that time.”

“Hm...I’m just wondering... maybe he spiked your drink.”

“You know what? Probably not. I probably did come onto him and brought him home. I know, I know what you’re going to say. Because Bucky already said it. I still didn’t deserve to get raped, no matter what I did, or how I was acting. But here’s the thing, I bring this stuff on myself. Cause. Effect. I act like a crazy slut. I get called on it and raped. I sell weapons to Afghanistan, a country which, I realise now, maybe isn’t benefiting from having itself blown to smithereens, I get blown up, tortured, gang raped and forced to build a weapon. I’m not saying that I deserved that one. There, they went too far. But I did wrong. And karma is a bitch.”

“Ok, I’m trying to follow your line of thinking here. You deserved to have these things happen to you, because of your behaviour? Ok, what if we looked at the situation differently? Say, if we take the example of the first rape. What if it was Bucky, who wasn’t dealing, and reacted by being hypersexual, which is not uncommon, with sexual assault survivors. Would he deserve to then be raped?”

“To begin with, I told myself that I just didn’t care. I thought that whatever happened to him, he deserved it. But then, when I heard the truth, I just felt sickened by what they did to him. No, he didn’t deserve any of it.”

“So what makes _you_ different? Why do _you_ deserve it? Ok, let’s simplify things. Again, going back to the first man who raped you. According to what you just told me, you didn’t deal well with your parents’ murders and reacted with hypersexuality and overdrinking. Alright, so you didn’t deal well with a traumatic experience. If you didn’t have the coping mechanisms already set up, then I’m _not surprised_ that you didn’t deal very well with what had happened. The way I see it, if someone has a very strong, emotionally resilient foundation, then they may be about to deal, in an appropriate fashion, when something traumatic comes their way. I say _may_ , because even people who are emotionally resilient may still not be able to cope, when something traumatic happens to them. You told me, in the beginning, that you had a difficult childhood. So you didn’t have that foundation to begin with.”

“So you’re saying it was pretty much inevitable that I was going to go loony tunes, after my parents died?”

“I’m saying that it’s completely understandable that you found it hard to cope, because you’d never been taught _how_ to. Now, I’m hoping to give you some techniques that may help you, when you feel that you are not coping. But I don’t want to talk about that, right now. Right now, I want to talk about some of the things that you have just told me, try and nut out the where these beliefs have come from. When you talked about the first rape, you said ‘what did I expect was going to happen, the way I was acting? ’ Then you later clarified that, by saying ‘I act like a crazy slut. I get called on it and get raped’.  Where do you think that belief comes from? I’ve never heard you to slutshame, in fact the opposite. But when it comes to yourself, clearly you think differently. Why is that?”

“I didn’t even recognise it as rape. That’s how crazy I was, at the time. I was picking up men and women, engaging in unsafe sex. I put myself in a situation, where something like that could happen to me. And it did.”

“You were also raped in Afghanistan. Where it was a completely different set of circumstances.”

“I can see where you’re going with this. But there, I was acting like my usual asshole self.”

“I’m finding it really hard to follow your logic here.”

“What’s so hard to follow? I did terrible things. I deserved to be punished!”

“Why do you deserve to be punished? In particular, to be raped?  To be blown up and tortured in Afghanistan? Ok, again, if we go back to the first rape. You weren’t coping with your parents' deaths. So, according to your logic, that meant that a man not only had the right to, but actually was _obliged_ to punish you, by violating you while you slept, then holding his hand over your mouth, and continuing to force you, while you, in your own words, ‘panicked’? And in Afghanistan, you ‘acted like an asshole', so that meant that logically, you deserved to be repeatedly violated? To be tortured? To be forced to work for them?”

“Why else did these things happen?” Tony asked, feeling weirdly shaky inside, as he blinked back tears. “I must have done something to deserve it. I must have needed to be punished.”

“No, Tony, you didn’t,” Sam said, gently. “But something inside you believes this to be true. And we’re going to find out what it is. I doubt we’ll get to the crux of it, in this one session. But we will find out what it is. I’m going to help you, Tony, alright? Now I can tell you. Bucky can tell you, that you didn’t deserve what happened to you. But you need to believe it, yourself.”

“I didn’t! I know that. But, I don’t know... I’m just so...”

“This isn’t an easy process. But I honestly believe that I truly can help you. At least let me try.”

Tony looked into his warm brown eyes and nodded.

“Ok, so your reasoning is ‘I deserve to be punished. This is why these things happened to me. I must have done something to deserve this.’ Going back to Bucky, you acknowledge that he does not deserve what they did to him. He did not ask to be raped. No matter what he did, that should not have been a punishment for him. Why are _you_ different?”

“He was brainwashed. He had no choice. I had a choice. I _chose_ to get drunk and fuck everything under the sun and take that man home. I _chose_ to sell defence weapons.”

“Ok, so you chose to get drunk and fuck everything under the sun and take that man home. So what?”

“I told you! I set up the circumstances for something like that to happen.”

“How?”

“Because I just let people do whatever. I just didn’t care what happened to me.”

“Alright, I know this is difficult. And you can stop at any time. But I want you to try and remember that morning again. But this time, I want you to try and more focus on the emotion. How did you feel, when you woke up to that happening?”

Tony tried to think back. It was so long ago. Mainly just a blur.

“Panic. Yes, I did struggle. I vaguely remember just trying to push this weight off my back. He put a hand over my mouth and told me to just shut up and lie there and take it, that I wanted it. I was a slut who wanted it. I didn’t fight it. I just let him do it.”

“Tony just because you didn’t fight, doesn’t mean that you were in any way consenting to it. You would know about the ‘fight or flight’ sympathetic response the body has. Sometimes, the response is also just to shut down, to be still, to stop the body from being further injured.”

“But I don’t remember saying ‘no’.”

“It’s impossible to say ‘yes’ when you’re unconscious, Tony. Even so, when you woke up and started struggling, that should have been a sign that you didn’t like what was happening. But he kept going. He violated you, then put the blame back on you. So, by your own words, you were engaging in a lot of consensual sex, at the time. How does that then give him the right to do what he did? You were drunk and you brought him home. How does that justify him forcing you, while you slept and then continuing after you awoke and struggled to throw him off?”

“I know you’re right. But I just.... I don’t know why I keep blaming myself.”

“Well, it’s not at all uncommon for rape survivors to blame themselves. They must have done something to deserve what happened to them. The truth is, Tony, this happened to you, not because of your choice but because of _his_. _He_ decided to go into the house of a man who was, in your own words ‘Richard Harris drunk’, when he was sober. _He_ was the one who decided to rape you while you were asleep, then continue after you woke up and panicked. Ok, let’s reverse it here. Earlier last night, when I was joking about getting Steve Rogers drunk, how would you react if he did get very drunk, and a man at a bar, who was sober, decided to take him home and have sex with him, while he was passed out?”

“I would kick the other man’s ass.”

“Exactly.”

“It’s just that so many of the men in particular, in that time, would be sober. And I’d be just off my face drunk.”

“Again, I would argue that it says more about their own decisions, rather than yours. They decided to have sex with a man who was not in his right mind. You were clearly struggling and, rather than try and help you, they took advantage of you.”

“In the end, Obadiah, he helped me. He straightened me out. Put me into rehab. But, ultimately, he just wanted to help the company. It wasn’t about me. Not really. Look, I’m no longer the way I was. For a long time, I have actually been very monogamous. First with Pepper, now with Bucky. I’m actually quite happy to not go back to the way I was before.”

“Yes, it’s pretty obvious that you’ve made some very big stride forwards. Which is fantastic.  Here’s the way I see it. At the time, you were coping the best way that you could, given your coping skills and your circumstances. Other people took advantage of you, which makes _them_ wrong. Not you.”

Tony considered what he was saying. If somehow Steve did get drunk or drugged, say at one of his parties , and some asshole even attempted to take him off into one of the bedrooms... Tony felt his stomach twist with revulsion, at the thought.

“None of that is your fault,” Sam said, quietly. “When you think about it, and your brain is telling you that you did something wrong, you need to mentally take a step back and analyse that thought. Ok, you know all about cognitive therapy.  And you also know that the _thought_ is wrong, not you.”

_Not. My. Fault._

“I know it’s not quite time, yet. But I’m... I just feel a  bit...” He wiggled his fingers, near his head.

“Sure, the first session can be pretty overwhelming. So how did I go? Did I meet the Tony Stark criteria for a second session?”

Tony considered this. They actually had covered a fair amount, that day. But they ultimately needed to go further. They had barely even touched on Afghanistan.

His father.

 “Alright, let’s do it.”

“Next week, same time?”

“Sure, pencil me in.”

Both walked out of the room and down the ensuing corridor.

_Not my fault._

Tony found his attention drawn to one of the monitors, displaying the front door.

“Bucky and Steve have returned,” he said, walking a little faster.

Tbc...

 

[i] “You are the love of my life.” Italian translation.

[ii] “You are the only one for me.” Italian translation.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony decides to use his memory programme, to find out exactly what happened, during the first sexual assault, in his mid-twenties.
> 
> Tony also decides to deal with the public's fascination about him and Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all readers.
> 
> Usual warnings for rape and abuse. Sorry, Tony... this chapter is particularly harsh...

“So Happy drove us one hour away, to try and get away from the paparazzi,” Bucky said, as he placed the shopping bags on top of the bed quilt and then sat beside Tony, who was already sitting, cross legged, at the edge of the mattress. “We managed to get about half an hour of shopping in, until they found us. It was crazy. Suddenly, about half a dozen people came running through the main doors, flashing cameras. Happy told us to just tell him what we wanted, and to go back to the car and lock the door. So that’s what we did.”

Tony could not help but smile fondly, as he was reminded of the loyalty of his food and Original Star Trek loving good friend.

_Happy is  a Captain Kirk of a Man._

 “Alright, show me what you’ve got there,” Tony gestured to the chest-of-drawers, opposite the bed. “The top left sock drawer and bottom drawer are yours, alright?”

“Tony, I’ve been meaning to ask. What the hell is this?” Bucky stood up, stepped across the room, and ran his hand along the marble surface of the refined furniture.

“What do you mean?”

“Is this an antique?”

“It’s a French Louis the fifteenth style walnut commode.”

Bucky smiled and shook his head a little. “Of course! Why didn’t I know that? Anyway, what about _your_ clothes?”

“They’ve already been moved,” Tony said, suspecting that, in the next  couple of days, quite a few of his more interesting t-shirts would start wandering over to Bucky’s bottom drawer. “So, anyway? Show us your items, limey capitalist!”

“Ok, to start with, just some socks and underwear,” Bucky said, moving back to take them out of his bags, before returning to the chest-of-drawers, opening the top left hand drawer and placing them inside.

“Mmm boxers I see. Altough I much prefer seeing you with them off. What else?”

“Three pairs of jeans, a jumper,” he returned back to the bed and pulled out the jeans, as well as an ugly fluffy woollen thing, out of one of the bags. Tony chose not to comment. “Three t-shirts.”

Bucky threw them in the pile, with the other clothes.

“Let’s see, let’s see.”

Bucky grinned, and held the first one up. The front imprint showed a shark, under the water, swimming up towards a pair of swimmer’s legs above, with the ‘Jaws’ title splashed, in red, across the top.

“Now that is an awesome t-shirt. I may have to steal it.”

Both the second and third t-shirts, that Bucky threw to him, black and white respectively, were far less interesting.

“Those two are distinctly boring,” Tony said, throwing them back to his partner. “Let me guess, Happy chose those two.”

“Actually, he did,” Bucky laughed, moving to place them in the bottom drawer, followed by his jeans and hideous new jumper.

“A couple of long-sleeved shirts. A couple of hoodies. That’s what Steve called them.”

Soon the rather plain clothing joined the others, in the bottom drawer. Bucky then closed it and returned to the bed.

“A second pair of sneakers,” for a moment, Bucky looked around, holding them in hand.  Tony suddenly realised that, in the few minutes that he’d taken to clear space for Bucky, he hadn’t thought about shoes.

“Just shove them on top of mine, in the shoe rack,” he indicated the wardrobe, sitting parallel to the bed.

“French style?” Bucky smirked, as he approached the vintage walnut furniture, that matched the chest-of-drawers.

Tony shrugged.

“Billionaires,” Bucky said, as he opened the wardrobe door and placed his shoes at the bottom.

“I like to live in comfort-“

Bucky came back to him, cupped his jaw and kissed him. “Joke, silly.”

He placed his hand into the final bag, on the bed.

“And just some bathroom stuff. A razor, some soap. And five toothbrushes.”

“Five?” Tony’s smile grew wider. It was difficult to believe, that merely minutes before, he had been close to tears, as he discussed his anguish-filled past, with Sam.

Bucky pulled the items out. The toothbrushes were all different colours. Tony laughed. “Go on, put them in the bathroom, then.”

Bucky disappeared into the ensuite and then came out a few seconds later.

“I also have something for _you_.”

“Bucky, you didn’t have to-“

Bucky pulled out the final item from the bag; a long thin tube wrapped in tissue paper and string.

The present turned out to be a toothbrush, with a cartoon picture of Iron Man on the handle. Tony laughed. He must have approved this, when he was dying and had a crazy notion of assuring his legacy, in clearly the most mortifying ways possible.

_Oh no, this is slightly embarrassing._

 “It’s beautiful, Bucky. Thank you. My own toothbrush, with a picture of myself on it. It’s... it’s actually very _me_ , isn’t it?”

“Tony, thank you for letting me stay here.”

“My absolute pleasure, gorgeous,” Tony leant forward and kissed his lips. “Alright you’d better go to Sam. He’ll be waiting for you.”

“Is he... is he good?”

Tony considered the question. “Actually, he is. He’s very good.”

“Did he help you?”

“I don’t know.... I think so, yes.”

“I’m going to try really hard to help myself. I’m going to really try, Tony.”

“I know,” Tony kissed him, once more. “You’ll be fine.”

*

Tony placed the electrodes on his head, pressed the enter button on the laptop and then settled back in the chair, concentrating, sorting through his memories, going further back than he ever had before. Images ran through his mind at juggernaut speed, accompanied with their corresponding convoluted emotions. Tony felt his heart pound, could hear his quick, shallow breaths. Gradually, the images slowed down. Tony was getting closer to the right one, trusting that his subconscious would, indeed, guide his conscious brain to the particular night. He told himself that he didn’t want to actively be a part of this one; he simply wished to step back, to see it from the outside.

Tony opened his eyes and found himself standing in a very crowded nightclub. The kind of place where the talented jazz musicians, keeping a pumping vibe, eventually collapsed from exhaustion, after playing for three days straight and where the champagne started at one hundred dollars a glass. Tony saw himself standing at the bar, surrounded by both men and women, all with drinks in their hands, all laughing, and all looking at him with familiar admiring looks. He looked around twenty-five.

_Damn, I was even more beautiful, back then._

“Alright, alright, just... give me a moment people...”

Tony followed himself as he then stumbled through the crowd, holding onto people for support, as he headed in the direction of the toilet sign.

_Damn, that’s beyond Richard Harris. That’s Ernest Hemingway levels of drunkenness._

The older Tony glanced at the people that Younger Tony was barging through. None of them tried to help the swaying man, who clearly could barely keep himself up. If anything, he heard laughter, snatches of disparaging conversation.

“He’s really drunk this time.”

“Tony the booze hound.”

Younger Tony slammed into the door, and rushed into the cubicle. As he saw his younger self bent over one of the toilets, retching, Tony felt a sudden urge to reassuringly caress himself. No one else was going to. But this young man needed comfort, to be told that he was going to be alright.

He needed someone to place him in a taxi to go home.

_Sam’s right. These people are assholes._

Younger Tony flushed the toilet then shakily stood up, walking over to the sink and washing his face, before gripping the porcelain and looking up, into the mirror. Tony saw the haunted look in his younger self’s eyes and felt his own heart slice open. Why didn’t anyone else see what was obvious to his older self? The fact was, that he was barely holding on, at the time, to the tenuous strings of lucidity.

The door opened and the man walked in. He was shorter than Tony remembered but his arms rippled with muscles that would not have impressed Thor, but were certainly comparable to Steve. Short, military style haircut. Two tattoos on his arms. A snake around a knife, and a half naked woman. Older Tony inwardly groaned.

“Well, well, if it isn’t-?”

Younger Tony suddenly turned from the sink, grabbed the other man by his shoulders and kissed him on the mouth. They drew apart.

“Come home with me,” Younger Tony said.

The man gripped Younger Tony around his waist and Younger Tony placed his arm around his shoulders and they made their way out of the bathroom and through the crowd, with Tony following. Now that Younger Tony was leaving, and it was clear that free alcohol was no longer coming their way, all of Tony’s earlier admirers had conveniently dispersed.

“My car is parked around the corner,” the man said, as they stepped outside the club and into the rather chilly night air.

Silently, they made their way to the car.

As Younger Tony gave directions, Tony recalled the ridiculously vulgar New York apartment that he’d been living in, at that time. One day, in a mad rush of creative fervour, he had painted crude pictures of stars and planets all over his bedroom wall, in various bright colours. Ultimately, they had looked less like the solar system that he’d intended, and more like a unicorn had spewed rainbow vomit all over the plaster. Still, Tony had loved his virulently colourful room, such a contrast to the grey that was his life, at the time.

On the way there, the younger version of him wordlessly cried a little.

The man turned his head and looked at him and then turned back, not saying a word of comfort.

In the elevator, on the way up to the apartment, Younger Tony closed his eyes and rested his head against the back wall. The man took the key from his hand and started literally dragging him, now, out of the elevator and down the hall, opening the door and pulling Younger Tony in.

They reached the psychedelically painted bedroom and Younger Tony instantly crawled on top of the covers, curled into a ball and lay very still. The man shook his shoulder. Younger Tony moaned but didn’t move. The man shook his shoulder harder.

Tony recalled when he had fallen asleep on Bucky and Sam, in the movie. Bucky taking him to bed. Buck snuggling against him. Telling him how warm he always felt.

The man swore, and then opened up one of Tony’s drawers. Tony saw him locate the lube. Tony saw him strip the drunkenly unconscious Younger Tony of his clothes. The man stuck his fingers inside him. Tony knew what was coming next. As much as he wanted to scream at the man to stop, he realised it was futile. The man was going to do what he wanted to. After a bit, the man pulled his fingers out and lubed himself. Tony felt wetness cool his face, as he watched the man thrust into his younger self’s unresisting body. So this was the truth of it. The man had had sex with him, while he was too unconscious to even realise, while crudely drawn Saturn, on the wall opposite, looked on.

“That’s it. Fucking bitch!”

Tony closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see any more. He concentrated, moving the memory on a little, to the morning. The man woke up, went into the ensuite. Tony sat on the bed, from the opposite side,  frowning down at his still sleeping younger self. The man then came back in, rolled Younger Tony onto his stomach, lubed his erection and started thrusting into him again. Younger Tony moaned, then suddenly screamed, thrashing his arms and legs about.

“Stay still! Just stay still” The man placed his hand over Younger Tony’s mouth, grabbed at his struggling arms, attempting to push them back down onto the bed. “You want it, just let it happen. Come on slut, I know you want this.”

Tony felt himself start to shake, as he saw his younger self give in to the terror of what was happening to him, little whimpers of shame escaping his lips with every thrust, his eyes wide and staring; departing from himself, as he had during the gang rape.

Tony opened his eyes and plucked the electrodes off his head, drawing his knees up and placing his arms around them.

So this had happened. Sam was right. Seeing it in all of its brutality brought it painfully to the surface. This man had decided to do this to him. Seeing the younger version of himself, all he had wanted to do was to comfort him, tell him everything was going to be alright, wipe the wounded look from his eyes. Instead, this man had brutalized him. Why? Tony could understand the men in Afghanistan more than this one man. At least, with them, their intentions were clear.

Tony allowed the tears to run down his cheeks.

What had come of his life, that he would honestly believe that he deserved this? What was wrong with him?

Dum E came up to the chair and placed its head against Tony’s leg.

_You know life is pretty messed up, when a robot is giving you comfort, from a freak out, due to past rape trauma._

The door leading into the work-room opened and Bucky suddenly came into his vision, eyes wide and sparkling, lips tilted upwards.

“I thought I’d find you-“ The smile froze on Bucky’s face.

“I’m sorry, I guess this isn’t a good day for me, is it?”

Bucky ran over, grabbed an office chair, positioned it directly in front of Tony, and then sat down into it.

“What happened?”

Tony wanted Bucky to touch him, to physically comfort him. Perhaps, in his clear vulnerable state, Bucky was frightened of triggering him.

“I watched the memory of the one who raped me when I was sleeping,” Tony explained. “I wanted to see exactly what he did to me. There’s no way around it. He did rape me. Twice. The first time I was just so unconscious I didn’t even realise what was happening. I was so damaged back then. It was obvious. I just looked at my younger self and all I wanted to do was give him a massive hug. But this man he just... he just did whatever he wanted. I don’t understand why people wouldn’t look at someone as clearly traumatized as I was and not want to help me?"

“That’s terrible, Tony. People can be such assholes.”

“Now I know the truth. As horrible as it was to re-experience. It was sort of liberating in a way, as well. Seeing it, I realise that I did nothing wrong.”

“Of course you didn’t Tony!”

Tony looked into the always animated blue eyes, and felt something shatter, inside himself.

“Please don’t leave me. People have been abandoning me all my life. Please don’t do it too. I’m sorry if I act like a jerk, sometimes. I’m trying to be better. I really am...”

“Tony...” Bucky suddenly moved from the chair and wrapped his metal arm around him, holding him close to his own warm, strong body. Tony placed his own arms around Bucky’s back, pressing his face against his neck. “You can absolutely tell me that I’m overstepping the line here, particularly considering what Winter...Howard Stark was a fucking asshole. He took the most precious thing in his life, his own son, and made you feel this way. Made you feel unworthy. And then, all of those assholes who just decided to use you. I’m so sorry, Tony, I’m so sorry that my own messed up psyche makes me do stupid things sometimes.”

“So do I, Bucky,” Tony admitted.

“I’m going to try harder, I promise,” Bucky said, stroking his hair. “I’m going to really try and work through my damaged psyche, so I can be there for you. You’re right. You need someone who’s not going to fucking abandon you, when things become too much.”

 “I’m sorry that I’m not... this is just a glitch. Your normally operating Tony will be with you shortly.”

“This is you, Tony. What, you think I don’t know about this vulnerable part of you? You are a good person. And I’m not leaving. I promise. I love you.”

Tony pulled back to look at him. “Tell me you love me again.”

“I love you.... again,” Bucky’s lips upturned in that charming smile of his.

“I’m so glad I decided to take that trip to Wakanda,” Tony said, burying his face in the sweet smelling hair that he had washed, that morning.

 “I’m going to be good for you, Tony, you’ll see. I’m going to make you forget about all of those assholes who hurt you, in the past. Including Winter. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Just be you. That’s all I need.”

Bucky suddenly grabbed his chin and kissed his nose, his cheeks, his forehead, then his chin, finishing on his lips. 

“I feel much better, “ Tony admitted.

“Good. The Bucky doctor is at your disposal.”

“How was the talk with Sam? Will you see him again?”

“Really good! He talked a lot about the way emotions affect behaviour and how thoughts affect emotions. And how I may have a thought that is actually not at all connected to reality. Like when I was scared that you didn’t actually want me to stay here. Anyway, he said it will take some time but we’re going to work on some strategies to help me. So things like visualisations, meditation. I’m going to try some out and see what works.”

_So obvious cognitive behavioural therapy it is, then._

Tony smiled. “That’s great Bucky. I should be getting back into meditation. Maybe we could try it together.”

“I was kind of hoping that might be something we could do together.”

“Sounds good, gorgeous.”

Tony had been inwardly prepared for Bucky to be as troubled as he was, upon leaving the therapy session. Bucky had, as usual, trumped his expectations.

“Actually, when I talked about your programme, that forced me to confront my past memories and literally defeat them, Sam was impressed. He said that was almost like extreme psychotherapy,” Bucky laughed. “He told me that was possibly part of the reason why I’ve coped so well, with everything that’s happened.”

“Hm... well that doesn’t surprise me in the least-“

“Sir, Pepper Potts is currently at your front door,” Friday’s cool calm voice interrupted.

“Pepper? Interesting.”

“If you would like me to tell her to leave-“

“No, that’s alright,” Tony said, standing up.

“Are you sure you’re ok, Tony?”

“I’m fine. I just experienced a long repressed memory, after talking about my rather _whacky_ abusive past. Actually, I could really go for a hamburger, right now. And just have it loaded with pickles.”

“Tony...” Bucky wrapped his arms around him once more. “I can’t just erase all of what happened to you, as much as I’d love to,” Bucky then buried his face in Tony’s hair, before kissing his temple. “I could find a way of getting you a hamburger.”

Tony grabbed the metal arm and lifted it, examining the hand. His creation. Sam had been right. He did love a project. This was, indeed, perfect.

“We’d better find out what the hell Pepper wants.”

Although Tony felt that he already knew.

Both walked together to the elevator and pressed the button, before stepping in.

“Oh and he asked me to keep a journal,” Bucky said, as the elevator started going up. “I started writing one, when I was on the run. Just trying to remember things. But, when I was arrested in Bucharest, they took my backpack off me. I never got it back.”

The elevator pinged open and both stepped out.

 “I’m sorry,” Tony said, as they started walking down the ensuing corridor. “That’s cruel of them.”

“Not as cruel as what Van Zemo made me do.”

“Ah, yes, that absolute nutter. I’ll have to ask Rhodey about the latest, with him.”

They continued through the foyer, to the front door, which Tony then opened, to Pepper, standing on the other side. Upon seeing her, Tony felt the usual warmth encircle his body.

“You always know how to draw the attention right back to yourself, don’t you?” Pepper said, after stepping inside and accepting Tony’s hug.“Hi Bucky, I’m Pepper.”

“Hi, Pepper. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“And me, you,” she smiled. “Anyway, so Tony- what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean what’s wrong?”

“Tony,” she placed a hand on his arm. “I can tell when something is troubling you.”

Tony sighed. “I’m trying therapy again.”

“Well, that’s great-“

“Pepper I was raped. More than once actually. Before I met you,  I took a guy home night and he...and again in Afghanistan. They not only tortured me. I was gang raped that time.”

“Oh Tony...” Pepper suddenly sobbed, tears running down her face. “Somehow, I guess I always knew. You were just so different, when you came back.”

“That’s what Rhodey said.”

“I’m so sorry, Tony,” her voice sounded clearly strained.

“I’ve always been pretty messed up, haven’t I?”

“You have not had an easy life. And you hide all of this pain behind that jerk facade. Even though you drove me crazy at times, I always knew it.”

“I’m sorry, Pepper. I know I was such a jerk, at times.”

“Well, that’s you,” She smiled, wiping her tears away. “So Rhodey knows?”

“I told Rhodey.”

“I’m glad. He’s always been such a good friend to you.”

Seeing Bucky looking very awkward beside him, Tony placed an arm around his waist.

Pepper instantly straightened, into her professional stance, taking a tissue out of her purse and wiping her eyes, before placing it back into her purse.

“I’m actually here because I saw those roof pictures.”

“I honestly didn’t know that the paparazzi was there,” Tony said.

“Well, right now your stock is dwindling. Your investors are wondering if this is some kind of prank. I was actually in Los Angeles. I cut my trip short, to come back here and try and sort this out.”

“What were you doing in LA?”

“Well, let’s just say that Harrison my partner was not exactly happy that I cut our mini-break short. But I thought it was more important to not have this all spontaneously combust.”

“You took a mini-break to LA?” Tony smiled. “Hoping to see the real Harrison Ford? You always had such a thing for him. Hold on, this isn’t the real-?”

Pepper laughed. “ _My_ Harrison is even more handsome.”

“ _Your_ Harrison isn’t Han Solo."

"But then nor is the real Harrison Ford.”

“He flies a helicopter and rescues people.”

“Well, that’s true.”

“Anyway, back to my favourite topic of conversation, that is _me_. Well, me and Bucky. This isn’t a prank. The investors are idiots.”

“Obviously I know that, Tony. But they don’t. I have an idea. Although I know you and Bucky probably won’t like it-“

“Go on,” Tony folded his arms.

“The world knows now that you two are together. There is now so much gossip flying around. You two need to set it straight. I have... an idea. I book an interview with a respected journalist, and you two have a one-on-one.”

“No,” Tony shook his head. “That’s not the way I work. Look, things will settle down. Some celebrity will break up with their partner or a purple giraffe will be born and the world will focus its five second attention span on that.”

“The world has seen the released tapes and documents but they haven’t seen _you_ , Bucky,” Pepper said, obviously trying to appeal to Bucky directly.

“And why should they? Bucky isn’t-“

“She’s right, Tony. People need to see me. People need to understand, from me what happened. I don’t care what they think of me. But I do what they think of _you_. I don’t want your business to potentially suffer. If Pepper here thinks it will help...”

Tony sighed. “Ok, but we do this my way. Pepper, do you mind organising yet another press conference?”

*

“Well, hello everyone... again! You know, there are _other_ things happening in the world, other than what’s happening with me. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m, well, wonderful. But, you know war. Debt. Secret government assassinations. Prejudice. Murder. Violence. I should say there are _nice_ things happening too. I don’t want this to go all Jonestowny in here...”

At this, a few people gasped.

“Great, another headline, right? 'Tony Stark Makes a Politically Incorrect Joke about the Jonestown suicides',” he shrugged. “So...actually, I’m going to come sit down on the edge of this stage again. Just makes me feel more comfortable.”

He walked around and sat at the edge of the stage.

“I guess I’ll start at the beginning. I was called to Wakanda, on the pretext of going to a fundraiser. When I arrived, Steve Rogers was there. I was told the truth. They were trying to de-programme Bucky Barnes. And wanted me to help. Well, initially, I told them exactly what they could do with that idea. Lube optional. But, then I talked to Bucky. And I thought, well maybe it will be a way for me to make up for the whole accords blunder.”

Tony then went on to describe the programme that he had developed, its aim of using Bucky’s memories, to deprogramme him of Winter, followed by the subsequent attempts to deprogramme him, followed finally by the attempt that succeeded. He opted not to include his own memory contributions.

“Bucky told me that the thought of being made to hurt me, in such a way, was what finally broke him of the brainwashing. Later, after he was cured, I found him, using my programme. It turned out that he would revisit my parents’ deaths every night, trying to find away to stop it from happening, to absolve his guilt. After killing my parents, he started to de-evolve, once more, from the brainwashing. So, he was manacled and gang raped. Oddly enough, the trauma did cause him to be more pliable for brainwashing, once more.”

Tony crossed his legs and leant back a little.

“After I cured him, with my genius, yes we started to develop feelings for each other. I was sort of hoping to ease you into this. But the paparazzi shots caused me to bring my explanation forward a little faster.  To be honest, I don’t care for you to know about the relationship, only to know that it is genuine. Anyway, I’m going to bring him out, now. Please just... don’t act like the scurrying monkeys you usually act like, in these situations.”

He stood up, walked across the room and then opened the side door, where Bucky stood, with Pepper, looking incredibly pale and bug eyed. Tony wondered if he’d made a mistake, in bringing him out. He took Bucky to the centre before the podium and the journalists went into a frenzy, shouting out together, the flashing bulbs of the photographers momentarily blinding him. Tony could feel Bucky trembling, beneath the hand on his back.

“Scurrying monkeys!” Tony shouted. “Please shut the hell up!”

Gradually, the noise died down.

“Alright, we’ll allow five questions. So make them good ones. But you all have your debriefs. None about our relationship. Alright, Bucky, do you want to choose?”

Bucky shook his head.

“Ok then, you,” Tony picked the woman who had not co-operated in Tony’s ‘dance monkey dance’ routine, at the last press conference.

“This is for Mr. Barnes. What prompted you to allow the information, concerning your abuse and brainwashing, to be released to the world?”

“I’d been thinking about it for a while, after I was cured of the brainwashing. People need to know the extent of Hydra’s influence and what they’ll do. The only way, to show the world exactly what they’re capable of, was to release everything that they did, including what they did to me. Now people know, how far reaching it all is.”

Tony pointed out Christine Everhart.

“Christine Everhart from Vanity Fair. James, how do you respond to people who say you should have been placed on trial, for the crimes committed, as the Winter Soldier?”

 “Placed on trial-? For being brainwashed? How would any courtroom even begin to-“ Tony began.

“It’s alright, Tony,” Bucky said, placing a light hand on his shoulder, then turned back to Christine.

“That would be an interesting trial, wouldn’t it? The fact is, any government that puts me on trial would do so at a risk of implicating themselves. They don’t want to do this. I wouldn’t have minded, to have a trial. I was brainwashed, when Winter committed those crimes. But technically, it was me, wasn’t it? It was this body. I’m no expert on the law. I was willing to do whatever was lawful. For those people who say I should have been placed on trial, then perhaps they’re right. Winter did do terrible things.”

Tony picked out a man in the front row.

“How do you know definitively that you are ‘cured’?”

“Because this is my body. I know. Also, T’Challa proved it, with all of his testing. I will never go back to Hydra. In fact, I will spend the rest of my life fighting against them. And making up for what I did, while under their command. I know that is no consolation to the families of Winter’s victims...”

The anguished look that crossed Bucky’s face would certainly be the front page photo of the next day’s newspaper. Tony could already visualise the headline ‘Winter Soldier Expresses Remorse for Assassinations.’

_Actually, what am I thinking? The headline will be more likely something like ‘Tony Stark Finds Romance with Parents’ Killer!’_

Tony quickly pointed at a woman on the far left of the front row.

“Details of your sexual assaults are now in the public domain. There are a lot of people, myself included, who say that you are an inspiration, for sexual assault survivors, particularly male sexual assault survivors. Statically, men are far less likely to report rape. What is your response to this?”

“I don’t...” Bucky faltered, his trembling growing worse. Tony placed an arm around his shoulders. The flashing bulbs went off, once more.

“Do you want to-?”

“I don’t want to be some role-model or some poster boy for sexual assault. Yes, I was raped. Repeatedly. And I am still dealing with it. I’m still very much traumatized by it. But I’m lucky that I have such good people around me, to help me through it.”

“Do you mind if I say something, Bucky?” Tony asked.

Bucky nodded.

“Bucky is being humble, here. But the fact is, I know it was very hard what he did. I was there, when he decided to release the information about his own torture and sexual assault. He was clearly traumatised and terrified. But he did it anyway. See, this is the awesome man that I wanted you all to meet.”

“I also wanted to say, that if someone is going through what happened to me. Then they should tell someone. It’s the first step, in going forward. No one should have to deal with this alone.”

Tony glanced at him. That sounded like therapist speak, to him.

_Sam Wilson strikes again!_

“Who was the first person that you told?” The woman asked.

“Hey I didn’t say that you could-“ Tony began.

“Steve Rogers. And he was... he was great... Steve Rogers is a great man.”

Tony deliberately stopped himself from having a few cheeky words, to say about that.

“Ok, final question. You,” Tony pointed at the man who looked like santa, in the very last row.

“So what are you going to do now? Will you be joining the Avengers?”

“I would love to join, if they’ll take me. I don’t know. Maybe, it would be nice to take some cooking classes.”

The room erupted in laughter. Bucky appeared baffled.

“Alright, thank you, everyone,” Tony said. “Ta ta, until the next controversy.”

They quickly walked off the stage, and through the side door, to the back room, where Pepper stood, waiting.

“Are alright? I know that would have been very hard, indeed,” she said, to Bucky.

“It was. But I’m alright,” Bucky said, loudly exhaling.

“So proud of you, gorgeous,” Tony said, kissing him on the side of his jawline. “So proud.”

Tbc...


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is more than unimpressed to find out that technically, Tony was still with him when he got together with Bucky.
> 
> Tony and Bucky have just a nice evening together, for once.

After the press conference, through all of the ensuing texts and phone calls, to first Tony's and then Steve’s mobiles, Bucky only wanted to be with two people; his boyfriend and his best friend. Within twenty minutes of Bucky and Tony arriving back, Steve arrived at the Stark Tower and instantly engulfed Bucky in a back-slapping hug.

“So proud, Buck. So proud.”

“Can we just watch a film or something? I don’t want to think about anything, right now,” a little colour had come back into Bucky’s cheeks but he still appeared rather pale.

“Alright, let me think of a good one...How about Jurassic Park? Have you heard about that?” Tony asked.

Both Bucky and Steve shook their heads.

“Ooh, this will be interesting then,” Tony said.

_We’ll see what Bucky, the great animal lover, thinks of giant dinosaurs ripping people to shreds._

Tony then recalled that Bucky thought that sharks were magnificent.

“Wait, there are just a few things I need to say, first,” Bucky visibly straightened his shoulders.

Tony and Steve exchanged curious glances.

“What’s wrong, Buck?” Steve asked.

 “I just wanted to say thank you. You both took me on, when I was at my lowest. I won’t ever forget it.”

“Well, thank you but there’s really no need to apologize,” Steve said.

“Steve, can you do something for me? Can you tell Tony what you think of him? As in what you _really_ think of him?”

_What is Bucky doing here?_

Steve raised his eyebrows.

“What do you want me to say, Bucky?” Steve turned to face Tony directly, who then inwardly steeled himself.

_Here we go._

“Yes, Tony, at times, I’ve never met a more frustrating person.  But there’s a good heart there, underneath all of that cynicism. You know this. I’ve told you this. I’m sorry if I just act...I know that I’ve hurt you, in the past. I’m trying really hard to make amends,” he glanced at Bucky, and then back again. “You’ve also had such terrible past. I want to help you... truly...”

"I thought you were going to say you think I’m the biggest asshole this side of the galaxy,” Tony admitted.

“No, I’d say Loki holds that title.”

“I don’t think Asgard is technically in this galaxy. So are you saying that I still could be-?” Tony smirked.

“Anyway, what do I think of you? You are unlike anyone that I’ve ever met. And I mean that as a compliment.”

“Steve...” Tony glanced at Bucky. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something I’ve been feeling a little guilty... ok _rather_ guilty about. You see, when me and Bucky first sort of hooked up, you and me... we were still... Well, it was towards the end of the relationship.”

Although he was expecting it, Tony felt his heart start to hammer, at the clear anger, colouring Steve’s face.

“I can’t say I’m surprised. So what exactly did you do?”

“We did...kiss. That was all, Steve, I swear! We felt awful, we didn’t want to hurt you-“

“This is the kind of thing that _you_ would do. But Bucky!” Steve turned to his friend, whose eyes suddenly appeared too big for his face. “There are... no words. Especially after that telling off you gave me yesterday! Were you even planning on telling me?”

“I was... I just... I didn’t want to hurt you,” Bucky averted his eyes to the ground.

“I swear, Steve. I’m telling the truth. It was just... I made some stupid joke. He wanted to give me something of his, from his room and-” Tony floundered.

“Well, yes, I think that’s pretty obvious!”

Tony had never heard Steve be so utterly sarcastic before.

“And I made a stupid joke about him inviting me into the room. Honestly, Steve, until that point, I had not even acknowledged that I had feelings for him.”

“You know what? I actually believe you, Tony. That is very _you_. But Bucky, you weren’t in denial. Look,” Steve shook his head. “I get it. Tony, you’re not just some object to be passed back and forth. And I get that it just wasn’t working out, between us. But what hurts is the fact that you guys went behind my back and then kept this secret, for so long!”

“I wanted to tell you, I swear!” Bucky said.

“Everything that I’ve done for you, Bucky,” Steve said.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be angry with me. Please, Steve. Whatever you want me to do, to make amends. We should have told you sooner. I don’t know why I do this stuff, sometimes! Why I hurt the one person who has always been there for me. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you. But now, I realise that by _not_ telling you, I’ve hurt you more.”

Something changed then, in Steve’s eyes, the anger dissolving into a new cognisance. Tony recalled the letter that Steve had written to him; Steve acknowledging that, in trying to save Tony from hurt, he had actively hurt him more.

“It’s not like we were together for very long, anyway,” all of the anger had thankfully gone from Steve’s voice. “Only a couple of weeks. We only did go on the one date! Honestly, Bucky, there is no need to be so apologetic. It’s fine. It’s just...how about we stop trying to ‘protect’ each other, from the truth?”

Tony read clear relief, in Bucky’s eyes.

“Besides, ultimately, I don’t think I could handle putting up with Tony’s... well, Tonyness. I would kill you eventually, Tony, I swear.”

“So it’s worked out. I’m breathing, and that’s always a favourable outcome.”

*

“It just makes me a bit sad that dinosaurs don’t actually exist,” Bucky said, as the credits started rolling. Tony grinned. Both Bucky and Steve had acted appropriately during the film, oohing and aahing over the dinosaur reveals, and then clapping when the T-Rex appeared, at the end. To Tony, it was a completely new experience, watching what he considered classic films, with people who had never even heard of them before. 

Steve and Bucky had seemed appropriately engrossed, throughout, apart from the time, about half-way through, when Steve’s mobile rang and he stepped out, for fifteen minutes. After he re-entered the room, Tony gave him a lecture about turning off mobiles in movies. Steve was almost as old as Bucky. He really should have known better. 

“So what do we want to watch now?” Bucky asked.

“Actually, Scott Lang...  he ah...he’s still refusing to sign the accords. Matt Murdoch is handling his case. They asked me to come over there to their offices, this afternoon, to help, although I don’t know what I can do...” Judging by the subtle twitching of his fingers, Steve was feeling a little awkward.

“Who’s Scott Lang?” Tony asked.

“The one who grew really big at the airport,” Bucky said.

“Oh him! Why are they asking _you_ to help?”

“I don’t really know. I guess they think, given my public image that if I get involved it will bode well, for the case... but if you want me to stay, Buck, I’ll stay.”

“I liked Scott. He was funny,” Bucky said.

“Yes, he reminds me of someone,” Steve looked to Tony, smirking.

“Help him. I think that’s a good idea,” Bucky said.

Tony and Bucky both walked him out of the cinema room, and down the corridor towards the elevator.

"Steve, are you... is everything really alright? If you're still hurt about... about what happened..." Bucky said. 

_Really, Bucky? You're still thinking about that?_

“I’m alright, honestly. Neither of you _wanted_ to hurt me. Hey, you guys don’t need to worry about me.  I'll be fine. I am a big boy, you know. I’m older than you, Tony.”

After reaching the ground floor, they moved to the front door and Steve bid his goodbye.

"I really believe that everything worked out for the best."

Tony closed and locked the door, and then turned back to Bucky, smothering his mouth in a kiss.

“I have an idea. Now, I’ve never been the best cook. But I’m going to teach you how to make tiramisu.”

Bucky’s entire face lit up.

*

“The best part?” Bucky said. “Licking the bowl.” 

Tony turned, from where he was placing the cake in the fridge, to catch his tongue swiping around the edge of the bowl. Bucky was sitting up on the bench, which was highly unhygenic, but then Bucky could get away with it, by being just so damned adorable, in Tony’s eyes. He gently placed the bowl down, out of Bucky’s hands, and then kissed him, tasting the sweet cake mix on his tongue. Bucky moaned, scooted back and pulled his t-shirt up over his head. Tony followed suit, before leaning forward to claim his mouth, once more, his hands wandering over the curves of his muscular body.

“Take me,” Bucky moaned, as Tony started kissing down his chest. “Right here on this bench.”

Tony responded to Bucky's plead in the most appropriate fashion.

_Well just... damn...and like that. Right to attention._

Alright, if you insist,” Tony then grabbed Bucky’s jeans, and boxers, undoing the fly and pulling them off.

“Those are the new ones, aren’t they?” He said, as he knelt down and started kissing Bucky’s inner left thigh.

“Mm...You like?”

“Honestly? As I said before, I prefer you with them off,” Tony said, and then engulfed Bucky’s steadily growing erection with his mouth, using his lips and tongue, to help it along, encouraged by Bucky’s moans. After being satisfied that he was fully erect and weeping pre-cum, he pulled away, and kissed up his stomach and now heaving chest.

“Lube?” Bucky asked, gasping.

“Dum E!” Tony called out. This time, the robot was quicker than he’d anticipated. He suspected that it was close, perhaps deliberately lingering near Bucky. “Go get the lube from the bedroom. It’s on the drawer by the bed.”

Tony was then more than happy to engage in some tongue tangling for a while, until Dum E came back.

“Good, now scoot,” Tony said. Squeezing the lube onto his fingers, Tony frowned. “I’m starting to think that he has a crush on you. Now, how do you want to do this?”

Bucky studied him a moment, and then lay down and spread his legs, bending them at the knee and lifting them slightly, to expose himself. Tony grabbed his left foot and kissed his ankle. Bucky closed his eyes.

“Alright, we remember our safewords.”

Bucky nodded. As one finger slowly entered him, preparing him, Tony's other hand stroked up his inner thigh, before gently fondling him.

“How about if I just place your legs over my shoulders?”

Bucky nodded again. Tony continued to prepare him, as his other hand grabbed first one of his legs, then the other, before folding them over his shoulders. He then moved forward, until he was bending over the bench, his lips inches from Bucky’s. Wide blue eyes sprung open and stared back at him.

“Hey gorgeous,” Tony said.

Bucky smiled. “Hey.”

“Is this position alright?”

“Hang on a second,” Bucky released his legs and scuttled back a bit. “I think it might be better if you climb onto the bench as well. It’s big enough.”

At that point, Bucky could have asked Tony to put on a clown outfit and Tony would have happily complied.

Tony pulled off his own jeans and boxers, before joining Bucky on the bench,  bending his legs up over his shoulders once more, and then taking the next few minutes to kiss and fondle his lover, as he continued to carefully prepare him.

“I’m ready, now. I’m ready,” Bucky said.

“Alright,” Tony said, pulling out his fingers and then positioning himself, at Bucky’s’ entrance. As he slowly entered, he watched his face, for any signs of discomfort. “Is this good?”

“Mm...” Bucky said. “As always...”

This time, as Tony started moving, Bucky cried out, straight away. Tony instantly stopped moving.

“Keep going, it’s good. It’s so good.”

Concern now replaced with exhilaration,Tony started moving faster, lost in the bliss of the tight heat surrounding him, Bucky’s cries of ecstasy, the angelic face beneath him.

“Damn you’re beautiful,” Tony remarked, at one point, feeling utterly undone by the aesthetics of who he was looking at. Bucky’s blue eyes were focused on him. “So beautiful.” He leant forward, to take Bucky’s mouth in a prolonged kiss. As he then kissed down to Bucky’s neck, he heard Bucky’s cries grow louder, his body bucking up against his own. The feel of Bucky clenching around him, as he reached his peak, was enough to send Tony up and over his own.

He cried out, feeling himself release deep inside his lover, climaxing so hard that it was almost painful.

“Oh that was... that was...” He said, gently pulling out.

“I know,” Bucky laughed. “Thank you, Tony.”

“No, thank you!”

“That was some pounding that you just gave me,” Bucky laughed, moving to sit up. Tony scooted back a bit to allow him.

“Glad I could oblige.”

 “Let’s not get dressed yet. Let’s go to your spa,” Bucky said, a characteristic mischievous expression coming over his handsome face. “Naked spa.”

“I think that’s a great idea. Bucky,” Tony said. “My spa is excruciatingly massive and expensive.”

Bucky laughed. “I would expect no less from you, my gorgeous brown-eyed man.”

“Dum E!”

The robot skittled back into the room.

“Go get our robes off the bed.”

For a moment, it did not move.

“Go on then!”

“Robes?” Bucky asked.

“I don’t exactly enjoy the notion of freezing my butt off, getting to the spa.”

“And what a lovely butt it is,” Bucky smiled, reaching around to stroke said butt.

“So, I take it that you enjoyed the sex?”

Bucky’s smirk and shrug made Tony laugh.

“Well, I’ll just have to try harder next time, won’t I?”

“Tony, I don’t think you could have been much harder,” Bucky tittered and Tony laughed, again feeling the pleasure of being utterly undone by another human being.

*  
Tony languidly placed his arms out of the water, watching, with bemusement, the world’s most lethal ex-assassin giggling in uproarious excitement, at the sight and feel of spa bubbles.

“This is just awesome! So awesome!” His grin was so wide that Tony could see every one of his upper teeth.

“You know, I find it hard to believe that less than six months ago, we were trying to kill each other,” Tony remarked.

“If I had wanted to kill you, you would be dead, Tony. I was trying to get away, and then I was trying to protect Steve,” Bucky said so matter-of-factly, he may have been talking about the fact that he liked toothbrushes.

“You do realize that, when I was fighting Steve, that was me at only half my power? I didn’t actually want to hurt Steve.”

“That’s not exactly how it looked to me. Particularly when you shot your blaster at him. That was what was so crazy, at the time! It really was about you and Steve. I’m glad you guys at least got to get all that damned aggression out in what I presumed was a bout of intense sex, when you got together!”

“Actually, we didn’t... Well not as in technically...”

Judging by his widened eyes, Bucky was surprised by this.

“You actually didn’t?”

“I... couldn’t...”

“I’m sorry, Tony. I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s really none of my business.”

“With the fight... I’ve never lost my temper like that...” Tony inwardly shuddered.

“You’d just heard what actually happened to your parents. Even at the time, I understood why you were angry. I was actually trying to initially get away because I was more scared about what I might do to _you_. I wasn’t going to kill again. But I wasn’t going to let you hurt Steve, either.”

It occurred to Tony that this was the first time that they’d talked, in detail, about the fight.

“I reacted exactly the way that lunatic wanted me to. Steve was trying to talk me down. I just...” Tony shook his head.

“I knew, as soon as the video started playing. I knew what was about to happen. I should have... how could I have even explained...? Even so, I should have tried.”

“It’s in the past now, Bucky. Look, this topic of conversation is getting a bit true confessional. Why don’t we talk about something else? Like the great sex we had on top of the kitchen counter?”

“We’ll have to clean it. It’s currently unhygienic,” Bucky frowned.

“Yes, in a very sexy way. Look, don’t worry about it. I have a special robot for cleaning. I’ll get Maidy onto it... later.”

“I meant what I said at the time. I remembered _all_ of them.”

 “Come here,” Tony said, gently. Bucky did as he bid. “Turn around.”

“What are you-?” Bucky said, turning.

“Just this...” Tony started to roughly knead the flesh on either side of Bucky’s neck. “Tony’s famous neck and shoulder massage.”

“Only one side of my shoulder is metal. I won’t feel it.”

“Mmm...” Tony kissed up his neck, as his hand massaged his shoulder.

_He remembers all of them._

 Even with his genius mind, he couldn’t comprehend being forced to engage in murderous acts, that were against his moral centre. Even with Bucky’s constant attempts to break free of the brainwashing, the fact was that Winter had committed irredeemable deeds.

_Winter, but not Bucky. Bucky is the innocent one. Hydra. It’s all them. And I will make sure that they pay for it._

“I have an idea. How about when we’re finished here, we order pizza, and then we get into bed and put on a Marx Brothers film. You know the Marx Brothers?”

“I love the Marx Brothers! But how did you-?”

_Hm... given that you were a child when they were big in the cinemas? Lucky guess._

“I usually get one of my Iron Men to pick up the pizza, with a camera attached. The pizza guys usually wet themselves with excitement over the thought that Iron Man, himself, is picking up the pizza. Except for this one time. The pizza could not have been delivered by a more unimpressed man. He took the tip and told me to donate more to charity.”

Bucky laughed. “Well, you _should_ donate more towards charity.”

“Great, I’ve shacked up with a commie lefty,” Tony mock rolled his eyes.

“You really do have good massage technique.”

Tony smiled and kissed his neck, once more.

“If you want, we can look on my laptop for cooking courses, in New York.”

“Tony... I don’t think I want to be a cook. I would love to learn how to make stuff, sure! But to do it as a profession...I was sort of thinking...when Steve and me would go around T’Challa’s zoo, he would talk about the study of the animals, that was always occurring there. Not just the panthers. He said they were constantly updating themselves on every aspect of the animals’ physiology, habitat. I remember just thinking what a noble job. Compared to what I used to do. Bringing death and destruction. I remember thinking maybe it would be nice to study animals. Well, that and work with the Avengers.”

“Zoology,” Tony said.

“Exactly. Not humans. I’m not really interested in humans. But animals... yes, I understand where T’Challa was going there.”

Even given Bucky’s violent past, or perhaps because of it, Tony felt that he also understood where _Bucky_ was going there.

*

“Alright...here we go...”

Tony picked up the remote and paused the movie, before grabbing the tiny monitor that sat by the side of the bed. Bucky turned his head, from where it had been lying, on the right side of Tony’s chest, to watch the screen. The vision lurched forward through the foyer, before the red Iron Man hand reached out and opened the front door, to a man in his mid twenties, sporting well manicured facial hair, a pizza deliverer uniform, and a pizza box, in his hand. The young man’s blue eyes widened.

“It’s you, isn’t it? It’s really you! Oh wow! Oh man it’s Tony Stark!”

The red hand reached out, holding a twenty dollar bill.

“I don’t want to sound weird, or nothing,” said the man. “But I may be your greatest fan. I just think you’re just fucking awesome. I dig chicks but if you asked me to, I would totally get down on my knees and suck your dick. That’s how fucking cool you are!”

Stifling laughter, Tony grabbed a headset from on top of the drawer, plugged it into the side of the monitor and spoke.

“Good to know,” Tony said. As he spoke, the sound came out of the Iron Man. The man now truly did look as though he was about to wet himself. Tony briefly moved the Iron Man’s head down to the man’s crotch. Dry, for now. He brought the Iron Man’s head up, once more.

“Oh man, it really _is_ you. I mean no disrespect. I saw the press conference today. Is the Winter Soldier is he in there? Fuck, man, having someone that rad as your boyfriend. I mean an ex KGB assassin. I would totally be the sausage between your rolls.”

Bucky buried his head in Tony’s shoulder, shaking with silent laughter.

“I’ll keep that in mind, in case I ever want an impromptu threesome. Now here’s your twenty.”

The man stared at the twenty for a moment, as though he’d never seen money before, before taking it off Tony, and unzipping the pizza.

“Here you go. Half supreme, half hawaiian.”

The Iron Man took the pizza off him, and then waved.

“Sure ah... sure...”

As the Iron Man then closed the front door, Bucky pulled back from Tony’s shoulder, still smiling and shaking his head.

“I don’t think that man ‘digs chicks’ as much as he says he does,” Tony said. “Sausage between the rolls... how would that even work? I get what the sausage is meant to represent. But he couldn’t have sex with both of us at the same time. Unless he had two...”

“If he tried then I would put him in the hospital,” Bucky said.

“Alright, so you’re not up to a threesome with a random pizza deliverer who arrives at the front door,” Tony paused. “I guess it is a bit of a porn cliché.”

“Tony, I don’t want to have sex with another man. And I really don’t like group sex.”

“Bucky, I’m not advocating... I was just joking around...”

“I know that. I just... I know you’ve done a lot of things in your past...As in consensually...”

_Oh Bucky…_

Tony reached up, to gently run his fingers through his hair.

“That was a very long time ago. I don’t want to be with anyone but you, ok? And you never had ‘group sex’. You were gang raped. There is a massive difference. I would never go back to it. But when it’s consensual sure some of it was incredibly damned hot! Well, as far as I remember, it was twenty years ago, and I was never sober.”

Bucky frowned. “I can’t stand the thought of any other man touching me like... even looking at me like...like they want me. Sometimes, when I was on the run, I’d catch some men looking at me... I didn’t like it.”

“Bucky, I don’t think you quite realise how irritatingly gorgeous that you are. Even an ardently heterosexual guy could conceivably look at you and say ‘yeah, that is one good looking guy. Makes sense he’s with Tony Stark’.  But there’s a difference between looking at you, maybe even thinking ‘I want to be the sausage in his roll’ oh I feel like needing a shower after saying that! And wanting to hurt you. The majority of the men who were looking at you were only doing that. They weren’t going to hurt you.”

“I just want to be with you. And only you.”

“And that makes complete sense. Because, well... hello...”

The bedroom door opened and the Iron Man came into the room and placed the pizza box on the bed, before traipsing out.

“Took him long enough,” Tony said, opening the box.

“When I started to notice, as in really notice you, it was the first time that I'd felt anything for another man since Rumlow. But somehow I knew, even with your reputation of being an asshole, and even after everything that had happened between us, I knew you wouldn’t betray me.”

“Of course not. I may be an asshole but I’m not _that_ much of an asshole.”

*

Half an hour later, with the pizza settling in his stomach, Tony nestled further down on the mattress, feeling rather content and sleepy.

“Tony...”

Despite proclaiming to be a ‘fan’ Bucky clearly wasn’t interested in what was happening on the screen before him. Tony suddenly found himself engulfed by a rather rambunctious ex-Winter Soldier, who locked lips with him, tongue exploring with fierce devotion, as his hands scoured his body. Tony moaned, as he was turned, Bucky’s metal hand grabbing his leg and hooking it over his hip. Well, it appeared Bucky truly _wasn’t_ interested in the film.

Bucky suddenly pulled back a little, perhaps noticing Tony’s slight lack of enthusiasm.

“Damn, Tony, you look exhausted!”

“Well, it has been the craziest day.”

“Do you want to hold off on making love until tomorrow?”

“Damn it! Hm... Let’s see... forgoing an orgasm with the most gorgeous man on the planet?”

_Great, he’s right, isn’t he? I can’t make love because I’m that damned tired! Well, that’s great! Thank you so-called genius mind!_

“That’s ok. We could just cuddle, instead,” Bucky said, turning onto his back and bringing Tony with him. Tony comfortably rested his head on his chest. “Cuddles with Tony. Sounds like a children’s book.”

Tony laughed. “Or a crazy game show.”

“Pizza man would love to take part in that one.”

“I bet he would! I bet he’d be the type to go for the grope.”

“You mean like this?” Bucky reached down to grope his right buttock.

“I bet he’d be the type to go for the hot intercourse on top of my antique chest-of-drawers.”

“Hot Intercourse With Tony On Top of His Antique Chest-of-drawers. Hm... No doesn’t work. Too long. Although I’d be intrigued to know the rules of the game show, for that one.”

“Well, it would be rigged. Only _you_ would ever win. People would soon get bored. I’d make it that the other contestants had to do things like wrestle a shark. And you would just have to jump up and down on the spot ten times.”

“But would you _show_ the hot intercourse?”

“Why give the audience that pleasure? Actually that’s one thing I always forbade. No cameras, or recording devices of any kind. I really don’t like the idea of my ass ending up on the net somewhere. But anyway, yes, we’d go off and have sex... off camera. The antique chest-of-drawers sex would be the prize, you see.”

“Pizza Man would  be auditioning every night, you realise. He’d be practicing his shark wrangling abilities.”

“Well, if he won it would no longer be “Hot Intercourse with Tony” it would be “Tony is Bored while Some Pizza Man Grunts Away on Top of Him.”

“Tony!” Bucky looked appropriately scandalized. “Well, Pizza Guy wouldn’t get near you. Not with multiple fractures all over his body.”

“Poor Pizza Guy. All he wanted to do was be a sausage in my roll.”

“Ah...” Bucky buried his face in Tony’s hair. “I can’t believe he said that! That really was terrible!”

*

Tony opened his eyes and rolled, to an empty bed. Frowning, he shrugged on his robe and stomped to the also empty ensuite. As he completed his usual morning urination, the fractured part of himself started to whisper.

_He’s left. You can’t blame him. He’s finally realised that it’s all too much and taken off while you were sleeping._

Tony flushed the toilet, walked over to the sink and, as he washed his hands, noticed Bucky’s toothbrushes, sitting side by side, on the toothbrush rack.

_Bucky doesn’t care about possessions! He’d just go in the clothes he’s wearing._

With his stomach painfully wringing, and his heart racing, Tony walked back into the bedroom, and over to the chest of drawers, pulling out the bottom drawer, and rifling through the clothes.

The Jaws t-shirt and one pair of jeans were missing.

_Ok, Tony. You do realise that you’ve now officially gone crazy? This is walk down the street in your underwear quacking like a duck behaviour!_

Tony slammed the drawer shut and then crossed back to sit on the edge of the bed.

_Where is he then?_

Tony leant over and grabbed the monitor by the bed, reconfiguring it, to detect heat signatures in the building.

A human shaped heat signature stood in the third room, of the sixth floor.

_See? For a genius, you’re an idiot, Tony._

 In reality, he should have guessed where Bucky would be. They had, after all, made good use of that particular kitchen counter, the day before.

*

Tony stepped out of the elevator, to Michael Buble. Tony wasn’t sure why Michael Buble was currently singing rhapsodic romantic nothings down the corresponding hallway. He was certain that he wouldn’t actually pay for the singer’s vocals. Clearly, Pepper had managed to sneak him into Tony’s house music, as she had also achieved with the Beach Boys and Josh Groban. Tony had managed to wipe the other two off, after she left. He now wondered how other bands and singers she had deliberately besmirched his music collection with.

Still, he thought, as he moved down the corridor to the kitchen, he had to give Bucky credit for managing to figure out his music system. It wasn’t difficult but he was aware that Bucky, being from the 1940s, probably didn’t have much experience with new technology.

_My boyfriend is hella smart._

Tony reached the doorway and looked in. Bucky had his back to him and was standing over the oven, swaying to the peppy music. Tony decided, at that point, to forgive the singer all injury. Dum E sat at Bucky’s side, head angled up to him.

“You know-“ Tony began.

Bucky jumped and swiftly turned around, knife in hand.

“Woh! Easy there tiger!”

Upon seeing Tony, he beamed radiantly, dropping the knife back onto the bench and coming over to him, pulling him into a lingering kiss. Seeing the warmth and love in Bucky’s eyes, Tony decided that he truly was a moron, for even considering that Bucky would leave.

“The whole point of breakfast in bed is that you’re meant to be in bed for it.”

Ah so there it was. Mystery solved.

Tony stepped over to the stereo system and switched the music off.

“As I was saying, we really need to work on your music taste.  That, album, by the way wasn’t mine. Pepper put it on there, I think just to spite me, before she left.”

Bucky came back over to the bench, where Tony suddenly noticed the open recipe book.

“I think he has a great voice. In fact, I had to skip through all of your... music to find _actual_ music.”

“So what you making?” Tony decided to forgive the little dig of his taste in music. He came up behind Bucky and ran his fingers through his still sleep tousled hair.

“I’m trying to make an omelette. I hope it turns out alright,” Bucky frowned down at the odd looking orange concoction, in the frypan.

“You know how I was all tired last night? I’m better now. Should we make love on the dining table?” Tony fingered the lube, in his pocket.

“Alright... after the omelette. I want to know what you think.”

*

“So...” Bucky panted, breath hot against Tony’s neck, as he slowly pulled out of him. “I’d say ‘Hot Intercourse with Tony on the Dining Table’ may be an even better follow up than the last game show idea.”

“I think I’d have to make it a bit harder for you,” Tony said, unhooking his legs, from around Bucky's waist. “Like you'd have to shoot a target from ten metres away, to win the prize, as in me. And hot sex.”

“Did you like my omelette? I know it wasn’t great-“

“For a first go, you're right, it was not great.”

Bucky laughed, and scooted off the table, reaching onto the ground to pick up Tony’s robe and handing it to him, before bending down again to pick up his own jeans, boxers and Jaws t-shirt.

“I always love that you tell the truth, “ Bucky said, as he shrugged his  clothes back on.

Tony placed the robe over himself and then jumped off the dining table, to wrap his arms around Bucky.

“Mmm... cuddles with Tony...” Bucky said, hugging him back, and then looking back at him with his startling blue eyes. “What do you want to do today?”

“What do _you_ want to do?”

“That’s the thing, isn’t it?” Bucky smiled dreamily. “I can do anything that I want, can’t I?”

“Yep, it’s true. You’re free.”

 “Well, I’m happy to stay here, like this for a while,” Bucky said, pulling the shoulder down of Tony’s robe, to add little kisses along his clavicle. “Then I’ll see what Steve’s up to. You can join us or you can work on your iron men. Up to you. Then I want to come home and cuddle in front of the fireplace and maybe look at some zoology or cooking courses. Maybe think of what else I want to do.” He suddenly appeared contemplative. “Tony...do you think one day you could take me out in a _real_ shark cage?”

“Of course, gorgeous.”

“Maybe we could... look at some other nice memories of yours?”

"I think it’s preferable to make nice memories a reality, don’t you?” Tony said, tilting his jaw up, to look into his eyes, once more. “This is day one of the first day of your life. Now I really do sound like a cheesy game show host.”

“Tony, day one was when I realised that I was somehow in a memory of my torture with the Red Skull. And then you came into the memory. And then, even after I destroyed him and came back to reality, you never left.”

“Well, you’re stuck with me now.”

“Good.”

“Big mansion. Countless wealth. Must be terrible.”

“I don’t care about any of that stuff, you know that, Tony. I just want you. I love you.”

Tony kissed his lips.

“I love you too.”

“I meant what I said yesterday. I’m not going to abandon you, Tony. You’re very much stuck with me. You can act as crazy as you want. And fuck those people who abandoned you when you needed help, or raped or abused you. I’m not leaving.”

“Alright, if we're going there. Fuck those who abused and raped and brainwashed you too. I'm not leaving either... well, technically I can’t. It’s my tower. But you get the idea.”

Bucky grinned. “You know we never did have that tiramisu.”

“Ok, so plans for today. Cake. Then you spend some time with Steve. I’ll work here, maybe even see what Bruce is up to. Then cuddling in front of the fire. Working out your future. A mutual warm bath then sex then bed. Ok, I’m rather certain we could fit some more sex in there somewhere.”

“I’d say our day is set, then,” Bucky said, grinning.

Tbc...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to all who are reading.
> 
> The final bits will be from Bucky's pov ;)


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's Diary Entry Number 545

_Bucky Diary Entry Number 545_

_Retrieved memories: Steve used to be allergic to shellfish. If he had shellfish, he’d come out in a rash and vomit._

_On a dare, today Steve ate shellfish. Absolutely nothing happened._

_I used to read a lot of Krazy Kat comics and listen to jazz on the radio because dad was a big fan of jazz._

_New things that I have discovered that I like: shellfish, the smell of vanilla candles, the feel of silk, coconut oil, magic shows, the author Stephen King (Tony says he can’t write but I told him he is the highest paid horror author. Tony says popularity is not a sign of quality. I pointed out that he, as in Tony, is very popular. That stopped that particular line of conversation.) Labrador dogs, white tigers, blue whales, David Attenborough, the director Stephen Spielberg, windmills, fairy floss, the Ferris wheel._

_New things I have discovered that I don’t like: vomit inducing fairground rides, that new concrete structure that's been built on fifth avenue, too busy supermarkets, the smell of lavender, fairground hotdogs._

_Aspects of Tony: Tony has 134 eyelashes on his upper left eyelid and on 131 his upper right eyelid. I counted them last night, when I couldn’t sleep. When he woke up in the morning and I told him, he laughed, and then started talking about his right wonky eyelash problem. I told him I kept losing count so I probably have it wrong, anyway. He seemed to find it all very funny, then said if I couldn’t sleep then to wake him up and he’d give me my ‘Ambien’ again (great sex!). I said I just couldn’t do that to him. He’s been working really hard on that new Iron Man series. Besides, I like watching him sleep. He said if any other person said that to him, he’d find it incredibly disturbing._

_I know I do write about this a lot. But even though I’ve now been living with Tony for over a year, I still find it incredible that I can be in the same bed as another man and not feel scared and in fact feel the opposite. I actually like the lovemaking and the cuddling and everything else that goes with it. (and, speaking of lovemaking, we had an extended session this morning, from the bed, to the shower!)_

_Tony told me he feels like he had a real breakthrough, with Sam the other day, talking about his father. I’m really glad to hear it. He really has come a long way. I’m really proud of him._

_Tony, who can withstand all kinds of physical pain, when fighting, complained for twenty minutes yesterday about a thorn in his finger. Pepper managed to take it out with a pair of tweezers. He also turns into a little kid, when he gets food poisoning._

_Tony took me to the New York State Fair today, with Steve and Bruce. I get the feeling he took me and Steve there in particular because of our backgrounds.This was a welcome change to the hard work of college, which is a welcome change to finding Hydra with the Avengers._ _For the past three months, I’ve been trying hard to balance working with the Avengers and study. Especially as a mature aged student. I think I’m doing ok, so far._

_Steve was incredibly overly sweet and enthusiastic towards me. As in more than usual. I think he’s still feeling guilty about the argument I overheard between him and Tony, the other week. You know the one, diary. The one where Steve was worried about the fact that I cut out that one Hydra guy's tongue. Still diary it was nice that Tony was defending me. I don’t blame Steve. I actually understand where he’s coming from. He truly is coming from a place of worry. But sometimes I wish he would stop acting like a parent. I understand that’s the way he is. I love him, diary but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t annoy me, sometimes. Tony tells me that’s what being a ‘bestie’ is all about. He says he feels the same about Rhodey._

_I feel like I finally no longer blame myself for what they did to me. Now I realise they were in the wrong and I just feel such a rage, towards them. Sometimes, I wish I'd cut out the other Hydra members' tongues. I don’t want to hear what they have to say. They raped and abused me. Sam says what if they truly are repentant? I don’t care. I know Sam said that forgiveness is for me and not them but I can’t forgive them. Not yet. Not at all. Sam says it’s fine. It’s a process. I’m in the ‘anger stage’ and that’s fine. So, when we hunt Hydra, if I find them, then maybe I'll use my knife to cut into their mouth and tear their tongues out. Like I did with that last one, who called me an ‘uppity fuckdoll bitch’, who now thought I was better than the whore they made me into. No, I have have no regrets about cutting his tongue out. I noticed Tony and Natasha didn’t seem to mind, either._

_No, I shouldn't be thinking this way, should I diary? Cutting out tongues isn't going to help me. Besides, diary, that's not the real reason that I was enraged, not entirely. If you'll recall, diary, Tony started giving him a lashing of his wit and the Hydra guy then turned on him and called him an 'uppity bitch faggot'  and that he deserved to also be gang raped by Hydra. So yes, then I decided that I didn't want to hear any more._

_Anyway, I don’t want to write about that. I want to write about the New York State Fair. Tony used his power and influence to book the entire thing out for just us four. He said otherwise people would be staring at us and wanting to bother us. To me, that’s Tony’s super rich I can do what I want attitude coming out._

_We ate fairy floss and I went on a ride called the ‘wheezer’ which made me feel nauseous. I didn’t like it very much. At one point, Steve and I split from the other two and Steve had his fortune read. He’s apparently coming into money, really soon. When Tony found out that Steve had gone to a ‘psychic’, Tony then talked for the next fifteen minutes about what a con artist the woman was and kept insisting to go back to yell at her, for what he saw as fleecing Steve._

_Tony insisted on getting into a different Ferris wheel seat than Steve and Bruce, and then kissed me when the Ferris wheel was at the very top. I could taste the fairy floss that he’d eaten. He told me he was crazy about me. Those were his exact words “I’m crazy about you, Bucky.” Then he said that he loved making his Iron Men and all his projects (of course, I already know this) but the favourite part of his day was when I walked back into the door, from college. Then he just stared at me. This was weird, diary. I just had this feeling that there was something more he wanted to say. He was just looking at me and touching my hair the way he likes to do and sort of smiling. But then he kissed me again and it seemed the moment passed._

_Anyway, we got off after Steve and Bruce and they started asking how the ride was and they were both smiling. At the time I thought it had to do with the kiss, like they knew Tony was going to do it. But now I think something else was happening. Only I have no idea what. Bruce was fine but Steve gave Tony this look, not annoyed or anything like that. I guess more exasperated. But then they seem to clash a lot. So it could have been anything, really._

_When we came home, he raced to the bathroom. He thinks it’s the hotdog that he had. (I’m really glad that none of us other three had hotdogs). Anyway, poor Tony. He’s a lot better now. The cramps have gone down and he’s drank a lot of water but he still looks very pale._

_Tony’s now insisting that I put down this journal. He’s been sitting right next to me on the sofa, with his feet in my lap and reading Stephen King’s ‘Carrie’ for the past hour and keeps saying he still doesn’t know what the big deal is. I’ve been telling him that his snobbery is showing. Yep, Tony’s now pouting._

_Alright, it’s a bit later now. I had to put you down, before. Tony started demanding that I give him a lot of cuddles and kisses. He said he’s sick and he wants a lot of cuddles and kisses. Wow, diary. He was all pouting and being all stroppy and demanding. He’d be annoyed if he ever read that I found it utterly adorable. So, I hugged him and kissed him all over his gorgeous face and asked him if he also wanted a bedtime story. For the first time since I met him, he wasn’t in the mood for jokes. “Don’t laugh at me. I’m sick.” Then he put his head in my lap and lay down and was quiet for a while, then apologized. He said he hated not being at the peak of his physicality because of a hot dog he shouldn’t have had to begin with. As I write this, he’s still lying there. I’ve pulled the blanket over him. He’s had some chills. I just asked him about the Ferris wheel, that I had the feeling there was something he wanted to say to me. What the hell, right? I figured I’d ask. Anyway, he laughed. He just laughed and laughed. Then he said I was very perceptive. But now wasn’t the right time. I asked if he’d give me a hint. _

_Ok diary here it is. He gave me a riddle._

_“My first is what we use to cover the wine stain on the lounge room carpet. My second is what you keep threatening to do to your hair. My third is what I was born with. My whole is one of this great country.”_

_Ok, I admit. I’m now more baffled than ever!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was initially part of 'Epilogue Part 1' but I thought it would be better to add the diary entries as separate 'chapters'. :)


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky, coming back on the train from college, decides to look up Tony's "I am Iron Man" speech on his mobile. Unfortunately, he then starts to read the Youtube comments, underneath...

Bucky pulled his jacket tighter around himself, as the chill, from the wind-tunnel caused by the incoming train, pierced his flesh. Tony always insisted that he rug up more. However, after years of being conditioned to simply put up with extreme temperatures, he guessed it was simply habit, now, to not bother, when it came to his own thermal protection.

A harsh giggle made him jump. He snuck a peak, under his cap, at the girl with the bright pink hair, who shared a class with him, standing a few feet away, with a gaggle of friends. The thought occurred that she was laughing at him. Although, at college, he went by the name of Jimmy Buchanan, and took pains to not draw attention to himself, he was certain that he had been found out. She was laughing at the superslut bloodthirsty assassin.

_“Alright, Bucky.”_

Instantly, Sam’s calm voice entered his mind.

_“Is this thought real? How do you know that she’s laughing at you? Do you have any evidence of that?”_

Of course not. His mind was attempting to deceive him.

The train pulled up onto the platform and he boarded, quickly walking to a seat away from the direction that the pink-haired girl and her friends had been moving. He sat down, pulling the cap further down his forehead. In class, he always sat to the back, always wore long sleeves and gloves to hide his metal hand and arm. Never answered any questions. Didn’t talk to anyone. Went out of his way to be unremarkable, in every area, but for his good grades. Tony had offered to give him a car, to drive to and from college. Bucky had refused. He owed Tony everything. He wasn’t going to add a car to the list. Still, he reflected now, if he had a car, then it would at least eliminate little concerns, such as whether brightly-haired class-mates were secretly taunting him at the train station.

So, he would have to continue to commute by train. This, in turn, caused what he saw as elitist fretting, from Tony.

“Bucky, do you realise how many people get robbed, or attacked, in the underground?”

Bucky had laughed. “Seriously, Tony, do you think anyone will succeed in attacking _me_?”

Tony had admitted that he had a point. But he still didn’t like the idea of anyone even _attempting_ to attack Bucky.

The beep of his mobile signaled a text message coming in. He took the device out of his pocket and typed in the security code before going into his mailbox.

_Well, hello. Speaking of the incredibly handsome devil._

 The text read: Tony’s Afternoon.

A series of photos then appeared.

The first showed Tony standing in his workroom, tapping on a keyboard and looking at a three-dimensional model of one of his Iron Men.

The second showed Tony looking into the fridge, of the main kitchen. Bucky beamed. Dum E was getting better at taking photos. At least this one wasn’t crooked.

The third showed Tony holding the plate containing the chocolate cake that Bucky had secretly made for him, while he slept, that very morning.

The fourth showed Tony with his mouth open and a slice of the chocolate cake positioned close to his lips.

The fifth showed Tony grinning, holding the  plate containing now only half of the chocolate cake.

Bucky laughed and shook his head, then swiftly looked around. Most others in the carriage with him were also on their mobiles, or reading newspapers. He located the camera, on his mobile and took a picture of himself, smiling.

A few seconds later, a photo came up of Tony blowing a kiss, directly at the camera.

Another text came through.

_This tower is suffering from a distinct lack of Bucky._

Bucky typed back.

_On my way. Be home in about 30 xx_

Bucky plugged his headphone chord into the mobile, and then placed the buds into his ears. A few days before, he had realised that, in the time that he had known him, he had never actually looked up Tony’s epic ‘I am Iron Man’ press conference, on YouTube.

Well, he figured, he had a half-an-hour train ride in front of him. Plenty of time to peruse all of the Tony clips.

Bucky managed to locate the footage within seconds which, considering it was one of the most viewed clips in YouTube history, was not difficult. Watching it, Bucky's lips downturned into a frown. Although the clip was full of Tony’s usual bravado and jesting, Bucky couldn’t bring himself to feel the humour. This had been not long after Tony’s gang rape, and Bucky found himself searching for any sign of his trauma, in his eyes. Tony’s public mask was on full display here, making any of his angst difficult to detect.

He scrolled down, smiling at the comments underneath.

_Tony Stark is da man!_

_He’s sooooo hot! I just love him!_

_Friggen legend man!_

Bucky's smile grew wider, as he continued to read more of the same ilk.

_Tony Stark is the epitome of awesomeness. He just doesn’t care what people think about him._

_You go, Tony!_

_I am in love with Tony Stark. I hope he reads this and knows that he is my life._

Then he came to the comment, further down.

_Tony Stark used to be awesome, but then he started taking it up the ass from that traitor Winter Soldier._

With his heart thumping, Bucky continued to read, eyes glued to the screen, unable to tear themselves away.

_Agreed. Tony Stark is a traitor, for being with him._

_The Winter Soldier deserves to be in prison._

_I wouldn’t let my junk anywhere near the Winter Soldier. That faggot would be STD city._

Bucky’s hand, holding the mobile, started to shake.

_Hydra made him into their cum slut._

_I bet his cum hole is still leaking with Hydra’s juice._

_Can’t blame Tony Stark for wanting to fuck that whore’s sweet cum hole._

Bucky switched off his mobile, his breath coming in shallow pants, tears pricking his eyes.

“Are you alright, son?” The rather refined looking elderly man opposite him asked. Bucky shook his head.

The train was pulling up into the next station. Bucky abruptly got up and raced to the door, then jumped off, and stood on the platform, bent over and gasping.

_Alright, breath. Breath._

He stared at the mobile, in his hand, trying to consider what to do, who to call. Sam? He was seeing Sam in a couple of days. Even though Sam had said to call him anytime, he felt a little mortified by his extreme reaction to what he’d read. He’d grown to utterly respect the dignified therapist. Certainly, Sam would not judge him, was always kind and thoughtful towards him. No, no he decided that he couldn’t call Sam. He had to prove that he was, indeed, coping.

He suddenly remembered something that Pepper had once told him, about being harassed, online. He switched the mobile back on, fumbled her number and placed his mobile to his ear. She answered within a couple of rings.

“Bucky! Funny, I was just thinking about you- “

“Pepper, I...” His voice sounded odd, in his ears.

“Bucky, what’s wrong?”

“I... I remember you once told me, that when Tony originally put you in charge of the company, some people wrote some bad things about you, online. Well, I was on YouTube, looking up a video and...”

“What clip was it, Bucky?”

 “It doesn’t matter. They just, in the comments… some of them wrote such terrible things about me and Tony.”

“Bucky, they’re sad, pathetic losers, who have nothing better to do than sit at home, trying to infect others with their pathetic lives. If they’re really getting to you, you can block them, or report them. Or, tell me who they are. I’ll make sure that YouTube deletes them.”

“You can do that?” Bucky asked.

“Of course.”

“But they’ll probably just come on, with another username.”

“The cardinal rule with trolls, Bucky, is to ignore them. And don’t read the YouTube comments, alright?”

“They’ve said stuff about you, haven’t they?”

“Me. Tony. All of the Avengers.”

“Steve?”

“Of course!”

Bucky wasn’t comforted by the fact that all of his friends had been targeted.

“But we’re trying to help people!”

“And most people appreciate that! Honestly, Bucky, they’re not worth it. Ignore it, alright? They’re just assholes with nothing better to do. Now, you’re on your way home, right? Go home, grab a glass of wine and just relax.”

“Alright, I’m sorry that I called. You’re probably busy- “

“No problem at all. Call anytime, alright? Just forget those assholes, alright?”

“Alright. Goodbye.”

A train was now pulling onto the platform. Bucky jumped inside and dialled Steve’s number. As a part of his second job as a UN natural disaster envoy, the supersoldier was currently in Germany, hammering out a plan for a taskforce providing food and aid, for the embattled people of Japan, following a recent devastating tsunami. It would be midnight in Berlin. Steve was coming back the next day. Even so, Bucky needed to talk to him. This time, the mobile rang out longer.

Actually, wouldn’t he be at the airport? Maybe he was already on the plane back.

“Bucky! How’s study going?”

Steve had only been gone for two weeks; even so, Bucky felt comforted by the sound of his voice. He suddenly realised that he didn’t want to talk about the trolls, didn’t wish to burden Steve with such a ridiculous problem.

“I get the results of that major assignment today. Actually, it should be in now.”

“You’ll kill it, Buck, don’t worry about that.”

“How did you go?”

Steve sighed. “Slow. Frustrating. To be honest, I’d rather be going back to finding Hydra goons. I’m at the airport now. Plane departs in twenty.”

The Avengers’ collective hunting of Hydra members had stalled, for a month, when the tsunami took preference.

“We’ll get back to it soon enough. You’re doing an amazing job there, Steve.”

“I’m going to see you really soon. Don’t take too much trouble from Tony, alright?”

Bucky smiled. “Never.”

*

“Hey, no no no no. My boyfriend. Mine!”

Dum E rushed up to Bucky, as he entered the work-room, with Tony following not far behind, a wide grin on his face. Seeing his boyfriend’s handsome, warm composure, Bucky felt all of the anxiety, that he had been holding in, on the way home, break free, in a sudden rush of tears. Tony’s face instantly fell.

_Well, this is embarrassing._

“What’s wrong? Bucky what happened?”

“It’s... so stupid.”

Dum E came up and place its head against Bucky’s thigh.

“Out the way,” Tony grumbled. The robot moved out of the way and Tony grabbed Bucky into a satisfying embrace.

“It was just...just some stupid stuff some people wrote on the YouTube about me.” He decided to leave out the fact that some of them had insulted Tony, as well.

He felt Tony freeze. “What video?”

“No, I’m not telling you. Because I know what you’ll do. You’ll want to get revenge on them.”

“I’m sure an Iron Man knocking down their bedroom wall and picking them up by their throat would- “

“Tony, no! I spoke to Pepper. She told me that they are a bunch of pathetic losers, trying to infect others with their pathetic lives.”

“Smart woman, that one. And absolutely true.”

Bucky looked into Tony’s gentle brown eyes and felt the little crack of vulnerability start to heal itself.

“Assholes.”

“Exactly. Living shit sphincters.”

Bucky laughed. Tony grinned back at him, adoration clear on his face. Bucky always liked it when Tony looked at him that way.

“I can drag myself away from my work, for the day. Come on, you feel cold,” he said, rubbing his arms. “How about we have some wine in front of the fireplace?”

*

Bucky rested the back of his head on Tony’s chest, feeling Tony’s legs fit snugly around his hips.

“Alright, so tell me all about college today?”

“Well we... oh I forgot! The results of my first assignment should be in, by now!” Bucky took out the mobile from his jacket pocket and clicked into the college website, typing in his username and password and then clicking into the specific zoology unit. For a moment, he simply stared at his result.

“Eighty-eight percent.”

“Woo hoo!” Tony shouted. “Of course. High distinction. Could there be more than one genius, in the tower?”

“I doubt it. Remember, I had to study really hard to get this.”

Bucky vividly remembered Tony studying zoology for one night, in order to be an expert at it, so that he could ‘help’ him with his studies.

Sometimes, it was not fun, having a genius for a boyfriend.

“I think, you should get a reward, don’t you,” Tony said, kissing Bucky along his shoulders, before lifting his arms, pulling his t-shirt off and then handing him the tube of lube.

Even though they had made love countless times, Bucky still could not get over the shock that this was Tony Stark that he was with. He had kissed Tony’s thighs, his arms, his chest. He had rained kisses down his back, devoured almost every part of his body. Even now, they were careful with each other, mindful of each other’s traumatic pasts. Rather than focus on what Tony didn’t like to do, Bucky always liked to focus on what he did like. Tony liked kissing on the mouth. Tony liked to be facing him. Tony liked to touch his face and hair. When, after taking the time to prepare him, Bucky entered him and Tony gave a perfect little shudder. Every so often, Tony moaned, or sighed, or spoke.

“Yes, Bucky...”

Tony was perfect and strong and everything that Bucky could possibly want. Both moved in unison together, Tony’s legs wrapped around his waist, looking into his eyes and smiling. Bucky found himself falling into the dark orbs, his body also falling away from him, as the pleasure crested through him. Tony closed his eyes and moaned, throbbing around Bucky’s erection.

Both then lay, perfectly still, Bucky collapsed against him. Almost as much as the sex itself, Bucky always loved this moment directly afterwards, feeling Tony’s still hammering heart, the feeling of absolute languid contentment and bliss.

“Alright,” Bucky said, slowly pulling out of him. “I’d better study.”

“I’m just some hot lover to you, aren’t I?” Tony mock scowled.

“Exactly.”

“What do you need to study? Another assignment? Let me help you.”

“You mean let you _cheat_ for me? I want to do this by myself.”

“Alright...” Tony kissed his neck. “How about I make us some far less tasty dinner, than it would be if you cooked? Well, actually, you know I’ll mainly get my robots to do it.”

“I’m sure it will be... er.... delightful.”

*

_Cold. Winter’s muscles strained, from being forced to hold the same position, on all fours, for a long time. The one grunting before him had forced himself into Winter’s throat. Winter felt tears running down his face, as he relaxed his gag reflex, knowing that, despite the burning feeling, as he lungs battled for air, with concentration, he could last at least two minutes without oxygen, before passing out. Sharp pain rippled behind him, as another was forcing his way inside Winter’s body. Winter hoped they wouldn’t tear him this time. When he had to be operated on, his superiors did not like it._

_“That’s it fuck you, fuck you you got damned cum slut!”_

_Winter felt the tang of the man’s release hit his throat and swallowed. The man pulled out, laughing._

_“Yeah, he loves it.”_

_Winter wanted to be good for them, to be a good soldier. He didn’t love it. He wanted them to leave him, to not touch him. Every time, one laid a hand on him, he wanted to lash out and break every single one of the twenty-seven bones. But he had to obey. Another one come in front of him, unceremoniously shoving himself into his mouth, as the one behind him screamed his completion, only to be replaced by another, roughly gaining entrance._

_He had to obey, he had no choice. No choice._

Bucky cried out, jolting himself awake. He wiped his eyes, unsurprised to find tears, on his cheeks. Nightmare. He had not had one for a few months, now. He supposed the YouTube comments had brought it back. His mind quickly went to what Sam had told him, to concentrate on his breathing.

 In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Nothing but the breathing.

In out.

Gradually, he felt his breath start to return to a nomal rate, his trembling start to dissipate. He turned to the man beside him. Tony lay, curled up on his side, facing him, his face serene with sleep. For a moment, Bucky simply watched him, contemplating whether to disturb the angelic countenance.

“Tony...” He gently shook his shoulder.

Tony opened his eyes. “Bad dream, gorgeous?”

Bucky nodded, then scooted forwards, into Tony’s welcome embrace.

“I was Winter again. They were raping me and I had to obey. I didn’t want to. I had no choice,” he still felt strangely numb and cold.

“That’s all over now. You have every choice, now, to do whatever you want,” Tony said, gently stroking his hair and down his naked back.

“Do you think the nightmares will ever stop?”

“Well, I get nightmares too, sometimes. You know that. And, every so often I also get triggered. But it’s happening less and less. Same with you, Bucky. This is the first nightmare that you’ve had in months.”

“It’s those assholes on YouTube.”

“Hm...” He could see Tony’s brain working. Tony was planning something. Bucky felt too tired to figure out what.

“Honestly, what they wrote was so horrible, Tony.”

“Alright, how about if I replace those horrible words with nice words. My Bucky...” Tony lifted his flesh hand from around his back and kissed it. “My Bucky is sweet.” He kissed his wrist. “My Bucky is loveable.” He kissed his inner arm. “My Bucky is smart. My Bucky loves me. Which means he had impeccably amazing taste.”

“I do...” Bucky took his mouth in a long kiss.

“Better?”

“Better.”

Bucky snuggled up against him, allowing Tony’s warmth and gentle breaths to drift him off back to sleep again.

*

As soon as they both awoke, Tony started intimating sex, with his passionate, frantic tongue in Bucky’s mouth and his exploring hands. Bucky was more than happy to oblige, responding with his own kisses and touching of Tony’s body. As Tony started kissing down his abdomen, Bucky thought of how strange it felt, even now, to be touched in such an intimate, loving way. Tony reached his erection and placed his mouth over it, eagerly sucking and licking. He seemed to actively like doing it. Bucky couldn’t understand it. Winter had always hated taking the men into his mouth. Somehow, it felt even more intimate than when they raped him the other way. He handed Tony the lube and Tony tenderly started to prepare him. Bucky recalled the first few times that he allowed Tony inside him. He had been utterly convinced that it would hurt and that he would derive no pleasure from it, whatsoever. However, he had wanted to please Tony so much that he was willing to sacrifice his comfort for him.

Tony proved him wrong. And then continued to prove him wrong. It amazed him, even now, as he started to feel the usual titillation bloom throughout himself, that he could feel this way, that he could derive such gratification, from the intimacy. Tony had even proven him wrong, just the night before, when they had indulged in what Tony called ‘Bucky’s Ambien’, or the usual prolonged lovemaking to send him to sleep. Tony had allowed him to enter his body, for the second time, that day, initially while he was on his hands and knees. After a less than a minute, however, he quickly decided that he didn’t like that position and instead, climbed on top of Bucky and rode him. Bucky had very much preferred that position, also.

Tony suddenly moved away from his erection, and started to kiss up his body, once more, reaching his face and smiling down at him, stroking a hand down his cheek.

“I know what day it is.”

“Really?”

“March 10th. You’re officially... 100 years old today! Wow! Hot grandad. The ultimate GILF.”

“GILF?”

“It’s a bit...crude. Let’s just say I want to give you part of your birthday present, right now,” Tony then started kissing his neck, as his fingers continued to stretch him.

Bucky remembered a voice. Winter was on his knees, in the centre of a damp, cold room.

_“It’s a celebration. The asset is fifty years old today. He deserves a party. Make sure he has a good time, boys.”_

_No. No no no._

Bucky sat up and grabbed Tony’s hair, pulling him up with him, to kiss him with such passion, that their tongues clashed, their teeth clanging together. He wasn’t going to let them spoil what was happening. He was with Tony, the one who had never hurt him, who always guaranteed him such pleasure. Whether he was the one ‘topping’ as Tony put it, or Tony ‘topped’ him, either held its own delights. Bucky actively loved the fact that they consistently switched. There was no active rule, as to what they would do together.

“I want you, now,” Bucky said, looking into his eyes.

Tony removed his fingers and positioned himself. As Bucky slid down, feeling himself be filled by his lover, he moaned. No, it never hurt. Always felt so good. As he started slowly moving up and down, Tony moved with him. Bucky wrapped his arms around Tony’s back, hearing Tony’s moans, feeling his hardness move inside him.

Besides, he realised, that day wasn’t his true birthday, anyway. That day had marked fifty years since he had been created into their monster. Only he was their monster no longer. He was now his own construct, helped by Tony, and Steve. The others. But mainly himself.

Tony ran a gentle hand down his face and then moved his head forward for a kiss, once more.  Bucky moaned, feeing the pleasure build. A large part of the desire came from the fact that he was so utterly enthralled by Tony’s smaller yet muscular body, by his classically handsome face and large brown eyes. There was also the fact that Tony seemed equally as enthralled by him. Plus, he felt utterly in control He knew that if he said the safeword, Tony would instantly stop. He supposed it came down to trust. It still felt a little odd for him. But there were only two people that he entirely trusted;Tony and Steve.

Tony started groaning and Bucky knew that he was close. He pressed their bodies closer together, wrapping his arms tight around Tony’s back, as he became utterly overcome, crying out as the ecstasy hit and feeling Tony’s own shout of passion, as his warmth filled him.

Tony kissed him, long and lingering, on the mouth, as he slid out. Bucky instantly felt the loss.

“Happy Birthday gorgeous. I actually have another present for you.” Tony suddenly stood up and opened the wardrobe, rummaging around the shelf above the row of hanging clothes. Bucky’s eyes lingered on his ass. Tony turned around, holding a small box, the size of a cigarette packet, in his hand. He noticed where Bucky’s attention was and laughed.

“I know. I know I have a perfect pert ass.”

“You have a perfect pert everything.”

Tony sat down opposite Bucky on the bed and handed him the box.

“Not quite as amazing as great sex but…” Tony shrugged.

Bucky shook the box. Something rattled inside. When was the last time that anyone had ever actually given him a present? As in something in a box with a bow and wrapping paper? His hands now shaking with anticipation, he tore off the wrapping paper and string and then opened the box.

Inside were a pair of clear car keys.

“I know that the only way I would get you to stop taking the train is to just give you a car as a gift. Now you have no choice but to use it. And don’t worry. It’s not expensive. And it’s a hybrid. Because I know that’s important to liberal-lefty-commies like you and Steve.”

Bucky looked at the key, examining the brand. “Audi.”

“It’s an Audi R8 V10 Bitturbo.”

Bucky just looked at him blankly. He did not understand the language of luxury cars.

“Anyway, like I said it wasn’t expensive. I only brought it for $350,000.”

_Of course. Only about as expensive as a house._

As much as Bucky was happy to receive a gift from Tony, he was rather sure that arriving at college in a $350,000 luxury car would draw unwanted attention to him. He appreciated that Tony was trying to help him. It was more that, as usual, Tony’s rich privilege had led him to be oblivious of what was pretty obvious, to Bucky.

“What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy?”

_Tony has just given you a car. Remember? The man who you love?_

“No one has ever given me a gift, before. Well, not for a long time, anyway. Thank you so much.”

Tony leant forward and kissed him on his lips. “More than welcome, gorgeous.”

Bucky wasn’t sure how to tell Tony that he wasn’t comfortable driving such an expensive car to his college, particularly as Tony was looking at him with such unadulterated affection.

“You know, I look at you, in all your gorgeousness and perfection, particularly in loving me, and I think I really want to piss off those internet commenters even more.”

“Oh yes,” Bucky said, reaching a hand up to run through his hair. “And how would you do that?”

“You know, things have really changed, from your time. Especially for people like you and me. Well, there are always going to be homophobic or biphobic morons, who can’t handle the thought of people with the same genitalia swapping spit. But I really think that things are improving.”

“Now who’s sounding like the liberal-leftie-commie? Besides, if they’re like that, then us being together would already be enough to piss them off.”

“Oh I can think of at least one thing we could do, to piss them off very righteously.”

“Tony, I’m not going out and having sex in front of them. I know _that_ would piss them off… maybe even turn them on…”

Tony laughed. “Damn it, I just…. You love me, right?”

“More than ever.”

Bucky felt the bliss of Tony’s corresponding delighted smile sweep through his body. For a moment, Tony gave him that ‘look’ again, that he had given him on the rollercoaster. A whole bunch of neurons were clearly firing in that brilliant mind of his.

“Me too, Bucky, me too. You know I’ve only ever had two long term relationships. You and Pepper. And, it’s going pretty well, wouldn’t you say?” He said in his customary somewhat flippant tone.

“Yeah, pretty well,” Bucky said. “I mean it’s… you know,” he shrugged. “It’s pretty alright to wake up every morning to the man who I just utterly love and adore lying right next to me.”

“Mmm…” Tony cupped his jaw and kissed him once more. He was acting a little odd today, even for him. “So, you’re in it for the long run? Grey hair and matching golfing trousers, and vests and all that? Actually, if we ever get to _that_ stage, please just kill me. You’re a good shot-“

“Tony, why would you even ask that? I already told you that I’m here for as long as you’ll have me.”

Tony nodded, clearly satisfied with Bucky’s answer.

“Is this to do with the riddle that you-?”

 “What do you want to do today? The day is all yours. But we have to be back by seven for your surprise party.”

Tony had been talking about the ‘surprise party’ for a few days. He wasn’t sure what to make of it. Clearly, it was some kind of joke that he wasn’t understanding. Bucky had dealt by just ignoring him.

“Let’s have a shower together, then I’ll decide.”

“Excellent idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next will be another of Bucky's diary entries :)


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's diary entry number 568

_Bucky diary entry 568_

_Retrieved memories: The night before I was shipped out to war, Steve and I went to a carnival show, where Tony’s father was on stage, talking about his latest crazy invention- a flying car! Of course, it didn’t work out (Just like it didn’t work out with either of the two girls I had with me that night). Ha! How strange, now I think about it. Considering the issues that he has with his old man, I’ve decided not to tell Tony about that one._

_New things that I have discovered that I like: scarves, the sound of a bell ringing, fluorescent caves, rainforests, the ecosystem as a whole, The Simpsons, lighthouses, firemen and women (Pepper told me I’m no alone with that one), oh yes and women’s rights, gay rights and civil rights. Steve said it’s odd that we’ve only just learnt about these. I guess, when we were growing up, we didn’t even think about these things. I don’t think we were openly mean to women or black people. But we also didn’t realise how much society treated them as unequal. I asked Tony about it a couple of days ago. He said it wasn’t anything he ever thought about, either. We just take our lives for granted, in that way._

_I guess I’m truly starting to understand, now. Some people just aren’t treated as well as I am. That is really not fair. When I told Tony, he just smiled and said he liked having a boyfriend who was socially aware, because it evened out his complete narcissism. He also said that talking about ‘privilege’ in society was a very ‘college’ thing to do, so he saw it as a sign that I really was integrating well._

_New things that I have discovered that I don’t like: ‘trolls’ on the internet. I know I should have just ignored them. But what they wrote really affected me. It was really disgusting. It’s frustrating because I would love to go to every one of them individually and kick their asses. But I know that would be morally wrong._

_Aspects of Tony: Tony will most probably find a way to kick their collective asses. I’m writing this, while he shaves. He’s humming right now. I wouldn’t have a clue as to the tune._

_I know it’s ridiculous but I’ve been thinking about the YouTube trolls and I have an overwhelming urge to google my own name. I’m of course terrified of what I’ll find but a part of me thinks that maybe it would be beneficial to know. Of course, Tony, Steve and Pepper would all say it’s a bad idea and they’d be right._

_No, no I have to do it. Here goes._

_Admittedly, I didn’t get past the first few news items, which were the first things that came up. So, remember, diary, when Tony and I went to the planetarium, a few nights back? Well, it turns out that a paparazzo was clearly hiding and waiting to take photos of us, because they turned up online. Again. I’m not even angry about this. I get it. We’re both two of possibly the most famous people in the world. But still, the extent that these people will go to, to get their scoop is unbelievable._

_The article wasn’t too bad, I guess. It was all about our ‘Romantic Night Out’. That was literally the heading: "Tony Stark and James 'Bucky' Barnes Enjoy Romantic Night Out". They even interviewed the planetarium manager! She talked about how we booked the venue to ourselves because we wanted ‘private time’. Oh and apparently I’m “rather shy” and Tony’s “charming”. It’s rather hard to get two words in, with Tony there. I usually just let him talk. Anyway, the photos were of us leaving the planetarium. Although I admit that they’re quite cute. Tony would get quite the kick out of them. In one, I’m laughing and he’s smiling at me. Also, sigh sigh sigh. They even photographed us kissing, at the car._

_I’m glad that’s the end of it. After all, if you’ll recall diary we then drove the car to a secluded spot, climbed into the back seat and had pretty intense lovemaking right then and there. I’m not sure what it is about watching stars that got us all worked up. Anyway, I don't even want to think about the concept of photos of our lovemaking ending up on the internet. I think I would then make the case for finding the one who put them on there and giving them some 're-education' on the concept of 'privacy'._

_Oh and there was an article examining our ‘body language’. Apparently, the photos were doctored and it’s all a government conspiracy. As in our entire relationship is a conspiracy. But then, according to this nutty website, the Avengers are secretly Hydra members. I should show it to Tony. He’d just love it._

_I’ve decided what I want to do for my birthday. For once, I’m going to take advantage of having a billionaire partner. Just this once. Just today because it’s my birthday._

Tbc...

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is granted his birthday wish. Tony also has a few more rather big surprises lined up for him :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to all who are reading/kudos'ing/commenting. :)  
> Have fixed up some minor mistakes. Well one was quite major. For some reason, Nick Frost (rather than Nick Fury) of 'The Cornetto Trilogy' was at Bucky's party ha ha. I guess that's what happens when I post at 1.30am and am sick with the flu ;)

Bucky leant over the bed and shoved his diary into the right-hand bedside drawer, before standing up and stretching, feeling his muscles pleasantly sigh. In the ensuite, a few metres to his right, Tony had stopped whistling and was now humming an unfamiliar tune. Beaming, Bucky stepped through the door. Tony currently stood in front of the mirror, running his razor along his neck.

“Let me guess, was that Black Sabbath you were whistling?"

"Led Zeppelin," Tony said.

"So many bands, trying to outdo each other, to come up with an interesting sounding name. Black Sabbath. Led Zeppelin. If I had a band, I would just call it ‘The Band’. See? Simple," Bucky said.

“So your first song would just be called ‘A Song’?” Tony said, stepping aside to allow Bucky to stand beside him.

“No, no no. ‘The First Song’,” Bucky, said, taking a moment to decide what toothbrush he was going to use, as Tony tittered laughter. Tony had designed, and built, specific holders for all sixteen, that ran along the wall, under the bathroom cabinet. Most were from the various places he’d traveled to, with Tony, when they had some time to themselves. Bucky would always insist that they go to the more obscure places, which often clashed with Tony’s more refined sensibilities. Oftentimes, a compromise would be made. They could go to these remote areas, as long as they could find a five-star hotel, or didn’t stay overnight.

A few of the others, he had found, in their various Avenger missions, to find Hydra agents. Bucky decided on the blue one with the hand painted red dots today. He squirted toothpaste onto the bristles, and started brushing.

“I actually like ‘The First Album’ as the name of a first album. Sounds kind of classy,” Tony tapped his razer on the sink, to remove the excess shaving cream and then threw it into the rubbish bin, before picking up his aftershave and applying liberal amounts to himself. Bucky finished brushing and spat into the sink, before filling a glass with water, swishing, and spitting out. Tony suddenly turned to him and lightly slapped a hand of aftershave onto his cheek.

“Now you smell like Clive Christian too.”

“Thanks!” Bucky said, making clear his sarcasm. “Just what I always wanted. To smell like the barbershop from my youth.”

_Note to self. Interesting returned memory to put in my diary._

“Interesting…” Tony said, holding the bottle up and studying the label. “Barbershop musk, huh?”

 “I just preferred the other one. That smelt really good on you,” Bucky pouted.

“Alright.” The bottle suddenly flew into the bin, under the sink. “Time to get the other one back again.”

Bucky bent down and fished the bottle out of the bin.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s still three-quarters full! Over two-thousand dollars and you’re just going to throw it out? If you don’t want it then give it to someone else. Otherwise it’s wasted.”

Tony placed an arm around his waist, kissing his ear. “Bucky the environmentalist. I love it. Alright, we’ll see who else wants ‘Barbershop Aftershave’.”

_That reminds me._

 “I’ve decided on what I want to do for my birthday. It might sound a bit strange. Do you think we could go whale watching?”

The corners of Tony’s lips uptilted. “Research for your course? Alright, how about I do some research, find the best place to go, this time of year?”

“I was hoping to invite Steve... maybe Bruce?” Bucky ventured.

“You invite whoever you want. It’s your birthday.”

*

Tony was true to his word. Here was where being the boyfriend of a billionaire had its perks, even if Bucky was disgruntled to admit it. Tony secured a very fast jet, to get them to Antarctica within a fraction of the time that it would take to fly, by more traditional means. He then secured a luxurious ‘whale watching’ boat, demanding to commandeer it himself and offered a substantial amount of money to the proprietor, to rent, for the day.

All four men were currently standing on said boat, docked in the dark blue waters, merely a few hundred metres from the almost blindingly white craggy iceshelf, that stood at one hundred metres tall and stretched out along the horizon as far as could be seen. Bucky and a now very ‘barbershop of their youth’ smelling Steve were at the helm of the ship, looking out at the spectacular ice formation, with Tony and Bruce behind them, engaged in their own conversation. Bucky could hear Bruce’s dim laughter.

“Of course, it goes hand in hand with climate change, doesn’t it? We seem to exclude humans from the very ecosystems that we’re talking about. Like we can somehow study the ecosystems of animals and not have _us_ be part of it. But it doesn’t work that way,” Bucky said. He suddenly realised that Steve was giving him a look that he couldn’t interpret. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing. I was just thinking; I was just thinking how far you’ve come. I love it that you’ve found something that you’re passionate about.”

“To be honest, I’m thinking of specialising in ethology. I’m really interested in animal behavior. T’Challa has been telling me about the behaviour of his panthers. It’s all very fascinating. We’ve been skyping,” he quickly answered Steve’s puzzled look.

“Of course you have.”

Bucky saw a slight undulation in the blue darkness just thirty metres or so before them.

“Hey, did you see-?”

 Suddenly, a large blue mass broke the calm surface of the inky blue water, before landing down with a loud smack, that rippled froth in all directions.

“There’s one! There’s one!” Bucky shouted, slapping his hands, together and laughing, as a perfectly forked tail then rose out of the water.

_Now that’s beauty. Right there._

Bucky felt unexpected tears sting his eyes.

No, no he didn’t want this to happen. This was ridiculous.

_Pull yourself together, Buck._

“Wow! That is something!” Steve murmured, beside him.

He felt warmth against this back, and an arm go around his chest, followed by a glass of champagne being shoved into his metallic hand. Bucky, at that point, was not in the least interested in the alcohol.

A second tail came out of the water and Bucky could not help his shriek of joy. The others were probably a little concerned about his overly-enthusiastic behaviour but, at that point, he couldn’t help himself.

 It was in that moment, that he realised he truly was on the right path, in life, when it came to his zoology studies.

 “Bucky, your cuteness right now, is _killing_ me,” Tony said.

“Humpback,” Bruce appeared alongside him.

“It’s just so majestic,” Bucky said.

“Just magnificent,” Steve agreed, as another whale breeched itself, in the water.

“ _You’re_ magnificent,” Bucky heard, in his ear, followed by warm lips on his neck. Clearly, Tony wasn’t paying the least bit of attention, to the whales. Bucky was a little flabbergasted that Tony wasn’t as astonished by the display, as the rest of them clearly were.

Another tail just peaked out of the water and Bucky laughed, once more.

“So how often have you gone whale watching?” Bruce asked Tony, who finally tore himself from Bucky’s neck, to answer.

“My entire life? Maybe half a dozen times.”

“Yep, that figures,” Steve rolled his eyes.

*

The four of them had just stepped into the front door, when a bunch of voices cried out; as loud and confronting as a canon, going off next to one’s ear.

“Surprise!”

Bucky jumped, and then looked around himself, his heart still racing, gaping at the bunch of people currently standing in Tony’s living room. All of the Avengers who had been involved in both sides of the ‘civil war’ stood before him, as well as Matt Murdock and his partner Foggy, Maria Hill, Nick Fury, Bruce and Pepper. T’Challa had even made an appearance, as well as Thor, who he had only met on and off, over the past year, and had only conversed with briefly. Bucky was aware that Tony knew perhaps hundreds of people, who he could have invited. For his sake, he realised, he had decided to keep the gathering small. Looking at the smiling Pepper, he suddenly realised that it was more likely that Pepper had been the one to organise the guest list, keeping in mind Tony’s extravagant tastes.

“When you said ‘surprise party’ I honestly thought it was a euphemism for something,” Bucky said to Tony, who laughed.

*

 Bucky stood a little apart from the others, at the base of the stairs, glass of champagne in hand, watching the party before him. He saw Natasha, Pepper and Maria, in front of the sofa, also with glasses in hand, talking together. Upon getting to know Pepper, it very quickly became apparent that his initial wariness was completely unfounded. If anything, she was his and Tony’s greatest supporter.

Nick Fury stood a little away from the others, taking in the party, as he was. He caught Bucky’s eye and nodded. Although Nick had forgiven him, or Winter, for the ‘assassination’, Bucky felt a twinge of guilt usurp his stomach. He was working on it, with Sam, who he noticed standing a little to the left of Nick, laughing with Foggy, and Clint.

Vision and Wanda sat on the sofa, holding each other's hands and staring into each other’s eyes. Bucky quickly averted his eyes, from the intimate moment. Rhodey, Tony and Bruce, standing behind them, appeared to be engaged in very enthralled conversation. Tony was waving his arms around in exaggerated motions. Bucky smiled to himself. Yes, Tony appeared, indeed, in good spirits, that night. T’Challa, with a glass of wine in hand, moved through the crowd, and started up conversation with Nick.

Bucky’s eyes finally landed on Steve, who, standing near the back of the room, was currently in enthused conversation with Matt. They had been spending a lot of time together, of late. Steve had intimated to Bucky, that he had learnt something about Matt, that would be very interesting for the Avengers to know, but had not, of yet, elucidated as to what exactly it was.

He also noticed that when he had mentioned to Steve that he and Matt seemed to spend a lot of time together, Steve had flushed pink, mumbling that it made sense, seeing as Matt was also now involved with the UN. Scott then came up to Steve. As the man regaled him in conversation and Steve laughed, Bucky’s mind went to something Scott had said to him, a few months before. Watching Steve, in the aftermath of capturing a Hydra fortress, Scott had suddenly remarked, to Bucky,

“That man is hot! I used to count myself as straight. But, seeing Steve, I’m going to have to move to ‘bi-curious’. Wow!”

Bucky smiled a little to himself, watching them converse now. He noticed the slight frown on Matt Murdock’s face.

“I am waiting for Steve and Scott to announce the happy news of their coupledom, much like you and Tony did.”

Bucky glanced aside, to Thor now standing beside him.

“No, it’s Matt. Sorry to Scott, but he’s going to be the one to miss out, here.”

“In Asgard, polyamory is not frowned upon- “

“I didn’t even consider that! Both of them!”

So, Steve went from losing Tony to Bucky, to now conceivably having the pick of two very handsome men.

_Good on you, buddy._

“Has your birthday been of great satisfaction to you?”

“Yes, thank you. It has been nice. A hundred years old today. Technically.”

 “In the realms of Asgard, one hundred years is still but a small child. Myself, I am over a thousand years old.”

“You look pretty good, for a thousand-year-old,” Bucky smirked.

Tony suddenly raised his voice, cutting through the cacophony of voices.

“Alright, everyone shut up!”

The small gathering of people abruptly ceased in their chatter. Bucky couldn’t help his grin at Tony’s complete command of attention, even with his group of friends.

“Now that I have your absolute attention, Bucky, come here.”

Thinking that he was about to formally wish him ‘Happy Birthday’, Bucky came forward, to stand beside him. Tony placed an arm around his shoulders.

“Alright, let me tell you all a little story. About eighteen months ago, Steve Rogers and I had... a bit of a disagreement. So, we decided the only way to settle the dispute, was for me, Bucky and himself, to beat each other senseless, and try and kill each other. At the end, Steve and Bucky went to Wakanda and I went back to my tower. I had ripped off Bucky’s metal arm and Steve had smashed in my arc reactor and almost bashed my face in with his shield. So, I’d say we were even. Anyway, a few months past. I was just floating along, being awesome, when I received an invite, to a fundraiser, from T’Challa. Of course, this was just his and Steve’s dastardly plan to make me go over there, then emotionally blackmail me into helping Bucky with his brainwashing. I absolutely commend both of you for your deviousness. Especially you, Steve. Anyway, I developed software, to go into Bucky’s mind and de-brainwash him, and it worked because... well, hello!” He signalled himself. “Genius here! Going into his memories, I learnt a lot about Bucky. Probably more, at the time, than he wanted me to. Here are a few things, about Bucky that you may not know. Firstly, he is a complete kleptomaniac. He owns so many toothbrushes, but yet insists on always taking mine. My clothes, also.” Tony pointed at the ‘Star Wars’ t-shirt that Bucky was currently wearing. “My t-shirt. He’s also utterly incapable of lying. Everything he is thinking and feeling is always written on his face. See, right now he’s thinking that I should stop talking. Funny, he often seems to be thinking that.”

A few people laughed.

“I am incredibly relieved that he is on our side. Even though he no longer kills, I would not want to be on the other side of that crazy move, where he sliced that Hydra member’s cheeks open and cut his tongue out, with his knife, while kicking them in the groin. just for that added touch. Bucky makes incredible blueberry muffins. Ok most of you already know that. But my tiramisu is still unbeatable.”

Tony paused, his arm now going around Bucky’s waist.

“Bucky, I had this whole amazing spectacle planned. There was going to be choreographed dancing and this just incredible lighting show. And I was going to have this place all set up with these holograms, that looked like the bottom of the ocean, with plant life and sea creatures swimming all around. Oh yes and there was going to be glitter, falling everywhere. However, both Pepper and Steve told me that firstly you wouldn’t like that amount of spectacle and secondly, if I did do that, I would hear their collective wrath. I really can’t decide which one I’m more scared of. Like I said, Steve did attempt to cave my head in... Oh yes, I keep forgetting. You can have the Shield back,” Tony signalled to Dum E, who was, as usual, hovering near Bucky. “Anyway, that or Pepper’s always so well formed and witty arguments.  So yes, no spectacle,” he sighed. “Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, Bucky. One hundred today.  Now, I’m not going to tell you all what you already know. Yes, we all know how tough and strong, yet sweet and lovely Bucky is. I don’t think you realise, Bucky, how much everyone just _adores_ you. But, as always, this comes back to me.” Tony turned to face Bucky directly, grabbing both of his hands. Bucky read an odd anxiety, underneath the usual amusement in his brown irises. “Did you know that I started to come up with all these different ways to make you just erase all of your terrible memories? But, and I already know what you’ll say here, you wouldn’t erase them. Because, terrible as they were, they inform who you are now. And who you are is the man who I fell in love with. I’ve never more wanted to be a better person, for you. But at the same time, I’ve also never more felt so comfortable just being me. Does that make sense?”

Bucky nodded. Tony looked at Pepper, then Steve in turn, before turning back to Bucky.

“Not quite as extravagant as I’d wanted but, ok here goes. Bucky, you’ve already showed your sophistication and refinement, by choosing me to be your boyfriend. But I think that your refinement would be shown in a more definitive way. Do you remember the riddle that I gave you?”

“Tony, I’m not very comfortable with…” Bucky felt his face flush.

“So what do we use to hide the wine stain in the lounge room?”

“That rug? Mat?”

“See? It’s not hard. Now what do you keep threatening to do to your hair?”

“Well, cut it.”

“Another word for cut? For hair we say we’ll give it a bit of a-?”

“Trim?”

“And what was I born with? What does my family have a lot of?”

“Money?”

“Exactly! So put it together.”

“Mat-trim-money. Matrimoney. Matrimony? Tony are you-?”

_Oh… oh wow…_

“And the end bit about what joins it all. Our country. United States. Marriage is a united state wouldn’t you say?”

Bucky found that he could only stare at him.

Tony gestured for him to look downwards, so Bucky looked down, to see a plain gold band, in Tony’s hand. He recognised the feeling going through his body. Pure, numbed shock. Usually, it signalled that something terrible was about to happen. This was the first time, in his life, that it was due to something overwhelmingly good.

“You’re asking me to marry you?”

_Nope, didn’t see this coming at all._

“This is how successful relationships usually work. You meet, usually while drunk, but hey, we had to be different. Kiss, make out, have sex, move in. Get married...adopt or have children, then grow old together and die. Oh, actually maybe we should have discussed this beforehand. I really can’t stand children. Snot nosed brats. There is only one kid that I ever met that I vaguely liked. Actually, no two, if you count web slinging teenagers. Anyway, please don’t ask me to adopt or do some crazy surrogate thing because I really don’t like kids. I’m babbling, aren’t I?”

“I really don’t want kids either. Steve, let me be Uncle Bucky, alright? Steve wants kids,” Bucky felt as though he was now babbling. He felt an odd sensation of being present, feeling his heart beating in his chest, his breaths going in and out but then not present, at the same time, as though he was standing, distant, from what was happening.

“I already have a kid!” Scott suddenly shouted out, and then suddenly found his shoes rather interesting.

“Good...” Tony said. “I want just want the signed paper and the simple gold band. But not the kids or the... why is it always a white picket fence? And no dog.”

“Dog?”

“I’ve got to hand it to you, Tony. This is the most interesting marriage proposal that I’ve ever seen!” Clint called out.

“We don’t _need_ the proof,” Tony said speaking quieter. “I know that. But I want it. I want the ring and the signed papers. And a really great elaborate party. Ok, mainly it’s an excuse for the best party of our lives.”

“Wow...” Bucky slipped the ring on his finger. This was not what he had been expecting. He didn’t care, ether way. He finally felt secure in their relationship. But, if Tony wanted a piece of paper and a ring to prove it, then he would very happily accept. “Yes, Tony. I will.”

Tony looked absolutely radiant, in his smile, before then taking Bucky into his arms and kissing him, as Bucky heard people clapping around him.

“Dazhe sto serdets budet slishkam malo chtobi virazit` vsyu mayu lyubov` k tebe.”[i] Bucky whispered.

“Woh, see here I was trying to be all romantic. And you just blew me away with that one phrase. That is just incredibly unfair of you, Bucky,” Tony whispered, then leant forward for a kiss, once more.

*

Bucky moaned and gave in to the overwhelming ecstasy, running his hand through Tony’s thick dark hair, as Tony’s mouth, and tongue, as well as his lubed fingers, inside him, achieved incredible feats. “Tony, you’d better stop, or I’ll...”

Tony simply moved his head up and down faster, on his erection. Clearly, he wanted Bucky to finish.

“Tony, now I really am about to...”

Tony abruptly pulled up, jerking him twice. Bucky moaned, as he reached the peak of ecstasy and fell over, moaning, wetness covering his chest and stomach.

“Oh... that’s a nice end to a birthday,” Bucky said.

“Bucky...” Tony murmured, nuzzling his neck.  Bucky grabbed his erection and started tugging it, relishing in Tony’s moans. Tony leant forward and started rubbing himself on Bucky’s body, chest to chest. He was now guaranteed to have Bucky’s semen all over his own flesh now, as well. Tony didn’t seem to mind. To Bucky, it made the intimacy more enticing.

“You can cum inside me, if you want.”

“You sure?”

“Go on, my gorgeous brown eyes man.”

Bucky lifted his legs, hooking them around Tony’s waist as, he felt Tony position himself, then easily slide in. Even without the sexual stimulation, even in his loose-limbed, relaxed state, Bucky enjoyed this intimacy with Tony, enjoyed giving himself over, in this way, to have absolute choice, in what happened to his own body. Tony moved a little faster, and Bucky looked down at his flesh hand, against Tony’s back, the gold band. Marriage.  A wedding. What normal people did. Tony rocked faster within him. He felt wet kisses against his neck, Tony’s hands rubbing up and down his thighs, could hear Tony’s groans. So finally Tony’s strangeness over the past few weeks made sense. The conversation the other night. The look on the Ferris wheel. He’d been wanting to ask him then. That was now obvious.

“Bucky…” Tony moaned.

Bucky kissed along his shoulder, running a hand through his hair. This wasn’t about sexual satisfaction, to Bucky. Not entirely. It was about choosing, of his own will, to give Tony what the others took by force. Tony moaned and Bucky felt the warmth of his release inside him.

Now came the snuggling. Tony carefully pulled out, moved onto his side, and pulled Bucky to him.

“Oh those assholes who wrote all those terrible comments about you? I wouldn’t worry about them. When you and Steve were talking in the kitchen, this morning, I may have remotely accessed their computers, as well as their mobile phones and downloaded a virus that corrupted their hard drives and mobiles, that is impossible to get rid of. And all that’s displaying is a single message ‘Now Who’s the Troll?’”

“I guess that’s a lot better than what I’d do, if I ever met them. I was sort of fantasizing about breaking their hands so they can’t use their computers, for a while.”

“I know you don’t kill anymore but… I’ll say it again, I’m glad you’re on my side now.”

Bucky laughed and then looked at his ring. “You’ve been planning this for a while.”

“Like I said, I sort of roped in Pepper and Steve.  Well, more that I told them my proposal plans and they both, separately, mind you, told me exactly why they thought the extravagant way was not something you’d appreciate.”

“You still did do it in a sort of extravagant way.  But I loved it. It was very ‘Tony’”.

“Actually, most of the people at the party kind of already knew.”

“That also doesn’t surprise me.”

“Bruce helped me find the ring.”

“Oh...” Bucky laughed. “Everyone thought he was buying a ring for Natasha!”

 “Yes, the magazines loved it, didn’t they? We were running around jewellery shops, looking for a ring, for you. That was a fun day.”

 “I saw the way you were acting with all the reporters and paparazzi. You were clearly in your element!”

 “Mm...” Tony started gently kissing his chest.

 “Tony?”

 “What is it, gorgeous?”

 “You wanted to ask me on the Ferris wheel?”

 “I did. I even told Bruce and Steve. As well as Pepper. But in the end I just became a little tongue tied. Yes, me. Tonight I thought that’s it. I’m going to do it! I’m glad I did.”

 “Can I ask, why now? You’re not religious, and you don’t care about what ‘society’ tells you you should do. So why get married now?”

 Tony appeared to be truly considering the question.

 “I guess it ultimately goes back to the last time I was triggered? Do you remember?”

 Bucky remembered.

 *

 Six weeks earlier, Tony and Bucky were seated in the Stark Tower cinema, watching a nature documentary, that Bucky had specifically selected, to help with his studies. Within the first five minutes of the narrator’s dry tone, Tony had started to squirm. Five minutes after that, he started to complain.

 “Right now, I’m starting to fantasize about a bunch of anarchists breaking into the recording studio and, for the sake of humanity, forcing the narrator at gunpoint to stop!”

 “He is pretty nasal, isn’t he?” Bucky observed, then refocused his attention, on the documentary.

 A few minutes later, after more squirming in his chair, Tony started flicking Bucky’s neck.

 “Flick. Flick. Flick.”

 “What are you, five? Stop flicking me,” Bucky said, grabbing Tony’s offending hand.

 “There it is! There’s the irritated Bucky look!”

 Tony then climbed onto Bucky’s lap, obscuring the screen with his grinning face.

 “I’m sorry I’m not paying attention to you, for a whole of five minutes. You know I think you’re gorgeous, Tony, but it’s really important that I watch this.”

 Tony started flicking his neck again. Bucky responded by tickling him.

 “Mercy! Mercy!” Tony laughed, climbing off him and sitting down beside him again.

 “You’re just so…” Bucky shook his head, and then lifted his hand and kissed it.

 “Wonderful? Incredible? Sexy?” Tony finished for him.

 A rather dignified looking man appeared on the screen, sporting a smart pressed grey suit, the title underneath reading ‘Professor Tarek Karzai’.

 “Where have I seen him before?” Tony asked. “He looks so familiar.”

 He fell silent, as the man spoke, in Arabic, the English translation appearing at the bottom of the screen. The man laughed, and smiled at the camera. Bucky was about to tell Tony that he thought this man was far more pleasantly jocular than the narrator, when Tony abruptly started gasping, then stood up and hurried out of the room. Now forgoing the need to watch the documentary completely, Bucky moved up to quickly follow him. Tony sat against the wall, just outside the room, gasping, eyes wide and fearful. Bucky felt his stomach swoop.

  _Flashback._

  As he sat down beside him. Tony grabbed his hand and placed it against his heart. Bucky was patiently quiet for the next few minutes, as he waited for Tony’s breathing to be under control.

“He looked like one of _them_ , in the cave. I know he couldn’t be… Maybe he didn’t look like any of them. Just the way he smiled. I just… I remembered after… after it was over. They walked me back to the room, to be with Yinsen. I was still filthy and hurting and bleeding. I remember just wanting to scrub them off myself. Anyway, when they brought me back to the room, one of them said something to me, I don’t know what. Something in Arabic, then he smiled, like the way that professor smiled, went to touch me. I must have flinched because next thing I know grabbed my chin so roughly it left a mark. He was still smiling. He said something else and then let me go. I only caught a couple of words. After he left, I asked Yinsen what ‘aljins alrraqiq’ means. Well, you already know that it means ‘sex slave’. Why is my mind determined to mess with me? It was nine years ago! Nine years! But then you’ve had worse. How do you even…? Over sixty years. I know we’re both trying to get better. But at times it just feels so useless.”

 “We _are_ getting better, Tony. It just takes time.”

 “I need…I need to work. I can’t… I need to work…”

 Bucky let him go. If Tony wanted to deal with his pain by working, then Bucky would let him.

 *

Twenty minutes later, Bucky was seated in the main lounge, going through his notes for college, with Dum E sitting beside him, when Tony came in, lay down and placed his head on Bucky’s lap.

 “I’m an idiot. I realised I was down there, feeling sorry for myself. Dum E came up here, to be with you. Which is where _I_ should have been. The robot has more sense than I do. You want help with your study, gorgeous? I can test you if you want.”

 “Ok,” Bucky closed his book. “Go on. I’ve been studying phylum porifera.”

 “Such a _sexy_ subject. Alright, how do you distinguish sponges from other animals?” Of course, Tony didn’t need to look at the book. After just one night’s study, he already knew everything about zoology, a fact that Bucky, who would be studying the subject for at least the next few years, tried not to feel a little disheartened about.

 “Easy, they have choanocytes, the cells that line their inner body walls.”

 “Very good. And with these choanocytes…” Tony suddenly stopped talking, and simply stared at him, with an intense expression, that Bucky couldn’t interpret.

 “What?”

 “I’m just thinking about how blessed I am. Anyway, choanocytes.”

 *

“So, I brought the triggering up in my next session with Sam,” Tony now said, running a hand down Bucky’s back. “I realised a few things. Well, it wasn’t like I didn’t know before. It’s more, I had a few things cemented. I realised what makes us so great together, Bucky is that both of us need each other equally. That was always the issue with Pepper. I needed her more than she needed me. She was too good for that, didn’t deserve that. It wasn’t fair to force her to constantly be trying to support me and my constant frailty and ego. But, with you, we both support each other, because we both know what each other has been through. I like to think we both inspire each other. I don’t think we bonded over our crappy pasts but over our constant attempts to move past them. Or at least that’s what Sam told me and it sounded pretty good at the time”

 “I agree. If you’ll remember, I first noticed I had feelings for you after you helped me destroy the Red Skull of my memory. We started bonding because we were _working through_ our issues, not _because_ of them. I don’t think it would be a healthy relationship, if all we did was complain about how terrible our lives have been.”

 “Even though I’m very guilty of that at times,” Tony smiled. “The other thing I realised, talking to Sam, was that in the past, even with poor Pepper, I’d go into my work-room mainly as an escape. But, after I arrived back into the tower with you, I was no longer using it as an escape. I was actually using it solely because I wanted to create. And it caused me to be even more prolific. Anyway, so I went into that work-room that day and I realised straight away that I was in the wrong place. I needed to be upstairs, with you.”

 “And I just figured we’re great together because of the great sex,” Bucky jested.

 “Well, I’m never going to discount great sex. Anyway, so with Sam, we started talking more about my father, in the next few sessions. Sam warned me against it but I felt I had to do it. I went into my memory software and confronted my father. It… didn’t go very well. Basically ended in an argument. He said that I hadn’t changed, would never change. I was the same old schmuck. You deserve better. I was going to leave you, because I can’t hold onto anything good in my life. I told him to go to hell. You are the best thing that has happened to me and I’m not letting you go, not now. Dad started saying he didn’t believe me. I couldn’t commit to anything. I was always going to just drift through life. So I told him exactly what he could do with himself and then said ‘Fine I’ll marry him then! There you go, that’s commitment, you old bastard!’’

 Bucky shook his head, unable to repress his slight amusement. “So you proposed because you got into an argument with the memory of your dead father?”

 “Well, the next few weeks I really started thinking about it and I started to think why not? I brought up the subject with Steve, before anyone else. Well, minus the whole arguing with a memory of my dad.”

 “What did Steve say?”

 “He said he was probably the _last_ person to ask for advice on this because he knew nothing about weddings.  I got… rather irritated and told him I wasn’t asking him to pick out floral arrangements only if he thought it was a good idea if I propose to you? He said that you would marry me if it was what I wanted. Then we sort of got into an argument. I started saying ‘Of course it’s what I want. Why would I be asking otherwise?’ and then I started saying how much I love you and so Steve started shouting that I should propose then.”

 “So Steve was agreeing with you then.”

 “Now that I think about it, I’m not sure why we were arguing.”

 “Because that is what you two do,” Bucky sighed.

 “So, in answer to your question, the truth is I proposed because I love you and I wanted to,” Tony shrugged.

 Bucky sighed, snuggling closer. “I love you too. Even if you did propose to settle an argument with the memory of your father."

"Ah but those are always the best proposals? Wouldn't you say?"

"Oh undoubtedly," Bucky smiled.

 *

The sun’s rays streaming through the blinds slowly filtered into Bucky’s subconscious, bringing his mind to reality. He opened his eyes, for a moment, simply staring at the sleeping man beside him. No nightmares, that night, from either of them

 Tony opened his eyes, a beatific smile gracing his lips.

 Bucky was safe. He truly believed it, now. He was safe and loved and wanted and cared for.

 And so was Tony.

 “Hey gorgeous,” Tony said.

 “Let’s take the day off.”

 “Well, you know I have no qualms with playing hooky. But what about your studies?”

 “I can afford to take the day off. I just received a HD. Plus, I’m newly engaged!”

 “Alright. What do you want to do? After we make love and shower?”

 “Can we make love _in_ the shower?”

 “You know what? That’s an excellent idea!”

 “Hm... I just want to spend the day having good food and wine, in between bouts of having sex. There are plenty of places in the tower that we’ve missed. Then I want to have a nice spa. Maybe we can swap scary stories.”

 “Alright, sounds a plan. I can tell some _very_ scary stories. I once came into the toilet after Thor had been in there. It was within days of meeting him. Any potential attraction I had towards him was instantly extinguished.”

 Bucky laughed.

 “Do you think the Hulk ever has to go?”

 “A thought that can keep me up at night,” Tony said.

 “I would hate to be the person who discovers what he left behind,” Bucky started laughing. “Aw, we’re being mean! These are our _friends_ we’re talking about here.”

 “It’s taken you this long to realise that I’m kind of an asshole?” Tony asked, wryly.

 “Oh I always knew. I just thought you were an adorable asshole.”

 “Hm... truer words have not been spoken.”

 “Tony, thank you for last night.”

 “Yes it was great sex, wasn’t it? Oh you mean the party and the proposal? I was just glad to see you happy. You never used to smile, Bucky. And then, I noticed, you started to laugh and smile a bit more. Now you’re always laughing and smiling. All the time.”

 “I have a reason to,” Bucky said, taking Tony’s hand and kissing it.

 Tbc…

 

 [i]  “One hundred hearts would be too few, to carry all my love for you.” Russian translation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be another of Bucky's diary entries.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky Diary Entry Number 569

_Bucky Diary Entry Number 569_

_Retrieved memories: If I didn’t get up quickly enough for school, Mom used to come into my room and pull the covers right off the bed. I used to think it was a terrible thing to do. Especially on cold winter mornings!_

_One time, I ate a bad sandwich at a baseball match and threw up all over the ground. Steve took me out of the arena and stood next to me while I kept throwing up. Finally, I was well enough for him to walk me home._

_Steve used to get easily sunburnt. Not anymore._

_Dad used to take me to the barbershop with him, to get his hair cut (trimmed. mat trim money. Very clever, Tony) and a good shave. It always had this very particular smell, kind of like Brut aftershave, nowadays. The barber would tell a lot of jokes and gave me free candy while he took care of dad._

_I lost my virginity to Ethyl Waterson, when I was nineteen. She was twenty-five. We met at a dance and went back to hers after. I was with her a few months, before I realised she had a husband. That was the end of that. I remember being very nervous and it didn’t last very long that first time. I was arachnophobic, as a child. If there was a spider in the room, I’d be gone. Everyone else, including Steve, at times, had to get rid of it, for me._

_Things that I like: watermelon, pineapple juice, sunset and sunrise, just generally life right now._

_Things that I don’t like: Hard to think of anything right now. Well, I could but I actually don’t want to. Life is pretty damned good, right now. Ok, I have to add this. It turns out, I really don’t like wolf spiders._

_Aspects of Tony:  Right now, we’re both sitting in the central sitting room. Apparently, Steve, Matt and Scott are coming over soon. (Still deciding between them, huh buddy?) Tony’s mucking around on his laptop, right now, with one hand. The other is touching my hair, as I write this (I really am thinking I’ll cut it. As in have it the length that it was, when I was in the army. I keep cutting it back to the Winter length and I think it’s time for a change). He’s working on a new project. Since I’ve started zoology studies and have talked a lot about the ecology of the planet, he’s decided to start working on solving climate change. The crazy thing is, if anyone will actually resolve this damned thing, it will be him! He tells me it’s his way of atoning for selling weapons all those years._

_After a rather prolonged lovemaking session, which left us both rather sweaty and exhausted (I like the ones where we switch from me ‘topping’ to him ‘topping’ in the same session) Tony and I talked about how we lost our virginity. I’m surprised now we’ve never had this conversation. Tony was fourteen when he lost his virginity to a girl. She was fifteen. He says they went out for a few months but split up when she realised he had then started to have sex with other girls, too (surprise surprise). He says, as a teenager he started ‘messing around’ with other boys but he didn’t actually have sex until he was eighteen. The man was 32 and a friend of Obadiah. I asked it if hurt. I also ‘messed around’ with men in the army but never went all the way. Tony said it didn’t. The man was very careful and took his time. Tony said he enjoyed it. I’m glad his first time with a man was enjoyable. But then the man started saying how he’d fallen in love with him. Tony had just wanted the sex but not the commitment. The man was made redundant a few weeks later. Obadiah never mentioned it but it was obvious that he had found out about him and Tony. Tony never saw the man again._

_Of course, I lost my virginity to another man in the form of a brutal rape. I don’t even remember his face. Just a faceless Hydra goon. Tony vehemently disagrees. He wants me to re-write the script, in my head, about my past. To him, a loss of virginity is something someone gives another. It’s not something that can be taken, by force. This does sound a lot like what Sam is trying to get me to do._

_Alright, I’m going to start again._

_I lost my virginity to Tony and it was insanely amazing. Only took ninety-nine years._

_I know I’m still working through the whole rape aspect, of my past. I find it pretty much impossible to talk about with Sam, as in the specifics. The sense of shame is still there, lingering. I know Tony did all types of crazy things in his past, with other men. I started saying how we have similar pasts in that way but Tony cut me off. He told me that everything that he did (apart from the asshole who raped him) was his choice. No one pressured him or forced him. If anything he said, he usually initiated. Even if the encounter ended up being humiliating or he regretted it afterwards, he chose to do it and could have stopped it if he really wanted to. I reminded him that he admitted he was drunk, almost every time. He said even so, he always knew what he was doing (apart from with the asshole rapist)._

_Ok, I’ll agree that Tony wasn’t forced. But I still think that those men used him. Tony agrees too. But the very big difference is that I was forced. If I wasn’t brainwashed, I wouldn’t have participated. I know this. I’ve accepted this. But it’s still hard to reconcile everything I was forced to participate in._

_I’m still amazed that I can enjoy sex, after everything they made me do. Tony’s argument is simple. It’s because it’s with him._

_Looking at Tony now, as opposed to even three or four months ago, I can see such a change.  The funny thing is, happier, more mentally healthy Tony acts even more ‘Tony’ than before, even more crazy and witty. I think he genuinely enjoys the exasperated looks that people sometimes give him_

_Ok, I just had a really embarrassing thing happen. I happened to look down to the ground and there was this big furry spider walking along the floor, right at my feet. This is the first time I’ve seen a really big spider, since I can recall. Anyway, I felt this bolt of fear race straight through me and I put my feet up and started screaming at Tony. “Tony get rid of it!”_

_Anyway, he was highly amused. He said he’d seen me take out dozens of highly trained men, all by myself, and I was scared of a spider? I know. It makes no sense whatsoever. But I could not bear the sight of it. Tony picked it up- with his bare hands! Started teasing me for loving all animals- except big hairy spiders. Anyway, he said he was going to take it outside. This is ridiculous. Now I remember that I was arachnophobic, as a child. Better squeeze that in, up top, in the 'retrieved memories' section. Anyway, I told Tony that, as a thank you for getting rid of the spider when he comes back, he can have me anyway he wants, on this couch. He literally ran out, with the spider!_

Tbc…


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is finally starting to understand the truth- he is finally free and life.... life is good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be one chapter, finishing with one of Bucky's diary entries, but have decided to split it in two, for convenience sake. :)
> 
> Thanks again to all who have followed me this far.

Bucky moaned, relishing Tony’s powerful strokes slamming into his prostate, Tony’s rough lips against his neck, his hand jerking Bucky’s already leaking erection, as his own hands eagerly fondled Tony’s thrusting gluteal muscles. Yes, yes, this was what he yearned for, his gorgeous lover… no fiancé, he reminded himself, proving to him the height of pleasures that they could achieve, when they were attuned to, and respectful of, each other’s boundaries.

“So good…” Bucky was, as with every lovemaking session, still astounded that he could feel this way, that the pain and humiliation of his past could be transformed into an act that he enthusiastically craved.

“Bucky,” soft breath against his ear. “Do you want me to ride you?”

At the beginning of the lovemaking session, as they had rubbed against each other, with plenty of teasing and giggling, Tony had instigated lubing each other, at the same time. At that point, it had taken all of Bucky’s inner resources not to finish too soon. Now, he was having the same dilemma. Particularly, when Tony pulled out and then moved up, to sit astride him.

“Yes, Tony please…”

Tony slid down, allowing Bucky to push inside his tight heat.

“Damn, Tony…” As Tony then started to rock up and down, Bucky watched the ripple of his muscles, the sweat dripping down his face, the large eyes staring down at him.

 _So good… so good… damn…_  

“You like this, gorgeous?” Tony’s lips curled up into a smirk. Clearly, he knew exactly the effect his movements were having on his lover. Bucky felt that it was deeply unfair, for Tony to act like such a rapscallion, who was determined to blot out his senses, in a flourish of ecstasy.

As much as he was determined not to accede to Tony’s mischief, it was becoming almost impossible, particularly when Tony started to move faster, continuing to ensnare Bucky in his intense gaze.

 “Tony!” Bucky gave in, crying out, in almost annoyed desperation, as the waves of utter bliss washed over himself. Watching Bucky struggle to regain his breath, Tony’s mouth turned up into a full-teethed grin.

 “Aw, tired you out, did I?” Tony asked, removing Bucky from his body, as he leant forward, to kiss his lips.

“Well _you_ haven’t quite finished yet,” Bucky replied, reaching out to stroke his erection.

“At this point, I’m not going to last much longer.”

 Bucky manoeuvred him over onto his side, and hooked his legs around Tony’s hips.

"Well, get to it then.”

Now that Bucky had regained some cognition, he could not help his inner wonderment, that he could so easily release his inhibitions; to innately allow himself to simply be in the moment, with Tony.

_To think, I was convinced that I would never enjoy sex._

“Absolutely, I am at your command,” Tony slowly re-entered him and started thrusting, once more. 

“Sir, Steve Rogers, Scott Lang, Natasha Ramanov and Bruce Banner are at the front door,” Friday’s calm voice suddenly came through the speaker, to the back of the room.

“Kind of busy here!” Tony continued thrusting.

Bucky laughed. “They can wait, can’t they?”

“For about thirty seconds? Yes, they can wait.”

Feeling Tony start to nuzzle his neck, Bucky stroked his hands down his inner thighs, in an effort to help him along. He could feel his own release running down the broad adductor muscles. Tony groaned loudly and it was finished. He took a few seconds to taper the lingering effects of his orgasm, by exploring Bucky’s mouth with his tongue. Bucky was more than happy to reciprocate.

“Alright that should sate us for the next… fifteen minutes,” Tony said, slowly pulling out.

As they redressed Bucky considered what was about to happen. They were about to greet their friends, still showing the signs of just having had sex. The only blessing, with Winter, was that they would always shower him, after the rape sessions. Now, he was, if anything, fond of the feeling of Tony’s sweat, saliva and semen on or in him, just as Tony would also be currently displaying identical signs of their intimacy.

_Hello everyone, Tony and I just had great sex, right on top of the couch, in the main sitting room._

“Maidy!” Tony called out, as he zipped up his jeans and then shoved his t-shit on. “I’m presuming the others won’t appreciate sitting on our semen stains… unless they have a fetish in which case _I’d_ not appreciate that."

Bucky shoved his own t-shirt on and then took a moment, to stroke along Tony’s jawline.

“I kind of like you,” he said.

“I kind of like you too,” Tony grinned back.

“Friday said Scott is here. No Matt Murdock,” Bucky said, as they then started to walk towards the door, skirting around the round robot, that rolled towards the couch. “Steve’s decided, hasn’t he?”

“He was always going to go for Scott,” Tony said.

“Well, from the way Scott looks at Steve, the man does seem to have fallen for him, hard. I think they’ll be good for each other. He’ll make Steve loosen up and Steve will hopefully straighten him up a bit.”

“Or they could just be having great sex. Not every hook up has to end up as nauseatingly perfect as ours, you know,” Tony said.

They walked up the steps, to the door and Bucky reached out for the handle, when Tony suddenly grabbed him, backed him up against the wall and kissed him, in a nicely thorough way that Bucky approved of. Tony went to move away when Bucky grabbed his hand.

“Tony...” Brown eyes turned back to face him. “I love you.”

It almost seemed, oddly to Bucky, to be an understatement. Although he had no doubt as to Tony’s returned feelings towards him, sometimes he wondered how Tony would react if he discovered the strength of his feelings; so powerful that not even Bucky could adequately explain them to himself. Actually, knowing Tony, he would probably just accept it. Of course Bucky felt that way, considering who his lover was.

“Of course you do! And I love you too, gorgeous. You’re my Bucky.”

As Tony then turned back to open the front door, Bucky felt his heart explode with warmth.

“Well, well, come in, people.”

 Hydra had tried to break him, to make him believe that he was worthless, merely a machine for killing, a body to be violated and abused. 

 Steve walked in and smiled at him. “Bucky, hey!”

 Scott Lang came in after, eyes not leaving Steve’s face.

 He had longed for escape, for a very long time.

 Natasha and Bruce followed.

 Now, he couldn’t think of anything more than needing to stay, where he was loved, cherished and wanted, surrounded by the people who understood him the most.

“...no, Bucky’s not cooking,” he felt Tony’s arm go around his waist. “I’ve decided to hire a caterer. Actually, my plan was to hire T’Challa’s chef, Jelani. But, strangely, T’Challa refused to depart with him. The bastard. Alright,” Tony gave him a brief squeeze, and then let him go. “To the dining room!”

 As the others moved forward, Steve stopped Bucky, with a brief touch to the back of his hand.

“You looked a bit far away, before. Everything alright?”

“I was thinking how finally I truly am free. And life... life is good.”

 Steve’s face lit up in a genuine smile.

“Come on, we’d better get in there, before Tony eats the entire buffet.”

 Bucky and Steve then both walked up towards the elevator together, where Scott walked back to catch up with them. As they then continued forward, out of the corner of his eye, Bucky caught Scott reaching out, to lightly loop his and Steve’s fingers together. Steve pulled away and then very subtly bumped him with his shoulder.

“So, anything you two want to tell me?” Bucky whispered.

“Oh, we are totally bumping uglies!” Scott said. There was no doubting the pride in his tone. Bucky laughed at the resultant angered and shocked look on Steve’s face.

“Scott! That wasn’t exactly how I was going to tell Bucky!”

“Well, congratulations, you two!”

“You knew,” Steve said, studying Bucky’s face.

“Of course he knew! Tony did as well, didn’t he?” Scott asked.

Bucky shrugged and then nodded. Scott laughed, as, beside him, Steve flushed bright pink.

They reached the elevator, as the doors dinged open.

“So what I’m saying is, forget about modifying the RuBisCO gene for photosynthesis. Saying it’s the big ‘breakthrough’ for reducing carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, is like saying we should all just hold our breaths. Well yes it would certainly help climate change… actually, maybe that’s a good idea,” as they all stepped into the elevator, Tony started to gently caress the small of Bucky’s back.

“That is an idea. We could just kill off us humans,” Bruce said. “The planet would certainly be thankful for that.”

Scott glanced at Tony’s hand on Bucky’s back, then at Bucky and smirked.

*

Scott, Bucky and Steve stood at the east end of the dining room, under the archway, beer bottles in hand. Scott glanced over to where Tony was currently standing, with Bruce and Natasha, in the kitchen.

“One thing I notice about Tony. He’s always touching you. It’s rather sweet.”

“Well, he is my fiancé.”

“Does it feel weird?” Scott asked, before taking another swig of his beer. “I mean coming from the nineteen forties, to this? I’m thinking things weren’t exactly as… accepted as they are now.”

Bucky caught eyes with Steve.

“There was some talk about the men who liked men but it was always in a derogatory way. And liking _both_ men _and_ women, well, that wasn’t even thought of. In the army I fooled around a little, with a couple of the men. Nothing too extreme.”

“I didn’t know this! Who?” Steve asked.

"You didn’t know them. It was before you rescued me,” Bucky smiled. “And then, after everything that happened with Hydra, I decided that I didn’t want to be with _anyone_ , male or female again.”

“Well, of course, that makes complete sense-“  Steve began, only to then be cut off, by Scott.

“Hold on, are you saying that Tony is your first real relationship, with a man?”

 Bucky considered the question. “Yes, I guess so.”

“Well, damn, you’ve done well then!”

 Bucky looked down at the ring, on his finger. “I guess, I never really thought about marriage. Well I did from the point-of-view that if I met the right person sure… But in regards to the celebration itself…”

 He looked through the archway, to where Tony was laughing, with Bruce and Natasha.

“I think Tony really wants a big party.”

“Tony loves you, Buck. That’s why,” Steve said.

“Well yes, that too.”

“Anyway,” Tony said loudly, walking over to the three, and interrupting them, because Bucky supposed the earth would explode if Tony didn’t have all the attention on him, within ten minutes of it _not_ being on him. “So I’m thinking about guests. I’ll have to invite my Great-Aunt Mildred won’t I? Such a _pleasant_ lady! She once told me that I was the downfall of the Stark name and that I’d ‘ruined the family’. Oh and if I wasn’t such a jerk to my father maybe he’d still be alive.”

“Tony she sounds… not very nice…” Steve said.

“What Steve is trying to say is she sounds like an utter bitch,” Scott said.

“Let’s put her in the very front row. She was also always _delightfully_ racist and homophobic. I can’t wait for her to find out that I’m getting married to another man!”

 Bucky didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have any family that was still alive. Steve looked equally uncomfortable, beside him.

“So, of course it will have to be _ridiculously_ extravagant. I want it to be the most expensive, most overly tackily glamorous. I’m trying to think what would be-?”

“Tony, no! Can’t we just have it elegant but not overtly extravagant? I mean I know that’s you…I just wouldn’t be comfortable with something that is too big.”

“I knew you’d say that,” Tony said.

“I have an idea,” Steve said. “You guys fell in love in Wakanda. Why don’t you go back there? I’m sure T’Challa would be more than happy to accommodate you.”

  _Good one Steve! That’s a really good idea._

“Not bad, Rogers. Not bad at all,” Tony said. “Maybe you have some brains behind that brawn, after all.”

“Yes, he’s only the one who strategized the past five attacks on known Hydra targets,” Bucky made his sarcasm very clear.

“Ooh, I love it when you get all snappy, Bucky,” Tony said.

“Steve is my bestie and I will not hear you imply that he isn’t anything other than absolutely amazing.”

 Steve laughed and placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “I appreciate your loyalty, Bucky but I don’t think that’s going to happen. It’s ok. Tony and I do really care for each other… in our own way.”

“I suspect that there is a little bomb, wired in our brains that will explode if we don’t argue at least once every two weeks,” Tony said.

“Funny, I was just thinking the _entire world_ will explode, if you don’t continually have the entirety of a room’s attention on you,” Bucky grumbled.

“Hm… yes point well made,” Tony replied, as everyone else broke out into laughter around them.

*

Birthdays. Presents. Normal things that normal people did. After the other three left, Tony brought Bucky into the main sitting room, to unwrap all of his presents, from the night before. Feeling oddly numb with the overwhelming emotion, Bucky tore open the various wrapping paper in a frenzy, revealing a half a dozen t-shirts, all bearing iconic pictures from equally iconic films (Bucky liked the one from Natasha the best, which showed Indy running from the giant boulder), a couple of brightly coloured toothbrushes, a few dvds of Eddy Murphy movies, a very elaborate pen from Sam and a framed photo from Steve, of the two of them standing side-by-side, with their arms slung over each other’s shoulders.

Bucky didn’t recall ever receiving so many gifts his entire life. The wrapping paper now lay cluttered amongst the gifts, spaced out all over the floor. Tony sat opposite, tinkering over the ipod that Pepper had given him. Bucky unwrapped the final present, from T’Challa, revealing a beautifully illustrated zoology book. Running his hands along the smooth pages, before bringing it up to his face, to allow the dusty book smell to envelope his nasal cavity, Bucky suddenly became cognisant of wetness on his cheeks.

  _Great. Just great._

Why did he have to get so emotional all the time? He wiped at his face but the tears continued, regardless. He had a birthday, so he was given gifts. That was what people did.

 But not for him. For almost seventy years, he had forgotten his actual birthdate, because it was never actually celebrated. Not in the traditional sense. The Hydra men, of course, celebrated their birthdays. Winter would remember those, particularly as he would often be an extra present, given to the birthday man for the night, whereupon he was programmed to enact any sickness the man desired.

 He told himself not to think about these horrors. They were in the past. Right now his present involved presents and parties and Tony, who was currently looking at him with clear concern, in his dark brown irises.

_I have the right to be happy._

 “Hey, I get that this is a bit overwhelming,” Tony scooted over and placed his arm around Bucky’s shoulders. “I understand.”

 “I just… I don’t remember the last time I celebrated my birthday. I know it sounds silly…”

“Not at all. I’m assuming blowing up balloons was a little time consuming for Hydra.”

“Oh no they’d celebrate other birthdays. Just not mine. Unless I’m counting my ‘birth’ as Winter. Then they’d celebrate by giving me a ‘party’ that they enjoyed but I didn’t. I honesty would have preferred presents, over brutal gang rape, oddly enough.”

 For a moment, Tony’s fingernails dug into the flesh of his shoulder, before releasing.

“Well, those assholes are gone. And you’re here with me. And I am…If I could make a clone of myself, I think I would fall desperately in love. I’m _that_ amazing.”

 Bucky laughed and play-swatted his chest.

‘You know, I never really celebrated a birthday growing up. Well not like this. I didn’t really have proper friends. A lot of hangers on. But not proper friends.”

 Bucky turned his head to face him. “I find that really hard to believe!”

“It’s true. I tended to get on people’s nerves, even then. The first proper friend I ever made was Rhodey. Even then it surprised me that, despite all the grief that I gave him, he kept coming back. At first I thought he was crazy! People really like you, Bucky. And they should, because, unlike me, you’re actually very likeable. This is good for me. I become more likeable, by osmosis, just by being with you.”

“You must have been very lonely, growing up,” Bucky said, placing his arms around his neck.

Tony wrapped his arms tighter around him and kissed his left cheek.

“Not anymore.”

*

“You know, even a year ago, you would not catch me walking around central park. Not at this time of night,” Tony said.

“Why not? You clearly can take care of yourself.”

“Of course I can. It’s more that I was being logical. I’d rather not knowingly place myself in potential danger. And this park is not exactly known for having the Mother Theresas and Ghandis of the world coming up and grabbing you. Although actually, that would be _more_ disturbing, than if it was just a flat out every-day robber or rapist.”

“Chances are against anything happening,” Bucky scoffed, amazed that this was Tony’s city and yet he never walked the wide, leaf strewn paths of the park, at night. They had just passed an eastern redbud in full bloom, it’s glowing pink branches seeming to reach out, in the full moonlight, to caress them.

“Well, certainly not with _you_ next to me. Anyone who tried to attack us would have every bone in their hands broken, before they even had the thought come into their head. The advantage of having an ex- super assassin as my fiancé.”

“Someone still could. I don’t trust Hydra at all. They’ll still come after us. Guaranteed. Actually, since everything that’s happened, I’d say they’ll be even _more_ determined to come after us.”

“I’d say there’s more of a chance, right now, of some paparazzo stalking us to take pictures.”

“Mm…” Bucky lifted Tony’s hand, that was clasped in his and kissed it. “How do you think the world will react to the fact that we’re now engaged?”

“Well that’s the crazy thing. After I announced that I was bisexual, then all of these men came out and started talking about all the crazy gay sex I’ve had throughout the years. Do you remember?”

“Well actually, I didn’t really pay that much attention- “

“The funny thing is that most people didn’t seem that surprised. The attitude seemed to be ‘Oh of course Tony fucks men as well as women. Tony just does whatever the hell he wants.’” Tony laughed. “Then when I announced that we were a couple, then again people weren’t as shocked as I thought they’d be. Again, the attitude seemed to be ‘Oh and now Tony’s in love with the one who was brainwashed to kill his parents. Of course.’ Let’s sit down on this bench, here.”

Bucky allowed Tony to direct him to a park bench, under another eastern redbud, and they both sat down.

“You know, I wondered if the man who… the man who raped me, all those years ago, would come out and brag about it but he didn’t. One day, about six months ago. You were out with Steve. Anyway, I decided to look into it. I went back into the memory and… well it was a complicated process but I managed to use software, to form a composite drawing of his face. Then I did a google search. An obituary came up.”

“Obituary?”

“Yes, the guy died five years ago. Car accident. Taken out by a drunk driver. The obituary was all about what a great guy he was. Loved by so many people. Unmarried. Worked as a stockbroker. I just…” Bucky placed his hand on Tony’s shoulder, feeling the shudder that moved through him. “I just wanted to storm over to this guy’s family and friends and scream at them that this ‘great guy’ was nothing but a damned rapist! But then what would be the point? Why should I spoil their view of him?”

“I’m so sorry, Tony. That’s terrible.”

“I should have told someone at the time. He would have had other victims.”

“Tony, stop blaming yourself. You weren’t in a state, at the time, to tell anyone else. And that’s fine.”

“You sound like Sam.”

“Well, he’s a smart guy.”

“You’re right. I couldn’t even admit to myself, at the time, what had happened.”

“Steve once told me that one of the biggest shocks was Rumlow. Apparently they got along really well. Used to play cards together, have beers together. Steve thought they were developing a bit of a friendship. Just like with me. All chummy, making jokes. And then, it was like a switch went on in him. One second, I was sitting at a table, having wine, and the next I was on the ground with him swearing at me and tearing my clothes off.” Bucky felt his stomach turn to ice. “It makes me sick, Tony, to think that he could have easily hurt Steve too. But Steve’s ok, thank god. He never touched him.”

“I guess that’s classic sociopathy. You just can’t pick it. But your right. It’s good that he didn’t direct his ‘being a sick fuck’-ness towards Steve.”

Bucky reached out, to run his fingers through Tony’s hair. “You’ve come a long way. We both have. I’m pretty proud of us both.”

“Yes, we’re both pretty awesome.”

Bucky smiled, leant forward and pressed their lips together, moaning as their tongues tenderly lapped.

“We’ll be alright. And even in the times when we’re not well, we have our friends and we have each other. I’m glad we sorted out our little problem with Winter.”

 “Yes, that was quite the hindrance to us ever getting together.”

Bucky laughed. “Sometimes I don’t think you quite realise how amazing I think you are.”

“Oh, I know how amazing I- “

“I just think you’re…” Bucky couldn’t quite put what he was feeling into words. “Well, you’re my Tony.”

Tony kissed him under his chin.

“I am more than honoured to bear that title.”

Tbc…

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Bucky have some sexy sexy times. Bucky and Tony watch the 'memory' of what occurred after Tony fell into the coma, when Bucky finally broke his programming of the Winter Soldier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who are reading. :)  
> Coming to the end (two chapters to go)

“No. No. No. No,” Tony said, as he and Bucky, hand in hand, walked along the wide path, that lead out of Central Park.

“Please, Tony,” Bucky said, between giggles. “I think it would be adorable.”

“I am not making Dum E the ring bearer!”

“You’re no fun,” Bucky pouted.

“Dum E will muck it up! That insane robot will probably end up throwing it at me and hitting me in the eye with it! I’ll have to spend the rest of my life competing with Thor’s father, as to who is the most eye-challenged.”

“Otherwise we’re going to argue over who’s going to be the best man, when it’s so clearly going to be Steve!” Bucky decided to ignore Tony’s constant and, in his opinion, ridiculous assertion of Dum E’s ‘jealousy’, due to the robot’s ‘crush’ on himself. 

Bucky studied his affable handsome face, feeling the usual charge warm his body. Sometimes, he pondered what it was like, in that crazy genius mind. Even before he’d met Tony, he’d heard tales of his eccentricity. However, it did not take long, to recognise that he had not fathomed the true breath of Tony’s peculiarity.

_Anthropomorphic jealous robots, indeed._

Tony was, indeed, a kook and Bucky loved him all the more for it.

 “Actually, I was going to make Rhodey and Bruce fight to the death, for the position.”

They now crossed through the open wrought iron gated entrance out of the park and into the deserted street, beyond.

“No, it’s going to be Steve,” Bucky said, definitively.

A group of three youths, dressed in baseball caps, low-waisted jeans, and identical red jackets were walking up the road, in the opposite direction, towards them. Bucky felt his muscles tense, his fingers unconsciously curling inwards, into fists.

“Ok, what can I do to make you-?” Tony began but stopped, when the three youths surrounded them, pulling handguns out of their jacket pockets. Bucky felt his heart start to race, as he swiftly debated, then discarded, strategies as to how to extricate themselves from the situation. He could certainly take them down, but there was a small chance that Tony could be hurt, in the process.

“Alright, faggots give us your wallets!” The clear ringleader ordered.

 “You’re joking, right? Do you even know who you’ve-?” Tony said, his tone overly condescending.

The ringleader moved forward and pressed the gun barrel against Tony’s nose.

“Listen fagg-“

All of Bucky’s logically considered tactics were swiftly superseded by four words, that came into his mind, and swung his muscles into action.

_You don’t threaten Tony!_

He grabbed youth’s right gun arm and twisted, feeling, and hearing, the distinct simultaneous fracture of both the radius and ulnar bones. The youth screamed, in clear shock and pain, the gun dropping to the ground. Bucky then twisted his arm further, moving the now rather floppy appendage up and back, into an unnatural position. There was a loud snap, as the humerus bone also broke. Bucky then kicked the gun beyond the youth’s reach and jumped up and slam-kicked the second youth in the face, hearing, and feeling, the crack of his mandible fracturing. The youth screamed, eyes bulging with horror, as he collapsed to his knees, beside his now also downed friend. Bucky continued his sideways momentum with his foot, slamming it into the third youth’s nose. The third youth shrieked, as his nasal bone was likewise fractured, before taking off running.

“Damn, Bucky!” Tony said reaching down, to pick up the weapons where they lay on the ground, near the two youths, who were now moaning at their feet, and clutching at their already swelling injuries. “That was incredible!”

“He was about to shoot you, Tony!”

Safe, he told himself, attempting to slow his still pounding heart. Tony is safe.

“I agree,” said a voice behind them. The third attacker, covered in clear webbing, suddenly landed beside his still moaning friends. Peter Parker, wearing his ‘Spiderman’ outfit now stood before them. “I was going to rescue you two but then I realised that I didn’t need to. That. Was. Awesome!”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Tony said.

“I was kind of hoping you’d visit,” Peter then said, to Tony. “But obviously you’ve been busy.”

All three looked down at the men beneath them.

“Can you do a favour for us?” Tony asked. “Can you make sure they can’t move?”

“Easily done!” Peter said, shooting his webbing out, to secure them to the ground. Tony threw his would-be attackers' guns to Peter, then took out his mobile and started to speak, in an Australian accent.

“Paramedics. Yes, there are three young men here, they’re pretty beaten up. I saw it. They were trying to rob someone and the victim turned on them. Yes, they’re breathing. We’re at the east 102nd street Central Park exit. Sorry, I have to go,” Tony then replaced his mobile in his pocket. “I guess we’d better not stand around,” he said, returning to his normal New York accent. “People will start asking questions. But Peter,” the youth turned to face him. “Thank you for… at least having the _idea_ of saving us.”

“Any time.”

*

“Bucky…” Tony pressed his strong thighs tighter around Bucky’s waist. Bucky moaned, sinking into his tight heat, as he continued to slam him up against the door, with every thrust. He wasn’t sure how they ended up against this door, with himself supporting Tony’s weight. After the incident with the youths, they had rushed home, determined to fulfil a very urgent desire to make love, only they didn’t quite reach the bedroom, ending up somehow against the door, that lead into the library room, four rooms down.

“Is it alright?” Bucky asked, aware that they had not been as thorough, with the lube, as they usually were. In fact, it was on Tony’s behest that they get quickly to the main act.

 “Ok, for the third time, ah no, it’s incredible,” Tony said then groaned louder, digging his fingers into Bucky’s back.  Bucky found himself moaning in response. With the combination of Tony’s tight heat and lovely muscular body surrounding him, as well as hearing his cries of clear passion, Bucky wasn’t going to last much longer.

“Oh…yes…” Tony said.

Bucky gave in, crying out his own release. Moments later, he felt wetness hit his stomach, as Tony screamed his own orgasm.

_Well damn… Tony…_

Bucky leant forward and tenderly kissed his lips, gently lapping his tongue with Tony’s, as he carefully removed himself, from his body.

“You’re so light.” He then proceeded to carry Tony, down the adjacent stairs.

“I’m not sure if it’s a slight on my masculinity, that you can so easily lift me up and carry me,” Tony jested.

“When we marry, I’m going to carry you over the altar,” Bucky said.

“Maybe _I’ll_ carry _you_ over the altar. I’m quite strong you know,” Tony said.

“Mmm…” Bucky locked lips with him once more. Their prolonged kiss took them to the main sitting room, where Bucky lay him down, on the rug by the fireplace, then moved to lie on top of him, rubbing their bodies together, and stroking Tony’s muscular thighs with his flesh hand, while his metal arm moved up, to hook around his waist.

“Well well, aren’t you feeling rather frisky?” Tony asked.

“I can’t help it. You’re gorgeous,” Bucky said. “It’s unfair. You’re both incredibly handsome and a genius. That’s too much in one person!”

“Well, you should talk! You’re beautiful, smart, and sweet and you can take out three would-be robbers in the space of about five seconds. If it wasn’t for your odd obsession with toothbrushes I’d be making a case for you being the most perfect human being ever.”

“Well, yes that and the whole brainwashed ex-Hydra assassin thing.”

“Nah, that just makes you colourful,” Tony teased, reaching up, to play with the hair by his ear.

“Oh yes and thanks for the help in dealing with our would- be attackers!” Bucky made obvious his sarcasm.

“You looked like you were doing ok.”

“Well true, they weren’t a concern,” Bucky admitted.

“If it was anyone but _you_ saying that I’d say they were bragging. Anyway, alright gorgeous,” Tony kissed his chin. “How about I make an absolutely delicious omelette for dinner?”

*

“It will be my absolute pleasure, to show you the cubs, when you come here, next,” T’Challa’s handsome face smiled back at Bucky, through the laptop screen.

“I’m looking forward to it!” Bucky said.

Hearing footsteps behind himself, he turned around, to see Tony walking up to the dining table, with two plates in hand. Bucky spun back around to face the monitor, once more.

“I’d better go. Dinner awaits.”

Tony put one plate, bearing an omelette, in front of Bucky and then placed his arm around him and kissed his cheek.

“Engaged life suits you well, Tony. You have a distinct radiance about you,” T’Challa said.

“No, that’s just me _every_ day. It’s just that you haven’t seen me for a while, so you’ve forgotten that I’m _me_. And damn… even thinking about me _, I_ feel impressed. Anyway, how are you?” Tony asked, appearing genuinely happy to see the smiling face.

“Things are well, here. Until the next disaster, of course.”

Tony laughed. “Seems to be a bit like that, doesn’t it?”

“I will see you both soon enough,” T’Challa said.

“Goodbye T’Challa.” Bucky logged out of skype and then flipped the laptop shut, turning to place it on the dresser behind him, before moving back to his omelette and placing a forkful in his mouth, as Tony sat beside him.

“Tastes good, as always.”

“Maybe just a tad more chillies, but it’s not bad.”

They ate in silence a few minutes.

“Tony, with those men tonight, what are the chances that they will be telling the police that I was the one who put them there?”

Both caught eyes and then burst out laughing.

“Guaranteed they will not say a word. They’ll come up with something but what they _won’t_ say is that someone they were trying to rob turned on them and went all John Mclane on their asses. You haven’t seen ‘Die Hard’… another one for the list. We’ll watch it at Christmas. The best Christmas movie ever.”

“Tony, do you ever worry that Winter will return?”

Bucky read neither fear nor concern, in his partner’s brown eyes.

“Not at all. You’re fierce when you kick ass, Bucky. But you’re always _you_. Sure you’re a bit overprotective of me and Steve, in particular, but then it’s rather convenient to have a highly trained ex-assassin as backup… as tonight proved.”

“I know he’s not coming back. I know.”

“In that fight between you me and Steve, if you had been in Winter-mode then I’ll admit, I would have been dead pretty quickly. Winter had that focused murderous sociopathy that makes killing so much easier. Do you remember when you fought me, in the dining area of the compound?”

Bucky shook his head. “Steve told me after what I did but… bits and pieces of it came back… I try not think about it.”

“I still can’t believe that Winter shot me in this insanely handsome _face_!”

“I’m sorry,” Bucky cringed.

“You were just completely blank. Those eyes. Just completely expressionless. It was like a machine. Like a Terminator. Yes exactly like a Terminator. Actually maybe it’s best if you don’t watch those movies. It’s alright, Bucky,” Tony reached out and patted his metal hand. “That wasn’t _you_.”

_Winter is never coming back._

“Tony, can we go to your work-room, after this? There’s something I want to show you.”

*

Upon entering the work-room, Tony, still with a handful of omelette in hand, walked Bucky over to his main console.

“So, I think it works better this way. The Natasha prototype Iron Man can calm the Hulk while she goes off and does other things, like kicking Hydra’s complete ass.”

Bucky noticed that he had changed the photo by the monitor. Two weeks ago, the photo, taken by Vision after the capture of a Hydra member in the south of France, was of both of them together. They had their arms around each other and were beaming at the camera.

 “Of course, any testing of this Iron Woman will have to occur, in field,” Tony continued. “I don’t exactly want the Hulk to be traipsing around destroying my work-area.”

The new photo was also of them both. He saw himself, sitting up, on their bed, the blanket draped over his waist, his chest and legs bare and glistening with sweat, his eyes wide, mouth slightly uptilted in a dreamy expression. Tony’s very satisfied looking face was just in frame, on the left hand side, his head leaning against his shoulder, arm stretched out, to take the photo.

“Ah, the look of a man that says ‘I just had sex with this divine creature on the bed with me’,” Tony said, obviously noticing what had caught Bucky’s attention.

“Is that why you put this photo up here?”

“Well it is a handy masturbation aid.”

“Tony!” Bucky laughed.

“But seriously-“

“When are you ever serious?”

“I’d say…one point six seven percent of the time.”

“That’s very precise. But then, you are the scientist.”

“I love your expression here. You look just innocent, almost ethereally beautiful.” Tony plucked the photo off the monitor and kissed it, before putting it back.

Bucky looked at the photo again. To him, he simply looked like a very satisfied version of himself. If anything, despite Tony’s smug expression, he was the beautiful one.

 “Wasn’t there something you said you wanted to show me?” Tony asked. “I presume you didn’t come here to talk about my new Iron Woman.”

“There is something. A memory.”

“Oh yes?”

“Tony, what do you remember about the day that I was cured of being the Winter Soldier? When you went into the coma?”

“Well let’s just say I remember far more than I’d like to.”

“Do you remember me going against what that man… what he asked me to do?” Bucky asked tentatively, aware that this was an obvious delicate subject for Tony.

“The last thing I heard, before going into the coma, was you saying you were refusing his orders.”

“Is it ok if we go back there? If I show you what happened after? I don’t want to see what the man in the cave…” He stopped at the flush on Tony’s face. “I want to show you directly after, when the leader tried to make me… participate.”

“If that’s what you want to do.”

“Yes, that’s what I want to do. But only if you’re a hundred percent alright with it.”

“Alright, we can just watch the memory. We don’t have to participate. It’s going to be rather… weird. Watching a memory of something that didn’t actually happen. Anyway, your seat,” Tony gestured to a seat further along the console. Bucky moved to the proffered seat, grabbing the electrodes hanging nearby and placing them over his head. Tony then sat opposite.

“Ah the joys of memory rape and torture lane,” Tony said, as he started placing the electrodes on his own forehead.

“Are you sure about this, Tony?”

“I trust you Bucky,” Tony said, briefly squeezing his flesh hand. “Ok?”

Bucky nodded. Tony then reached forward and switched on the computer directly before them, quickly accessing the software and opening it. “Alright, let’s check out some of the _wackier_ Tony and Bucky memories within memories.”

Bucky closed his eyes, deliberately focusing his mind, seeing, feeling, hearing and smelling a cavalcade of memories, mainly involving Tony. Aspects of his lover. Tony’s smile, Tony’s sardonic humour, Tony’s brown eyes, lingering on his face. Bucky focused harder.

Tony’s coma, he told himself. The memory that placed Tony in the coma.

Tony’s parents, his mother’s beseeching eyes. Bucky then saw himself, naked, a likewise naked man standing before him. He was getting closer. Tony, on the floor of a dusty cave, a man on top of him.

Bucky opened his eyes, revealing a rather dark and dank interior, the walls scalloped rocks, the grimy ground littered with various rusty outdated looking machinery. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned, to Tony standing beside him.

“So, you’re sure you’re ok with this?”

“It’s ok, Bucky. Let’s do this.”

A second Tony lay face down, and too still, on the dusty floor, his trousers and boxers pulled down, exposing his buttocks. Bucky saw himself kneeling by the second Tony, his hand on his back. A bald man stood behind him.

“No, I refuse,” Bucky saw himself say.

“You will not go against our orders! Do it!” The man shouted.

The Bucky before them ignored the man, instead grabbing Tony’s trousers and boxers and pulling them up, before doing up the fly, and standing up.

“If you order me, or anyone else, to touch him again, I will kill you!”

“Bucky, I’m not even real! You know I’m a manifestation of his crazy mind.”

“I know. But you’re real enough to him.”

“You’re not de-programmed,” the man morphed, became taller, more slender, dark hair spouting out from his head, to reveal Rumlow, now standing before him. “You think that your little crush on him is enough to cure you of years of programming? You might as well do it, Bucky. He’s lost his mind, now. You caused him to go into a coma. Congratulations! This body is still here, but the mind is gone,” Rumlow walked forward and kicked Tony over onto his back, revealing his deathly pale, lax face.

“Don’t touch him!” Bucky screamed, grabbing Rumlow and forcefully shoving him backwards. 

“Aw! You love him. Bucky wants to protect Tony Stark. No, Bucky wants to _save_ him.”

“No, he’s going to save himself.”

For a moment, something glittered in the dark eyes. “You knew, I could tell. Even somewhere in the depths of that crazy mind, you sensed that there was… something more, with me. I wanted to know… you… you sensed that, didn’t you? Remember, in the dinner, I was asking about your mom? I knew you were Bucky. I always knew.”

“You raped me! Repeatedly! Tore me up inside, you sick fuck!” Bucky knelt beside Tony. “Tony, come on… wake up…”

“He wants you too. You sense this. But you won’t get what you want, Bucky. He’s not going to be your _boyfriend_. He will brutalise you. Betray you. It will always end the same, for you.”

“No, he would never.” Bucky ran a hand through Tony’s hair. “Come on, I know you can come back.”

“Longing. Rusted. Seventeen. Daybreak,” Rumlow said.

“Forget it, it won’t work!”

“Because of _him_?”

“No, because of _me_. Because he gave me the chance to cure myself and I took it.”

Rumlow walked over to Bucky, threw him back against the cave wall and held his hands above his head.

“I’m going to say the words and then I’m going to order you to fuck him and I’m going to watch. And then once you’ve raped your precious Tony, then you’ll know Bucky, that you are truly mine.”

“Do it then! Say the words.”

“Longing. Rusted. Seventeen. Daybreak. Furnace. Nine. Benign. Homecoming. One. Freightcar.”

“Are you done, now?”

Rumlow’s eyes widened in an expression that he had never seen before, with him. Terror.

“No, that’s not possible-“

Bucky reached forward with his metal arm and punched a hole, straight through his chest, before throwing his body aside and rushing forward, to the still unconscious Tony.

“Tony!” He shook his shoulder. “Tony we did it! Wake up! Tony! Tony wake up!”

*

Bucky opened his eyes, plucked off the electrodes and then turned to Tony, who was still detaching his own electrodes.

“That was when T’Challa pulled me out. I knew you’d come out of the coma. Because it’s _you_.”

“I always knew we’d beat the programming,” Tony reached out and grabbed Bucky’s metal hand. “Winter is not coming back. You know it and I know it.”

Bucky looked down at Tony’s hand, entwined with the one that he had built.

“I just wanted to say that I don’t love you because you saved me or pulled me out the horrible nightmare that I was in. That would have been enough, I suppose. I love you because you’re _you_. The genius, witty, incredibly flawed individual with the big brown eyes and sarcastic temper.”

Tony smiled and patted the desk behind them. Bucky scooted up and sat on the surface, spreading his legs, so Tony could move between them. His thighs fit quite snuggly between Tony’s hips.

“Gorgeous, it goes two ways you know. I love my Bucky. The whip-smart, sweet, sensitive individual with the big blue eyes who's prone to sulking when he doesn’t get his way, which is not very often. Because this blue-eyed one has me completely wrapped around his finger.” Tony lifted his finger and kissed it, before cupping his jaw and leaning in for a kiss. Bucky moaned, feeling Tony’s hand in his hair, the other sliding down his chest. They pulled apart.

“Alright, you know the rule. No sex in the work-room, or I’ll find it incredibly difficult to concentrate all day, especially working around an erection.”

“Bedroom?” Bucky asked.

“Good plan,” Tony said, then turned around. “Put your arms around my neck.”

“What are you going to do? Piggyback?” Bucky said, doing as he suggested.

“No this,” Tony bent low, then grabbed Bucky’s legs and flung them around, so they were over his shoulders, gripping the legs with one arm, as the other held Bucky’s metal arm to his chest.

“Woah!” Bucky said, as Tony then stood and started walking.

“Told you I was strong!”

“Are you taking me off to ravish me?”

“Bucky. Mine,” Tony said, as he continued moving to the door. Bucky laughed.

“Now you sound like the Hulk!”

“Please don’t make me think of Hulk having sex. Bruce, fine. Hulk. No.”

He reached out and opened the door and then stepped out, carrying Bucky down the adjacent corridor.

“But yes, right now, you deserve to be thoroughly pleasured. I will not be happy until I hear you call out my name.”

“Always the egoist,” Bucky giggled.

They reached the elevator and Tony pressed the button. The doors pinged open and they stepped in. Tony slowly lowered him to a standing position and then, as the doors closed, slipped down to his knees, undid Bucky’s jeans and pulled them, and his underwear down. “Leg up,” Tony ordered. Bucky did as he ordered. “And the other.”

Tony then stood up and lifted Bucky’s t-shirt off, dropped it to the floor, then knelt down, once more, leant forward and took him in his mouth, vigorously moving his head up and down. The elevator reached the right floor and the doors pinged open. Tony didn’t stop, in his movements. Bucky then went from harsh breathing, to straight moaning.

“Better,” Tony said, as he grabbed Bucky once more and slung him over his shoulders. Bucky was aware that he was now completely naked, while Tony still wore clothes.

“Tony you need to take some clothes off!” He said, reaching down to undo Tony’s jeans fly and unzipping it, before tugging his jeans and boxers down. Tony allowed them to fall to his ankles, before kicking them off. Bucky could see his erection, curving up and felt his own throb in anticipation, of what was to come.

They reached the bedroom and Tony gently lay him down on the bed before taking his own t-shirt off and joining him, kissing him thoroughly, while Bucky fumbled by the bedside drawer for the lube.

“Can we use the… flavoured one?”

Tony ran a hand down his cheek. “Do you want me to… lick you?”

He always asked. Bucky supposed this was because what he wanted Tony to do, was a little out of their normal scope, for lovemaking.

Bucky nodded and turned onto his side, recalling the first time that Tony had suggested such an act.

“I want to try something different,” Tony had said and then had explained exactly what he wanted to do. Bucky had then repeatedly asked Tony if he was alright in doing it. Tony had finally sounded a little exasperated, when he replied that if he didn’t want to do it, then he wouldn’t have suggested it.

Bucky felt Tony’s fingers enter him, Tony’s lips kissing down his spine. His long middle finger reached up, to press against his prostate and Bucky’s breath quickened, as delicious fission spread through his body. He felt Tony move lower, before prying his buttocks apart. One hand reached around, to stroke him, as Tony’s tongue swipe along his opening. Bucky moaned. Seemingly encouraged, Tony started to then enthusiastically lick. One of the two sexual acts that Bucky couldn’t bring himself to do. Of course, Hydra had forced him to do it, every so often. Some of the men seemed to particularly be fond of making him lick them back there, even more than the fellatio. He now started crying out, with every jab of Tony’s tongue. He had long fathomed that part of the stimulation, came from the intense trust that he felt towards his lover. From someone who still had difficulty, in terms of trusting other people, he still felt amazed that he could open up to another human, in such a way, allow such vulnerability.

Tony suddenly pulled away and he felt the warmth of his head on the small of his back, followed by Tony’s fingers inside him once more.

“Is this alright, gorgeous? You want me to lick you a bit more?”

“Please, Tony…”

He felt his buttocks pried apart, followed by Tony’s tongue, once more. The first time they tried it, Bucky had afterwards felt almost mortified, by how much he had enjoyed it. Tony had held him, told him that he was allowed to enjoy it. Furthermore, Tony had wanted to do it, had actively enjoyed that he had caused Bucky such pleasure.

 “Oh oh ooh!” Bucky cried out with every swipe and jab of Tony’s tongue, reaching pleasure receptors within himself that he didn’t even know existed.

Tony had assured him that he was completely fine, with pleasuring Bucky in such a way. In no way whatsoever, did he need, or expect reciprocation. However, Bucky wanted to build up to one day reciprocating both of the acts, that he couldn’t currently. Once while kissing all over Tony’s body, he had kissed his penis, even sucked the tip a little, and it was alright. He had not felt triggered, or scared. But that was the most that he could do, at that time.

“Tony, I’m about to…” Tony jabbed his tongue deep inside him. “Tony!” He cried out, as he shook in a powerful climax. Moaning, as he came down, he felt Tony kiss all over his buttocks.

“Bucky…”  The kisses then went back up his spine. “I love making you feel so good…”

“You do Tony… always…I love you so much. Do you want to still have me?”

“How do you want it, Bucky?”

Bucky rolled onto his back, then felt Tony move to cover him.

“I know it’s the boring old missionary position,” he said, hooking his feet around Tony’s waist.

“Nothing is ever boring with you,” Tony said. “Alright, here we go.”

He slowly and easily, slid inside. Bucky moaned, felt Tony’s hand run down his face, lovely brown eyes staring down at him.

“You are. So incredibly beautiful.” Tony started to slowly thrust. “I know it must be boring hearing me say it. But you really are.”

He leant forward and started kissing Bucky’s neck, as Bucky placed his arms around his back, relishing his warmth and comfort, above him.

“I just love you so much,” he repeated.

“Oh Bucky… you’re my Bucky,” Tony pulled back, to stare down at him, once more. “I love my Bucky.”

“Tony I want you to stop.”

Tony instantly did as he bid. “Do you want me to pull out?”

“No just…” Bucky grinned. “Now, I want you to pound me.”

“Alright!” Tony then started moving faster, groaning, with each movement. Bucky gripped tighter, smiling.

“How is that? Is that good?” Tony asked.

“It’s always good, Tony. You’ve never made it _not_ good.”

“And I never will.”

“Cum in me, Tony. I want to feel you inside me.”

Tony’s thrusts stared to become erratic.

“Well you’re about to get your wish because I’m about to…Bucky!” He cried out and Bucky felt the warmth of his release. Tony moaned, still slowly thrusting, before pulling out.

“Wow! That was something…”

Bucky laughed. “You do realise you say that almost every time we make love?”

“Well, it’s a bit hard for it to _not_ be spectacular, when it’s with you.”

Tony then moved his head down and started messily kissing his chest.

“To think, there was a time I never thought that I’d ever want sex again,” Bucky said, running his fingers through Tony’s sweat-drenched hair.

“Nor did I. At least, not with another man,” Tony admitted.

“Remember when Thor walked in on us?”

Tony laughed. “‘Ah sorry, please excuse my interruption to your revelry.’”

 “Tony… I want you to know that if you couldn’t…if you weren’t able to make love I’d still want to be with you.”

Tony looked up at him.

“Lovemaking is obviously an integral part of our relationship. And I love it that we’ve worked through our sexual issues, together, like we have everything else. But, given everything that’s happened with you, if you honestly couldn’t be intimate, then that would be alright. You’re beautiful, and sexy Bucky. But that’s not why I’m so utterly in love with you.  I think we’re great together.”

Bucky smiled. “So do I.”

Tony then went back to the attention he was paying to Bucky’s chest.

“Tony?”

“Mm…” Tony appeared distracted by the left pectoral muscle he was currently slathering in kisses. Bucky used his metal hand, to pull the blanket up over to cover their bodies, as the other continued to run through Tony’s hair.

“With the car… it’s such an amazing gift! I’m just astonished that you would- “

“A bit too much?” Tony asked, looking up to him with a wry grin.

“It’s just I don’t want to draw too much attention to myself, at college. That car would undoubtedly do that.”

“Well, it’s your car, Bucky. You can do what you want. Why don’t you sell it and buy a less flashy, more ‘college’ car?”

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea. You can have the rest of the money- “

“Again, it’s your car, Bucky. You can do what you want with the rest of the money. Found an orphanage or whatever it is you lefties do. Or, Steve’s always complaining about the bomb that he drives…”

“Steve would love that! I think that’s a great idea, Tony! I’ll give him a call tomorrow. Is it alright if I invite him over to dinner, tomorrow night?”

“Of course, Bucky.” Tony started to kiss his chest, once more.

“I reckon it will be fun, going car hunting, with Steve. Maybe I’ll invite Clint. He seems to know a fair amount, about cars.”

“Why anyone would want to violate and hurt this body, and not give it the absolute worship that it deserves is utterly baffling to me,” Tony said, running his hands up and down Bucky’s sweat-slicked chest.

“I shouldn’t go into college tomorrow. I’ll just stay here and be with you.”

Tony slithered back up him and turned him onto his side, entangling their legs together.

“You do whatever you want to do, gorgeous. I would love for you to stay here. But I also know that you love your studies.”

“You’re right. I’ll go in.”

Tony reached out, to run his fingers through his hair, before leaning in to kiss him. Bucky moaned. Tony then released and kissed his nose.

“I’m keeping my last name,” Bucky smiled, leaning forward, to rest his head against Tony’s shoulder. “I’m not going to be Bucky Stark.”

“Hm… Tony Barnes-Stark… no that doesn’t exactly work, either.” Tony said, as he started kneading the flesh of Bucky’s back. “Alright, we refrain from an antiquated tradition that has no logic. Well, you could argue that _marriage_ is an antiquated tradition that has no logic. Still, good excuse for a party. Oh and the whole thing of standing in front of a crowd of people to tell them what they already know, that I’m so damned crazy about you. It’s absolutely sickening just how lovesick I am about you. Thank you, Bucky. Thank you for putting up with me. I know how much of a handful I can be at time.”

“Not to me. I _want_ to put up with that handful that you are. That came out wrong. You know what I meant.”

Tony laughed. “If someone told me, a year and a half ago that I’d be lying in bed with you, in my tower, in complete lovesick bliss I would not have believed them.”

“I know, it’s crazy, in a way. I totally understand about the lovesick bliss thing.”

“But here we are.”

“Here we are,” Bucky turned and kissed Tony’s shoulder then snuggled against him, once more, feeling warm and protected, and most of all loved.

Tbc…

 

 

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky Diary Entry 570

_Bucky diary entry 570_

_Retrieved memories: When we were really little, I used to tease my sister something chronic, pull her hair, call her names. One day, she told me these girls at school were being mean to her. I came up to them and told them to leave her alone, or they’d deal with me. They stopped teasing her after that. Only I was allowed to tease Rebecca. _

_One time, Rebecca and I went to the local park, and started to throw mud at each other. When we came home, mom was furious because we’d dirtied our clothes. It took three baths to wash us clean._

_One day, I was with Steve. Rebecca was annoying me and I told her to leave me alone. After she left, Steve told me that Rebecca just worshipped me, as her older brother. At the time, I scoffed at Steve. Now, I’m starting to see it. When she was really little, she used to follow me around everywhere, looking up at me with those big eyes of hers. Now I think about it, it was kind of cute._

_Two nights before I left to go to war, Rebecca and I spent some time together, just me and her. I remember laughing a lot._

_Rebecca grew up to be funny, not witty like Tony- more dry. She’d come out with things at times, that would make me laugh and laugh, just dry little observations._

_Things I like: Waking up and realising it’s only 3am so I still have four hours until I actually have to wake up. Waking up early, during the week, so Tony and I can make love, before we start our day. The fact that I have loved ones who are actually alive._

_Things I don’t like: Waking up late and having to rush. That I teased Rebecca, as a child._

_Aspects of Tony: So, Tony has done it again. Just when I think he can’t do any more to prove his love for me, he shows once again how incredible he is._

_Yesterday, when I arrived home from college, Tony sat me down and told me that he has a wonderful surprise for me._

_Rebecca is alive! He managed to track her down. She currently lives in a nursing home, just outside of Scranton. Only she is now called Rebecca Proctor. After the war, she went off to college, became a nurse and then married a doctor (who is, unfortunately, now deceased). She bore two children. One unfortunately died in Vietnam. The second, Mary, is still alive. Mary is a teacher and has two children, Kimberly and Scott. Both are in college._

_Tony was telling me all of this and I remember just being in absolute shock. Rebecca is alive. Even writing it, I still can’t fully believe it. We’re going to visit her, in a couple of days’ time, with Steve. Only when I see her, face-to-face will I then believe it. Steve is more excited than me. He and Rebecca always got along._

_Tony is talking in his sleep again._

_“But I want to wear that hat!” He said._

_“Do you now?” I just asked him._

_“No, he gets to wear the green one. I’m telling you, Steve."_

_Tony then laughed. Well, that’s nice. It’s better than when he has a nightmare. Not that he’s had any obvious ones for months now._

_Right now, he’s snuggling up to one side of me, while I write this. I don’t know how he’s always able to radiate such heat. On nights like this, when the wind is pounding outside, it’s nice to have my own human hot water bottle. Speaking of pounding, I guess he’s rather exerted from tonight’s rather frisky lovemaking. We still have each other’s fluids on us and in us. I still find it weird that I actually enjoy him coming inside of me. To begin with, sometimes, when he was asleep, I’d actually pull down the blanket a little, to see the fluids on both of our bodies and I would sort of be amazed that I wasn’t disgusted or sickened at the sight. (We have our rule though- not on each other’s face or in each other’s hair or mouth). I never told Tony about this because, at the time, I thought it made me a bit of a freak. This is something I haven’t brought up with Sam, either. I try and do the thing of thinking about it logically. I imagine Sam’s voice in my head asking me why it’s weird. I know it’s because in the past it always felt very wrong. They were doing things to me that I hated. They were violating me and their fluids was just an end result of their dominance, like a branding, of sorts. But Tony’s different. I like mingling fluids. My favourite lovemaking is actually what happened tonight, when we take turns switching with each other. Tony told me that's his favourite kind of lovemaking as well, so that’s just a bonus._

_I’ve been thinking a lot about what Tony once said about the memory machine and how he wanted to try and wipe my memories. I understand that. I considered it too. Well, I tried, with wiping Rumlow from my mind. But, ultimately he’s right. Those memories, as awful and terrible as they are, brought me to where I am now. Me and Sam talk about this a fair amount. They’re the past. I can’t change them. I can only work with them. Besides, as terrible as they are, these memories brought me where I am now, and to Tony. So, as Tony would say, there is a payoff even in the most horrible of situations._

_Oh and we sorted the ‘best man’ debate. Yesterday, Bruce pointed out we could just have two. Odd that neither of us thought of that! So yes, obviously not Bruce, given his new current role. So for Tony it will have to be Rhodey._

_He’s talking in his sleep again._

_“Why is Vision dressed like a clown? No, I think he’s full of butterflies!”_

_Butterflies indeed!_

_I feel just inawed with how blessed I am, in my life. Even with the occasional terrible nightmare or flashback, I can deal much better than I did before. I am genuinely happy. For the first time that I can remember._

_Tony’s laughing again, in his sleep. In the morning I’ll ask him about the dream and most of the time he’ll forget it. He’ll find it funny that he was talking and laughing in his sleep. Then we’ll make love. And have breakfast. He’ll tease me because I have cocoa puffs and he has more traditional, or as he calls them ‘healthy’ oats.  I’ll go to college. He’ll work on his projects and I’ll come back home and he’ll be there. And hopefully Steve will come over too. I’ll ask Steve how his new car is going, and we can talk about seeing Rebecca, the next day. Funny now that I’m content with my life, I’m determined to make others feel content too. Steve deserves to be happy, too. I get the feeling that he is. But Steve is Steve. He’ll always have that part of himself that’s unhappy about the injustices, in the world and wanting to fight them._

_I’m not stupid. I’m not thinking that things are absolutely perfect. Obviously, Tony and I are both still dealing with a lot of our past trauma. Maybe always will be. But, as Sam says that shouldn’t mean that we can’t still have a happy life._

_It’s a small thing, diary but the other night, I went out of bed and used the bathroom. Tony had been snuggling against me, with his arm around me. When I came back into the room, his arm was reaching out across the mattress, towards me. I climbed back into bed and curled up against him and the arm then just went around my back. I tried to talking to him. He didn’t respond. He was fast asleep. Even in sleep, diary, he was reaching for me._

_Tony just laughed, in his sleep again._

_I said his name, again._

_He replied! He said “Bucky, my Bucky.” Then he sighed._

_Time to put you away, for the night, diary. Right now, my plan is just to snuggle against Tony and fall back a sleep, in his heater like warmth._

 

Tbc…

Next chapter Tony’s pov

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The incorrect spelling of the word 'cum' is Bucky's mistake :).  
> Next chapter will be the Epilogue but may be divided in two, as this author is still working on it :).


	30. Epilogue Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky, Steve and Tony go to visit Bucky's sister and family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, almost at the end. Thanks again to all who are following. I know it's been a long journey.

Lying curled up against Tony’s side, Bucky started twitching in his sleep. Tony placed the, in his opinion, very farcical book on nuclear physics that he had been reading, on the bedside table.

“Bucky?”

Bucky twitched once more, moaning.

Good dream or bad? Tony thought, reaching out, to run a hand through his hair. He could see his eyes moving behind his closed eyelids, in REM sleep. Bucky suddenly cried out, said eyelids springing open, as he clutched at Tony’s arm.

“Nightmare?” Tony asked gently, watching Bucky pant and move to place his head on his chest. “Well, you’re here awake now, and with _me_ , so now your consciousness has moved into pure awesomeness.”

“Well that’s true. It’s like my mind wants to punish me, for being so happy,” Bucky said, sounding a little mournful. “In the dream I was in a room, with Hydra. They were threatening to hurt me. And they had Steve. Only I didn’t know where they were keeping him. I begged them to let him go. I told them I’d do whatever they wanted, just don’t hurt Steve.”

“Well, there’s proof that it was a dream, right there. In reality, both you and Steve would have taken down every one of those Hydra agents, before they even _looked_ in your direction,” Tony said, continuing to relish the soft texture of his dark hair strands. He had helped Bucky wash his hair earlier that night.

“I’m worried about Steve.”

“Steve is fine, Bucky. Remember to think logically. It was a nightmare.”

“I know I just… I need to call him.”

Tony glanced at the clock radio. “At three o’clock in the morning?”

“Am I being silly?”

Tony reached over, unplugged his mobile from the charger on top of the bedside drawer, and handed it to him.

“Possibly, but go on. It will ease your mind.”

_Steven’s probably not going to be impressed._

Tony watched him switch the device on, and search for Steve’s number, before placing it to his ear. The mobile rang out for so long that Tony thought Steve wasn’t going to answer.

“Bucky!” Steve was talking so loud that Tony could hear him. “What’s wrong? Is it Tony? Did something happen to him?”

“No, it’s fine it’s…” Tony did not even need to look at Bucky’s face, to feel the warmth of his flush. “Now I feel a little silly. Where are you? Are you alright?”

“I’m at home, Buck. In bed. What’s wrong?”

“I… I just had a bad nightmare, that’s all, about you. I had to make sure you’re alright.”

“Bucky, I’m fine. But are _you_ alright? Is Tony with you?”

“Yes, he’s right here.”

“Hey Steve!” Tony called out.

“I feel like a bit of an idiot,” Bucky said.

“Not at all! It’s actually rather sweet you are so worried about me. I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, alright, Buck? It will all be alright. It’s exciting! Seeing Rebecca again, after so long!”

“I know…”

“I get that it’s all a bit overwhelming. But I’ll be there. And Tony will be there.”

“I’d better go.”

“Alright, I’ll see you early tomorrow. It’s going to fine, you’ll see.”

Bucky turned off the mobile and handed it to Tony, who then placed it back on the charger, before pulling the blanket up to cover them, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s back. Remembering the nightlight, he moved up and switched it off, then settled back to embrace his lover, once more.

“Feeling better?”

“Feeling a little silly,” Bucky said, reaching down with his flesh hand to lightly stroke Tony’s hip.

“Hm well I love my silly Bucky…” Tony closed his eyes. “And don’t worry about tomorrow. They’re all going to be really excited to see you!”

“But what if something goes wrong? Or they-?"

“Sh!” Tony kissed his slightly citrusy smelling hair. “You’re overthinking things, as usual. I’m sure a million emotions are racing through you, right now. But, Steve’s right. Seeing your sister again is a good thing.”

“We’d better sleep. I need to get up in four hours.”

“Hm…hold on, four hours?”

“I set the alarm an hour earlier because I was hoping to make love before Steve arrives.”

Tony moved over, grabbed the alarm clock and placed the time back to now two hours earlier.

“Sleep is overrated.”

*

“Just put it by the bed,” Tony told Dum E, who then moved up to the bedside drawer, and placed the tray on top. The robot then rolled over to the bathroom, and stood by the closed door. “Alright you can go now! Stop being a little robot creeper.”

Dum E rolled out of the room. Within seconds, the bathroom door opened and Bucky, pink from the shower, with a towel around the waist, came out into the bedroom. Tony wasn’t sure what looked better; Bucky going into the shower, all flushed, sweaty and marked with the various other fluids from their lovemaking, or coming out of the shower, all pink skinned and tousle-haired.

“Dum E brought some food for you,” Tony said, bending his elbow and placing his head on his hand, to watch Bucky grab some clothes, out of the bottom drawer.

“Let me guess. Not cocoa puffs.”

“You’re about to meet family you didn’t even know existed, Bucky. So you’re going to have healthy stuff,” Tony deliberately travelled his eyes down, appreciating his muscular body, as he took off the towel and started to pull on underwear and jeans. “Long lasting carbohydrates, not sugars, which will play havoc with your system. I want you well prepared, today.”

Bucky shoved on the panther t-shirt that T’Challa had given him in Wakanda, and then walked over to the bed.

“Ooh you’re being _serious_. Must be important.”

He climbed in, beside Tony, grabbing the tray and placing it on his lap.

“Oats with apples. Does look good, I must say.”

“I’ll give you an eight out of ten for that sarcasm. Very convincing,” Tony said, as Bucky picked up the spoon and started to dig into the mush.

“I was being truthful,” Bucky reached his metal arm around and Tony’s shoulders, scooting him closer to him.

“You are a terrible liar,” Tony grinned, curling up against Bucky’s side and closing his eyes.

“What about _your_ breakfast?”

“Well, seeing as Steve as always, wants to arrive at some insane hour of the morning, I would like a bit more of a sleep in. We’re not actually meeting them till two-o’clock this afternoon. What’s the rush?”

“Well, he thought maybe we could get a gift… for Rebecca.”

“That will take the entire morning? What are you looking for? JD Salinger’s signature?”

“Cather in the Rye’ is now one of my favourite books!” Bucky said, with the pronounced enthusiasm, in which he always talked about his favourite things.

“Yes, psychic ability does exist and I’m the new Nostradamus. And no I didn’t see the very well-loved copy of it in your bookcase. Actually it makes sense, now I think of it, that it would be one of your favourites. Although you had to be different and complete _your_ assassinations _before_ you read the book. Always so contrary, Bucky. Anyway, you and Steve go do your supersoldiering, or whatever it is that you do. I’m sleeping in.”

*

“Tony….”

“Mm…”

Soft fingers through his hair.

“Steve’s here. We’re going to buy that gift for Rebecca. Be back soon.”

“Mm…”

“See you later. Love you, my gorgeous brown eyed man.”

Soft lips on his cheek.

*

Tony sat down opposite the mainframe and took another bite of the waffle, before placing it down on the plate, pushing it aside and switching on the console. As the computer loaded, he focused on the lower right corner of the monitor, suddenly realising what was missing.

“Dum E!” He shouted. “Give it back.”

The robot edged forward. Stopped. Edged forward again.

“I know you have it!”

The robot rolled out of the room, and then came back, a few seconds later, with the photo clamped within his beak. Tony grabbed it from him and stuck it to his computer once more. The two-dimensional image of Bucky’s half-naked body wrapped in a sheet, his eyes impossibly wide and innocent, along with a very smug looking Tony, now occupied its rightful space, once more. Clearly, Dum E recognised Bucky in the photo. This was not the first time that Dum E had taken it off the monitor.

“Take it again and I’ll redesign you into Christmas lights!”

A part of himself realised that it was useless arguing with a robot. As much as Tony found it fun to fantasize that Dum E had a ‘crush’ on his boyfriend (who or what wouldn’t? Tony mused, to himself) it was most likely that Dum E was simply mirroring Tony’s own fascination with Bucky.

“Alright, go get the seeds,” Tony said to Dum E. “Let’s see if we can make the carbon dioxide propagating enzyme work _this_ time.”

*

Tony was aware that Dum E was being overly cautious, as usual. However, this time the plant didn’t spontaneously combust, so he truly didn’t appreciate being sprayed with fire retardant.

“Yes, thanks for that. You do realise I made certain that there was no chance whatsoever, this time, that the plant was going to catch alight?” Tony asked Dum E, still sitting next to him and, even more infuriatingly, with the fire extinguisher at the ready, to give him a potential second burst.

 “Still arguing with your robots Tony?” Steve said, as he entered the room, watching Tony pick himself up off the ground. Bucky followed, a large parcel in his hands.

Tony would have preferred for Bucky not to come home to discover him covered in chemical foam. He would have vastly desired for Bucky to walk in just as he had made a breakthrough with his genetically modified plants. In particular, he would be looking incredibly dashing and oily with sweat, his muscles flexing in an appropriately sexy way, as he worked on containing the usually dull carbon dioxide sucking plant, which had suddenly turned into a flesh eating triffid, in his little fantasy. Right now, he appeared as though the Marshmallow Man had just vomited on him.

“Well, he did just spray me with fire retardant spray, even though I told him repeatedly not to!” Tony said, glaring at Dum E, who had rolled over, to sit before Bucky.

“Just make him the ring bearer. He’ll love it.”

“Bucky told you about that?” Tony combed his fingers through his hair, trying to disentangle at least a smidge of the foam from the now clumped together strands, as he came towards them. “Is that parcel for Rebecca?” He asked Bucky, who nodded. “Well, what is this, Bucky and Steve’s Messed up Cluedo? Do I have to guess what it is? I’ll say Bucky in the workroom with the candlestick.”

 For a moment, Bucky and Steve’s eyes flicked to each other.

“Alright, I lied. It’s not for Rebecca. It’s for _you_ ,” Bucky said.

“Ooh I love presents! What is it?” Tony jumped up and down, rubbing his hands. “Can I guess? Aaaaah…Could it _be_ a candlestick? No, why would you give me a candlestick?”

“Is it alright if I give it to you later? It’s not complete,” Bucky said.

“Hm… now I _am_ intrigued.”

“You’re not going to guess what it is,” Steve said.

“It’s alright. I like keeping the tension going,” Tony grinned. “What time is it, anyway?”

“Just after eleven.”

“Well with the second Jag, we can make the journey in a little over an hour.”

“Tony that would involve speeding,” Steve said. Both him and Bucky suddenly bore similar unimpressed expressions.

“Fine, we’ll be boring then and do the speed limit.”

“Yes and hopefully not kill ourselves, or anyone else,” Steve said.

Tony was going to make a rejoinder but then decided it wasn’t worth it.

“I’m having a shower. Oh and next time Dum E,” he turned back to the robot, which now sat directly beside Bucky. “Christmas lights.”

*

“Ok so I’ll wait then?” Tony asked Steve, as he slowly stroked Bucky’s thigh. Bucky grabbed his other hand and held it in his own, continuing to silently look out the window of the fast moving vehicle. “It just seems a little redundant, considering my Iron Men could just go into the castle and take out all of the enemy Hydra combatants within two point three minutes?”

“The intel says are no civilians in there but I don’t trust it,” Steve said.

“Well yes, point made. Alright, we go with your plan then.”

“Thank you, Tony.”

“So how’s the drawing going?”

Steve glanced at Bucky. Although Tony, as ever, couldn’t read his expression, he was pretty certain that he could determine what the look between the friends implied.

“So Bucky _shouldn’t_ have told me about your clandestine hobby of drawing? Honestly? That’s _it_? Drawing? I was hoping for something more interesting, like you enjoy covering yourself in silver paint and going out every second night to frisk midgets, or something even _more_ interesting.”

“I just like to sketch occasionally,” Steve said, his cheeks turning pink.

 “He’s very good,” Bucky said. “He has a small sketchpad in his bag.”

“Bucky!” Steve said.

“Can I see it? Please Steve? Please?” Tony pouted, deliberately using his puppydog eyes to their full effect, knowing that Steve would not be able to resist.

Steve sighed, then reached into his bag.

_Yep, works every time._

“They’re not at all…” He said, handing a small black sketchpad over to Tony.

Tony opened to the front page, which showed a sketch of six men rowing on a lake. The next page showed a child, making a sandcastle on a beach, with her mum kneeling beside her. Steve’s style was very organic and he had a good understanding of depth and symmetry. There was a distinct vibrancy of the drawings, as though the people were about to start actually moving, on the page.

“This is really great, Steve.”

“No, it’s ok you don’t have to-“ Steve said, suddenly snatching the pad off him.

“I liked how in the second picture you made the child the focal point. Even though, in terms of scale, the child was proportionally smaller than normal, it draws the eye inwards.”

“That was what I was hoping for,” Steve said. “To draw the observer in, to that one detail.”

“I really liked the hands. Just so beautifully rendered.”

“You’re not joking,” Steve said.

“You have talent, it’s clear.”

Steve’s handsome face broke out into a somewhat bashful grin.

“I told you, Steve,” Bucky said, looking distinctly disgruntled.

“Two people are now saying you have talent. No need to be bashful,” Tony said.

“Yes, well no offense you’re both friends of mine.”

“Ah, this is _me_ here. I would tell you if they were terrible, believe me.”

“I can vouch for that,” Happy called out, from the driver’s front seat.

“Actually, you would, wouldn’t you?” Steve laughed. “Thanks, Tony.”

*

Rebecca sat up in the armchair, at the back of the bedroom, by the window, dressed in a handsome blue dress, her hair hanging in soft grey curls by her face. Fresh mascara and lipstick highlighted her features. It was clear that she’d ‘dressed herself up’ for her brother. A woman sat on the bed beside her, with the same narrow nose and grey eyes. A younger woman and man stood in the corner, near the ensuite, both looking rather fidgety.

Bucky was the first to step into the room.

“Rebecca?”

For a moment, both brother and sister stared at each other.

“Well, glad you finally made it after only over seventy years! Come over and give me a hug. Damn you look young!” Rebecca said.

Bucky rushed over, as though he’d been catapulted and they firmly embraced, as Steve then stepped into the room, behind him.

“Steve Rogers!” Rebecca said, as they released. “Still handsome as ever!  And how you've grown! Yes, I know about the supersoldier thing. Now I’m definitely giving _you_ a hug!”

Steve laughed and came over. “How are you, Rebecca?” He said, embracing her.

“Better now I’m hugging you!”  Tony heard her say, as Bucky introduced himself to Mary and hugged her.

“My uncle…” Mary said. “This is weird.”

Tony stepped into the room. The young man in the corner screamed.

“It’s Tony Stark! I mean I heard… but I didn’t believe it! It’s actually Tony Stark!”

This was the exact reason why, just before they reached the room, Tony had offered to stay in the corridor. In fact, Tony had not wanted to enter the retirement complex at all, preferring to stay in the car, with Happy. This was about Bucky’s moment, not him. Only Bucky had insisted that he come in.

“Alright, Scott, my beloved grandson, please do shut up!” Rebecca said.

“But it’s… hello!” Scott shook his hand. For a moment, Tony was worried that the young man would not release his hand.

“Nice to meet you. Kimberly.” The granddaughter flushed, clearly uncomfortable with her brother’s reaction.

“Mary,” the woman beside her shook his hand.

“How about you sit right here, Steve,” Rebecca said, patting the arm of her armchair.

“Grandma has turned into a pervert in her old age,” Kimberly said loudly.

“My dear, I was _always_ a pervert.”

Tony laughed, along with Steve, Kimberly and Scott, as he stepped forward.

“I’m Tony. We spoke on the phone.”

“Tony, if it wasn’t for your suave voice, I would have taken you for some kind of lunatic! Luckily I then talked to Kimberly about the whole Bucky Barnes fiasco.”

“I’d heard all the stories, of course,” Kimberly explained. “But I didn’t put it all together. I didn’t know grandma as a ‘Barnes’.”

“Makes sense,” Tony agreed.

 “Well, Tony is my…” Bucky began. “Tony is mine.”

For a moment, Tony thought that he was going to say ‘fiancé’. They had decided to not tell anyone but their closest friends, until a later time. Although he had no doubt that Bucky would be telling his family soon. Right now wasn’t the right time.

“Yes, we know,” Rebecca said. “Tony’s been rather outspoken about it, in the press. Kimberly even showed me a few of those countless paparazzi photos of you two. Bucky, this is distinctly unfair. I don’t see you for over seventy years. Then you rock up looking young and handsome and still with your young handsome best friend and with a handsome billionaire boyfriend! In fact, Tony! How about you come sit here, then, if Steve won’t,” she again patted the arm of her chair.

“How about if I sat in your _lap_ instead?”

“Oh you saucy saucy man!” Rebecca said, laughing. “I like this one!”

*

To Tony, it had been a fun afternoon, full of joyful reminiscing, from the family, Bucky and Steve, as well as a lot of laughter. He had to admit, Rebecca was a hoot, far more outlandish than her more serious brother. As they left, Mary invited them to a family barbeque, the following Sunday. Bucky had immediately answered in the affirmative. Mary had then given Bucky a black and white photo of himself and Rebecca, from when they were children. They were sitting on swings, in a park. Bucky was missing his two front teeth and, in Tony's opinion, was insufferably adorable, even as a young child.

It was a surprise, therefore, when on the way home, in the car, Bucky, still clutching the photo, suddenly started quietly sobbing. Steve, seated beside him, instantly placed his arms around him.

“It’s alright, we had a good day today.”           

“I know; I know it’s just… all those years…”

“I understand…” Steve said, still holding him.

_Yes, he would. He would understand, more than anyone._

“It was a great day. I’m just… I guess I’m just a bit overwhelmed.”

“That’s alright. It’s ok to be overwhelmed,” Steve then looked at Tony, seated opposite and mouthed the words ‘Thank you’. Tony smiled and nodded back.

*

“So I’ll see you Sunday,” Steve said, standing just by the open front door.

“Yes, I’m actually looking forward to seeing Rebecca again. Naughty old lady. I like it!”

Steve laughed. “She always did have that slightly naughty side to her. Far more than Bucky. He was the good boy. Ironic, really. But yes, she’s great. I’m just so happy that Bucky has family. She just idolised him, you know, growing up.”

“I can see that, come to think of it,” Tony said. “Actually, I don’t think I’ll come on Sunday. Give you guys a good chance to get to know each other, again.”

“It’s just so good for Bucky.”

“And for you.”

For a moment, they smiled at each other.

“Thank you for complimenting my drawings. Your opinion means a lot to me.”

“For once, I was serious Steve. I really did think they were very good, indeed.”

“Who knows maybe I’ll be the next Michelangelo.”

“Let’s not get _too_ cocky.”

Steve laughed. “Ok fine I’ll settle for a Leonardo Da Vinci.”

“Better.”

Steve reached out and clamped a hand on his shoulder, his blue-green eyes suddenly alive with emotion. “I missed you, you know. I’m so glad that we’re friends again.”

“Me too.”

“Alright, goodbye.”

Tony watched him leave, feeling a lightness settle in his heart. It occurred to him that he and Steve were finally at peace with each other, in fact had been, for a while.

He closed the door, then turned, looking around to try and figure out where Bucky had gone. He walked across the foyer and down the stairs.

“Bucky?”

Although Bucky had said goodbye to Steve in the living room, it wasn’t like him to not walk him to the door.

“Bucky?”

He crossed into the living room. At the base of the stairs, he spotted Bucky’s red hoodie. He walked up the stairs. At the top lay the white shirt he’d worn that day. Further along, a pair of jeans, then a belt. Followed by a pair of underwear. With his heart pounding and a very particular part of his body already at attention and ready for some fun, he stepped into the bedroom, to find the naked Bucky seated on the bed, looking at him with an intense come-hither expression.

“You need to get out of those clothes.”

“Yes sir!” Tony didn’t recall ever getting undressed so fast in his life. He then jumped onto the bed and into Bucky’s embrace.

“I want us to have each other for hours,” Bucky said.

“I am at your command.”

*

“Ok, if I die right now, they will find the most blissful looking corpse, in the history of corpses. Please make sure it’s in the obituary. It would be very fitting; ‘Tony Stark Dies of a Heart Attack After Mammoth Sex Session.”

Both Tony and Bucky had ended their sexual odyssey on a blanket, on the floor, at the foot of the bed. Bucky, who had been kissing Tony’s left knee, then suddenly placed his leg down and moved to sit on his thighs, smiling down at him.

“Hello there.”

“Hello there.”

“What’s a gorgeous thing like you doing here?”

“Well, oddly enough it’s my tower. Oh did you mean on the floor here? Well, me and my fiancé, we were rolling around the bed, in this incredible sex session, when we kind of fell off, then decided just to continue down here.”

“Sounds like you had fun.”

“I think my penis is now going to be non-functional from overuse.”

Bucky reached down and started to fondle said body part. “You’ll be fine.” He then slid down Tony’s body, used the sheet they were lying on to wipe it clean, before looking up at him, as he swirled his tongue around the very tip. Tony was aware of how difficult even such a small act was, for Bucky. Bucky then slid up him once more. Tony could, as usual, read Bucky’s love, warmth and affection in his eyes.

“I like Rebecca. She’s such a frisky old woman. All of them were great. Even the grandson… what am I thinking? _Especially_ the grandson. Clear fan of me.”

 “It was as though nothing had changed. Seventy years since I last saw her…I tried not to think about her or mum and dad. It was too painful. And Steve. When I recognised him I just…” He shook his head. “I have family again. Thank you, Tony.”

“My pleasure gorgeous.” Tony reached up a hand and started to gently play with the slightly curled in hair strands around Bucky’s neck. “How about just you and Steve go on Sunday? Really give you some time to get to know your sister again. I’ll just overshadow things.”

“You sure?”

Tony nodded.

“Alright then.”

“You hungry, gorgeous? How about we freak out a pizza deliverer? What is the time anyway? Must be getting late. At least Bruce won’t arrive at some crazy time of the morning, like Steve. He’s not an absolute lunatic, like that.” Tony sighed. “I still think it’s _ridiculous_  we are forced to go to ‘couples counselling’ before our wedding. It’s one of the stupidest laws-“ He stopped when he realised the intensity in which Bucky was staring back at him. For a moment they simply held eyes, blue on brown, before Bucky leant forward, grabbing Tony around the shoulders, and pulling their bodies together, in a tight embrace. Tony placed his own arms around Bucky’s shoulders. It occurred to him that, before Bucky, he wasn’t a particularly tactile person. However, Bucky yearned for physical affection. Tony guessed it was because the giving of any physical affection, towards the Winter Soldier, always masked a darker motive.

Bucky sighed, his metal arm pressing deeper into Tony’s upper back.

“Bucky?”

“I love you,” Bucky said, then started nuzzling Tony’s hair.

“Et tu gorgeous.”

Bucky pulled back and stared at him with the intense expression again, smiling a little.

“Tony, it’s funny, being a billionaire, you can give me anything that you want. You gave me a new arm, you cured me of my brainwashing, and now you’ve found my sister. I’ve realised that you keep giving me the one thing that can’t be measured in terms of money,” Bucky’s eyes became overly bright. “I was in such a dark place. I thought I’d never find my way out of it.”

“I was in that place too, gorgeous. But seeing you, as in the _real_ you. You didn’t have to make an arm for me or anything like that. But you made me a metaphorical arm. Do you understand?”

Bucky smiled, nodded. “Yes, I think I do.”

He placed his arms around Tony and they embraced once more. Now Tony sighed, relishing the warmth and tenderness, of his beloved ex-brainwashed assassin supersoldier. They pulled apart.

“Should we scare some poor pizza guy?” Bucky asked, his face lighting up in his Bucky-centric mischievous expression.

“Sounds good,” Tony said, although, all considered, he figured Bucky could have told him to renounce all love of Black Sabbath and he would have gladly demurred.

Tbc…

(Next Epilogue 2 and the final final part)


	31. Epilogue Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Bucky decide to spend a night at the real beach, in Northern Ireland, from Bucky's memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While writing this, I came across a list of 'Romantic Couple Development' questions, which are used to determine whether the couple is 'in love' or 'infatuated'. Out of interest, I answered them. I was going to include the questions and answers, in a list, at the end of this fic but then thought it would be more fun to have Tony and Bucky answer them (after being asked, by Bruce).  
> Here is a list of the questions: http://www.springhole.net/writing/couple-questions.htm
> 
> So end chapter. Thank you so much to all who have been following! I'm going to miss writing about Tony and Bucky's adventures but am glad this is no longer a WIP. I really have enjoyed writing this :).

“I just don’t see why we have to do this!” Tony said, folding his arms and pouting.

Sitting in the rather fluffy armchair opposite him, Bruce sighed. “Because it’s been inscribed in the law, that you have to answer these questions, before you marry.”

“Well it’s a _ridiculous_ law.  Did you know that in this fair state, it’s against the law to walk around with an ice cream cone in your pocket, on a Sunday? Not even _that’s_ as ludicrous as this marriage law,” Tony paused. “I am definitely going to flaunt that one, remind me.”

“I went all the way of being ordained, so I can have the pleasure of asking you these questions, that some psychiatrist wrote ten years ago and then some lawmaker decreed every potentially married couple has to answer,” Bruce said, wryly, pointing at the notepad before him, which showcased his slightly slanted, neat handwriting.

“I’m glad you became ordained, otherwise it might be a bit difficult for you to officiate the wedding,” Bucky said dryly, unfolding Tony’s arm and taking his hand. Tony grinned at Bruce and raised his eyebrows.

“I am utterly honoured that you have selected me for this monumental task-“

“We know,” Tony said. “You’ve told us precisely thirty-seven times. We’ve been keeping count, you know.”

“Just answer these few required counselling questions and we can get to the more fun parts of organising a wedding.”

“Pepper has pretty much taken over, on the organisational side, which is… actually pretty beneficial,” Tony admitted. “I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘fun’ to choose between different flowers, particularly as neither me or Bucky could care less.”

Bucky brought his hand to his lips and kissed it.

“Yes, there seems to be a lot of Tony and me just saying ‘We. Don’t Care'.”

“Apart from the music.”

“Oh yes, we care about that.”

“And who is sitting with who. Families can be so damned temperamental. Not yours gorgeous. I’m sure they’ll be fine,” Tony squeezed his hand.

“So, are we going to do this?” Bruce asked, tapping his pen on the pad.

“Alright, go on then,” Tony sighed. “Let’s get this ridiculousness over with then.”

“Ok, first question,” Bruce glanced down at his notepad. “What did you two bond over, as in, at the start of the relationship?”

Tony looked into Bucky’s irises, now ocean blue, in the direct sunlight streaming in, through the window opposite. “Well, that would be my ‘De-Brainwash Bucky Barnes programme. You can’t go into someone’s private, most painful memories and not start to bond a little with them.”

“I think it was specifically when we kept trying to kill the Red Skull over and over. We kept trying all these different techniques but it always ended the same. There would be the countdown and Winter would appear and try and kill you, Tony.”

“Other couples have had less auspicious beginnings. Maybe I should have just tried the internet,” Tony said, with his usual dryness.

“I’d say we bonded a lot over realising our similar pasts. I could see that Tony really did genuinely want me to work through my brainwashing. Going into my own memory, to help me fight against my own trauma. That’s pretty powerful stuff. You’re right, Tony. I can’t see how we _couldn’t_ have bonded over that,” Bucky said.

“It really did become a collaborative process. But, ultimately, it always had to be.”

“Plus, of course, this.” Bucky held up his metal arm and wiggled his fingers. “All of the work and preparation that went into creating the new arm. I remember going into surgery, my anxiety. But Tony, you managed to calm me down.”

 “We oddly bonded over my parents’ death. You going into the software and trying to change the outcome, over and over.”

“That was the night that we admitted our feelings for each other.”

“So there we go, we bonded because of _my_ brilliance,” Tony turned back to face Bruce.

“What kinds of activities do you like to do together? As in non-intimate?” Bruce asked.

“We watch a lot of movies,” Bucky said.

“Does soaping each other count? Or does that count as ‘intimate?”

“Going off to see wild animals in zoos or the wild, hunting Hydra, visiting out of the way places… if only so I can buy a toothbrush.”

“Going into crazy memories of ourselves, together,” Tony grinned.

“Sometimes just sitting and talking,” Bucky said.

“Cooking together!”

“Eating good food and drinking good wine.”

“Going into the spa together… clothes optional,” Tony said. “I guess that’s intimate but we don’t tend to make love in the spa. One of the few places now I think about it.”

“Partner dancing to rock music.”

“Freaking out pizza deliverers… who are weirdly obsessed by us.”

“Just walking the city, or going out onto the roof, to see Tony’s view, and hopefully not get harassed by paparazzi.”

“What do you guys talk about?” Bruce asked.

“What _don’t_ we talk about? We can both talk in different languages to each other!” Bucky said. “We talk about everything. Stupid things, like movies, or who has the better taste in music, or what we dreamt that night, then really intense things, like our pasts. We’ve revealed things to each other that we have never told other people.”

Tony nodded.

“We talk about what how we’re tracking, not just say Tony’s work or my study. I mean how we’re tracking, in life. It’s important for us to know that we’re progressing through our past abuse.”

“So what dreams or goals do you share?” Bruce asked.

“Well,” Bucky said, “We both have the goal of working through our past trauma or at least coming to terms with it. In particular, our triggers.”

“I’d argue we also have a shared goal of hunting and killing Hydra, or at least handing them over to the authorities,” Tony said.

“Ok what goals do you _not_ share?” Bruce asked.

“Well, Bucky wants to be a zoologist. I wanted to keep a puma as a pet, until he talked me out of it. No, I’m not really interested in zoology. Clearly.”

“I’m not really into the idea of building Iron Men. I also like the idea of Tony solving climate change.  But that is very specific to him. Not that I’m not supportive though!”

“Oh me too! I actively encourage Bucky’s study.”

“And children?” Bruce said.

“Oh no we don’t want children,” Bucky said.

“Why not?”

Bucky shrugged. “Just not interested.”

“Exactly,” Tony said.

“What other plans do you have for the future?”

“We’re getting married. Isn’t that stressful enough?”  Tony asked. “Find more of those Hydra bastions of humanity.”

“More travel,” Bucky said.

“Well yes that goes without say.”

“What is the most difficult situation you have faced together?”

“I’d say being raped by a facet of my amygdala brought to life who then ordered Bucky to join in was just a _tad_ difficult.”

“It’s also the situation that broke Bucky of his programming,” Bruce pointed out. “Actually, my next question was how did you deal with it. But I think I’ve answered my own question.”

“If you’ll recall I dealt by _not_ dealing,” Tony said.

“Pretty much the first thing you wanted to do, when you came out of the coma, was to see if Bucky was alright,” Bruce said. “Even though you had suffered, your concern was with him.”

“Well, better to worry about him than to ponder being raped again, even if it was in my own mind. But yes, I knew that Bucky had broken through his programming but I needed to know what the ultimate outcome was.”

“I wasn’t going to hurt Tony. Even if I died as a result, I was not going to obey,” Bucky covered Tony’s hand with his other hand.

“Why don’t we move onto something more pleasant. What are some of your best memories together so far?” Bruce asked.

Tony looked into Bucky’s pale eyes. “The whale watching. Your excitement,” Tony said.

“That’s one of mine too!”

“I have to say another one of mine is… in the memory software programme, when you destroyed the Red Skull with your metal arm. Gave me goosebumps.”

“You came out of the coma and sat next to me, on the beach. My own favourite hideaway spot. And when you found me again, when I was in _my_ coma. Yes, these will always be two of my favourite memories of us. But then again. There are so many Bruce. Too many to count. I could be here for hours, recounting favourite memories.”

“Ok, now for the tough question. What things do you do that get on each other’s nerves?”

Tony tried to be diplomatic. “Bucky, you know how much I absolutely adore you. I’m with you till the end, alright? And I understand where you’re coming from. But every so often, your lack of confidence rears up and sometimes it establishes itself in not so good ways.”

“I understand,” said Bucky.

“Like when you decided that you were just going to leave, remember, in Wakanda?”

“I’m not leaving, Tony. Alright? I’m _never_ going to abandon you. But I do understand. Sometimes I guess I get scared. And I need reassurance…”

“That’s alright, Bucky. I’m happy to give it to you.”

“And I’m happy to give it to _you_. You’re not so good at hiding as you think, Tony,” Bucky smiled.

 “Also, why is it that every time we travel somewhere, you always have to choose the scummiest, dirtiest looking…?”

“See that’s funny because that’s what gets on _my_ nerves,” Bucky said. “The money thing. It’s like sometimes you don’t realize the way the majority of the population lives. I understand that’s all you know but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t get on my nerves, at times.”

Tony shrugged. “I can understand that.”

“Tony, what quirks does Bucky have that you formerly weren’t aware of?” Bruce asked.

Tony looked at Bucky and grinned. “The obsession with toothbrushes. I found that out the first morning he stayed over, when I woke up to find him brushing with mine. Bucky’s thing about stealing my clothes, even though he’s a good three inches taller than me. His terrible taste in music. Michael Buble? His love of Eddie Murphy. Actually, he’s alright. Especially his older stuff. Bucky is one of the most excitable people that I’ve ever met. I’ve never met anyone who so openly shows his excitement for things. Bucky sees a beetle and it’s on par with discovering a new, potentially liveable planet, within reach of earth.”

“But not spiders.”

“Yes, that’s another one. Bucky is scared of spiders.”

“And what about you, Bucky?”

“Quirks of Tony? Tony _is_ a quirk. He talks to his robots as though they are actually human. He’s always eating. Always has food in his hand. Which is fine because his metabolism is incredible. Tony is extremely ticklish!” He said poking him. Tony squirmed in response. “Tony has only ever admitted one flaw. He once tried, and failed, to play the guitar. Tony is an incredible singer. Very bluesy voice. Tony can handle being pummelled while fighting Hydra but not having a bad case of the flu, or gastro, or even a tiny thorn, in his finger. Oh and Tony has no fear of spiders. I’ve seen him literally pick them up with his hands.”

“Well that adds another quirk for me then. Bucky the only thing that stops you from being a perfect human being is your terrible singing voice.”

Bucky laughed. “Fair enough.”

“What do you disagree on?” Bruce asked.

“Well we have very differing tastes in music,” Bucky said. “We disagreed on who was going to be best man. When we visit different countries, as Tony said. We tend to disagree on where we want to go and visit.”

“How do you reconcile these disagreements?”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Tony said. “We tend to just compromise. Or one of us caves in. Here’s the thing, we have survived the fact that he was brainwashed to kill my parents. Do you think we’re going to care about a little thing like what someone is playing on the radio?”

“Well that does get into my next question. How do you reconcile fights?”

“I think it comes down to respect and trust. We respect and trust each other enough to talk it through, whatever the issue. Tony’s right. We managed to talk through the fact that Winter killed his parents. I’m pretty sure we can talk through anything.”

“And what if you are pain, or in trouble? What do you do to help each other?”

“I like to think that I’m very good at bringing out what exactly the issue is. For someone who talks a lot, Tony can be very insular, at times.”

“I don’t like seeing Bucky in pain. I’ll do anything I can, to stop it. Whether it means just letting him talk, or giving him my secret Tony Stark hug formula.”

“What is the biggest potential threat to the relationship?”

“Honestly? That is one of the questions?” Tony asked.

Bruce shrugged, then nodded.

Tony and Bucky looked at each other.

“Well, I guess we’re human. And like all humans, we can make mistakes. For me it’s my own lack of confidence. As they say, we are our own worst enemies. Sometimes I’m scared that my fears could actually somehow cause me to do something to hurt Tony. But I tell myself that I would never. I would rip my flesh arm off, before I hurt Tony.”

“Damn this is turning into a counselling session,” Tony muttered.

“When you love someone, it leaves you vulnerable,” Bruce said. “What about you, Tony?”

“What Bucky just said pretty much sums up what I feel. As in, I don't want to hurt Bucky because of my own pigheadedness, at times.”

“Would you be willing to change anything for each other?”

“Well I’m trying to be not as much of a self-obsessed jerk,” Tony said. “It’s hard because it’s sort of my go-to persona.”

“I’m trying to be more open, more confident just be an all-round great person. For Tony and also for me.”

“Anything you _wouldn’t_ change about yourself, for the other?”

“Well, I guess if Tony didn’t encourage me with my studies, or my friendship with Steve, that would be an issue.”

“If Bucky told me I spend too much time with my Iron Men and not enough on him.”

“Why would I do that? You love your Iron Men! Why would I want to take away the one thing that you love possibly more than me?”

“Not more than you. But close… yes close…”

“Ok great and the final question is about intimacy. Please don’t tell me details guys, but how often would you say you’re intimate?”

“I’d say two… three times a day,” Bucky said.

“Two three times a _day_?” Bruce raised his brow. “You little rabbits.”

 “Is that weird?” Bucky asked. “What’s normal?”

“It’s completely fine. If it’s consensual then no, it’s not weird.”

“Well I know because we both have… our pasts, with the sexual abuse. But we are very respectful of each other’s boundaries.”

“See the thing is we are both extraordinarily good looking people. So when we see each other, we are determined to have sex all the time,” Tony said.

Bruce smiled and shook his head. “Only _you_ could get away with saying that.”

“But it’s the truth!”

“Here’s the thing, I don’t think I could… with anyone else, other than Tony. I trust him.”

“Likewise. I’m completely uninterested in being with anyone else.”

“Alright,” Bruce closed his notepad. “That’s it.”

“That’s it? You don’t want to ask about our favourite sexual positions?” Tony asked, sardonically.

“I’d really _really_ prefer not to ask that.”

Tony sighed, sinking further into the armchair.

“Bruce do you want to stay for dinner?” Bucky asked.

“Oh… thanks! That would be nice.”

“Well I have some study to do. I’ll leave you two to your own thing.”

All three stood up.

“Bruce just be busy for a moment,” Tony said as he smiled at Bucky, stroking a hand down his lightly stubbled jaw. Bucky leant forward and their mouths came together, tongues tenderly lapping. Bucky pulled away.

“You guys have fun,” Bucky said, leaning forward to peck Tony on the mouth once more, then moved away, to the door.

Tony turned to Bruce, who was smirking.

“I called it! I called it in Wakanda before Bucky even told me he had feelings for you.”

“Oh aren’t you a Mr. Smarty Pants?” Tony asked.

“Well to be honest it was more obvious from Bucky’s side. The way he’d look at you when you’d walk into the room. It was like his entire body had been electrified.”

“That’s actually a pretty common response, from _most_ people, when I walk in the room.”

“Not like the way he was looking at you. Honestly Tony, you didn’t notice. But he barely kept his eyes off you. You weren’t as obvious. But a few times, when you were talking, just the way you were looking at him. It was as though there was no one else in the room. I just remember being all giddy. As in aw… Bucky and Tony sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

Tony laughed.

“Anyway, show me this climate change plant that you’ve been working on.”

*

“So, if we calculate the biased fractionalisation, we can then multiply the genome factor,” Bruce said, as he walked, alongside Tony, up the stairs, to the front door.

“I agree, in terms of the expression domains retained in the duplicate,” Tony said. “I’m also very much focused on lineage-specific amplification.”

“You two are talking in a different language, right now,” Bucky said, following behind them.

“Say ten o’clock tomorrow?” Bruce said. “I agree if we work specifically on the biased fractionalisation, to begin with-“

“Can you possibly make it the day after?” Bucky asked.

“Bucky, you’re not taking another day off college?” Tony frowned.

“We’re in mid-semester break, remember? From tomorrow.”

“Oh I can’t believe I forgot!”

“Sure, Bucky. I’ll come over on Tuesday, then,” Bruce now stood at the front door. He unlocked and opened it. “Have fun with whatever it is you have planned.”

He then waved goodbye and walked out, closing the door behind himself.  Tony turned to face Bucky.

“I have an idea,” Bucky said, placing his arms around Tony’s waist. “What is your fastest jet?”

“That would be the G800.  Usual top speed of eight-hundred miles-per-hour. Of course, I tinkered with it so it now goes double that speed.”

“Let’s go for a trip right now. I want to find that beach in Northern Ireland. The one from my memory.”

“You want to go now?”

Bucky nodded. “I want to go camp on that beach. I want to make love on that beach. We can take the jet and then drive the rest of the way. It’s not a very well known, or liked beach. At this time of year, we’ll have it all to ourselves.”

“Alright, let’s do it.”

*

“This is good,” Tony said, leaning back and placing his feet up on the panel, by the controls. “Having someone else who can fly the jet. So talented, gorgeous.”

“Yes, being an ex-assassin for Hydra has some benefits,” Bucky said sarcastically, as he engaged the autopilot.

Tony took another bite of the bran muffin he’d taken onto the jet with him. Bucky reached across and poked him in the side. Tony jolted, spilling crumbs all over the panel and floor. Bucky poked him again.

“Hey!” Tony jumped once more. “Naughty Bucky.” He lightly swatted the offending hand.

 Bucky turned in his chair and launched forward, tickling Tony in his ribs. Tony screeched, as the pain/pleasure rippled through his body.

“Stop!” He laughed. Bucky immediately ceased in his tickling, before lifting Tony’s t-shirt and soothing the targeted area with soft kisses.

“You did remember to bring your winter gear? It’s going to be cold there,” Bucky said, as he pulled Tony’s t-shirt down and settled back in his own chair.

“Oh that memory is incredibly clear, in my mind,” Tony said. “I have my thermals packed, as well as gloves, a scarf and my thickest alpine coat. I’m not taking any chances.”

“ _I’ll_ warm you up,” Bucky smirked.

Tony placed the rest of the muffin in his mouth and took his foot off the panel, stretching his right leg out, to gingerly whack Bucky in the hip. Bucky grabbed his foot and undid his sneaker, taking the shoe off, followed by the sock, and then looked down, lifting his toes, appearing to examine the structure.

“This is… a remarkable foot.”

Tony had never had anyone, even Pepper, be as attentive to his individual body parts. Just a few nights before, Bucky had spent a good few minutes kissing and evaluating his nose. At the very beginning of their relationship, Tony had been unsure how to respond to such lavish attentions, fearing that a part of Bucky was being somewhat sarcastic. Tony was used to people telling him that everything that he was doing wrong, and scalding him. Being with someone who seemed endlessly, lovingly fascinated by him, physically, as well as psychologically, was a welcome change.

“More remarkable than the last time you looked at it?”

“Mm… yes.” Bucky ran a hand up Tony’s leg, looking him in his eyes. “ _Everything_ about you is remarkable.”

*

As soon as he stepped onto the pebbled soil, Tony felt the frigid wind seep through the layers of his beanie, scarf, gloves, coat, jumper, jeans and thermals, instantly chilling his flesh.

“How is this possible? I’ve been to Antarctica and yet I don’t think it’s possible that I could be this damned cold!” Tony shivered, his teeth chattering.

Bucky, who had been taking their gear out of the four-wheel drive, grabbed the blanket and placed it over Tony’s shoulders, gently squeezing his upper arms.

“How about I make a fire first? Then I’ll set up the tent.”

Tony felt almost envious of his partner’s barely minimal clothing; simply his ugly woolen jumper under a thick overcoat, scarf, gloves and jeans.

“How are you not freezing?” He asked. “Oh that’s right. Supersoldier.”

Bucky came over and wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his arms.

“You just relax. I’ll set everything up.”

He took out one of the folded up chairs and placed it on the ground. Tony immediately came over to sit down on it, curling up into a little ball, to preserve what little body heat he felt he had left.

“Just give me a few minutes to not feel as though my cells are about to ice over.”

“I’m all good,” Bucky took the smaller pieces of twigs and firewood, nabbed from one of the wood boxes, beside the open fires, in Tony’s tower, and started precariously arranging the items. “Allow _me_ to take care of _you_ , for once, Tony.”

“You must have done a fair amount of camping, when you were on the run,” Tony remarked.

“Some of my happiest memories. Sometimes, I’d camp in the most dangerous of places. I’m lucky I wasn’t killed by a wild animal.”

“Ironically cutting short your zoology future.”

Bucky laughed, now placing firelighters within the structure that he had built.

“Have you ever built a fire before?”

Tony shook his head.

“Well, the idea is you start small and build up. Make sure the fire has oxygen,” Bucky said, as he lit the firelighters. “What we really want to do is to create some good hot coals.”

“I understand the theory behind it. But it’s nice to see it demonstrated,” Tony admitted. Bucky took out a long match, struck it and lit the firelighters. Tony sighed, watching the mesmeric orange blaze start to lick at the undersides of the logs of wood.

“Alright, we’ll let that go for a bit. I’ll start setting up the tent.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to help?” Tony asked, reaching his hands out, to warm them.

Bucky disappeared a moment and reappeared with the tent.

“Have you ever actually used this before?”

“Nope.”

“Well, looks easy enough.” Bucky unfolded the canvas and started to set it up.

“As you’ve possibly guessed, I’ve never really considered camping to be a particularly thrilling event.”

“Well tonight you’re going to be proved wrong,” Bucky said.

“I just _love_ sleeping on an uncomfortable hard ground, and feeling as though Elsa’s decided to use my body, as a base, to set up her kingdom. Yes, that is the equivalent of being made Emperor of the Universe, to me!”

“How’s that fire going?” Bucky asked, as he used his metal hand to start driving the pegs into the ground, anchoring the tent.

“Looking good.”

“You already _are_ Emperor of the Universe… in your own mind, at least.” Bucky finished driving the pegs in and stepped back, appearing to scrutinize the tent. “Yep, looking good.”

“I concur,” Tony said, deliberately traveling his eyes down Bucky’s body. “You _are_ looking good. Oh were you talking about me? I concur that I’m looking good too.”

“That’s true,” Bucky turned back, to face him. “You’re _always_ looking good.”

Bucky moved back to the fire, rearranged the logs a bit and then threw a slightly larger one on top, before moving away to the car and returning with their bedding.

“See this is the problem. Too much setting up! In a hotel everything is set up for you.”

“You’re _adorable_ when you’re complaining,” Bucky, still with a bundle of sheets, blankets, sleeping bags and pillows in his hands, knelt down and kissed Tony’s forehead.

“I’m not complaining. I’m just observing.”

“Aha. Yep,” Bucky kissed his cheek, and then stood up.

“The sarcasm that you managed to load into those three syllables was impressive.”

Bucky unzipped the tent and went inside. Tony returned his attention to the fire. He was secretly enjoying allowing Bucky to take care of him. But he truly didn’t appreciate the cold.

 “See, that didn’t take long, did it?” Bucky asked, as he climbed out and zipped up the tent. He then returned to the fire, rearranged the logs a bit more, and then sat down on Tony’s thighs, facing the flames. Tony wrapped his arms around his waist and rested his head on his shoulder.

_Much much better._

“See? This is nice, isn’t it?” Bucky said, as Tony started to nuzzle his neck.

“Mm…”

“This was probably my favourite place to go, when I was on the run. I just didn’t have to think… about the people that Winter hurt…about your parents… When we were on the run together, Steve said he needed to know, then he said their names. Howard. Maria. When I told him that I had, he said you could never know. He wanted to save you, in his own way.”

“I know. But that wasn’t his decision to make.”

“He really does love you, Tony. I know he seems happy with Scott now. And he’s accepted that we are together. I think, just like with Peggy, a part of him will always feel that spark towards you.”

“Well, that’s unfortunate because _you_ are the only one I want to be with.”

“I know.”

“You actually sounded pretty smarmy there. I’m clearly rubbing off on you.”

“Why wouldn’t I be? With _you_ as my fiancé?” Bucky turned his head back to look at him, his dark eyelashes inches from Tony’s own.

“Yes, point taken.”

Bucky leant forward and brushed his lips against Tony’s, their tongues tenderly tangling, before Bucky face forward, once more.

They sat silently a few minutes The fire was staring to slowly roast up now. Tony felt it engulf his body, combining with Bucky’s body heat to thaw out his frosted innards. He watched the gentle lapping of the water beyond and felt a zen that was usually only achievable in meditation.

“Oh yes, marshmallows!” Bucky moved off Tony a moment.

“Though of everything, did you?” Tony said, as Bucky returned, with a bag of marshmallows in one hand. He bent down and picked up a stick, from the ground.

“Well, considering your great love of food,” Bucky said, moving to sit on Tony’s lap, once more. He ripped open the pack, placed a marshmallow on his stick, leant forward and roasted the gelatin confectionary in the fire, and then pointed the stick back, towards Tony, who moved his head forward and sucked the now gooey substance off the stick.

“Mm… now that is good.”

Bucky dropped the stick and swung his entire body around and his leg over, so that he was facing Tony, then leant forward, to once more take his mouth in a kiss.

“You warm now?”

“Mm better… although I feel like that wind is now determined to blow the smoke in my direction,” Tony said, as he felt his eyes start to sting.

Bucky stood, grabbed Tony’s hand, pulled him up, and then walked him to the other side of the fire.

“Warm enough?” Bucky asked, taking the blanket off Tony’s shoulders.

Tony nodded, watching Bucky place the blanket on the ground. Bucky then unzipped his own jeans and boxers and pulled them down and off, before lying down on his side, on the ground.

“Bucky you’ll freeze!” Tony said, lying down to join him.

“I’m alright, you can warm me up.”

Bucky took his mouth once more, as Tony pulled the blanket up, to cover his naked lower flesh.

“It’s alright,” Bucky hooked his leg over Tony’s waist. “Make love to me, right here.”

Tony looked down, to the tube of lube, in his hand, and felt desire charge through his body.

“Alright, if you must insist.” He uncapped the lid, squeezing a fair amount onto his finger and started to devour Bucky’s neck with kisses, as he slowly entered his finger into his body.

“Is this alright?”

“Yes, that’s good, that’s good.” Bucky whispered, then started to pant, as Tony slid his finger in further, to press against his prostate.

“Bucky,” Tony sighed, against his neck, as his other hand jerked his already firm erection. Bucky moaned, hips snapping back and forth with his movements, wrapping his arms around Tony’s back.

“I never thought…” Bucky said as Tony added another finger. “I never thought I’d ever return here.”

“I never thought I’d make love on a random Irish beach, with the former assassin who was brainwashed into brutally killing my parents. A man who I subsequently fell crazily in love with.”

Bucky pulled back, staring at Tony with unreserved intensity, his chest heaving up and down, mouth slightly open. Tony felt himself remove from the pure physical stimulation of what they were doing, as his brain focused on being completely enraptured, by the pure magnificence of the one he was with.

“You _kill_ me Bucky. Damn you’re beautiful.”

“Tony, I want you so much,” Bucky leant forward, to touch their lips together, once more.

After a few minutes of intensive kissing, as well as more preparing, Bucky pulled away and nodded, unzipping Tony’s jeans, pulling them down, as well as his thermal leggings, and fishing his erection out.

“I’m ready.”

Tony was, as ever, careful and slow as he entered Bucky’s body. Although he personally could now handle a little bit of rough, from Bucky, he enjoyed being taking his time, when it came to being the one to top. Bucky, to him, needed to be treated as kingly as the great T’Challa. Buried to the hilt, he didn’t start to move, until Bucky started impatiently jolting against him. Tony closed his eyes, moaning, as he thrust into his fiance’s beautiful strong body. He could feel, and hear, their flesh slapping together but was no longer fearful of being triggered. Now he could concentrate on other factors of the lovemaking; Bucky’s soft hair, the taste of his lips, the rough stubble on his neck. He could hear Bucky’s moans and occasional words.

“Tony… Tony…”

Tony opened his eyes and saw the gentle lapping water, the moonlight highlighting Bucky’s almost ethereal beauty. It occurred to him that he had never made love before, in such a romantic setting. The former Tony would have scoffed at such an idea. Bucky started kissing across his chest, before gently sucking on his nipple.

_More… want more…_

“Bucky… can you…Will you kiss my neck?”

Bucky pulled back and looked at him. Tony could read his expression. From the beginning, he had told Bucky that this could be a trigger of his, due to the one rapist, in his gang rape, as well as the one who had raped him in his twenties, kissing his neck.

_I trust him. Even if I’m triggered, it will be alright. We know how to work through it._

“Are you sure, Tony?”

“Yes, do it, Bucky.”

Bucky leant forward. The kiss was tentative at first, just on his adam’s apple, followed by another. Tony flung his head back and Bucky kissed up his neck to his jaw. This was alright. Tony suddenly realised that he was not going to be triggered. Furthermore, Bucky’s lips on his sensitive flesh sent spirals of ecstasy through his already passion inflamed body.

“That feels good, Bucky.”

“I like to make you feel good,” Bucky said, against his neck, then pulled away, slightly. “Tony, I want to be on my back.”

“Alright,” Tony slowly rolled Bucky over, making certain that the blanket was completely underneath him, before covering him once more with his body, as he thrusted a bit faster.

“That’s good.”

“Is this better?” Tony deliberately angled his thrusts to slam against his prostate.

“Better,” Bucky said, gripping his right buttock.

“How about this?”

Tony slammed even harder, moving in time to his stroking hand.

“Even better still… even…” Bucky suddenly cried out, throbbing around Tony as he felt wetness hit his chest.

“Oh Bucky…” Tony moaned, not ceasing in his movements. He was close.

“I can see the stars, Tony. You’re making love to me and I can see the stars. It’s beautiful.”

Tony cried out, as he reached a peak so high that he trembled all over, before collapsing against his lover. Still shaking, he gently pulled out, and then cupped Bucky’s jaw, leaning in for a kiss, once more.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too. That reminds me. There’s something I have for you.”

Now feeling rather loose-limbed, Tony sat up, pulling his jeans, thermals and boxers back up and redoing the fly, as Bucky quickly put his own jeans and boxers back on, and then walked to the tent and unzipped it.

_Well, at least you can say you're no longer freezing._

Tony could see him fishing around inside, before returning, with an item in his hands. Tony recognised the wrapped box, from his and Steve’s shopping trip, the day before.

 “I almost forgot about the present!” Bucky said, handing it to him.

“You really are spoiling me tonight."

Tony opened the wrapping to reveal a rather handsome, intricately carved oaken treasure chest. “This is very pretty, Bucky,” he said, running his hands along the varnished top.

“Look inside,” Bucky suggested.

Tony opened the lid, intrigued to see a bunch of scrap paper inside. As he started sifting through, he noticed that some of them had photos or other items attached. He picked up one at random. A dried red leaf had been sticky-taped to the top of the page.

_The day we stormed that little cottage in Dunedin, New Zealand and took out a Hydra operative. He called me a dirty word so I called him one back. Then you got involved and called him the most inventive insults. Steve told you to stop with the bad language._

Tony picked up another piece of paper.

_The day you took me out shark watching. You told me afterwards that Bruce had been genuinely concerned that I was in terror, when you had to explain that I was actually excited._

A third piece of paper had a photo attached. Tony recognised himself and Bucky in a night market, in Hong Kong.

_I was absolutely terrible at bartering at the night market. You were, of course, able to barter things right down. You told me that it was an insult to the shop owner if we didn’t barter._

 “I came up with the idea from my diary. I’ve been writing memories, at first just to jog my memories. But then, I thought I wanted to share them with you. Steve helped me print the pictures. Some of the other bits are things that I have collected, in our travels.”

Tony picked up another piece of paper, this one containing a bus ticket, sticky-taped to the top right hand corner.

_You grumbled but accepted just one bus trip, in India, because I wanted to ‘be with the local culture.’ On the way, one of the passengers got really motion sick and vomited right next to you. I thought you would be angry with them but you gave them some ginger._

 “Is it… is it ok?” Bucky asked.

Tony looked into his handsome face, feeing his eyes sting with tears. He could not remember the last time that he had felt so touched.

“It’s beautiful, Bucky. I love it. It must have taken a long time. There must be hundreds of memories in here.”

“I just added to it whenever I could. But we bought the chest yesterday.”

Tony placed the paper back, closed the lid and cupped Bucky’s jaw. “And we’ll have plenty more memories to add to it,” he said, leaning forward for a kiss.

*

“Come here,” Tony said, as Bucky crawled into the tent, patting the space beside him. Bucky zipped up the tent behind himself and then moved to occupy his, in Tony’s mind, perfect position, snuggling up against the right side of his chest. “So the fire’s out.”

“Completely.”

“Mmm good…” Tony ran a soft hand down Bucky’s back. “My Bucky…”

“So you liked my present?”

“I _loved_ your present.”

“I meant it. So many happy memories now. I just wanted to say Tony, that I can see how strong you are. How courageous. And it gives _me_ strength. I’m not saying we have to be happy all the time. But whenever you’re sad or hurt or upset, about anything, then I will be there. I can’t say that I will be able to fix whatever the problem is. But I will be there to listen to you or just hug you and tell you that things will be alright. Because they will be.”

Tony listened to these words and he believed them. As happy was he was with Bucky, as blessed as he was, to feel the joy of being with the one person who absolutely understood him and reciprocated his intense feelings, he was aware that life contains both light and dark. But he now had someone to help him, to find the light through any darkness that came his way. As he would, with Bucky.

“You’re my Bucky. and I love you very much.”

“I love you too, Tony. Tony…” Bucky moved his head up and looked down at him. “Tu as de beaux yeux.[i] Did anyone ever tell you that? Of course, I have. Repeatedly. Although it doesn’t stop it from being true.”

“So do you. Also, J’adore ton sourire.[ii]”

“Well, Tu es charmante.”[iii]

“Je suis fou de toi.”[iv]

Bucky grinned. “Veux-tu m’épouser?”[v]

“Alright, if we must,” Tony said and both laughed. Bucky bent his head down and they tenderly clashed tongues, before Bucky placed his head back against Tony’s chest.

“You warm, Tony?”

“Mm… I feel good. In a James Brown kind of way. I’ve got you. Da da dada da.”

“So plan for tomorrow. Wake up. Make love. Maybe take a walk along the beach. Go back to New York. Just be generally awesome Tony and Bucky.”

Tony laughed. “That sounds like a perfect plan, gorgeous.”

He closed his eyes, feeling content and warm in the knowledge that even if he did have a nightmare, he would wake up and his Bucky would be there, to pull him into his warm embrace.

“Everything is going to be alright, Tony. You’ll see.”

Tony wrapped his arm tighter around his lover and closed his eyes. As he felt sleep start to overtake, he felt Bucky’s soft lips on his chest.

“My gorgeous brown eyed man…”

“Mm… beautiful Bucky…”

Tony slowly ran a hand down Bucky’s back, already anticipating the next morning, and the countless mornings after that, with the kickass, fierce, devoted, sweet, loving, toothbrush and zoology obsessed, ex-assassin; his beloved Bucky, beside him.

 

 

 

[i] “You have beautiful eyes.” French translation

[ii] “I love your smile.” French translation.

[iii] “You’re charming.”  French translation.

 

[iv] “I’m crazy about you.” French translation.

[v]  “Will you marry me?” French translation.


End file.
